Yes, it’s a coffee so large, I’m not even sure I’ll be able to see over it. But hey, I mean that’s just one con, among endless and endless amounts of pros. You thought Four Loko got you going? Think of what you can do on 31 ounces of iced caramel macchiato!

….No? Can’t think yet? Haven’t hit up Starbucks for your daily caffeine requirement? Don’t worry, we have (twice) and we’ve got 31 things you can do with those 31 ounces:

1. Do an entire semester’s worth of homework in one night.

2. Start your own sorority. You know, build the house from the ground up, petition for recognition from Pan-Hellenic, and initiate new members. You should be done before sunrise.

3. Write out 15 finals in one hour. Just think of all the Blue Books!

4. Save some money on Spring Break! No need for air fare. Just fuel up and fly on over by yourself. Just you know, pack light.

5. Set up your audition packet for The Bachelor. Be sure to include a singing number, a dancing number, your special talent, five photos of yourself, and a video of yourself crying, laughing, expressing your undying devotion for the love of your life, getting into a cat fight, and going absolutely, completely insane. Then, you know, sew six or seven pageant dresses for the cocktail parties.

6. Work on your average WPM (words per minute, yo!). They thought 100+ was good? Psh! You’re up to 1000+! Amateurs.

7. Rotate the earth backwards on its axis. What, did superman think he was special or something?

8. Facebook-stalk everyone on your floor the first night back.

9. Petition for the legalization of Four Loko. After all, look at the benefits of caffeine? It can do WONDERS!

10. Solve that whole global warming problem. A few patches in the ozone layer here, a few patches there, some repositioning of the polar ice caps, and you’re good. You might even have some spare time to grab a muffin to go with that coffee of yours.

11. Finish my senior thesis for me.

12. Pull an all-nighter to start and finish that paper. On second thought, pull an all-monther.

13. Make your own formal dress, sequins and all.

14. Enter one of those “win what’s in your cart after five minutes” supermarket contests. Then use your earnings to solve world hunger. Someone’s got to do it, right?

15. Apply for an after-school job as an auctioneer. Or the spokeswoman for the new, 2011 Micro Machines.

16. Have one of those forbidden parties at your parents’ house…and use the Trenta cup to collect all those empty cans.

17. Train for and run a marathon…in one day.

18. Have the kind of night that would make for a really awesome Morning After story.

19. Graduate a few years early.

20. Start and finish your Christmas shopping early. Like, you know, years in advance, early.

21. Run on over to Hollywood and give Angelia and Johnny a piece of your mind for being so damn sensitive.

22. Grab your boyfriend and start practicing.

23. Start your own pub crawl. Except it wouldn’t be so much a crawl as it would be a marathon. Sip. Shot. Run. Sip. Shot. Run. Anyone? Well, I’m in.

24. Spa night! Makeovers for everyone… ON CAMPUS!

25. Spend a day creating your own reality TV show! Come up with a concept. Hold auditions. Shoot the pilot and send it (or run it) on over to MTV. I’ll be looking out for your new show, College on Caffeine.

26. Spend the first few nights of classes getting your hands on all the syllabi on campus. Create a study guide for each class. Sell them to make some quick cash.

27. Revamp your wardrobe. Go through your clothes, mix and match. Try pairing some different pieces together. Plan out some outfits. For the rest of your life. Find your wedding dress, your formal dress, a few bridesmaid dress ideas for your BFFs, your child’s first Halloween costume…

28. Two words. SPEED DATING!

29. Spend a few hours organizing EVERYTHING. Clothes. Books. Files. Shoes. Trash. Food. Just clean it all up. Oh, so that’s what your floor looks like? You didn’t remember that did you?

30. Start your own nonprofit organization. Who needs Habitat for Humanity? You can build houses for the homeless. And you can do it in one night. By yourself. With your bare hands. Obviously.

31. Take on a few or fifty of our DIY yourself projects.

Oh and when you’re done, take a big-ass nap.

