It’s finally happening. Hard as you tried to push it off, you’re graduating. You are taking the big steps, literally, across the stage and into adulthood. To prepare for the big day, you chug a beer spend all morning primping, getting your hair perfectly curled, ironing your new dress, fixing your shoes. Then you cover it all up with that big, overpriced black gown. The gown that could easily fit two more people.

You look at yourself in disgust, then complain to your mom. “I look like a giant square!” you whine. So she soothes you in that sweet, motherly way. Well, unless it’s my mom then it’s an “Everyone does, get over it” kind of way.

True Story: No matter how bangin’ your bod or how figure-friendly your outfit, there’s nothing flattering about a graduation gown. But when you’re standing outside as your grandparents snap 1,637 pictures of you lookin’ round and squat in that rayon muumuu, you can at least take solace in the fact that you’re not wearing this:

Really, though, regardless of what you wear or how much you sweat under that gown, congratulations on this major accomplishment. No, really. We know what you’ve been up to for the past 4 years, so congrats on making it out alive…and ready to take on the real world. Yay, you!

Graduation is no longer just a corny Vitamin C song to me anymore. Next week is my own high school graduation, and now that the event is nearly here, it all feels so incredibly real: leaving home, heading to college, living mostly on my own without the guidance of my parents. I remember starting freshman year thinking that high school would be the longest four years of my life. In reality, the time flew by all too fast.

Looking back on my high school career, I was never that sentimental about moving from one grade to the next. I often counted down the last days of school on a huge calendar on my desk, just to make crossing off the final day that much sweeter.

But now, I find myself feeling rather schmaltzy about it all. On the last day of classes, I shambled after classmates and teachers to get signatures for my yearbook. I spent most of last week reminiscing with friends about the past few years the way my grandparents do about the “olden days.” I’m normally not one to wear my emotions on my sleeve, but something about this particular milestone in my life has been bringing these feelings the surface. The sadness about leaving friends and family, the uncontainable excitement of a new adventure – the mixture of the two is something I’ve never experienced before now. Read More »

It’s the merry month of May and that means the school year is coming to a close and many a student will be happily accepting their diplomas.  Ok, maybe not-so happily.

While you are probably busy drinking your face off and burning your books with your friends, there is a larger task that needs to be finished (and you are going to want to do this sober): figuring out what to wear to graduation!

You may be from the “I’m wearing a gown so who cares what happens under it” school of thought, but, trust me, it matters. Photos from your graduation day will be a part of your life forever, so dressing up (not throwing up) should be on the top of your graduation morning agenda.

The proper attire for graduations/convocations is basically what you’d wear to church/temple on a holiday.  You want to look dressed up, but without toeing the line to slutsville. So, leave the sex kitten at home – no short skirts, no low-cut tops and, for the love of god, no going naked. Those gowns don’t have a lining in them, and who knows what could happen if the wind blows….

Here are some ideas for cute ensembles. Just click on the item to get some more info! Read More »

I, too, will probably be this drunk at commencement.

I’ve lost track of the days and I no longer can distinguish between night and day. We drink round the clock now anyways so there doesn’t seem to be a reason for me to try to figure any of this out. But there are still a few things that I must get done before doomsday (known to my parents as commencement ceremonies).

TRY ON MY CAP AND GOWN
I thought it would be hilarious and trendsetting if I got a 4’11 gown for my 5’7 self. There’s a strong chance I will regret that decision when I’m the only one crossing the stage with bare legs. There’s a stronger chance that my family will be embarrassed. And there’s the strongest chance that cutting the top in a v-neck (they’re very in right now) will look more Salvation Army than American Apparel.

THROW EVERYTHING OUT
I have problems throwing things out. Especially if I got it for free. Because of this issue of mine (un-webmd-able…I’ve looked) I have quite the collection of heinously ugly Syracuse water bottles, fairy wings, and soy sauce packets. I never even once dreamed of dressing up like a fairy, but because I found the wings laying on a street on a rainy Halloween circa 2007 I kept them. I don’t know what I planned to do with them over the past three years, but I kept telling myself you never know when you might need them. Turns out I never did.

Read More »

I remember my college graduation like it was yesterday. After a group of my friends threw an open bar graduation party for family and friends the night before, I woke up graduation morning hungover, naked and confused about  my whereabouts. I rolled over to find myself lying next to the first college friend I made at orientation.

“Fitting,” I thought to myself. Then I grabbed my clothes (all but one shoe…which I told myself I could live without) and ran out the door. If I didn’t get home soon, I would be late for graduation.

I hailed a cab on the corner of the street and hopped in. On the short ride back to my house, I passed families all dressed up for the great moment that was their son/daughter/grandchild/cousin/brother/sister’s graduation. I looked down at the clothes I wore the night before and the unidentified scars that can only come from a night of heavy drinking on someone else’s tab.

“Fitting,” I thought to myself again. Read More »