Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve never wanted a relationship. I mean, I’m 19 years old, why should I? Now, dating, that’s where it’s at. But I keep finding myself in sticky situations. I’ll be seeing a guy and he’ll bring up the “exclusive” conversation when, wait a second, weren’t we diggin’ this whole casual thing two dates ago? What changed?

I guess my problem is that I’m always the bad guy. I don’t intend to hurt anyone and I make sure I’m communicating that I don’t want a boyfriend right now. I don’t want to mess with their heads and I don’t want them to be unhappy. Maybe I’m toxic. But growing up, my brother was a real player and I refused to be some clingy girl who relied on the opposite sex only to be lied to, cheated on or disrespected, like many of his girlfriends.

Tell me I have a good head on my shoulders, that I have absolutely no obligation to be in a relationship and that I’m “doin’ good, kid.” Or… tell me I’m a bitch, and I should start looking for a house on a hill capable of housing many cats. You know, set me straight.

Thanks,
Casual-Cathy

Dear Casual-Cathy,

Ah, you’ve discovered the secret: guys love it when we play hard to get.

See?! SEE?! It’s true!!! Peeps be saying, ‘Hey you should sleep with him and he’ll want a relationship’; and I be saying, ‘No way, girl – you want him to stick around you play hard to get!”

Well, okay. I don’t say that EXACTLY. But, I mean, the idea is there: Guys hate it when girls are clingy, and they react when girls give them the cold shoulder. HOWEVER! That is because guys, like girls, LIKE PEOPLE, get insecure. Like, super easy. Especially when it comes to dating.

You see, C-C (may I call you C-C?), what happens is it goes like this:

C-C: Yeah, let’s just be casual.

GUY: But–but–don’t the stereotypes go that girls always want to be in a relationship?!

C-C: Mmmmnnnnyeah, I don’t think so. Let’s just date.

GUY: WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!

C-C: Um, I gotta go–

GUY: LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME!!!!!!!

Right. So, like, you don’t want that.

Girl, look. You are absolutely right: You should NOT be dependent on some guy. And you should only get into a relationship when YOU want to, because YOU actually LIKE the guy. And, for the record, you are SO NOT the bad guy. You’re being totally honest with them. And that’s very cool.

However, it does concern Aunt Tuffy that you NEVER want to be in a relationship. I wonder if maybe you’re acting tough and shoop to protect yourself (damn you, older bro!!) and you’re not letting yourself  be juuuuust vulnerable enough to actually get to know someone who might actually make you happy.

So, honey, here’s what I think. You should date, date, date to your heart’s content (ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!!! CONDOMS EVERY TIME, FOR EVERY KIND OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY!!!). But you should leave yourself open. If you find yourself getting really interested in a guy, and then he asks about being exclusive–well, stay open to saying okay.

Exclusivity is not permanent, you know. It’s not like he’s your boyfriend and OMG THAT’S THE END. You can always, you know, break up. So NOT a big deal.

Love is good, m’kay?! So don’t just write every single guy off who likes you just because you’re afraid of getting hurt.

But, I mean, I hear the price of cat food is going down. So that’s cool.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Get more Tough Love right here. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Question?! Answer. Ask TuffyLuv@CollegeCandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I recently graduated from college and moved back home because I got a job offer. Around the time college was ending, I was casually seeing this new guy. We currently live about three hours away from each other and are in very different situations; I have moved back in with my parents and have a serious job, whereas he still lives with roommates and works hard but parties a lot harder.

The status of our relationship is very unclear. At first, I just wanted things to be casual…a sort of “I’ll see ya when I see ya and we’ll do it” type of deal. But now we talk every day and he’ll say things like “I miss you,” which are not very casual activities. Every time I try to pull out of the situation he insists that “I’m his girl” and we should just see where it goes. I know where it’s going….nowhere!! We live too far and I’m afraid that his party boy ways are just too much for me to handle. I’m constantly worrying that he’s going to find another girl and is just keeping me on the back burner.

How do I tell him that he needs to commit or let me go? He says we don’t know each other well enough to commit but doesn’t want to let me go because he insists we’re building a new relationship. Am I just being played for a fool?

— Not So Casual

Dear Not So Casual,

You say: “I know where it’s going….nowhere!!” I love you for this.