Caneiro’s concern regarding this ailment is understandable – we don’t need an entire generation of hunchbacks, after all – but in the grand scheme of things, Laptop-itis is the least of our problems. Really, there are plenty of larger issues we college students should be worrying about. Like Athlete’s Foot from the showers. Or Mono from all those frat party makeouts.

Or any of these:

Laundr-phobia:  Often striking halfway through the semester, students present with an unhealthy, all-consuming fear of the laundry room (usually stemming from an uncertainty of how to use the machines).  Symptoms include a lack of underwear, crusty stains and a less than desirable smell of mildew permeating from their overflowing hamper.  In extreme cases, Laundr-phobia’s effects can be disastrous (and foul), often leading to ridicule and friend loss.  While there is no known cure, temporary reprieve is available during long weekends at home with mom.

Caffeinitis:  This illness is brought upon by any of the following triggers: coffee, Red Bull, Five Hour Energy shots, or some dangerous combination of the three.  Symptoms include: shaking hands, a quickened pulse, fast and frequent trips to the bathroom and an inability to sit still for more than 3 seconds. In very, very extreme cases, students become immune to the effects of the aforementioned beverages and begin to abuse Adderall  – IF YOU REACH THIS POINT, SEEK WARM MILK AND A BED IMMEDIATELY.

Pump Foot: Often the result of dancing for hours on end in sky-high stilettos, this disorder generally manifests itself on Sunday mornings.  Characterized by large and painful blisters, cramped toes, and painful arches/calves.  Research on this disorder is limited, but it is understood that certain libations trick victims into thinking that they are immune and actually cause more damage. At present there is no known cure, but preventative care is available in the form of cute and comfy flats.

‘That Girl’ Syndrome:  The most unpleasant of all the diseases.  This disease often (though not always) strikes when a female is at her most vulnerable. Generally speaking, this is after the dissolution of a relationship.  While symptoms are different for everyone, the most common include: dancing on a bar, crying in the bathroom, gratuitous public displays of affection, falling down stairs, and generally causing a scene.  The most harmful effects of this particular ailment hit the following morning and often include mockery, embarrassment, and a dangerously long log of outgoing calls between the hours of midnight and 4 a.m.  The victim typically complains of two hangovers – one characterized by physical pain, the other by an overwhelming sense of shame. Recovery time ranges from one day to one month depending on the case.

‘That Guy’ Syndrome:  Not to be confused with the female version, ‘That Guy’ syndrome seems to harm those around the victim more than the carrier himself.  While suffering, patients will generally spill beer on their peers, crush beer cans on their heads, challenge anyone with a pulse to a Shotgunning contest, and puff up their chest at any innocent passerby who might “look at me the wrong way.”

I-Wait-Until-The-Last-Possible-Second-To-Write-That-Ten-Page-Paper-Because-I’m-Looking-Through-Everyone’s-Study-Abroad-Pictures Disease: While mild on its own, if not treated properly (experts recommend disconnecting from the Internet) it can lead to severe cases of Caffeinitis and Oh-sh*t-I-have-to-retake-that-class syndrome.

Yet, with more and more scientific studies rolling through (each one conflicting with the one before it), many are starting to wonder if coffee is really helping or hurting the mind and body. So, before you pick up another pot cup of java, consider these pros and cons cited from the Pacific Northwest Foundation.

PROS

1. “Caffeine speeds up fat metabolism during exercise while conserving glycogen and glucose thereby maintaining brain activity and reducing hunger.”

Wait, coffee actually makes your workouts more efficient, allowing you to burn more calories and kick those hunger pangs? Jackelyn says: Hollaaaa! Although, be careful – too much caffeine and exercise can make you feel jittery and result in poor performance. But a nice cup of coffee before hitting the gym could be just the boost your body needs.

2. “Coffee may reduce the incidence of kidney stones by increasing the flow of urine and decreasing its concentration.”

Even if you haven’t had one, anyone who knows anything understands that kidney stones can hurt. A lot. If coffee can help prevent the pain I say, “bring on the lattes!”

3. “Coffee has four times the anti-oxidants of Green Tea, makes an excellent anti-depressant, and enhances performance and memory.”

