Last night’s GG episode was pretty freaking juicy. Within the first 30-seconds, we knew what party (the Senior Snowball) would be the scene of all of the cut-throat drama, and the snowball just kept rolling from there.Here’s the rundown (of the first 5 minutes):

Blair doesn’t know who to bring the Snowball, Serena meets Aaron’s ex-slash-Dan’s-instant-Snowball-date (who wants to bang Dan… go figure), and Vanessa is acting shady… could it be because after stealing Nate’s letter to Jenny, she’s been creeping with Sexkitten Archibald? After that spiel to Jenny about friendship coming first? Oh, snap. You know Gossip Girl is going to spill that news.

In other news, one of Blair’s cliquesters, Penelope, gets a lot of screen time in this ep, as she commissions the out-of-work Jenny to make her dress for the Snowball. Penelope, I know you and Jenny aren’t friends, but you should take the stick out of your a** before asking someone to do you a last minute favor. Just saying. (Editor’s Note: And didn’t Jenny get back at Penelope by designing the ugliest dress of all time? Seriously? That sh*t was nasty.)

After GG publicizes a smooch between V and Nate, Penelope serves as a driving force behind J’s revenge scheme…because, after all, “Vanessa shouldn’t be fishing in ‘her’ pond.” Apparently Penelope didn’t get the message that Nate is over the Rich Clique, after being on Blair’s tight leash since pre-school. Also, she kinda sucks.

Though Jenny and Vanessa deserve credit for their brief catfight, Blair and Chuck steal the show (yet again) when they make a bet and agree to find each other dates to Snowball. If Blair wins, she gets access to Chuck’s limo for a month. If Chuck wins, he gets Blair’s maid. Wasn’t slavery abolished a few hundred years ago? Not in Waldorf world? Okay, just checking.

The Snowball finally arrives, and Blair and Chuck have set each other up with the most Chuck- and Blair-esque kids in school, respectively. How ironic when their pawns end up falling for each other? Vanessa dons a see-through dress to the ball, courtesy of Jenny Humphrey’s bitchy side. And, just as planned, the whole school sees right through it. And the world ends.

Seriously? I don’t think that’s that bad– I mean, for one, it’s not like Vanessa decided to skip the skivvies, and she happens to have a hot bod. How is barely a semi-flash to the school comparable to a Janet Jackson experience? Was there a nipple slip that I missed while spooning the last of my ice cream out of the carton?

So, Vanessa cries, and Nate is disappointed in Jenny. Vanessa and Nate get a couple of heartfelt monologues, fueled by plenty of tears, and sealed with an almost sexy smooch (there was dripping snot/tears, which sorta ruined things for me).

Meanwhile, Chuck asks Blair to dance:

“What’s the point, Chuck? We’re never going to be them.”

“I don’t want to lose what we have.”

“What do we have, Chuck? Tell me.”

“Tonight.”

Now that is the shizz GG is made of. Where were the Chucks of the world when I was in high school?

Also getting their moment of sap, Dan and Serena have a sex talk about moving on from their long-dissolved relationship. Just in case anyone out there actually cares about Dan’s pathetic sex life. Yawn.

Can we get back to Chuck? After Lily confesses to Rufus that she’s going to divorce Bart, Chuck has yet another moment when he tells Lily that she was good for the family, and that he always liked her, no matter how she acted.

Speaking of Bart: just as someone was rumored to die tonight, Lily gets a phone call. Mr. Bass has been in an accident. And we won’t find out what happens for another whole week. But when we do, it’s gonna be even juicier.

Crashing into a parked car in front of dozens of paparazzi, our favorite Baldy simply exclaimed, “I’m a braniac!” See it here.

Apparently, Brit-Brit hasn’t brushed up on standard law lately, because the burnt-out celeb whose crotch has become just as well known as her songs found it the best solution (and perfectly legal) to simply drive away without leaving any contact info.

Thanks to trusty paparazzi, the owner of the car easily discovered the culprit of this hit and run fender bender, and has just filed a police report. Sucks.

In all these celeb situations, (LiLo’s DUI, Brit’s bump, Paris incarcerated…) I always wonder, why don’t they just use a driver?? What else are limos for? And the paps can’t even flash photos of you in there! Is it not the most obvious solution?

At least for Brit I somewhat understand, since a stretch limo probably wouldn’t fit through the Popeyes drive-thru. What will she do next?

Anyway…we know all this is true about the right pair of stilettos, but your poor little piggies will certainly beg to differ, and it’s likely that by your second drink your feet will be screaming get-these-off-NOW. As someone whose big toe has been dubbed ‘the astronaut’, (It’s abnormally large, and my wide toenail has been said to strangely resemble a NASA astronaut’s space mask…once again, shouldn’t admit that.) Needless to say I am strongly against my feet being crammed up into the pointy corner of a leopard print stiletto, especially if my agenda for the night entails urgently important events… like stumbling down frat row.

Ah, but fear no more high-heel loving ladies, the fashion goddesses have answered our prayers. I introduce to you, the convertible stiletto.

‘From stilettos to flats with a simple flick of the heel,’ boasts the UK insurance company who created the Sheila driving heel. It’s a well known fact that driving in high heels can be potentially dangerous. Actually, a whopping one in ten female motorists admit that they’ve had a car accident or ‘near miss’ because their heels have slipped off or gotten stuck under a pedal while driving. That’s ten percent of female drivers! Think of how upsetting it is to break a heel off because you bought a pair of cheap stilettos… now think of how devastating it would be to crash your Mercedes because of ‘em. (As for the Mercedes…it was a hypothetical situation, a girl can dream.)

These surprisingly cute shoes have a fun pink heel that can be folded inward and under the sole, so your sexy clubbing shoes can become makeshift work or shopping flats! It’s what every girl wants, a shoe that can work hard and play harder… now if only someone could create a convertible boyfriend. One that makes you feel sexy, comfortable, and doesn’t crash your car…all at the same time.