[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

College. The 4, for some of us 5, greatest of our glory years. You’re not a girl, yet not quite a debt-ridden woman (yes, I just made a Britney Spears reference, didn’t you know…she’s back! So it’s okay.) You’ll take a lot of memories with you from the journey from duckling Freshman to swan Senior, but there will also be some regrets. Some of those regrets are going to haunt you for the rest of your life, or until you get a good paying job, which in this economy might mean the rest of your life. And of those regrets, potentially chief among them are not having sex in places you wish you would have. Once you graduate, these passion possibilities are past their expiration date. They’re gone…gone…gone. So here’s your Uncle Dude trying to make sure you have the most fulfilling experience you can. Here are 11 places you should have sex before you graduate:

initiating the gallery...

And there you have it folks, not 10, not 11, but 12 places to have sex before you graduate. Put this list on your dorm room door and start checking them off. Trust me, there are parts of the college experience that aren’t essential, I can make an argument that any of these absolutely are. The real questions: which of these have you already done, and did I miss any goodies?

With honors,

The Dude

[Lead image via Diego Cervo / Shutterstock]

Spring is finally here and I couldn’t be happier! The only problem is that I can hardly stand to sit in class when it’s sunny and beautiful outside. The moment the seasons started to change, all of the sun-deprived library dwellers emerged on campus. Suddenly, every inch of grass on my campus was taken up by people enjoying the sun. Don’t miss out on the action! Here are 8 cliche things you can do on campus now that the sun is out.

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Garnet is a student at Columbia University in New York City. She is “that person” who starts dancing at a party when everyone else is standing around, and if there were a Facebook stalking Olympics, she would be a gold medalist. She also loves cheesy 90s music, and almost died of happiness when Vanilla Ice retweeted her. Once. Follow her on Twitter @garnethenderson.

[Lead image via lculig/Shutterstock]

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For a lot of my life, I’ve been a religious person. I went on mission trips every summer with my church, I was on my church’s Youth Board, and I attended mass every Sunday (oh yeah, I’m Catholic). So when I got to college, one of the first things I did was to see what campus ministries were available. While other girls were rolling out of bed at 1:00 pm on Sundays and going for a hungover brunch, I was in the student cinema with about a hundred other students praising God.

Because I became so involved with my campus ministry, I met a lot of friends with my same beliefs and morals. While this shouldn’t be a problem in my life, it became one almost from the very beginning. Once people find out that I’m religious, they start to make a lot false assumptions about myself, as well as my friends.

Assumption #1: We are holier than thou

The first thing I always hear is that we are “holier than thou.”  I’ve learned through my experiences that a lot of other Christians have trouble going to church. They say that if they went, it would make them feel like they have to act holy all the time. So this makes it even difficult for me to really express everything I feel about God. I don’t want people pointing out examples of how I’m not leading the most holy life. And I’ll be the first to admit, sometimes it’s easier for me to pick one persona or another. Either the quiet, Christian girl who won’t talk about her problems or the troubled party-goer. A lot of people will argue that it’s not worth going to church because all the pews are filled with a bunch of hypocrites. Sure it’s a valid point, but they’re forgetting why we go to church in the first place.

We go to church because frankly, we aren’t good at being a holy people. We need God (because we aren’t perfect), so we seek Him in church. My friends and I are just like you and we won’t judge you because you might make different choices than us. I have never condemned people for their life choices, because that is one thing the Bible tells us to never do. What it does tell us to do is love everyone. As a Christian, I try to view people as God views them – with unconditional love.

Assumption #2: We don’t party

Another annoying assumption people make when they learn I’m religious and very active in my church is that I don’t party. Although the Bible tells me to not drink in excess (and I don’t drink 24/7), it doesn’t mean that I don’t drink and don’t go to parties. I would even be lying if I said I haven’t gone to church with a hangover. Some of us party, and some of us don’t, but don’t assume either way. Rather, find out by asking us. Every time friends from class ask me what I’m doing during the upcoming weekend and I say I’m going to a party thrown by a friend from church, they laugh. They picture us playing Scrabble and cuddled up under Snuggies. Not true.