Take that, tea drinkers! (Just kidding – tea has great benefits as well). But this is great news. We all often turn to coffee in moments of serious stress (think: midterms, before a giant presentation, on a Friday morning after Thirsty Thursday….) so an anti-depressant and a little memory enhancement is exactly what we need. And the whole “not passing out on a stack of books at 3am” doesn’t hurt either. Straight A’s, here we come.

CONS

1. “Cortisol levels are raised which, in turn, results in constriction of the blood vessels, harder pumping of the heart and higher blood pressure.”

While it differs by age, high blood pressure is never good for anyone. Do you really want to put your body through that much stress just for a little extra energy?

2. “Coffee stimulates more frequent urination and subsequent loss of various vitamins and minerals such as B, C, calcium, iron and zinc. “

Because coffee runs out of our bodies so quickly (which explains the whole “prevent kidney stones” thing), it takes a lot of stuff with it. Important stuff that our bodies need.

3. “Caffeine may aggravate osteoporosis by leaching calcium from the bones.”

Osteoporosis is a real issue in women and drinking coffee can leave you more at risk? Scary stuff. No one wants weak bones.

So what does all this mean?

Considering there are conflicting stories about coffee coming out every day, it means you gotta take it all with a grain of salt (or a pack of Splenda?). None of these studies factor in how many times you drink coffee a day, how many ounces you drink at a time, or how much sugar/cream you put in. And all those things matter.

At the end of the day, internalize these findings – they all contain some truths – but remember that one or two cups of coffee a day isn’t going to hurt you. In fact, one cup of coffee before the gym or during a big exam is only going to help.

You’ve read the facts – coffee or no coffee?

5 Questions We Ask Everyone

1. What’s your favorite college memory/the most trouble you’ve ever gotten into?
I was a bit of a nerd in college, so I didn’t get into much trouble. (I got into enough trouble my senior year of high school and must have gotten it all out of my system.)  I would say that my favorite college memory was taking advantage of NOT going to the Ohio State University football games and going shopping!  There were no crowds and I had the whole campus to myself because everyone (except me) was at the game!

2. Name 5 things you can’t live without:
My running shoes
My Smartphone
Cheese
My earplugs (when I sleep)
Coffee!!

3. What is your favorite song to belt out in the car/at the bar/for karaoke?
Even though I am married, “Single Ladies” by Beyonce

4. What is your motto/the advice you live by?
I have two. The first is that I can choose to be happy and make the best out of any situation or complain about it and be miserable. This always helps me stay positive even during the most challenging times! The other is that everything happens for a reason.

5. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I will have written 3 books for college students and completed my second or third college speaking tour!

5 Questions Just for Melanie

1. What do you think college girls are doing MOST wrong when it comes to their health?
Jumping on the latest “fad diet” train.  There is so much bad advice floating around out there about diet and nutrition that it can be super confusing to know what works and what doesn’t or what’s true and what’s just plain hogwash.  I’ve spoken to so many college girls who are trying fasts, high protein diets, ultra low calorie diets, etc.  Some of these can be damaging to their health and they don’t even know it!

2. What are some quick and easy things we can do now to improve our health?
There are three very easy, very basic things everyone can do to improve their health:

Eat 2 cups of vegetables every day! This is huge because not only do they fill you up and help curb your appetite, they make you feel good because you know you’ve just done something good for your body.  You’re much less likely to follow those veggies with a cupcake or chocolate chip cookie!  Vegetables are loaded with antioxidants, which are substances that protect your body from cancer and keep your skin nice and clear!  I like to take a plastic container and fill it with baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and red pepper strips.  Even if you are living in a dorm and dining in the campus dining hall, you can still get your 2 cups of veggies.  Eat a spinach salad for lunch and steamed veggies for dinner (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, or whatever is offered) and you’re there!  Low sodium V8 juice counts as a vegetable serving.  It comes in packages of 6, 6-ounce cans which store easily in even the smallest dorm room.  8 ounces of V8 juice = 1 cup of vegetables!

