pass it.

Well my favorite holiday is here. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas cookies; I love pumpkin pie; and I also love dressing up like a slutty Dorothy, cat, nurse, (insert random noun here); but there is nothing I love more than the 20th of April.

You may not usually celebrate this joyous occasion – I have actually only had the pleasure of celebrating it once – but one time was all it took to become an ardent supporter. In light of this, I thought I’d bestow some of my favorite stoned activities with you all so you have some options to spend  the best Monday of the year! So pull a Michael Phelps (read: hit the bong) and enjoy any of the following:

Watch Things
This is not only broad but also very obvious. And why is it obvious? Because it’s so much fun! There are so many enjoyable things to watch that are only more enjoyable under the influence. You could go with a funny movie like  Anchorman or Old School, or pop in an epic TV show like Summer Heights High, The Office, or, of course Planet Earth. You could also throw in a hilarious comedian routine -  Jim Gaffigan’s new one, King Baby, was responsible for me nearly peeing myself last week. Or, my personal favorite, just turn on the iTunes visualizer. Trippy!

Eat Stuff
Another very stereotypical example of a fun but often overlooked thing to do while high is eat. To maximize the fun of eating while being high, choose things that have very distinct tastes, flavors or sensations, like green apples and blueberries (cold). If fruit isn’t your thang (because who chooses something healthy when everything sounds so good), you can just build snacks out of your favorite ingredients. My friends and I usually end up with something  (rice cakes) smothered with peanut butter and chocolate chips. Yeah, it sounds weird right now, but get back to me after you take a few hits.

Delving even deeper into the unhealthy department would be Starburst, Skittles, and sherbet, which all happen to be very fun to eat while high. You may worry about getting fat from all the snackity snacking, but don’t be. You’ll burn all those calories laughing at your hand or the funny shapes of the clouds…on the ceiling.

Tune in
I love listening to music in any state, but rocking out while high is definitely one of my favorites. Just last week I was listening to Pink Floyd’s, Dark Side of the Moon, one of few classic rock bands I never fully understood and realized, “Wow, this is why everyone loved this stuff!” It was just so….awesome. Besides classic rock and that awkward genre of music labeled “chill,” electronic music sounds particularly phenomenal when high. Hell, everything will sound new, different and awesome when you are high, so pop in that Paris Hilton CD and rock out.

Go places
Sure, it’s tempting to lay around eating Tostitos when you’re high, but get up and go somewhere!  Even the most mundane activities take on a whole new level of fun when there is some cannabis in your system. Need some ideas? Here are some of my favorite de-stoned-ations: the beach, the woods, a park (or anything cool outdoors), anywhere in the sun, a bowling alley, a jungle gym, a concert, a diner (so much food!), the movies, the zoo, a museum, a long walk, or shopping (though I did end up buying some weird things at Target).

Other
Costumes, shadow puppets, prank phone calls and playing with iChat (if you are lucky enough to have a Mac) are also awesome.

Whatever fun things you plan on doing while you are high, be responsible. I know I am probably not a portrait of responsibility by any means but I have made a lot of mistakes and have learned from them. If you are consuming marijuana, don’t eat too much; it can be a very uncontrollable and terrifying experience. If you are high, don’t drive. Seriously, don’t do it. Not only is it dangerous, but you could really eff up your future if you are caught. Plus, it’s a lot easier to eat a peanut butter smothered rice cake when you’re not clutching a steering wheel. Finally, don’t get a haircut. Just trust me on this one.

Peace out, potheads, and have a great 4/20!

“Historically there have only been two deaths worldwide attributed to cannabis, whereas alcohol and tobacco together are responsible for an estimated 150,000 deaths per annum in the UK alone.”

In fact, the only thing that makes pot a dangerous drug stems (haha, stems) from the fact that it isn’t legal: the crime that surrounds it, all that crazy sh*t people are lacing it with these days, etc. By making pot legal, people would be able to regulate it and keep it safe.

Not to mention stimulate the economy and create more jobs: people to grow it, people to sell it, people to regulate it, people to supply all the stoned kids with enough Cheez Its and Twinkies to get through the day…

Seriously, marijuana could keep this country from a depression! (And if it doesn’t, it could make the depression more bearable…or hilarious!)

Down with that dangerous alcohol!

Bring on the cannabis!

Meanwhile, magazines like High Times boast super-ridiculous, high-definition marijuana centerfolds and smoking tips, and you can buy amazingly ornate smoking paraphernalia, like, at the local mall.

Although smoking pot is normalized, if not practically mainstream (we’re long past the “Reefer Madness” era, after all), there have been over eight million cannabis arrests in the United States since 1993 — at a rate of 1 cannabis users arrested every 40 seconds. And this is in a country where growing and selling pot, at least for medicinal purposes, is totally legal in many states. Could it get more convoluted?

In hopes of alleviating the confusing f*ck-all of cannabis culture in the United States, a new higher institution (pun intended) in the Bay Area has opened its doors to curious stoners, enterprising hydroponic botanists, and legalization activists. Half-jokingly dubbed “Oaksterdam University,” this Oakland trade school is a full-fledged university of weed.

It’s less insane than it sounds: the legal cannabis industry is a huge money-maker that employs a ton of people — growers, distributors, etc — in the 12 states where it’s legal. Oaksterdam University’s reasoning, then, is that these people interested in going legal with their pot enthusiasm should be fully trained in the political, legal, ideological, and practical ins-and-outs of this controversial industry.

With courses like “Distribution/Dispensary Management 102,” and (of course) “Horticulture 101,” the students will be prepped to enter the wild and wooly world of legal dealing.

Check out this Youtube vid of baffled Bay Area newscasters trying to keep a straight face when talking about Oaksterdam!