But head honchos at Texas A&M don’t agree.

The University, in attempts to cut $60 million of their budget campus wide, is hoping to remove $82,000 from their budget first by leaving the dormitories sans TP.  Yep, that’s right. Texas A&M is not stocking dormitories with the one thing we really need on a Sunday morning (after extensive partying, the discovery of cheap vodka and the obligatory late night burrito).

Associate vice president for communications, Susan Sherylon Carroll says, “We looked at what areas can we cut and not negatively affect our students’ academics, and it was that.”  Really, Susan Sherylon? You really think not having potty essentials to clean up shop isn’t going to negatively affect all of the students who are consuming DORM FOOD? (And speaking of food, if they’re taking away TP, can you imagine what sort of cuts they are making with the grub? Um, ew.)

I have a firm belief that not being able to wipe (or sprinting to buildings where they can) is going to affect any students studying rituals and academic performance. 

Let us brainstorm.  I’m sure there are a ton of other things they can remove from the life of a college student that is not going to negatively affect their academic performance (or force them to drip dry….).  How about all of those fancy ‘University’ magazines they send out to families, that weird salad nobody eats in the caf, the inflated salaries of the worst professors on campus, gas expenses for those little maintenance cars that push people off sidewalks on the way to class, or the vice president’s assistant salary?

We’re in a recession, I get it, but there’s got to be a better way for universities to cut their losses than by taking away students’ rights to wipe. I mean, if we’re already stooping this low, what’s next? Shower curtains? Indoor plumbing? Charging for office hours? Come on!

"Wait... that's CHICKEN?"

You’ve finished your three classes for the day, you spent an hour catching up on reading in the library and you sweat through 45 minutes on the elliptical. Now its 6:00 and you’re starving.  You know you should shower, but with only 30 minutes until the cafeteria closes, you throw on some dry sweats, grab some hall mates and run down to dinner.

You swipe your meal card, grab a tray and make your way down the line of dinner options. Your stomach growls as the smell of hot food wafts towards you. You’re so hungry you’ll eat anything. Or so you think.

As you make your way down the first row of food you grow nauseous. The platters are full of something brown and sloppy.

“Is that beef?” You think to yourself as you lean in to get a closer look. You read the card taped to the glass above it.

“BBQ chicken” it says.

There is no way in hell you’re going to eat anything that unrecognizable so you move on. Next there are soggy vegetables soaked in oil, something yellow and runny that the hair-net-wearing burly man (or maybe woman?) tells you are mashed potatoes and a vegetarian option that you swear you saw in the toilet after you drank too much on Sunday…

Unable to stomach any of the above you weigh your other options. You could go with the salad bar – again – but you know a plate full of vegetables is not going to do much for your empty stomach. Plus, isn’t lettuce supposed to be green?

Your stomach starts rumbling again and, running out of time, you decide to go with the only appetizing option left in the entire cafeteria: the Belgian waffle maker. You know it’s not healthy, but what else are you supposed to do – not eat? You promise yourself you’ll grab some fruit to go with it and get in line behind the other 8 people who couldn’t stomach the hot food.

After one failed attempt involving a little too much batter that spilled over the sides and dripped onto your furry slippers (“WTF? Why do they make the ladle so big?!”) you pull your perfectly browned waffle out of the iron (burning your fingers in the process), pour a little syrup on it and head over to your friends. Only on your way to the table where the girls are unhappily chomping away on plates of salad you spot the dessert bar. It’s filled with brownies and mini cups of banana pudding (with wafers!), all making you drool. Next to it, a student fills a bowl with rich, creamy frozen yogurt before drowning the dish in sprinkles and whipped cream.

You try to fight it (“Who eats dessert before 7pm!?”) but your stomach eventually makes the decision for you and you stop, put your tray down and grab a bowl. You feel a little guilty as you layer brownies and ice cream and sprinkles, but you remind yourself of your good workout and how you wouldn’t be doing this if the main courses didn’t look like dog poo. Then you take your waffle, apple and bowl of creamy goodness and sit down with your friends to dig into your “dinner.”

On your way out, you grab another brownie (and an apple) for later. “It’s not like this meal is gonna fill me up until bedtime,” you reason.

Yeah, we’ve all been there.
And now we know exactly where that Freshman 15 comes from.

As a freshman, you might have been awed by the mere expanse of food before you. Inspired by the hustle and bustle of upperclassmen milling expertly around the different food stations, you were elated to find that dessert is served at every meal. But come October, the honeymoon glow dimmed to a faint flicker, and your affair with the dining hall turned into something of a mess.

The economic, all-you-can-eat style buffet, serving food that is generally fatty, sugary, and over-processed, leads many collegiates to pack on the pounds as they struggle to navigate this danger zone. Whether you’re shoveling tasteless food as fast as you can to make a class in ten minutes, or leisurely enjoying a couple hours of all-access binging while chatting with friends, the cafeteria offers a wide variety of ways to overindulge. Here are a couple of tricks to help you avoid the pitfalls of college dining:

1. Survey the Scene. Make a tour of the available options of the day so that you don’t load up on all the stuff at the beginning of the line, only to have to nab a second plate for the food at the next station.

2. Use Your Head. You’re in college. You know that salad is healthier than a cheese steak. Make sure that you fill up on foods that are high in fiber, with good protein and complex carbohydrate content, like big leafy salads with lots of veggies, or a sandwich on whole grain bread. In general, limiting fat is a good idea, though there are such things as “good” fats (think avocadoes, or fatty fish, like salmon). Beware though: things that should generally be high in fat and sugar (like cookies or chips) but that claim to be healthier versions are generally just loaded up with sodium and artificial sweeteners, which are TERRIBLE for your body.

3. Subsitution When You Can, Moderation When You Can’t. What this little motto means is that, if you’re happy to enjoy an apple instead of your banana-split sundae, that’s a great way to cut down on sugar- and caloric-intake (obviously). But if you really just can’t make this switch, be sure to observe moderation, whether that means only eating half the portion offered, or maybe even just a couple of bites.

4. DON’T Deprive Yourself. If you’ve ever tried a diet that demands you give up all the “bad” (and often delicious) foods you enjoy, you know that these sort of cold-turkey routines fail. When they do, they leave you diving for the forbidden food, only to gobble up five times the amount that would normally have satisfied you.

This lesson is very relevant in a dining hall setting, where chances are menus will repeat on a bi-weekly basis. Don’t get caught up in the famine-mentality that tells you to eat everything you can now because you’ll never be able to eat this meal again. If you really enjoy a particular dish made at your dining hall, don’t deprive yourself. But if it happens to be a full-fat macaroni and cheese, or a double fudge brownie the size of your knee, make sure that you limit how much you allow yourself to indulge (see tip 3).