Drink more water and less calorie-laden beverages like juice, iced tea, soda, coffee drinks.  Calories from beverages count but for some reason we can sometimes forget this.  For example, drinking a 20 ounce bottle of iced tea is just like eating a half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  They both contain 200 calories but the iced tea won’t fill you up like the sandwich will!

Get moving! Even if you can only fit in 20 minutes of exercise a day, it still counts.  We know how exercise can help manage our weight (that’s a no-brainer), but it is a HUGE stress reliever.  With all of the demands you face in college, stress will be a reality.  Exercise won’t eliminate it but can certainly help you cope with it.  Also, recent studies have shown that college students who exercise get better grades than those who don’t!

3. What is the ideal breakfast for a college girl on the go?
Anything quick and nutritious that contains carbohydrates and protein will do.  Here are 3 great ideas:
* 1 ounce of string cheese, 1 cup of dry whole grain cereal (Quaker Oatmeal Squares are yummy when eaten dry) mixed with 2 tablespoons of raisins.  Total calories:  237
* 6 ounces of yogurt mixed with 1/2 ounce of lightly salted peanuts, 1 small apple or orange.  Total calories:  279
* 1 slice of whole grain bread topped with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter and 8 ounces of skim milk.  Total calories:  267

4. College girls tend to rely on coffee to get them through life. What are some healthier alternatives to give them the energy they need?
I know this is a given, but adequate sleep is SO important for extra energy and a healthy immune system.  Aim for 7-8 hours if possible.  Adequate hydration is also necessary for energy, so be sure you drink at least 40 ounces of water every day.  When you’re dehydrated you will feel sluggish. Also, exercise! When you exercise, your heart pumps more blood throughout your body.  One of the chief responsibilities of your blood is to carry oxygen and nutrients to all parts of your body.  It’s the oxygen that makes you feel more alert and energized!

Coffee isn’t the enemy.  Studies have shown that it helps to keep you mentally alert and sharp.  1 to 2 cups a day will not hurt you if you already drink it. Just watch how you order your coffee!  If it’s made with a lot of sugar (like Cafe Mochas, Frappuccinos, sweetened cappuccinos or lattes) than you may crash and burn sooner than you think!

5. Is late night eating really that bad for us?
No!  It doesn’t matter what time of day you eat.  What matters is how much you eat, what you eat and how physically active you are in a 24 hour period.  Where college students often get into trouble is when they overeat during the late night hours in an effort to stay awake to study.  Let’s say your body requires 2000 calories to stay at your current weight.  If you eat some of those calories late at night but aren’t going over 2000 calories, then you won’t gain weight.  Eating a large meal late at night can interfere with a restful sleep however, so you want to be sure that you aren’t eating and then going straight to bed.

Got some questions for Melanie? Email her: melanie@melaniejatsek.com. Or visit her online at www.melaniejatsek.com to get some cool resources or to sign up for her FREE audio/video newsletter, “The 60 Second Spark”!

Gosh, I’m tired. I guess that’s what happens when you stay up late watching Bode Miller/eating a tray of brownies and then you’re so wired from the excitement/insane amount of sugar you just ingested, you can’t fall asleep until 3am. And then you wake up and discover there’s still one brownie left so you eat it, feel great for about 30 minutes, and then completely crash.

Ugh, and there’s still two more days to go this week?

I’m going to need some major coffee just to get out of bed, and then a few 5 Hour Energy’s to get to the gym to work off the brownie binge. But before I go into a caffeine rage (similar to ‘roid rage, only with many more trips to the bathroom), let me take a moment to myself to consider the following disturbing scenario.

Would you rather walk in on your boyfriend trying on your underwear OR be forced to watch a one hour long video of your sibling/parent having sex?

Things to consider: your boyfriend in a lacy thong, your boyshorts getting stretched out, your parents having sex.

Vote and share your reasoning (if you can even think about this without getting physically ill) in the comments!

Brain food should be healthy foods that stimulate your thinking, but I mainly use it as an excuse to eat during finals.  When I started feeling sluggish after downing a bag of Skittles during my most recent study-a-thon, I decided to put down the bag of Sun Chps and look into what really constitutes “brain food.”