Girl, you know exactly what’s going on. I am absolutely sure that you are just writing to me for confirmation. And I’m gonna give it to you:

Boy doesn’t know what he wants. Well, he does. But he won’t admit it.

What he wants is to have a comfortable but not serious relationship with you, all the while having the freedom of hooking up with whoever he wants. He really does like you, but he’s not sure if he loves you, and he wants to keep you around in case he decides, after sowing his wild oats and shoop, that he does. This is not an unusual guy thing. I mean, it’s basically The Male Dream. And, hey, it’s totally fine if that’s what you want too.

But it’s clearly not what you want. You guys are branching off into different paths. You’re starting your career, and you’re ready to start your adult life. He wants…to still be in college. I don’t think telling him you want him to commit or get off the pot is going to work out. He’s just gonna keep telling you what he’s already told you.

And that’s because, well, he’s actually being quite honest with you. He IS building a new relationship with you–just not the kind you want. He DOES like you a whole lot–just not enough to give up his partying.

My advice to you is to tell this guy you like him but you’re not interested in a long-distance casual relationship. (And I’m with you, girl–what the floop is the point of the agony of an LDR if it’s not even likely to work out?! Not fun AND not sustainable–and therefore, not cool.)

He’ll probably be really bummed out and try to keep convincing you to “just see where it goes.” But, like you said: “I know where it’s going….nowhere!!” (SERIOUSLY. I love this. Totally why I chose this question. It should be SOOOOO many people’s mantra.)

Military inspiration is everywhere this season. I mean, anyone who reads this website can see that. From t-shirts to jackets, bags to boots, everyone’s getting in on the camo fun. So, of course that means cargo pants are back. The good news is that unlike their original counterpart, cargs (as I like to call them – yeah, we’re tight) aren’t big and baggy and look like you could actually carry cargo in them. This time, they are not at all focused on the function but solely on the fashion. The cuts are a lot skinnier, making them super cute with booties and pumps, and perfect for pairing with some feminine flair (think a silky or sequined tank).

And for all that I say thank you, fashion designer gods. The less bagginess going on in the leg area, the better.

Cargo Cute:
This look is great because it’s channeling the military style while still being totally feminine.. Plus, you can throw a chunky sweater over it and swap some boots for the booties and rock this look to class. I love the owl necklace and this color olive is perfection!

Pants, Top, Shoes, Necklace.

Cargo Professional
I am in LOVE with this white blouse. It’s part standard white blouse and part fabulously fresh. It looks incredibly cute and classy tucked in and you can rock this look to something more professional, but also to dinner, out at night — anything goes!

Pants, Blouse, Pumps, Bangles.

Cargo Casual:
Now this, my friends, is how you do casual right. I love these pants to lounge in- they look uber comfy but they’re still totally on-trend. And I love pairing them with a simple black longsleeve that – surprise! -  has some added bling. Sequins just make life better – even if you’re rocking them at a 10am lecture.

Pants, Top, Shoes, Bag.

[Welcome to Celebrity Chic on the Cheap in which our style guru takes a celebrity look and breaks it down for you, our poor college fashionista. What does that mean? It means that while the celebrities are spending $5,000 on an ensemble, you don’t have to. All you have to do is click on the goods and - boom - you can buy the entire ensemble. Yes, we know - there is a spot for her in heaven.]

I’m an unabashed Xtina lover. She snagged me with “Reflections” (yes, I took it all the way back to Mulan), and I’ve stuck with her through her various musical and aesthetic reinventions, from the dirty to the vintage to the futuristic.

What I’ve always admired about Christina, besides her stellar voice and her ability to redefine catty and alienate her peers is her personal style. She is not one of those celebs we’re likely to catch bumming around in slouchy sweats and stained shirts (I still love you, Britney!). Even when she’s strolling around L.A., she’ll elevate a casual tank top + leggings look with interesting accessories and sky-high heels.

T-shirt, Jeggings, Sunglasses, Hat, Heels

What I love most about this look is that its perfectly casual for your daily activities, but – thanks to the funky fedora and oversize sunglasses – still totally chic. (Plus, the fedora provides ample coverage for that “I woke up late and didn’t have time to wash my greasy hair” issue we often encounter.) The outfit is perfectly balanced with the loose-fitting tee over a pair of ultra-skinny jeans, and the fire red heels add an extra touch of rock star. Of course, if sporting heels to 6 hours of class isn’t your idea of fun, you can replace the heels with a more comfortable patent leather flat and still maintain a look that is fresh, fun and the antithesis of college sloppy. The best part of this look? Layering on a loose cardigan for those frigid campus buildings only makes it better.

