I'm ready for ya, boys.

If you want be having sex, or be having more sex (and, come on, who doesn’t!?) the best thing you can do is make sure you’re prepared. Getting yourself ready for sex will put you in a mental mindset compatible with getting some. And feeling sexy will send out the come hither vibes that will make it happen.

Even if you’re having a dry spell, you never know when the opportunity to break it will arise, and you don’t want to be held back by granny panties or hairy legs.

Keep Up Your Grooming. Keep your down-there area groomed enough so that you’d comfortable with someone seeing it, should the situation arise. Nothing will kill the mood (or your self esteem) faster than an unkempt forest.

Keep Up Your Birth Control Routine. Don’t slack on taking your pill just because you haven’t been getting any or you’ll be sorry when you actually do! Not only will it mess with your cycle (spontaneous bleeding = bad), but it won’t be as affective and the last thing you want from a night of nooky is a night-of-nooky-bun-in-the-oven.

Be Tested Regularly. If you’re not having sex, you don’t need to be tested every three months, but make sure you’ve been tested since your last period of sexual activity. Health comes first! Read More »

It’s back-to-school time, and I’ve been spending some time lately thinking about what college means for our sex lives. College is our time to explore anything that interests us to find out what we really like and what type of people we want to become. We explore different majors, career paths, friendships, relationships, and sexualities. College is the first time in our lives most of us can really embrace our sexuality, explore it, and figure out how to truly enjoy it.

I go to a women’s college, so my first year was filled with questions from friends back home asking if I’d become a lesbian. My answer: so what if I had? And why did they care?

Despite the freedom we gain in college from adults, we are still constrained by our peers’ expectations of us, which can make it difficult to remain true to ourselves and create a healthy personal (and sexual) identity.

Here are some tips I hope you girls (and guys) can keep in mind while exploring sex in college. Read More »

"Why is everyone getting some besides me!?"

My roommate has recently entered a relationship with a really hot, sexy Puerto Rican guy. As a result she has been having lots of hot, sexy sex. And as a result of this, I have been hearing every detail about it.

Being open beyond acceptable social norms, this doesn’t bug me. But while we were out recently and had one too many beers (hey, at 2 bucks a pitcher, I’m only being economical at this point), she made a comment that kind of got my wheels turning.

“Gosh. I wish you were having tons of sex too so we could freaking exchange stories already.”

Pause.
What?!

“Hello, my whole ‘thing’ is that I’m okay with being single. Who the eff are you to tell me that I need a man to be happy? Also, I think you should have to pay more rent this month cause you have just severely offended me. Jerk.” I stuck my (angry) face in the pitcher and took a gulp.

She grabbed the pitcher from me, splashing Keystone all over my face, and responded calmly. “I never said I wanted you to get a boyfriend. I said I wanted you to have lots of sex. You don’t need a boyfriend for that.”

Oh. Right. I forgot that little tiny detail. Because while I believe that you can have fun, fulfillment, enjoyment, and close personal relationships without romantic relationships…I have always been on the fence over whether or not you should have sex.

I’ve never thought it was wrong to have sex without being in a relationship. Look, this isn’t the 1950’s anymore; you don’t need someone’s letterman jacket before you crawl into the backseat of his Mustang. And while I’d never consider sleeping with seven anonymous strangers in a night, I will admit there are some (okay, a BILLION) gray areas between anonymity and monogamy. If you know the person is safe, and you know you can handle it emotionally, do you really have to be in a relationship to have sex? (And at any rate, shouldn’t physical and emotional safety be things you check up on even in a relationship?)

But, I’ve just always wondered if casual sex could be as fulfilling. Read More »

My boyfriend and I have wanted to try a threesome for a little while. We both find the idea really hot, but haven’t been able to find any way to make it a reality. We have the same problem I know a lot of couples face; WHO do you ask to have sex with you?

Our first attempt was my good friend Mary. She didn’t want to participate but agreed to watch us go at it, which seemed like a fine compromise. But when we actually started having sex, she was more interested in texting on her cell phone, and we both felt too awkward to really get into it. Attempt number 1: fail.

We tried again last weekend, thinking it would be easier with someone we didn’t know. We left our cell and hotel room numbers for a cute waitress we had, and sat by the phone all night hoping she’d call. She didn’t call, and to make it even worse, we ran into her getting coffee the next morning. Awkward!

So, to help you guys out, I’ve decided to compile a few ideas on where to find someone if, you know, this is your sorta fantasy. Read More »

"This'll teach my boyfriend to call me naggy!"

People have all kinds of reasons for engaging in casual sex. To our generation, casual sex is a college staple, much like after-caf diarrhea and late-night Adderall binges. To youth of the 60s and 70s, casual sex was an act of rebellion and a representation of a new way of life. To the generations before them, casual sex was the devil’s playground and giving away free milk.