Some of my most fun parties have been thrown by my church friends.  So yes I do go clubbing, I do go to parties. Just because I love God doesn’t mean I don’t also love to shout Gaga lyrics to the top of my lungs and dance like crazy while laughing and holding a Coors in my hand.

Assumption #3: We are all conservative

Finally, the assumption I face almost daily is people assuming that I’m conservative because of my Catholic beliefs. Not true.  The fact of the matter is I don’t discuss politics. What I will do, is listen to what you have to say, and if you want to talk about whether I agree with you or not, we can talk in person about it. Heck, I don’t even mind if we don’t really know each other and you want to hear my opinion about something. Even if you do sit down with me and talk to me about stuff like that, I’m nice to everyone. Like I said earlier, I was taught to love everyone, regardless of different beliefs. If you ask me how I feel, I’ll tell you, and there is no way you will ever change my mind about the topic, but I will say it calmly and don’t mind getting into friendly debates. I will never shut you down because you disagree with something I believe in. Because peace is essential to Christianity, and as a Christian I know that isn’t the way to change someone’s mind.

Why do I go to church?

So why do I go to church while in college? As silly as it sounds, it’s really relaxing to go to church on Sunday mornings and have an hour that is worry-free. For that hour classes, exams, etc. don’t matter. The only thing that matters is I am celebrating God. So it keeps me grounded and gives me a short break from all of my stress. Church is also a great place to meet friends and I-wanna-be-more-than-friends. Through my campus ministry I found friends with similar beliefs, passions, and lifestyles. We’ve been able to get really close because we’ve participated in lots of different activities with each other on a weekly basis. I met my boyfriend through my ministry, and we get along fantastically because we already agree on fundamental things. I go to church because unlike my friends who say college is for taking a break from religion, you can’t take a short “break” from religious life. You can’t just put it on hold until you’re “ready.” College is a time for growing, and learning. I take it upon myself to learn more about my faith on my own and stop depending on my parents for pushing me to do so. I go to church because I know I need it; I know I still have a lot of growing to do.

Everyone would have us believe (even some of the writers on this website) that college is a constant party and orgy, but that isn’t so. College is about finding yourself, and becoming more of who you always were (but didn’t realize it). As college students, we are all wanderers, forced out of our homes and into the real world. We wander until we discover what it is we want to do with our lives, and we succeed or we fail. We move forward, whether we know where we are headed or not. So while I am always wandering, I am never lost, because my religion helps guide my college experience.

There are few things I love in life more than holidays. Perhaps that is unhealthy, but I do not care. And, amid the holidays that I passionately adore, there are some that rank higher than others. Halloween is one of my favorites. I love the autumnal weather, the unnecessary amounts of chocolate, and having one day to claim “my life is a masquerade” and not be greeted with WTF looks.

I love it so much, in fact, that I have decided to write a poem. Perhaps a sonnet would have been more appropriate, considering the extent of my obsession with Halloween, but an ode was what I came up with. So, read with care and enjoy.

An Ode To Halloween

‘Twas the night before Halloween and all through my house
Not a creature was stirring, except for our mouse.
The candy was placed on our porch with care
Awaiting the children that soon would be there.

My roommates were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of jagerbombs danced in their heads.
With my costume unfinished and I in my (thinking) cap,
I just couldn’t settle my brains for a nighttime nap.

When out on the porch there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
Away to my door I flew like a flash,
Grabbed the doorknob and threw open the hatch.

The crisp autumn air grabbed at my lungs,
And revived a spirit that made me feel young.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But eight drunken boys, dressed as Santa’s reindeer.

When they spotted me, so lively and quick,
They scurried away, like a bunch of chicks.
More rapid than eagles, the boys, they all ran.
Irritated, I thought, “Must be freshmen.”

