If you planned on starting a diet today, don’t. Or at least don’t read any further. That salad with the “but it tastes just like the real thing” low-fat dressing and droopy lettuce is going to seem about ten times less appetizing than it did when you were looking at pictures of Kate Middleton, thinking to yourself I wish I was that skinny. Embrace a little sugar in your day. Load up on some visual carbs.

Feast your eyes, baby! Right now, we’re bringing you the anti-healthy lunch.

initiating the gallery...

DO NOT LICK YOUR SCREEN!

[There are over 100 million sites on the Internet. 100 million! You might think you know about all the important ones (CollegeCandy, Gmail, Google, Facebook…), but there are thousands of other sweet sites out there (like College Daybreak, iConcertCal and RescueTime) and more showing up every day! We get it – it’s not easy or fun sifting through the crap and porn to find those gems, so we’re gonna bring the gems to you. Just sit back, kick up those feet and allow us to introduce you to the diamonds in the internet rough.]

At almost any given time of day, you can turn on the TV and find a show about cake. Whether it’s Cupcake Wars, Ace of Cakes, D.C. Cupcakes or Cake Boss, all these cake-themed shows only add to our society’s reputation of being obsessed with food.

The internet is just another outlet to fuel this obsession. There are literally thousands of websites about food out there, ranging from recipe databases and cooking tutorials to sites dedicated to a particular type of food. One of my new favorite sites, Bake it in A Cake, falls into the latter category.

Bake it in A Cake is a blog “dedicated to cake and cupcakes and all the delicious things you can bake inside of them” (according to the site’s tagline). And let me tell you, you’d be amazed at the things that can be baked inside a cake!

Megan Seling, the site’s creator and the brain behind most of the creations featured on the site, has made cakes and cupcakes with an amazing array of delicious surprises baked inside them — from mini pies to candy (like Reese’s peanut butter cups) and even baklava! Pretty much any sort of dessert you can think of to bake inside a cake, Seling has tried it and posted it to the site!

The creativity on Bake it in a Cake is never-ending — whenever I visit the site, I’m so excited to see what new creations there are. And I can’t stop reading it! Just looking at the site makes me drool, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear that I gained a few pounds just by clicking on a recipe.

Next party or potluck I’m invited to, I’ll definitely be attempting one of Bake it in a Cake‘s creations — my friends will either be impressed at my skills, or completely amused by the disaster they could very well turn out to be!

Pretty cool, eh? Well, there’s plenty more web where that came from. Check out the other sites that are on Laura’s web radar!

Sometimes, when I’m really bored and don’t feel like dealing with the pile of work on my desk, I look up recipes for chocolate cake.

In real life, I’m not much of a cook, but in my fantasy life (you know, where I’m married to Christian Bale and own a giant mansion and can ran a half-marathon in 4 inch heels?), I am a f&*cking fantastic baker.

And there really isn’t anything in this life that’s better than a bite of amazing chocolate goodness (except maybe sex. But I mean…the jury’s still out on that one).

It seems like today is one of those days where I am PMSing to the max refuse to be responsible and instead want to drown myself in whipped cream fantasy. The recipe I’m about to share with you I actually experienced, and let me just say, I almost had to excuse myself it was so good.

Plus, it’s easy. No Food Network experience required!

Easy Fudge Pudding Cake

Cake:
* 1 cup all-purpose flour
* 2 teaspoons baking powder
* 2 tablespoons cocoa
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 3/4 cup granulated sugar
* 1/2 cup milk
* 2 tablespoons melted shortening
* 1/2 cup chopped pecans
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Sauce:
* 1/2 cup granulated sugar
* 1/2 cup brown sugar
* 1/3 cup cocoa
* 1 cup hot water

Bake:

1. Sift flour with dry ingredients

2. Stir in milk and shortening. Then add pecans and vanilla.

3. Mix until well combined then pour into a generously greased 8 x 8-inch square pan.

4. Combine sauce ingredients; pour over cake batter.

5. Bake the cake in a preheated 350 degree F. oven for 40 minutes. Set on a rack to cool slightly (do not remove the cake from the pan). The fudgy, gooey, delicious sauce will end up on the bottom of the pan.

6. Cut (or just dig in with a fork) and serve hot or cold.

[Recipe courtesy of a long Saturday afternoon on About.com)

Mmmm beer cake.

I love drinking alcohol, but weekend after weekend of beer pong and vodka shots can get old. So I got to thinking…how can I spice up my weekly binge drinking sesh?

I hit the web in search of some “unique,” “fun” alcohol ideas, and out of these keywords came the most glorious idea I have ever heard.

Cake-tails.