I’m not going to debate the morality of casual sex. Everybody has different reasons for “hooking up” and everyone experiences different consequences. There are some reasons for having casual sex, however, that really are just bad news. I know this because I’ve tried most of them… So I decided to put a list together so you guys don’t have to make the same mistakes I have, or some I haven’t. Read More »

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And in the game of Bad Habits, you will always come out a loser. As I laid in a tanning bed, I thought about how this bad habit was going to affect me in the long run. Even though I love the immediate benefits of this vice (golden, sun-kissed skin!), I can’t help but worry about my future as a leather-skinned freak. Is the bronze skin of today worth the skin cancer of tomorrow? Let’s examine the dangerous games we play and weigh whether the consequences are worth the benefits:

Tanning

Why We Do It: I am addicted to the healthy glow I get from taking a 20 minute nap in my favorite tanning bed! I feel more relaxed, have less acne, and generally feel less self-conscious. When I’m feeling confident, I can stand up straighter, smile bigger, and show off my legs without feeling embarrassed. I feel like confidence enhances my life and I don’t want to go through my heyday without it. Read More »

So, I’m the queen of bad decision making. I probably shouldn’t embrace this to the degree that I do, but screw it; I think with my vagina sometimes and I love being spontaneous.

When my ex-boyfriend offered to buy me a plane ticket to go visit him for a few days, I knew exactly what was up. We’d had some sexy online conversations during the recent months (in fact, I even blogged about our sexy confrontations a few times before) and sex, after all, was what had kept us together (in my opinion) when we were dating. I accepted the offer, hopped on the plane and wrote the whole thing off as a vacation in my mind, even if nothing more happened.

But of course more did happen. Of course we had sex multiple times in multiple ways in multiple places. Of course we cuddled and reflected on days of old. Of course things felt the way they felt when we dated.

Yes, I know that everyone thinks this is a bad idea, but after having spent some time and thought on this recent voyage of mine, I believe ex-sex can be done, if you do it right. If you are considering it, don’t write it off just yet; I’ve got some tips for a successful trip down memory lane: Read More »

I am an expert in awkward situations. When I first meet people, more often than not, I leave a horrible first impression. I am similarly awkward in my attempts to be a part of the dating scene.

Just last week, a coworker exclaimed, “Kathryn, you have no game. Your entire approach is off!” Yes, this is true. But somehow, I still get some action, which is why she followed her (rather harsh) declaration with the question, “How do you do it?”

Still, no matter how many times I’ve immediately wished I could retract the bizarre statement that just came out of my mouth, I’ve also been with, or had friends who have been with, equally hopeless guys.

Reviewing my own traumatic events, as well as some of my friends’ bizarre sexual encounters, I’ve compiled a list of some of the worst things to say during sex. Because I’m a woman, they are written from a female perspective, but each of these can be just as cringe-worthy coming from a guy.

1. “Ohhhh, Michael… I mean… Dan?”

Make sure you know the name of the person you’re inviting past the pearly gates. Calling someone by another name will at once crush your partner’s ego and make you look sleazy. Once, I was hooking up with a guy and he proceeded to pour out his feelings for another girl… and try to get my advice on how to go about courting her. That really sucked, and he was pissed when I cut our session short. Read More »

He wants to do me.

He wants to do me not.

He wants to do me…

…Then never call again, do me, then tell all of his friends, do me, then flip out about my guy friends…the list goes on. If only the “He wants to do me” sentence could exist without the predictable post sex behavior, I would be living in a much more sexually satisfying world.

The problem with most guys who I have encountered is this: They really believe that if they have intercourse with a girl, she will flip out and suddenly be in love. Maybe all of the guys I know have simply given themselves too much credit because I’m always recycling the same kind of guy over and over again: Artsy and ARROGANT.

I suppose that, for me, there’s a degree of truth to this. But at the end of the day, I don’t want to be in love with anyone. Being in love is a shamefully painful experience to me, honestly. I’d rather be in the casual sex club…but the older I get..the harder it is to stay a member of that club. Read More »

I’d like to begin this week’s Nip/Tuck thought session with a few quotes:

“I don’t date guys with gray pubes.” (Thank you Eden.)

“Make love to me Christian; take care of me.” (Make up your mind already Julia — men or women?)

Both lady’s comments made me wonder two things: (1) Are older men less capable of having casual sex? (2) Do all women really want to be taken care of/feel safe?

The Eden/Sean thing was inevitable even though I’d always thought he was too good a guy to do an 18 year-old. However, I was surprised to learn that he wanted more than just a physical relationship with Eden. After resisting her for so long, wouldn’t he want it to be more of a “wham, bam, thank ya m’am” kinda situation? Read More »