Mmmm. Caffeine. And wrinkles.

College is stressful. And stress makes us do some pretty crazy things for the sake of a good grade, such as harming our bodies without even knowing it.

Don’t know what I’m talking about?
Let me break it down.

Do you ever finish a decently long paper around 2 a.m. saying, “I am so ready for bed,” then lying there staring at the ceiling for the next three hours wide awake?  Yeah, me too.

You know you should be tired, but somehow your brain just doesn’t want to turn off. Could it be anxiety…or could it be those 2 Red Bulls and venti latte you pounded between the hours of 11 am and 9 pm?

You know you needed them to get through the day, but do you have any idea what all that caffeine is doing to your body? Even more, do you even have any clue how much caffeine you even ingested?

According to the LA Times, most people have no idea how much caffeine we’re really consuming each day.  “Caffeine turns up in expected places, in unexpected amounts. And recent years have seen an explosion in the number of caffeinated products on the market: energy drinks, of course, but also chewing gum, candy bars and (for a brief while) potato chips.” Not only that, but none of these products tell us how much caffeine they contain, so most of us are getting more than we think and way more than we should be.

Now, as a college student like most of you, I don’t really have time to give a flying fudgesicle bar about how much caffeine I’m taking in. If it helps me get through that essay (or perks me up before that big party), I’ll drink it. And then I’ll get a refill. But after doing some research, it seems that maybe I should care. Just look what caffeine does to your body:

* Insulin spikes caused by caffeinated beverages create a blood sugar roller coaster, which leads to a crashing effect. (That can’t be good for marathon study sessions.)
*  Our blood vessels constrict, reducing the flow of oxygen to important areas like your brain (up to 30%) and your extremities.
* Digestion and the immune system are impaired or suppressed.
* The production of DHEA and other anti-aging hormones is decreased.
* Coffee consumption leads to a loss of Calcium and Magnesium

So what does that all mean?

Well, in a chocolate-and-peanut-butter-covered nutshell, it means that we all gotta be more careful. First, you gotta know how much caffeine is recommended per day. Most doctors say people should have a maximum of 300 milligrams. Next, we gotta know how much caffeine is in the things we drink and eat and re-evaluate our caffeine choices. Most products don’t share that information (and that’s the major problemo), but it’s safe to say that starting your morning at Starbucks, taking a Mountain Dew break at lunch and downing a few Jager Bombs post dinner is not going to bode well for your body. Or that soft, ageless skin of yours.

Looks like Starbucks isn’t the answer to all your problems, after all.

But isn’t there a more convenient alternative to carry in your purse or backpack for easy access during less-than-stimulating class? Mornings are hectic as it is – picking out a cute and semi-clean outfit, making sure you grab the right books, and checking the mirror for any potential embarrassments – who has time to grab a coffee?

Luckily, a few capitalistic masterminds have exploited our caffeine addiction. No, I’m not talking about those fools over at Starbucks; that’s old news. Enter the world of caffeinated munchies. Red Bulls and Power Bars have nothing on these chemically-enhanced, caffeine-infused snacks.

We’ve all seen the caffeine gums, but, Dorothy, we’re not in Kansas anymore.

Today’s caffeine fiends can choose from lollipops, chocolates, cookies, jellybeans and more. Here’s a rundown of the best indulgences to get you wired without suffering the evil burnt tongue:

BuzzStrong’s Coffee Cookies

Guaranteed to satisfy your inner-cookie monster, these babies are made with Brazilian coffee, Tahitian vanilla, and Swiss dark and white chocolate chips. All natural and carrying 70 calories per cookie, four cookies are equivalent to a one-cup coffee buzz. A 7 0unce, 12-cookie box will only cost you $4.99, which is the eqivalent to a single Starbucks run.

Crackheads

A far better alternative to inviting in the local crackhead off the street (these guys smell better and provide a much better buzz), Crackheads are a great caffeinated snack. White and dark chocolate covered espresso beans? Yum! Each 1.3-ounce box has around 30 beans, for a grand total of 120 mg of caffeine. That will get you through that 8am lecture, fo sho.

