St. Patrick’s Day is a college student’s dream come true.  Well, I feel like any excuse to drink green beer and wear a “Kiss Me I’m Irish” pin is a dream come true.  I’m not Irish at all, and can respect St. Patrick’s Day and all it has to offer.  Especially since last year, I managed to sport a neon green wig in public all day long and closed the night out ordering hash browns at Perkins at 3AM.

The only issue I’m having is that St.Patty’s day lands on a Wednesday this year.  You know what that means: time to figure out how to party and go to class.  Ultimately, you can’t let a little thing called “your education/future” ruin your St. Patty’s Day experience, so I’m here to help you get it all. Because if I can do the Irish Jig with a leprechaun on top of a bar (true story) anything is possible, people.

Get Ahead on Thursday’s Reading
If you want to dedicate St. Patrick’s Day entirely to drinking green beer, you are going to want to get ahead on all your work for Thursday. Buckle down and do that reading on Monday or Tuesday, so you don’t have to think about anything come Kegs & Eggs at 6am on Wednesday.

Make Sure You Have Everything You Need
When you have to juggle class and fun, you’ve gotta be prepared, so pack that bag the night before! Things to include: a toothbrush so you can brush off all of the green beer stains on your teeth before class, a change of clothes (just in case you spill beer on your shirt before lecture), breath mints, a bottle of water to sip on during class, eye makeup remover, and mascara. Pack the correct books and notes for each class.  Oh, and make sure pack a list of local taxi numbers.  If I could dub a holiday dedicated to bar hopping, St. Patty’s Day would win the prize.  This way, you can do it safely.

Load Up on the Carbs in the morning
Kegs and eggs? Sounds great (cuz it rhymes), but you are going to need to fill up on a little more if you don’t wanna boot before noon. Load up on the carbohydrates to avoid a crash mid-afternoon, and pack a ton of Kashi bars for an afternoon protein/carb boost. (This is perfect if you’ve got a 2pm lecture you need to attend – use the time to refuel!) Oh, and if you can, drink some water in between alcoholic drinks. This will not only slow you down so you make it through till the late night parties, but it will keep you from looking like a hot, sloppy mess in class.

Set cell-phone alarms
Chances are, after the first five beers, the last thing on your mind will be hustling to class on time. And then, five hours into the St. Patty’s experience, you won’t even remember what time class starts.  So before you get the party started, set some alarms (loud ones) on your phone so you know when you gotta put down the car bomb and pick up the books. And if you need backup, find a sober friend now (you may have to look high and low) to keep tabs on you and make sure you get you where you need to be.

Schedule out your day in advance
This way, you can get the most partying time between classes (which is a number one St. Patty’s day concern).  Which bars do you want to go to?  Who can drive? Where are we meeting and when? Where will everyone be after I finish that 3-hour lecture? Figure these things out now so you don’t waste precious party time tracking people down come Wednesday.

Take a Five-Hour Energy
I’ve heard these things are the bomb.com and if there were ever a reason I’d need a little bottle of energy, juggling a day of drinking with 4 hours of classes is it.

Buy a Green Wig
If I have ever done anything correctly for St. Patty’s Day, it was buying a green wig.  I understand this may have nothing to do with surviving a long day of drinking, but I can guarantee if you are sifting through newly added Facebook pictures during lecture next week and a gem pops up with you sporting that green wig, you will be happy you got one.

Got something awesome everyone needs to know about? Email your “The Know” ideas to Jill@collegecandy.com and I’ll pass them along to everyone right here, right now.

Well, not right now, but soon. Like, every Thursday.

Rachel Paula:
Every now and again a blog comes along that you just. can’t. stop. reading. Before you know it, it’s 4am and you’ve read every entry. TWICE. Your midterm paper sure as hell isn’t going to write itself, but, hey, it was worth it.

That’s how I feel about Rachel Paula. A single girl tackling the big-bad-real-world in the biggest, baddest more real worldest place of all: New York City. But for entries of glitz, glamor and fabulousity, you will need to look elsewhere. While the blogger herself reeks of fabulousity, it’s because she is so candid, funny and, for once, honest about life and love in the big city. You will laugh, you will cry and you will feel like you want to be her BFF.

Brown Rice Pasta
I love carbs. Really, I do. but carbs don’t share that mutual love and adoration with me. So when I tried giving up all flour based products for 3 months last year, I was sad. Like really pathetically sad. Maybe that’s because I thought if I looked at once more piece of brown rice, I would in fact turn into one.