Here are the top 4 foods you should be eating to help stimulate your brain power in both the short and long term.

Fatty fish:  Fish high in omega-3 fats, such as salmon, bluefin tuna, and anchovies can help your brain in multiple ways.  A study in Finland determined that frequent fish eaters are less likely to be depressed than those that eat fish less frequently.  Another study found that eating fish or seafood at least once a week can diminish your risk for developing dementia later on.  This in no way means that you should pile your plate sky high with sardines in hope to avoid dementia.  While fatty fish contain high levels of omega-3s, they also contain trace amounts of mercury which can actually cause harm to the body in large amounts. To get just the right level of omega-3s to stimulate that brain, look to eat about 2 to 3 servings of fish per week.

Blueberries: Blueberries, along with other fruits and vegetables, have been shown to decrease the onset of brain degeneration due to Alzheimer’s disease.  Blueberries, due to their high phytochemical content, have also been linked to improved memory status and function.  Although blueberries are one of the best, other fruits and vegetables with high antioxidant contents can be just as effective.  Nosh on other (seasonal!)  fruits and vegetables to get your daily dose.

Coffee: Everybody knows about the energy-boosting effects of caffeine.  Caffeine is one of the quickest ways to give you a quick jolt of energy to get through studying, driving, or a long night.  What makes coffee extra great, however, is it’s antioxidant content.  Coffee is the single largest source of antioxidants in the American diet.  Antioxidants, like those in blueberries, can improve memory and brain function.  Just be sure that you don’t drink too much coffee as it can make you jittery and sleepless, which can actually decrease brain power. (Not to mention all that study time lost to frequent trips to the bathroom.)

Egg Yolks: This one is constantly moving on and off of nutrition’s s**t list.  While egg yolks are infamous for having a high cholesterol content, they aren’t all bad.  Egg yolks have the highest concentration of naturally-occurring choline, which can increase the function of acetylcholine in the brain.  Acetylcholine works as a signal between the brain and the body so it can carry out nerve functions.  It has also been linked to decreasing the onset of “senility” in subjects.  Scramble a few eggs in the morning to get your fix.

Mmmm. Caffeine. And wrinkles.

College is stressful. And stress makes us do some pretty crazy things for the sake of a good grade, such as harming our bodies without even knowing it.

Don’t know what I’m talking about?
Let me break it down.

Do you ever finish a decently long paper around 2 a.m. saying, “I am so ready for bed,” then lying there staring at the ceiling for the next three hours wide awake?  Yeah, me too.

You know you should be tired, but somehow your brain just doesn’t want to turn off. Could it be anxiety…or could it be those 2 Red Bulls and venti latte you pounded between the hours of 11 am and 9 pm?

You know you needed them to get through the day, but do you have any idea what all that caffeine is doing to your body? Even more, do you even have any clue how much caffeine you even ingested?

According to the LA Times, most people have no idea how much caffeine we’re really consuming each day.  “Caffeine turns up in expected places, in unexpected amounts. And recent years have seen an explosion in the number of caffeinated products on the market: energy drinks, of course, but also chewing gum, candy bars and (for a brief while) potato chips.” Not only that, but none of these products tell us how much caffeine they contain, so most of us are getting more than we think and way more than we should be.

Now, as a college student like most of you, I don’t really have time to give a flying fudgesicle bar about how much caffeine I’m taking in. If it helps me get through that essay (or perks me up before that big party), I’ll drink it. And then I’ll get a refill. But after doing some research, it seems that maybe I should care. Just look what caffeine does to your body:

* Insulin spikes caused by caffeinated beverages create a blood sugar roller coaster, which leads to a crashing effect. (That can’t be good for marathon study sessions.)
*  Our blood vessels constrict, reducing the flow of oxygen to important areas like your brain (up to 30%) and your extremities.
* Digestion and the immune system are impaired or suppressed.
* The production of DHEA and other anti-aging hormones is decreased.
* Coffee consumption leads to a loss of Calcium and Magnesium

So what does that all mean?