It seemed so simple. Why had I never thought of this before? Why drink my calories when I can kill two birds with one stone? Gobble down baked goods from the snack table while still getting my drink on?

Within minutes I had an entire list of cocktail inspired recipes and alcohol based desserts that I knew my friends would be all over. (No seriously, if they tackled my kitchen table I wouldn’t be surprised).

So here are some of my favorites. Try them out for your next girls’ night or bring it to the house party on Saturday. (If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, make 20 mini bunt cakes for a delicious Beer Pong game.) You will most definitely be everyone’s favorite guest. Let’s be real, who is going to say no to alcohol-and-dessert-in-one? That’s right, absolutely no one.

Plus, our favorite girly cocktails can continue to live on despite the fact that the cutest thing we can drink in a beer-soaked-frat-house is a jello shot – and even that’s a luxury.

Oh and forget the milk. If you still haven’t reached your desired blood alcohol level, nothing goes better with these desserts than an ice cold glass of vodka.

Don’t worry; you can still eat some of the chocolatey peanut butter thing.

1. Exercise: Whether it is Christmas dinner, or a plate full of latkes, you know you will be eating something out of the ordinary (and off the charts in terms of calories) this holday season. Prepare in advance by getting a workout in. Most gyms are open – even on Christmas day – so don’t use the holiday as an excuse to take a vacation from fitness. Unless you want everyone to buy you a size up in the clothes on your holiday wish list.

2. Eat Before You Go: Whenever I go to holiday meals I tend to starve myself all day to make room for the scrumptious treats that will be served. That is a good idea in theory, until I find myself taking second and third servings of very unhealthy foods (and feeling horribly guilty/angry at myself later). Don’t go to these meals hungry! Eat a little snack before you go to curb your hunger, that way you can have a little bit of the foods you love without going completely overboard.

3. Survey The Scene: Your meal will most definitely have a ton of options, so take a lap and see what there is before you start loading up the plate. Once you see everything there is to offer, choose your dinner wisely – and, yes, you can take your favorites! – so you eat what you like without going nuts. But…

4. Moderation is Key: No one is telling you not to enjoy those special holiday foods. That would be unfair. (And totally hypocritical considering we are chowing down on a holiday cookie right now.) But just because you have to eat some of Grandma’s special pie, doesn’t mean you need to eat three giant hunks of it. Have a little slice and savor it; you will get the flavor without getting the gut.

My addiction has taken over my life. Sometimes, when I am driving home from anywhere, I suddenly find myself at the local bakery or grocery store, frosting all over my chin, and have no idea how I got there. There was even that one drunken night when I woke up with half a cupcake in my bed.

And I finished it.

I cannot walk past a cupcake shop without stopping in and trying a few, and I have been known to spend Saturday nights at home with a box of Dunkin Hines cupcake mix, my oven and a jar of icing.

I have been battling this addiction for years and it is tearing my life (and pants) apart. I am working to kick the habit, but I am not strong enough to do it cold turkey. I now consciously avoid streets that house any sort of mini cake delight and have in turn turned to the internet to feed (or not so much) my urges.

Yes, I am now a subscriber to cupcake porn.

Just like my guy friends who spend many an hour surfing the web for some hot naked chicks, I spend my time searching for delectable (and calorie free!) cupcakes. These sites allow me to indulge a little bit, without actually indulging at all.

Cupcakes Take the Cake, for example, is my Maxim Magazine. They feature my classic favorites as well as the unique, interesting and adorable.

And then there is 52 Cupcakes, a celebration of everyone’s favorite treat. Their pictures are so great I could totally lick the screen. But I don’t… because MacBooks don’t taste anything like a good buttercream frosting.

If you are a lover of cupcakes (but have more self control than me), this site is filled to the brim with original and tasty recipes that you can make to impress all your friends.

Or just eat the dozen yourself. And lick the bowl.

I am staying away from that one for now, but hope to one day be strong enough to visit it again. Until then, I will stick to living vicariously through other people’s cupcake experiences. It isn’t easy (and I sometimes stumble…like when I ate a mini cupcake last week and justified it because it was mini), but I am trying.

One day at a time. I’m takin’ it one. day. at a time.

Well, she didn’t. I never got to taste this mythical culinary delight. However, I often wondered if my grandma, who was a bright and feisty little thing, if she was tricking them into remembering it more fondly than they would have if she’d kept making it.

I’ve never been able to track down my grandma’s recipe, but I was able to find something comparable–and I gotta tell you, for cake, it’s amazingly low-fat. It’s also amazingly delicious.

So, have at ye, apple cake lovers! Make my grandma proud! (Eat, eat, you’re all skin and bones!)