But where July 4th does get my panties in a knot is when it starts bleeding over into fashion. The amount of horrendous American flag pants, t-shirts, scrunchies (yes, scrunchies) and even themed nail art that has passed me by on the street is ridiculous. And although red, white and blue really isn’t a color palate I dress in often, seeing all of these proud Americans struggling to express their love for America in an outfit that is just plain wrong, is just plain wrong. So this year I vowed that I could find something just as appropriate for the day (and the entire season) without sacrificing my dignity or style.

The winner? The Madison Marcus Infinite Striped Jacket. It was included in a July 4th inspired slideshow on Shopbop but when I saw it all concept of a holiday celebration outfit flew out the door. Instead I had flashes of all the places I would walk into looking incredibly chic in my white cotton blazer with the criss-crossed navy stripes.

The jacket is so smart that it’s almost unbelievable. It’s channeling the nautical theme which gives it a crisp, preppy feel, but the detailing is so modern that other nautical inspired wear comes nowhere close to being as wearably chic. The combination of the laid-back rolled cuffs and the sophisticated tuxedo color give the jacket this uniquely casual “oh this thing? I just threw it on” vibe, while the one-sided pocket and asymmetrical stripes and buttons make a huge fashion statement.

At this point, I have forgotten July 4th (sorry USA!) which is the whole reason I went in search of the piece in the first place. Instead I can see myself rocking this all summer, with a crisp white tank and a pair of jean shorts for weekends or casual dinners with friends, and paired with a white pencil skirt and a navy tank for a clean, streamlined work look.

And the jacket doesn’t even have to stay at home when I go out. I can slip it on over a beach cover-up and wear it with a messy bun and flip flops for dinner by the shore and by channeling the tuxedo details and pairing it with a pair of slim-cut black jeans and strappy heels I will be the best dressed girl in any bar or restaurant – simply by slipping on this one jacket.

Gotta love it.

Who or what inspires your style? Many of us use T.V characters (like Joan Holloway) or celebrities (like Courtney Love) as style inspiration, even though, most of the time, they are being dressed from head to toe by the best stylists. Which we don’t have. And sometimes it’s damn near impossible to work their Hollywood looks into our not-so-Hollywood lives. I’ve made it my mission to tap into the mind of a fashion stylist and show you how to take your style inspiration – whatever it may be – and make it more you!

The Royal Tenenbaums is one of Wes Anderson’s many dysfunctional-family masterpieces he is infamous for. Besides portraying one of the strangest and most awkward families known to humanity, the main characters in The Royal Tenenbaums each have an extremely specific style, much like cartoons, that they hardly ever drift from.

Exhibit A:  Margot Tenenbaum.

The adopted daughter of Royal Tenenbaum is a prodigy playwright at the tender age of 14… which happens to be two years AFTER she starts smoking cigarettes. She’s one messed up lady, but still, somehow, inspiring to me in more ways than one.

It wasn’t until meeting Margot that I wanted wear a slip-dress and sit on the edge of a tub, smoke a cigarette and paint my nails (but that can wait because I’m definitely not about to attempt in a dorm shower).  It wasn’t until Margot that I wanted to wear a striped shirt-dress with a fur-coat and Hermes bag.  It seems like a weird combo, yes, but Margot Tenenbaum’s style is the perfect combination of casual and luxury, innocence and glamour.  She combines pieces that no average person would ever put together to create her signature style and doesn’t give a sh*t what other people think.

And while I don’t want Margot’s family or lifestyle, I definitely love her look.

Product Info- Faux-fur jacket – Karmaloop, $156; Eyeliner – Rimmel, $3.49; Satchel – Karmaloop, $35.00; Shoes – Aldo, $54.98; Dress - Forever 21, $11.50

What I love most about Margot’s look is that it’s unique and totally stands out. What I hate about it is that it’s impossible to mimic without resembling a Halloween costume. So I went ahead and took a more real-world spin to make her style my own. I replaced the Polo dress with  a cute (…and short… and tight) striped dress and paired it with a leopard (faux) fur coat. It’s sexy, fun and unexpected. I mean, really, how many girls would wear a leopard jacket? But why not? It’s probably the most fun and chic way to stay warm. Plus, it sets you apart from everyone else in their black-top-dark-jeans-black-heels uniforms.

