[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!

Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“This isn’t science! This is just a worm with a staple in it!”

“No, no. I don’t think I’d want to sleep with any of those directors. They all look like this one guy I worked with once.”

“Rachel – when I saw you out there, I could see why Dave likes you. No, wait – you’re Allison, Rachel’s the girl I’m dating.”

“Jesus christ! I was a turtle in high school!”

“A turtle is like a c**t.”

“All-male Vagina Monologues.”

“Vagina Monologues in funny voices!”

“Munchkin Vagina Monologues!”

Girl (into her cell phone): “I know, I totally thought the cab would be free if we made out in the back.”

“I’m… I’m sorry. Everything’s gone so wrong, I never meant for this to happen – we drank all the beers.” Read More »

Dear Friends/Family/That Random Taxi Driver That Picked Me Up and Took Me Home After Finding Me Face First On The Sidewalk,

Sometimes I like to drink. A lot. And on those occasions I may or may not (okay, always) do stupid things. It is not me, you see; it is the alcohol. In fact, it is not until the morning after when I am chugging Gatorade and trying to get my bed to stop spinning that I even realize exactly what went down. And I feel bad – really, I do. So, I want to take this opportunity to apologize for it all.

To The Bartender: I am sorry that I hopped over the bar and drank beer directly from the tap. And attempted to spray my friends with Tonic Water. And knocked over that giant stack of glasses….

To My Best Friend: I am sorry that I bit your hand when you tried to take my falafel away from me. Yes, I know I said we would share. I am also sorry that I stole your shoe…and drank a beer out of it. And that I peed in your garbage can. Oh, wait. That was your sock drawer? My bad.

To My Friends: I am sorry that I called your girlfriend “Gorilla”…to her face (but I am more sorry that you are dating such a mess). Sorry that I brought that random dude back to the apartment and accidentally took him to your room. I will wash your sheets…and rug. Oh, and your teddy bear. Read More »