Well, in a chocolate-and-peanut-butter-covered nutshell, it means that we all gotta be more careful. First, you gotta know how much caffeine is recommended per day. Most doctors say people should have a maximum of 300 milligrams. Next, we gotta know how much caffeine is in the things we drink and eat and re-evaluate our caffeine choices. Most products don’t share that information (and that’s the major problemo), but it’s safe to say that starting your morning at Starbucks, taking a Mountain Dew break at lunch and downing a few Jager Bombs post dinner is not going to bode well for your body. Or that soft, ageless skin of yours.

Looks like Starbucks isn’t the answer to all your problems, after all.

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like how to know if your guy is clean – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: Between finals, graduating and other personal stress, I can’t fall asleep at night. And then when I do, I can’t stay asleep. I’m always tired and grumpy and it’s only making everything even more stressful. Do you have any ideas for getting sleep? I heard sex might help, but I’m not sure if that’s true or if my boyfriend is just telling me that for his own selfish reasons. I really need to be alert and focused for exams and this is killing me. Help?

A: I hear you, sweetie. Insomnia can kill you (trust me, I’ve been there), especially when you’re in school, with tests, projects, and grades looming over you. The question is why can’t you sleep? Is it stress? Is it hormones, like your thyroid? Is it caffeine, alcohol, or other drugs/medications that are disrupting your sleep? Is it poor nutrition?  Is it the crazy sorority girl next door who keeps banging you up with her rocking orgasm? How to treat your insomnia depends on what’s causing it. Here are some causes:

Why Can’t I Sleep?

1. Emotional disturbances: Anxiety and depression tend to sap your energy and they may also contribute to insomnia, which leads to poor sleep.
2. Nutrition: If you’re filling up on junk, it’s no wonder you have trouble sleeping. Food is fuel, and if you’re filling your tank with caffeinated sugar water instead of whole foods and green things, you can’t expect to sleep well. If you treat your low energy with sugar and/or caffeine, you’re stimulating our sympathetic nervous system and revving up your pancreatic insulin production. Then when you crash, you only feel worse. Insomnia follows.
3. Thryoid imbalance: If your thyroid hormones are out of whack, you may have trouble sleeping.
4. Sex hormone imbalance: Fluctuations in sex hormones, such as estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, may lead to insomnia.
5. Change in your Circadian rhythms: Do you pull all-nighters and then sleep all day? If you’re messing with your body’s schedule, you’ll have trouble sleeping.
6. Poor sleep hygiene: Do you engage in restful activities before bed, or are you cramming until 3 minutes before lights out? We can’t expect our bodies and minds to just shut down without some help.
7. Caffeine/alcohol/medications: All of these can affect your sleep patterns.

10 Tips For Helping You Sleep

1. Try to get 8 hours of sleep at night on a regular schedule. Go to bed earlier and rearrange your schedule to allow your body the rest and rejuvenation it needs to recapture energy.
2. Establish bedtime rituals; herbal tea, a warm bath, cinnamon milk, reading a relaxing book, meditation – whatever works for you.
3. Avoid studying, having tough conversations, or other stressful situations just before bed.
4. Eat a balanced whole foods diet rich in produce, lean proteins, and whole grains.
5. Avoid caffeine, sugar, high carb foods, alcohol, and nicotine. If you’re taking medications, talk to your doctor about whether any of them might have insomnia as a side effect.
6. Buy a juicer and drink green juice. It works miracles for insomnia and improves energy and performance, I swear!
7. Exercise regularly, but not right before bed. It helps you fall and stay asleep.
8. Listen to guided imagery (I love Belleruth Naparstek’s CDs and listen to them almost every night.)
9. Sure, go ahead and try sex. Orgasm has been scientifically proven to help you sleep (won’t your boyfriend be jazzed?)
10. If all else fails, try a safe, over-the-counter sleeping aid like Benadryl (an anti-histamine that makes you drowsy). But be aware that regular use can lead to psychological (though not physical) addiction that may make it hard for you to sleep without it. Sometimes breaking the cycle makes all the difference.

Sleep well, love!

- Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ahhhh!!!  Finals!