Adding a hot pair of pumps (instead of Margot’s loafers – who do you think I am? Definitely not someone who would recommend loafers.) will elongate those legs and go splendidly with the dress when you ditch the coat. Now add Margot’s signature structured bag (the juxtaposition of the fun leopard and the refined bag makes the look even more interesting), smudge on a little eyeliner and, if you really wanna channel Margot, start making out with every guy you meet (but I’m sure that’s what most of our college weekends consist of under certain drunken circumstances anyways).

Is this chic enough for the cereal aisle?

Okay, I’ll admit it: I spend a decent chunk of my time gawking at the heinous outfits documented on Go Fug Yourself, a site where two hilarious writers analyze the wacky get-ups worn by the rich and supposedly stylish. There’s something so satisfying about seeing how even gorgeous celebrities, who are endowed with personal stylists, makeup artists, and assistants upon assistants, can somehow leave their mansions thinking that things like this (or this! And don’t forget this!) actually look good.

But even though the Fug Girls can get a little vicious from time to time—any celeb wearing leggings instead of pants better be prepared to get seriously ripped apart by these ladies—I really admire the fact that their site generally only critiques the crazy things stars wear to high-profile events, like movie premieres and awards shows. Even these bitchy bloggers try to stay away from criticizing boldface names for throwing on ratty jeans and sweatshirts while they’re walking their dogs, or pumping gas, or doing any of the other menial chores that gossip rags love to say make stars seem Just Like Us. That’s because everyone knows that sometimes, it’s nice to forget fashion and wear whatever’s comfortable—especially if you’re just out running errands.

Well, everyone but Suze Yalof Schwartz of Glamour Magazine. In January, Schwartz took a trip to a Whole Foods store in search of women whose choice of garb left something to be desired. Her quest to take unsuspecting shoppers from “eek to chic” was documented for a Glamour Don’ts to Dos segment on the Today Show.

After checking out some produce, the video shows Schwartz ragging on a girl whose skirt is longer than her jacket. (Guess her victim must not have been a big Cake fan.) Then she praises another girl for dressing in “Whole Foods chic,” whatever that means. After saying snarky things about a few more shoppers, she finally zeroes in on Claire, a college student who says, “I don’t have a style. I wear lots of, like, sweatshirts and zip-up hoodies.” Good for you, Claire! I know plenty of college students who dress like this most of the time, and they seem to lead perfectly happy, normal lives despite their style deficiencies.

But to Schwartz, fashion suicide is the worst crime of all. As she explains to Claire, “You don’t want to get caught out looking like that.” They go shopping, and at the end of the segment, Claire debuts her new look.

Yes, she does look pretty cute in her post-makeover outfit—I’m a sucker for stripes. Even so, I have issues with the message of this video. Schwartz disses Claire for looking “more like she was headed to pick vegetables than buy them.” But honestly, why is that such a BFD in the first place? When a girl’s out grocery shopping, she’s probably thinking about whether she should splurge on organic apples or how much Psych reading she has to do that afternoon—not whether her ensemble is sufficiently stylish.

Telling women that they have to be hyper-aware of how they look at all times, even when they’re doing nothing more than running out to buy a quart of milk, reinforces the old stereotype that if you’re female, appearance always has to be your number one priority. What’s next, telling girls that they should spend half an hour on their hair and makeup even when they’re just hanging out at home? Oh wait…

And then there’s the mean-spirited tone of this video, which also irks me. Making fun of the ugly thousand-dollar dresses that public figures wear to gala events is one thing. Bitching that some girl you don’t even know should feel ashamed for wearing legwarmers is quite another. This video is tacitly telling girls that it’s okay to be mean, as long as it’s in the name of Fashion. But what’s the point of judging people because of what they wear, especially at the freaking grocery store? That’s just petty.

I’m sorry, Glamour, but as far as I’m concerned Schwartz’s conduct is a definite Don’t.

I’ll be honest: I always thought Alloy was for the 12-17 age group, but then I started flipping through their merchandise and realized that they have a ton of cute stuff for us more sophisticated ladies. I mean, how could you not love this dress!?