I went back to my room, candy bowl in hand,
And snacked while I prayed I would never look like them.
Their costumes sucked, I hoped that mine
Would never be so grossly benign.

Suddenly an idea sprang in my head.
I ran to my desk and worked with some thread.
Feverishly I sewed, all through the night
Until my masterpiece was perfectly right.

As we got ready for the party, eyelashes in place
My roommates and I looked totally replaced
By wig-wearing characters with high, high shoes
With our costumes, there was no way to lose.

We arrived at the party and suddenly I saw
The most handsome Ewok, he had no flaws.
His hair was styled in just the right way
And looked at me like his sight was X-ray.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with vodka and ash soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And I fell in love when he opened his Northface backpack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His bag was stocked with 4 Lokos and Beer,
Not to mention bags of Candy… Halloween Cheer!

The stump of a cig he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a devilish face and a far from round belly,
That was so atypical of college boys—who usually packed jelly.

His smoking bothered me, but he was a cute nonetheless
And I laughed as we flirted, keeping me from becoming a drunken mess.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Pouring and mixing for all with a smirk.
The music was loud, the spirit was right.
College Halloween was an awesome sight.

But my Ewok got too drunk, so I gave my team a whistle,
And away we all flew like the down of a thistle.
Instead of ordering Domino’s for a late snack,
We munched on candy from my Ewok’s back.

As we sat on our porch, laughing about the bash
We listened, on our iPod player, to Monster Mash.
We eventually went inside, but shouted before out of sight
“Happy Halloween to all, and to all a good-night!”

Halloween in college is a big deal.  Major, really.  You may have thought you hit your trick-or-treating peak in the 3^rd grade when you wrapped yourself in tinfoil and went out as leftovers, but think again.  Unlike Christmas, the 4^th of July, and Thanksgiving, everyone’s on campus for this most hallowed of evenings and the booze will absolutely be flowing (perhaps in cauldrons).

From fog machines to technicolor jello shots, there’s a lot of stimuli to process and as a freshman it’s easy to get overwhelmed.  But novice or otherwise, you’ve got to keep your head, wigged or otherwise, in the game.  Here’s what you can expect as your favorite bars and frat houses become unrecognizable with silly string…

A General Lack of Pants
From dozens of Risky Business-era Tom Cruises to sexy cats/bees/fairies/mice, there will be maximum leggage come October 31^st.  I’m not sure what it is about “everyone dress up crazy” that translates to things being purely pants-optional, but it’s a fact: ass cheeks will show, cellulite will be on parade, hairy man thighs will make a one-night-only appearance.

Dry Ice
Is it edible?  Will it kill you?  Why did those stupid pledges have to go stick it in the jungle juice and ruin a perfectly good concoction?  No, it doesn’t look like witches’ brew.  And the fact that he’s 22 and just drew that connection makes you question his sanity.

Drinking on an Off-Night
This year Halloween falls on a Sunday, and though you’ll be getting Friday and Saturday usage out of your costume, you can’t retire it before the actual holiday.  So in anticipation of this three-day face painted bender, don’t be your usual procrastinating self.  Figure out what work you’ve got due Monday and do it.  Yes, this is your mother speaking.  And your econ professor.  And your better judgment.

Cops, Both Real and Fake
If you’ve seen Hocus Pocus (AKA the greatest Halloween movie of our childhoods), you’ll remember the scene where the main kid approaches what he thinks is a cop to tell him that the town’s being haunted by Sarah Jessica Parker and Bette Midler.  Well, take heed all you first-timers.  On Halloween, not all cops are real and not all seemingly fake cops are fake.  Before you pee on the side of that building or resist arrest, make sure you know what you’re dealing with.

Orange and Black Puke
More than welcome week, more than your first tailgate…November 1^st will hurt.  A lot.  And lest you forget what holiday it was you just celebrated, the orange and black Tostitos you consumed and subsequently puked up should tip you off.

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