Everything comes down to this! Your grade, your GPA, your good standing with the parental units (who “aren’t paying for you to party all the time, you know!”). You’ve got tests and papers and presentations and it’s all coming at you so fast and you barely opened the book all semester and there was that 2 week span where you couldn’t stop watching Gilmore Girls on DVD and skipped, like, 12 lectures and now you have to make it all up and pass all the tests and OMFG.

How are you ever going to survive?!

These feelings of stress and near-mental breakdown come every year, with every finals week. The combination of stress, seasonal depression and gallons of caffeine wears down even the most seasoned student until she’s hunched over that 7lb textbook at 4am on a Tuesday crying into her Venti Americano. But once the fear subsides a bit (and she’s wiped that snot from her upper lip), she gets into her groove, remembers her fool-proof study strategies and plows through those notes like drunken frat boy through a wall.

If you’re feeling the finals stress (who isn’t?!) and need a little advice on how to make it through, read on. This week the CollegeCandy writers share their secrets for finals survival. One of these is bound to get you one step closer to that 4.0. And if not, well, at least give us an “A” for effort.

Brithny – Duke: I make sure I’m never too far from a coffee shop. Oh, and I’m seen double-fisting sugar-free Red Bull quite frequently too.

Norah – Drake University: Thankfully, as a journalism student, most of my “finals” are semester-long projects. But to stay on top of things, I rely on my Yo-Yo Ma station on Pandora…and I ask a friend to change my Facebook password during finals week.

Kendra – University of Pittsburgh: My finals trick is Adderall. I know it’s kind of like cheating, but it really helps me buckle down and just study. Other than that, my trick is coffee. Lots and lots and lots of coffee.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: I listen to annoying 90′s pop music to keep me awake.  Screw caffeine, I’ll take *NSync and 98 degrees any day.

Lauren – University of Michigan: I think setting goals is important. Like, “I can watch an episode of Community after I finish outlining this chapter,” or “I can go on Facebook and stalk my ex for 15 minutes after I successfully run through all of these note cards.”

Ness – Sheridan: I’ve been diligent about taking really good notes during my whole semester. While I attend a school that is very hands-on, I have the bonus of having pretty easy finals so I’m not too stressed. Thank you so much, art school!

Lexi C. – Brown: ACRONYMS! They are a fantastic way to store lists of information you might need to remember. I always tried to make mine as funny or as tasteless as possible, and use people’s names too! For example: Instead of “My very elegant mother” for remembering the order of the planets, whip up something like “Missy’s Vagina Eats Men” and you’ll ace that shi

Ricki – University of Michigan: After years of searching for the perfect study place, I finally discovered Starbucks. The noise level is perfect- you can ignore conversations at other tables since you don’t really care what other people are saying, but it’s not too quiet that you feel bad if your phone vibrates. Plus, you can indulge in a caffeine trip whenever you need!

Noa – CU Boulder: Get everything you need (and I mean everything) before you settle down somewhere to work: tissues, a giant fountain soda, snacks, hand cream, lip balm, a cell charger… You don’t want to give yourself any excuse to get up. Then make a list of what you need to get done. You’ll feel super good when you can cross things off (even if one of those things is “order dinner”).

K – GWU: Finals abroad are not easy. How do I cope? Escapism in the form of a 4 am flight to Sweden! Viking husband, here I come!

Jessica – Hofstra: Triple grande nonfat lattes from Starbucks, lots of chocolate, and index cards. I write out flashcards and notes for everything I’m studying. Writing everything is annoying but I’ve found that it is definitely the best way to remember it all!

Kelly- Simmons College: Studying with someone else helps me, because I learn better if I’m also teaching.

Brianna – Fordham university: My best friend and I always have an annual study date at our favorite coffee shop and we share iced cappuccinos and sandwiches while we study. Even though I dread finals I’m always looking forward to them because it’s the only time we have four hours to gossip and eat…. Oh yeah, and study of course.

Mechelle – Florida State: While the rest of campus is hopped up on Adderall, I’ve drank enough Diet Coke to kill a horse.

