Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over to us to put in next week’s post.

(Woman, to her son, in a CVS.)

Mom: Look! Thanksgiving! You’re not scared of Thanksgiving, right?

Kid: Waaaah!

(Two students in an education class.)

Student 1: One of my girls spelled “pennies” wrong today. I was laughing way too hard to correct her.

Student 2: The funny part will be when she’s working with the national treasury. ‘The most outdated part of our financial system is the penis!’

(Woman in a breakfast restaurant.)

Woman: Look! It’s the chronosaur! He’s a time-traveling dinosaur who fixes history’s mysteries!

(Two girls, talking in a clothing store.)

Girl 1: Nothing about your butt makes sense.

Girl 2: The laws of physics hate my butt.

(Girls meeting up in the morning.)

Girl 1: What’d you do last night?

Girl 2: Not much. Watched a lot of the Batman animated series. Felt a lot of inappropriate things.

(Girl, talking to her boyfriend.)

Girl: I don’t really care about you. I just need to leech out your warmth.

(Guy, talking to a girl at a party.)

Girl: It’s so cold!

Guy: You know, you’re only cold because women don’t actually produce any body heat. It’s true.

Girl: Geez, really? Wow.

Guy: I know. Crazy.

(Guys, early in the morning, at breakfast.)

Guy 1: If I have to get woken up forcefully, at least it’s by someone yelling ‘wanna play Dungeons and Dragons?’

Guy 2: You should be glad I didn’t just poop on your head. I wanted to.

(Guy, stopping people outside an apartment.)

Guy: Wait! You can’t go in here!

Guy 2: What?

Guy: You’re not a resident of Bell Town! Strangers aren’t allowed in ever since the monster attacked!

(Guy, greeting another guy.)

Guy: Hey, man! Happy birthday! I drank all your vodka and passed out.

Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“Holy s***! What’s he doing?”

“He’s just playing video games.”

“He looks like he’s having a seizure! He looks possessed! I’ll never understand boys. They’re all like that. Possessed.”

A girl spills most of a box of cereal on her shirt:

“Oh god – I’m such a sand rat today!”

“Shakespeare? You know, he’s not bad. He’s had his moment in the sun. I think he needs to have his moment in the butt.”

A boy walks by a girl with a shaved head, then stops and does a double-take.

Boy: “Good evening, mister.“

Girl: (no reply)

Boy, after a beat: “I mean, what I’m saying is, you look like a boy.“

Girl: (no reply, walks away)

Boy: “God! Whatever!”

“You’ve got the whole room – the whole place is just covered in furniture! Like, you’ve got furniture everywhere, and you just have it in a pile. Like ‘what are we gonna do with this furniture.’ What was it, like, ‘I know! Let’s put a Christmas tree behind it, so nobody can ever see it!’ And didn’t someone steal that Christmas tree anyway? God, you guys are idiots.”

“Can I have an appletini? I’m at Applebees, and it’s my 21st birthday, and I want an appletini at Applebees.”

“Oh my god. She isn’t even drunk yet.”

“Okay. Got my career plan. I’ll be a motivational speaker. Companies will pay me so much money to wave my ass around on stage and make motorboat noises.”

“I hate applying to grad school. There are, like, four million degrees, and they all do something different, and if I f*** it up I’ll never have a job for the rest of my life. Can’t I just be a Ph. D. in ‘Hi, it’s nice to meet you’?”

“That’s why pandas can’t have sex! They have to wait around until someone in the world loves someone else enough, and then they just pop into existence!”

“I don’t want much for Christmas this year. I just want to be smarter.”

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!

Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“Okay, soon as I get back to my room, I’m adding this to my Facebook profile. We should all add this to our Facebook profiles. ‘Hangin’ out.’ ‘Movies.’ ‘Stupid Dog Voices.’”

“His butt is so… defined. It’s the Lamborghini of butts.”

“It’s Rudolph! He’s presenting!”

“I hate my Chaucer professor. Whenever I’m in class, he just throws chocolate at me.”

“Hey, good morning, everybody.”

“Morning was a while ago.”

“Okay, good afternoon, fine. Who’s got a final today?”

“I had Ethics at one.”

“Wait. One? What time is it now? Three? S***. Well, I guess I had a final today.”

“That dog is so damn cute. He’s the best part of my life. I’m just going to write ‘I love that dog’ for every answer on my final.”

“All they’ve been serving is poop. No, I mean, literally. I get downstairs and it’s like, ‘Well, poop again, guess I’m gonna order out.’”

“There’s never anything in crates and barrels, right?”

“Try farting on them.”

“Hey, I’m going to the grocery store. Anyone need a break from studying?”

“Holy s***, girl, grocery store is straight dope! I love that s***!”

“Did you just say ‘straight dope’? You’re not invited.”

“The butt doctor is in business… again!”

“She’s blind. Found it out when I tried playing baseball with her.”

Granted, it would be much cheaper to wash, but I digress.

Just yesterday I hit a low point in my stack of floral, striped, polka dot, lace, days of the week undies, and even every thong…so I headed out in search of spankin new skivvies.

I found myself at Urban Outfitters (it’s always fun running through Urban, checking out the goods but lately I’ve noticed EVERYTHING is a play on Vintage. I work in Vintage clothing sales and it’s hard to buy a “Vintage” looking top when you know five girls on the street will be wearing it too).

I’m getting away from my point — back to the underthing situation. I grabbed a sweet little lace forest green bra (so cute and comfortable) and three pairs of “Smack” underwear in solid shades of yellow, blue, and purple. I was excited, the colors were muted and the cotton felt soft.

Ha! Excited, nothing! I was swindled.

Smack? It was more like Crack! I don’t know how anyone could want to wear these or find them sexy. These underwear are low rise (which is great) but there’s more room in the front than in the back. I don’t have a very large butt, still, my behind was suffocating in these little wannabe drawers.

No one likes a granny panty, but no likes post-its either.

The jury stays: PASS