But then, like a beacon of light in the Trader Joe’s aisle, it was a like a food cupid shot my heart and directed me towards my carb-replacement soul mate: Brown Rice Pasta. It looks like pasta, it tastes like pasta but it is made out of brown rice. Read: flour-free AND a complex healthy carb. I did the hora (you know, that weird circle Jewish dance) in the aisle, ran away from the people giving me weird stares,  stocked up and have never looked back. It’s a great pre-run, pre-major study sesh, post bar, quick dinner, great anytime, fix.

If you’re a better person than I (and you probably are), you probably go running and do exercise and whatnot.  When you finish said aerobic activities, you probably feel exhausted, drained, and thirsty.  What should you reach for when you need to rehydrate? BEER!

According to a new (and awesome) study, beer hydrates slightly better than water.  Well…hell yeah!  I’m totally on board with this.  As much as I love water, an ice-cold beer is just much more satisfying when you’re hot and dripping sweat (from all kinds of activities…).  I even think that beer can provide more than merely enhanced hydration.  Here are four other benefits of drinking beer:

Increased Guy Cred – Dudes are constantly saying how much they want a woman who isn’t high maintenance and who will just be cool with chilling out at a BBQ or at the local dive bar with the guys.  Beer will instantly give the illusion that you’re just one of the guys…albeit a really hot one with silky hair and great breasts.

Hunger Control – Beer is fizzy and pretty packed with carbs, so it’s pretty much an awesome meal replacement (not that I condone this in any way).  160 calories as compared to 300-500 calories?  Great success.

Good For Your Health: Studies prove that a beer a day can reduce your risk of stroke, heart and vascular disease. Imagine what a keg stand can do for that body of yours!

Sweet Deliciousness -  Mmm, beer.  Screw the image and the other stuff: beer is just straight up delicious and refreshing.  Cheers, homies.

Question for the Tuffster?! Email her at tuffyluv@collegecandy.com to be featured in her column every Tuesday! Ask anything, get a Tuffisized answer.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m just curious – what are some sex myths that aren’t true? I keep hearing stuff (like that you can you have sex under water with out a condom and you can’t get pregnant) that I don’t know if it’s true.

Thnx!

Curious

Dear Curious,

Thanks for your question–Tuffy luvs this shiz. Sex myths? Hysterical. But also dangerous. Okay, here’s a list of ones that are just that: myths. You can’t get pregnant from having sex under water. Uh, you can so get preggers from sex under water. You can also get STDs. Water don’t wash away sperm. Nice try though. Condoms, pleez.

You can’t get pregnant on your period. EHHH! Try again. You can totally be fertile while you’re menstruating.

Two condoms are better than one. Nope. Actually, using two condoms together make it more likely that they’ll rub against each other and break, leaving you wide open for pregnancy and STDs. Stick with the standard usage: one condom to a romp.

If you love someone, the sex will be great. Oh, life is never that simple. Sex doesn’t always mean love, and love doesn’t always mean good sex. It all needs honest communication and compatibility.

Oysters are an aphrodisiac. Just no.

If he pulls out, I can’t get pregnant. You know that little bit of fluid that comes out when he starts to get excited (but wayyyy before he comes)? That’s sperm, baby. It’s just less of it. It can still knock you up.

Mountain Dew prevents pregnancy by lowering sperm count because it contains the dye Yellow No. 5. Wow, this is an oldie. So, first of all, Yellow No. 5 doesn’t actually lower sperm count. But even if it did, lowering does not equal eliminating. Use condoms and don’t rely on random chemicals from soda to keep you babyless.

If I start taking birth control pills today, I can safely have sex tomorrow. Wrong. It takes a month for that sh*t to kick in. Listen to your doctor and don’t be stupid.

Semen has a low carb count. Nice try, guys. It’s actually mostly fructose and therefore quite high carb, fyi.

Well, there you go. Was it as good for you as it was for me?

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Zero calories!?

This wine sounds like a dream come true, but I just don’t understand how on earth Slender’s claims could be possible. How can there be no carbs? And no calories? (Sugar alcohol is considered a carb and is metabolized the same as a real sugar.) But the makers continue to tout the amazing benefits of Slender: it has no calories (in the sweetener), has a 0 Glycemic index, contains no carbohydrates, has the identical flavor spectrum as Sucrose (sugar), has no aftertaste, does not affect insulin levels, and has zero side effects (because it cannot be metabolized by the human body).

It is basically every college girls’ dream: the ability to drink without all those pesky calories?  And for only $10.99 on their website you can try this god-sent beverage. I wonder if this is how celebs like Lindsey Lohan continue to party and still get (frighteningly) skinnier over time…

Slender wine isn’t total perfection, however. Recent studies have shown that hard liquor, when mixed with diet beverages like Crystal Lite or Sprite Zero, cause the alcohol to be absorbed into the body much quicker than when mixed with drinks that have calories. How is Slender wine any different? Also, Slender is made with Zerose, another new artificial sweetner on the market, which is bound to cause a stir. Is it good? Is it bad? Will it kill us all?

