Dear Dude,

With summer quickly approaching I started to think about what has happened in my love life over the past year and realized something major… I keep hooking up with my guy friends. I’ve always been the “single” girl in my group of friends and have no issues with that. Also, I’ve always been a “guy’s girl,” I just get along better with boys. But last summer (after graduating high school) I ended up hooking up (ranging anywhere from just making out to the full monty) with seven guys. SEVEN. Some of these boys I have known since elementary school! I though that this pattern would end after the summer, but it didn’t. I have seen them on breaks and even visited some of them at their own schools, and every single time, even if I am not planning on it, we end up fooling around!

What I want to know is why. Why did they suddenly start wanting to make out with me instead of just hanging out? Is it because they trust me?

I’m so confused about this and need to know why. I love my boys, I really do, but I really am looking for a man who is willing to commit to me. I don’t really want a romantic relationship with any of them, I want to find someone new, outside of our group of friends who I connect with. But how can I do that while they still want to be my friend with benefits?

Help!
– Can We Just Be Friends? Read More »

Hi Dude -

I’m 21 years old and a junior in college.  I’ve had a few boyfriends, but none lasting any more than 9 months, so I’ve spent quite a bit of time being single in the last 3-4 years.  On the flip side, I’ve never just casually dated someone, it’s always turned into a relationship.

Recently, I had a date with a really great guy that I met through the organization that we both volunteer for.  We hit it off right away, had great conversation for the 4 hours we were volunteering together, and he asked if I was interested in hanging out with him the next day.  We went to a local concert, had a lot fun, had a few drinks, had great conversation (again), he took me home, walked me to my door and we had a long, passionate kiss.  Before he left, I told him that I understood how busy his schedule was (he’s graduating in May, on top of having a job and an internship), but I would love to see him again.  He agreed, saying we would “definitely” do it again.  I texted him the next day, thanking him for everything and wishing him a great day.

Fast forward two weeks, and there has been no contact.  At all.  I felt hurt and a little upset.  I ended up sending him a casual, “Hey (name), hope you had a great week, just wanted to say hi.”  He said his weeks had been stressful, asked how I had been doing, and sent nothing back after my response.  Like I said before, I understand he is busy with the semester wrapping up, but I have never not been followed up for a second date.  This wouldn’t be such a big deal if I didn’t think I would ever see him again, but before going on this date with him I secured a summer internship at the organization – meaning I will be seeing more of him over the next 4 months.  He knows I’m interested in seeing him again, so I’m considering just waiting until summertime to let things progress, if he chooses to let it.  But I am also preparing myself for the possible, “I’m just not feeling this thing” talk.

My question is, because I’m new to this whole casual-dating thing, how can I learn to not become so attached to someone after just one date?  I’ve never known anything different, so when rejection strikes, I take it somewhat personally.  How can I be better at handling this?

–Falling Fast Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (Why's my BF being so cheap?) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dearest Dude,

I am not a girlfriend type of girl. Or at least, I wasn’t until now… I think. In college, the closest I came to a relationship was an 8-month hook up, who I’m pretty sure considered me his girlfriend, but I certainly did not consider him my boyfriend. I preferred hook ups and always made fun of the girls who obsessed over one guy and were clingy and freaked out over interpreting a simple text. Commitment and admitting my feelings terrified me.

But for the past 2., maybe 3, months I’ve been hanging out with one guy. We don’t have a title, but we’ve gone out to nice dinners and all that stuff, and the PDA doesn’t even bother me like it has in the past. He calls me when he says he will and he calls randomly just to talk. His friends even invite me to hang out when he’s not around, and we’ve already become “we” people (as in “No, we can’t make it,” “We’re going to the bar, wanna come with us?”). We’ve had a couple problems, but no actual arguments.

I’ll admit it — he’s turned me into a total chick. He’s all I think about and I constantly want to be around him and talk about him to my friends. But there are 2 red flags for me: 1. we’ve spent the night together a couple times and fooled around, but he didn’t even try to have sex. The first time I didn’t mind, because I didn’t wanna rush into that yet, but it’s happened several times now. And 2. he will sometimes disappear on me for days. He won’t call me for almost a week and right as I start to think we might be done, he comes through again. Am I just finally entering the world of paranoid girlfriend or should I be concerned? I know he likes his space, but I feel like I should say something. I guess what I’m really trying to ask is, is he just not that into me, or am I just being insecure?
– Confused and Concerned Read More »

How cute is this guy?

Question for La Tuff?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and, you know, she might answer you and shoop.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have been seeing this guy at school on-and-off since the beginning of the school year. He’s a freshman, I’m a sophomore. At the beginning, we hit it off great for about three weeks, and then he felt that he needed to keep his options open as a freshman–which I understood and let it go. He came back around Thanksgiving time and told me he wanted to start seeing me again, and I agreed. Things went great for a while, he called/texted me often over our month-long winter break, and I thought he seemed pretty into me. So, naturally, when we got back for spring semester, we were pretty into each other and he eventually asked me to be his girlfriend. Read More »

Once upon a time, I used to think I was an old-fashioned romantic. Now I know for sure that I’m not. Sure, I’d love to believe in fairytale stories and picturesque idealism – but then again, wouldn’t we all?

For the majority of us, love won’t be rosy and full of references to the likes of Cinderella and Snow White. Conversely, the composite mass of emotional mess we experience is exactly what makes love so addictive.

Alas, it is this aforementioned “composite mass of emotional mess” that I am beginning to tire of. The thought of emulating Sleeping Beauty and spending my days snoring loudly seems to be a very attractive prospect – especially to be rewarded with love’s true kiss (and more importantly, a good-looking man) for doing practically nothing. Read More »