Charlsie – Hollins University: The key to getting through finals for me is to do as much work prior to finals week, so I don’t have anything hanging over my head. I’ve been able to do all my work, so for this upcoming finals week, all I have to worry about is taking an essay final and turning in a portfolio. It makes things easy peasy when you get them done ahead of time.

Emmy – Loyola: I hide in the stacks of the library where I don’t have cell phone reception and no one can distract me. Oh, and I drink a LOT of water to help with the lack of sleep.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I just take things one chapter at a time with 15-30 minute breaks in between. It keeps me from cramming things at the last minute, which never works.

What’s your secret?

Looks like someone could use some low fat cheese snacks.

Ah, Finals. How I love you. You fall during the greatest time of year and have me reading textbooks instead of drinking Gingerbread lattes and enjoying the holiday sales. You leave dark circles under my eyes and extra inches around my waistline.

Basically, you suck.
Big time.

But, I’m not going to let you conquer my spirit and beat me down to a mumbling, dribbling fool this year. You may not be easy like my Freshman year roommate; I may always scream for joy as I darken the last circle on my last Scantron form, triumphantly dumping my notes in the garbage. But with enough determination I, and the many other good looking and smart students like me, can emerge from the semester with my sanity intact.

How, you ask?
What, are you mocking me?
Don’t look at me like that, Finals. I’ll f**k you up!

OK, here’s how. With a little help from these friends.
How you like them apples, FINALS?!

1. Classical Playlist:
So, most of us don’t have a bunch of classical music mixed in with our usual Gaga/Flo Rida jams on our iTunes. But that is exactly what you need for optimal studying. Studies show that classical music is connected to improvement in some mental tasks. And studying for exams is definitely a mental task. Ot marathon. But you don’t need to spend all your bar money for some boring classical music; just plug in those ear buds, hop on over to Pandora and create a “Mozart” channel. Listen to that (instead of the ever distracting, Britney) while you run through flashcards and you’ll be relaxed, focused and a whole lot more prepared.

2. 24-hour establishments:
If we’re going to be up all night, we need resources. If we run out of paper halfway through printing our essay, get hungry at 4 am, or need a beverage to refuel, we’ll need to know ahead of time where we can go in the wee hours of the morning and get a pint of ice cream what we need. Well, if you live in any of the major cities (NYC, Chicago, Seattle, LA, San Fran., PHX, Austin, DC and Miami) the legwork has been done for you. This website will tell you anything and everything that is open 24 hours so you don’t have to waste precious time driving/Subwaying/walking around looking for “some place that serves bread sticks in this effing town.”

3. Leggings:
Asking us to put on real clothes during finals is just not a plausible request. Chances are after being up all night studying or writing papers we will wake up in just enough time to roll out of bed and sprint to class. To make it easier on ourselves, everyone should invest in a pair of leggings (I’m obsessed with these). Yeah, I never thought I’d say that either, but they truly are the perfect finals attire; they are comfortable to study/sleep in during that all-nighter, but still socially acceptable (with a long top, at least) to wear in public. Done and done.

4. The right source of caffeine:
As much as I love coffee and Red bull, that’s not going to cut it when it comes to finals. In about a week or so we will all be running on empty, with 2 hours of sleep under our belts. To combat this sort of sleep deficiency, we need tea. Namely Cinnamon Apple Spice and Vanilla Almond tea. It’s much healthier than for you than Starbucks, it’s still got the caffeine we need and these fun flavors don’t taste like icky booty like some of those unflavored teas do.

5. Brain Foods:
There’s something about finals that just triggers our body to crave the most fattening foods we can get our hands on. Resist this urge! Not only will this leave your notebook greasy and smelling like french fries (wait…maybe that’s not such a bad thing), these foods make you sluggish and slow your brain down. Instead we need to have healthy snacks on hand that will keep us energized and focused. Some of the best study foods are grapes, nuts, yogurt, granola, popcorn, low fat cheese, whole wheat breads or crackers and cottage cheese. Luckily, all things you can – er – borrow from the cafeteria next time you’re dining.

What other tips do you guys have for making it through finals?