Finally, it is well-documented that “beer bellies” aren’t caused by the calories in alcohol, but rather in the fattening foods we eat when we are drinking. If that is the case, is Slender really going to do us that much good?

What do you think about Slender? Will you try it?

For more info: Visit my blog and get fitness tips throughout the day by following me on Twitter !

I wonder if that looks good under a cotton tshirt?

NYU students have taken over!

Bikini waxes hurt everyone.

Rick Santelli hates Obama’s housing plan.

Celebrities with twins you never knew existed.

Octomom says no to reality show? Yeah right.

Is leopard really back?

The carb lowdown.

Best beer glass ever.

How cute is Kim Kardashian’s dress?

Julia Roberts is dunzo with rom-coms.

Eat healthy all week!

I wonder if that looks good under a cotton tshirt?

NYU students have taken over!

Bikini waxes hurt everyone.

Rick Santelli hates Obama’s housing plan.

Celebrities with twins you never knew existed.

Octomom says no to reality show? Yeah right.

Is leopard really back?

The carb lowdown.

Best beer glass ever.

How cute is Kim Kardashian’s dress?

Julia Roberts is dunzo with rom-coms.

Eat healthy all week!

A recent issue of Shape magazine suggested eating vegetarian once a week, and I was like, “Heyyy I already do that! I rock!” They also featured a mouthwatering recipe for vegetarian paella. That’s not going to happen. So, whether you’re a carnivore or a herbivore, trying to shave some calories from your diet, or too busy to slave over a hot stove, I give you vegetarian meals in five minutes or less. All you need is a microwave.

1. Boca Meatless Chili

You need:

–Boca Meatless Chili, from the freezer section of your grocery store.

–2 slices of whole wheat bread

*Zap the chili for three minutes, stir, and nuke for one more minute.

*While the chili is in the microwave, pop the whole wheat bread in the toaster.

*Cut the whole wheat toast in quarters, top with tasty chili, and enjoy!

The vegetarian chili is spicy enough to satisfy your taste buds, and for you South Beach Dieters out there, it works for phases 2 and 3. Plus, it packs 20 grams of protein for extra energy. One package is only ONE measly gram of fat and 150 calories, so even with the whole wheat toast, you’re looking at 3-5 grams of fat and just over 300 calories for a totally satisfying meal.

2. Garden Burger Buffalo Wrap

You need:

–One Garden Burger brand veggie patty, from the freezer section

–A low-carb tortilla wrap (I recommend a wheat or spinach flavor)

–One slice Kraft 2% milk Colby-Jack cheese

–Frank’s Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce

–Lettuce and tomato

*Throw the Garden Burger in the microwave for 30-35 seconds on each side. I usually top the patty with cheese when there’s about 15 seconds left to cook so it gets all melty and delicious.

*Pour a thin line of Red Hot sauce down the center of your tortilla.

*Slice the Garden Burger and cheese into strips and arrange it evenly on the tortilla so you’ll be able to roll it up.

*Top with lettuce and tomato, wrap it up, and prepare yourself for some fiery goodness.

Personally, I am obsessed with Garden Burgers, but other brands, such as Boca and Morningstar Farms also make pretty good vegetarian burgers. The Garden Burger brand packs only 100 calories and 3.5 grams of fat. The cool Colby-Jack cheese (5 grams fat, 50 calories) pairs well with Frank’s spicy sauce, which won’t add fat or calories to the sandwich. Bonus: spicy foods rev your metabolism!

3. Steamed Vegetable Plate

You need:

–One Dole Vegetables Microwave-Ready Bag, from the produce section

–Kraft 2% milk shredded mozzarella cheese

–Bertolli Vodka Sauce

*Pierce holes in the bag of veggies, and microwave for 3-5 minutes.

*While the veggies are “steaming,” heat the vodka sauce on the stove (Okay, I know I said you only need a microwave. If you don’t have a stove, you can heat the sauce in the micro while the veggies are cooling).

*Mix vegetables and sauce together, and sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top. The hot vegetables will melt the cheese.

Since discovering these handy steam-in-a-microwave packs, I’ve cut a LOT of pasta out of my life, which also happens to cut carbs. The vodka sauce is a bit higher in fat than I usually cook with (10 grams of fat for half a cup), but it’s an indulgence I’m willing to allow. The melted mozz is a great finish. For a lower-fat option, use regular marinara sauce.