Not Quite My Grandma’s Apple Cake

(serves 10)

Stuff That Goes In It

2 1/2 cups of chopped, cored apples

2/3 cups of packed brown sugar

1 cup of flour

1 cup of whole wheat flour

1/4 cup of margarine

1 1/2 cups of buttermilk

1 tablespoon of cinnamon

1 teaspoon of baking soda

1 teaspoon of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

This Is How We Do It, Baby

(1) Mix the sugar, margarine, and buttermilk with an electric mixer in a big ol’ bowl.

(2) Add the baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, apples, salt, and both kinds of flours to the mix. Stir that shiz like mad till blended.

(3) Spray non-stick stuff into a square 8-inch baking pan.

(4) Spread the mixture into the pan and even it out.

(5) Put the pan in the oven and bake it at 350 degrees for 40-45 minutes (or until you stick in a toothpick at the center and it’s clean when you pull it out).

(6) Enjoy!! (And no regrets–yay low-fat!)

[Image courtesy of www.delsole.co.uk]

Currently, “Elisa” is interning for a big, flashy 5th Avenue designer. Sounds awesome, right? Well, read the third installment HERE, and then read on…]

I’M FINALLY FREE!!!

I wish I could say from the intern sh*t, but I was actually stuck in a tiny elevator with 6 people for 45 minutes.

Why? because we were all waiting for cake.

All for a freaking piece of cake on the day I was supposed to start my “diet.” I swear this place does not help me out one bit.

I wish I could say that this place is as exciting…what with today and the elevator fiasco, but I honestly don’t know how much more of this useless crap I can handle.

I’m now blatantly on Facebook all day for my boss to see, and spending more and more time in front of the computer. We have received endless amounts of sample bags that I am given the amazing task of taking pictures of. Oh yes, this is what my brain power is spent on. Taking pictures of bags.

Someone help me.

So a few days ago I decided I was going to ask my boss to cut back my hours once she hires this “assistant” she’s been talking about, but godd*mn if she doesn’t beat me to it… she gave her two weeks notice and is moving to LA! WTF… ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

So apparently the new guy — my new boss — is coming in next week, so she’s going to teach me everything to teach him….

Right…. and you couldn’t just pay me?? I do all the physical labor anyway!! So far I have used a Sealing machine, a hair dryer thing for shrink wrap, a mixer, popcorn machine, and a hammer / torture device-esque contraption just to name a few.

You know, I still don’t get why I don’t just quit. I have zero benefits whatsoever…

My boss even looked pissed when I asked if I could get off 2 hours early. Come on lady, I’m sure I can do more physical labor the next day. Or wait… how about you do some of your own sh*t for a change? I swear she thinks up the most useless tasks ever.

[Crap, somebody needs something...brb...]

Wow this day is full of f*ckin surprises. Apparently there’s a buzzer upstairs that the sales people press when they think there are shoplifters in the building… and now everyone has to run upstairs. FUN.

I swear this place never lets me leave on time.

I’m gonna go steal another cookie now.

The quintessential dessert of summer is the strawberry shortcake, and for good reason. There’s even a licensed character named after the dessert, for crying out loud. So when you make one, you want to make it good—and no, that does not involve picking up a four-pack of preservative-loaded, Twinkie-like “shortcakes” from Walmart.

What, you’ve never made your own shortcake before? Then you, my friend, are seriously missing out. Allow me to be your guide for your first foray into the world of better-tasting shortcakes—once you’ve entered, you’ll never look back.

For two nice-sized shortcakes (a little bigger than those store-bought lumps), you need:

• 2/3 cup flour

• a generous sprinkle (about 1/8 tsp) salt

• ½ tsp baking powder

• 1 ½ tablespoons sugar

• 1/3 cup heavy whipping cream

• ½ tsp vanilla

Preheat your oven to 350, and take out two separate bowls. In one bowl, stir together the flour, salt, baking powder, and sugar until it’s well combined. In the second bowl, whisk together the heavy cream and vanilla.

Make a well in the center of the bowl with your dry ingredients, and drizzle in the whipping cream mixture while you stir or whisk the contents of the bowl. This can be difficult to do by yourself, but it doesn’t really matter if you kind of mess it up. Shortcakes are forgiving (and delicious—oh, so delicious).

When you’ve poured in all the cream, you should be able to mix the resulting mass together into one big ball. If it’s too sticky, add a little flour (and if it’s not sticky enough, add a few more drops of cream). Using floured hands, separate the big ball into two smaller balls.

Grease a cookie sheet or coast it with parchment paper, and set the two shortcake balls on the sheet at least three inches apart (they will spread out a bit). Pop them in the oven, and about 27-30 minutes later you will have two lovely, beautiful, mouth-watering shortcakes that will be just dying for you to heap them with strawberries and cream.