Sport Beans

Boasting yummy flavors like lemon-lime, cherry, orange, berry blue, watermelon and fruit punch, these caffeine-free beans packs 25 grams of carbohydrates as well as electrolytes and vitamins B and C. If you truly want to step it up, a second line of “Extreme” Sports Beans carry 50 mg of caffeine a pack. For about a dollar a bag and 100 calories, these small one-ounce bags pack a powerful punch, which far outweighs the chemically after-taste.

Buzz Bites Chocolate Energy Chews

Satisfy your chocolate craving and grab an energy boost to boot. Each chocolate contains about the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee (100 mg!). At $3.99 for an eight-piece tin, this is the clear choice of self-confessed choco/caffeine-aholics.

Jolt Energy Gum

A spin off of Jolt Cola, you can choose between spearmint and peppermint. Toss two pieces in your mouth to feel the equivalent of an energy drink. This also happens to be super cheap ($2.49 for a 12 pack) and you’ll be able to find it in almost any convenience store.

Night Light Caffeinated Chai Mints

Not for caffeine junkies, but a good choice for those seeking a slight bump during midterms…or after a particularly long weekend. Caffeinated chai mints are only lightly caffeinated (1.5 mg per mint) and promise to ‘add a slight hint of alertness to your chai induced peace.’ Bonus: These mints come in super-cute brushed metal tins with the option to go online and design your own!

Javapops

Lollipops aren’t just for the little tykes anymore! These adult-only pops come in 5 java-brew flavors: French Vanilla, Chocolate Almond, Irish Crème, Cappuccino, and Chocolate Raspberry. A pack of ten oversized lolli’s (with 60 mg of caffeine in each one) will set you back $9.99.

Penguin Caffeinated Peppermints


Three of these bad boys are the equivalent to a high sugar, high calorie Coke. Allegedly ‘the original caffeinated mint’, they’re sugar free and their caffeine infused offerings include peppermint, cinnamon and chocolate. For an all-natural buzz, try the Kola or Citrus varieties, both with guarana and ginseng. A $2.99 tin contains 25 mints.

Engobi Cinnamon Surge Energy Go Bites


Love Taco Bell Cinnamon Twists? Wish they would wake you up (instead of making you feel like a fattie)? Your prayers have been answered. These cinnamon sugar puffs contain 140 mg of caffeine in a pack and their taste alone blows the other caffeinated cravings out of the water. Well, that and the promise on the package: “To get wired. I mean really wired.”

Allow me to fill you in on my revelation:

Frappuccino: Absolutely not datable. Fraps are merely a milkshake with a thimble of coffee in it (obviously to make it more grown-up) and put in a fashionable cup to show off how trendy/cool/grown-up one is by carrying it around. Guys who go to Starbucks and order frappuccinos do not actually like coffee, but don’t want to feel lame for carrying around a McDonalds cup with what they really want – a milk shake. It has been my experience that the frappuccino guy is full of as much crap as his frap, steer clear.

Carmel Macchiato/Vanilla Latte/Peppermint Mocha/any drink with more sugar and/or whip cream than actual coffee: These drinks are for girls- particularly young girls. Any guy who orders these high maintenance beverages is just that – high maintenance. Ordering one of these drinks is the equivalent your suitor ordering a Cosmo at the bar, not very manly. Do you really want to battle for the high maintenance title with your man? It’s endearing when a girl is H.M., it’s gross when a guy is.

Tea/Iced Tea: Here is an acceptable beverage choice. This is ordered by the guy confident enough to admit he doesn’t like coffee. I appreciate that, coffee is not for all and it takes a real man to admit that he thinks it tastes yucky. Ordering tea shows self-assurance, and who doesn’t want that in a mate?

Coffee/Iced Coffee/Americano/Cappuccino/Espresso/Latte – Any form of coffee beverage lacking syrup, flavoring, and/or sprinkles: A guy who orders any of the aforementioned is probably worth a shot (no espresso pun intended). It takes an adult to order a real coffee drink without the sugary mask. While I would love to guarantee a guy is dateable when ordering these drinks, all I can offer is the hope that with the grown up coffee drink comes a grown up in a relationship.