There are plenty of meat-free products out there that are tasty, convenient, and healthy, so play around with your cooking, er, microwaving. Boca Chik’N patties also make for a mean sandwich, and if you find yourself a fan of Garden Burgers, you can sub them for meat in just about any recipe– I like to top salads with meatless patties, on occasion.

Plus, get your friends on the vegetarian bandwagon by making Boca Meatless Chili nachos, with Baked! Tostitos and Kraft 2% milk Mexican Cheese blend. Congratulate yourself on cutting calories by drinking an ice cold, calorie-packed margarita!

The best part about this sweet addition to your wardrobe is that the nutrition information is listed as below:

This information is funny to me because, who’s actually worrying about caloric intake when they’re buying a bra made of Smarties? You know, I was going to buy this bra, but now that I see it has 9 grams of carbs, I’m going to look elsewhere for eatable underwear…

You guys have probably noticed that my usual, semi-prompt weekly entry is a little late. Papers on top of thesis proposals on top of research is never fun. Still, despite all that, there’s a pretty important factor that has lead to my lack of writing;

I am f*cking exhausted.

Now, I’ve been able to handle six or seven hour nights before. I was great at it last semester, and the semester before that, and the semester before that…well, you get the point. Thing is, since I’ve started adjusting my diet, I have just been utterly exhausted. There’s also the fact that my patience for dieting is wearing thin, and I’ve admittedly been cheating, like with that handful of jelly beans I had just an hour or so ago. My weight isn’t going down, and I’m getting kind of upset about that. So I’ve been trying to distract myself.

The gym on campus was nowhere near as bad as I thought it was. I didn’t go alone this time; I dragged along one of my buddies and we hung out there for a good hour or something like that. No bike this time; I was on the treadmill for 25 minutes and the elliptical for 25 minutes. The treadmill was a nice warm-up for the elliptical, and while I was on it I realized something amazing.

There I was on this thing, the only fat girl in the whole gym, panting and sweating like a pig. The machine was telling me to slow my pace down to lower my heart rate, which was about to hit 200. And amazingly, I felt good. MCR pumping in my ears (note: The Black Parade is ALSO a great workout album), I had a blast matching my pace with the beat of the music, and I was actually kind of disappointed (don’t get me wrong; my hips weren’t really happy) when my time was up. I was actually enjoying exercising. I still don’t get how or when it happened.

Still, that energy everyone has said is supposed to be kicking in…isn’t. When I come back from the gym, I’m exhausted and I sleep like a baby, usually on my textbooks instead of in my bed. I don’t think it’s because I’ve reduced my carbs, because I eat pasta and/or bread just about every day. I’m still trying to figure out when my body is going to settle into this new lifestyle that it is NOT eagerly embracing. Until then, though, I’ve found a couple of good quick fixes.

I’ve found that when I snack every three hours or so instead of actually eating two or three big meals, I have a lot more energy. It doesn’t have to be anything big; a bowl of cereal in the morning, an apple early afternoon, a salad for lunch, a granola bar before dinner, some roasted chicken and rice with a little steamed veggies for dinner, and some baby carrots for late-night snacking. It works, believe it or not, but you have to ration juuuust the right size.

Don’t, DON’T eat until you’re full. That’s something I’m absolutely 100% guilty of. Chew slowly, and take breaks between spoon/fork fulls. I find it helps to eat food with friends, because you’re talking instead of wolfing down that granola.

Of course, this is ideal. It worked for me once, but the rest of the time I just didn’t have the TIME. Recently, though, the 7/11-ish sort of thing on my campus has started stocking three of the most amazing products. Eating or drinking one of these works wonders, and I don’t feel quite too guilty.

Odwalla : The drinks and granola bars these guys make are amazing. The drinks aren’t quite as filling as the granola bars, but they do give me the energy I need post-haste.

Caribou Iced Coffees: Everyone likes Caribou Coffee, and they have a great replacement to the super-expensive, super-not-healthy Starbucks bottles. These 12 oz aluminum drinks come in Espresso, Regular, and Vanilla, and average just around 120 a can. And best, it tastes like REAL coffee.

Rockstar Roasted (Light Vanilla): Okay, this stuff is just amazing. At 100 calories a can (yes, a CAN), without the over-sweetened or bitter taste of other coffee drinks, you really can’t lose.

Of course, I know I need to change my lifestyle a little more; I need more sleep, most importantly. But I really can’t do that right now, and just getting in seven hours a night is impressive.

For now, my convenient pick-me-ups as well as strategic snacking seems to be working pretty well…though I’m not sure how well the 6-mini-meals-a-day would work if I did it for, well, more than a day. Maybe I should test this out, huh?

Current Weight: 227 (AUGH)

Current Size: XXL, or 20/22.