For some reason, Ali chooses to adopt an even more nasally tone for this 25 minute tribute to ungratefulness. She complains in this obnoxious tantrum pending voice about all of the trials life has delivered to her. Like the fact that she, her awesome brother and (arguably) cool mom have to live in a tricked out penthouse at the Palms while she records her album. I guess it gets pretty taxing when you’re attending all of these exhausting “Welcome to Vegas!” parties (with delicious looking cake) thrown just for you by the f*#king Maloufs.

Ugh, sorry about that. Anyways, Dina introduces Ali (who is wearing a gorgeous but way too mature minidress) to a bunch of important 30 something guys that she wants Ali to “get comfortable with.” Dina baby, they’re mentally undressing your 14 year old — not very comfort inducing, I would say. The men all flirt with Ali while she fidgets, present her the aforementioned cake (note to self, go buy something with chocolate as soon as I’m done writing) and begin an episode long tradition of complimenting Ali and promising her she’s the next big thing.

Ali, unnerved by all this attention, tells Alexis she’s starting to feel the heat. Dina gives her a necklace as a job well done gift (even though she hasn’t done anything yet.) Apparently, Ali is very comfortable with doing very little and expecting great outcomes, because in the studio the next day, she is a difficult and annoying child.

Ali interrupts herself with criticism every 5 seconds and you can see the frustration seeping out of the producers’ faces. Meanwhile, her wierd ass vocal coach tries to teach Ali how to sing un-flat notes. Her voice has the potential to be good, but she does this wierd man sounding thing that my friend Sarah does when she sings Carrie Underwood. Yea, it’s more Kermit than Mariah, but it’s nothing the Maloufs’ Auto-Tune can’t fix.

Ali then takes a break from recording, even though she’s accomplished like, 3 verses. When she gets back, the producer tells her she’s done for today. Her homework: work on her confidence and staying in the moment–she has all the natural gifts, but needs to stop being a whiny, impatient brat (in so many words).

To ease the viewers’ frustration, the wise wise powers that be at E! intersperse Ali’s episodes with the sheer brilliance that is Cody Lohan. Dina feels bad for her bored youngest, and takes Cody out on the town while Ali records, for some mommy and me bonding time. First stop, lunch with a famous magician who impresses Cody, Dina and I with double entendre laden magic tricks about multiplying rabbits. Next, to soothe his disappointment that there’s no soccer in Vegas (and here I thought there’s no crying in baseball), Codeman gets his sports fix at a sweet arcade, and gets to run around a wax museum with Dina. I don’t know about her use of Botox, but she seemed awfully at home amongst all those frozen faces–JK Dina you beautiful creature, I know your secret is probably something Long Island old school that Nana taught you.

Ali, back at the hotel room after a hard day’s “work” calls Dina to complain about not doing anything. Um ,you recorded your album…isn’t that why you’re here? She whines about being tired and not being able to go out and play with mom and Cody.

Dina comes to talk to Ali about her pissy attitude today. Ali complains more about not being able to go out and have fun when she was recording all day. Dina gently explains to Ali that she’s here to work and record–not run around Vegas with her family. She tells Ali that if she wants this, she needs to work, or they’ll just pack it up and head back East. Ali agrees to give it another shot.

Dina then talks to Ali’s babysitter producer about her naptime, snack time, when she needs to be changed, etc. Dina explains that, being that Ali is only 14, she is a whiny little git by default. I guess this makes sense, and yes, the producers must remember that “the talent” is a child. However Ali needs to remember that she is being given the chance of a lifetime, not thanks to her own merit, but as a bonus of her (legitimate, non secret bastard child) sister’s hard work, pre-trainwreck. Suck it up and realize how awesome your life is woman!

Then Dina takes Ali to the Pearl theater to have Ali lip sync her own song. This is supposed to instill Ali with some cojones, and apparently works. She hits the studio with renewed energy and confidence, and even worse annunciation skills. Nonetheless, the grown ups are all pleased.

Everyone gathers for the big reveal of a portion of her song “All the Way Around” Cody deems it excellent and everyone reassures Ali that she’s going to be the next big thing (again). I fight the urge to backhand my TV and wonder if Ali has learned any semblance of a lesson. Oh Well.

Next Week:

Cody meets the Girls Next Door. I think he and Kendra should play a round of soccer together. Although it may lead to him developing a crush on her and ruining my chances of marrying him.

Jeremy arrives in Vegas (ugh) to try to get Ali to sing a “guy song.” The clips show everyone being annoyed and frustrated by Jeremy’s general presence, and I wonder if it’s finally time for them to give him the boot. I also wonder if he has eyeballs, or if those stupid glasses are a coverup for empty sockets. Hmm.