Their regularly priced stuff is already reasonably priced, but they have a huge sale/clearance section that is even better. Another bonus: they have a wide range of sizes from petites up to plus-size so it’s a great option for you skinny minnies and us curvier gals.  Here are a few of my favorite things (besides raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, of course)…

It’s always good to have some casual cold-weather options besides jeans and what could be better than a hot pair of skinny cords? They come in a bunch of great colors and will look perfect tucked into a pair of boots (cozy Uggs, anyone?) with a sweater for class.

And while we’re talking pants, let’s discuss the cuteness that is a pair of wide-legs. They are the perfect dress-up jean. You can tuck anything into these (a loose fitting top, a white tee, a sexy cami) and you’ll look instantly glamorous.

It’s no secret that I’m a total shoe whore and am especially a sucker for shoes that stand out. These heels are super sexy and the tribal-y print will totally make your oufit. Just imagine how hot, hot, hot they’d look with a sexy LBD. Rawr.

I adore the girly ruffles on this shirt-dress and I’m in love with the idea of pairing it with some textured tights and boots for winter.

I heart BF cardis, especially when they’re in a fantastic jewel tone like teal. Wear it with a tee and jeans for class, or wear it open over an LBD for a chilly winter night out.

I know, I know; it’s December 1st… a bathing suit?!?  But hey, you can start planning for spring break (or the hot tub at that ski chalet) or just buy this totally darling bikini as motivation to work off all those holiday treats and cocktails.

This bag is a great everyday tote, but also folds over to become more compact for a night out.  And white?  No problem! Winter white is gorg.

This top is perfect for holiday parties: it’s festive, it will flaunt your cleavage, but the pleating and loose torso will help hide any tummy you may get from a few too many Christmas cookies.

But I also have those weekends when I am so burnt out, running from class to work to the gym, that I rather curl up in my pajamas and hide under the covers all weekend then spend an hour putting together an outfit.

That’s why I couldn’t be more ecstatic that t-shirts are formal this fall. Whoever came up with this idea is a genius and my new favorite person. There are so many options (these tees are literally everywhere, which means you can find them in any price range), but my favorite is the Slub Cotton Crystal Necklace Tee from J Crew. It’s is ultra classy and chic, while still being unbelievably comfortable and wearable at the same time.

Sure, the price tag is a little steep ($49.50 to be exact), but considering the amount of times I’m going to wear this thing (when I finally get my paws on it), it will be totally worth it.

What makes it even better is that with this one addition to my wardrobe I have enough new outfit combos to get me through every weekend in fall. I can pair it with a skirt and a cardigan for a family function, with some skinny jeans and flats for a dinner with the girls, and with some leather boots and a tailored blazer for an instantly put together/ as-comfortable-as-my-PINK-sweats Friday night bar hopping get-up.

And when the colder weather gives way to Spring once again, I can simply peel off my layers of opaque tights and belted cardi’s for a simple shorts and t-shirt deal that will scream glamorous while feeling relaxed.

Working five hours to afford it seems only a minor speed bump in my race to being the chicest girl at every occasion this month…and next.

]]> http://collegecandy.com/2009/09/21/wardrobe-wish-list-jcrews-slub-cotton-crystal-necklace-tee/feed/ 3 Brianna-Fordham University jcrew 1 http://collegecandy.com/2009/08/28/the-budget-stylista-cardigan-hardy/ http://collegecandy.com/2009/08/28/the-budget-stylista-cardigan-hardy/#comments Fri, 28 Aug 2009 18:00:57 +0000 Jill - University of Wisconsin http://collegecandy.com/?p=39324 ]]>

Last week we talked about revamping the essential cardigan from your closet and updating it.

But as the old saying goes: “make new friends but keep the old.” So while I’m not discouraging you from busting out that cardigan from sophomore year of high school, I’m also not your mom yelling, “You do not need and can NOT afford that new sweater, honey!”

Why? Because sometimes when things are so darn cute the line between want and need becomes very, very blurry. And to me, cute, comfy and – let us not forget – cheap cardigans are wardrobe essentials. Reason enough to make a new friend. Anything that makes me look instantly pulled together while hungover for my 9am lecture is a ‘must have a stockpile of these’  in my book, and cardigans do just that.

Trade out that oversized school mascot or sorority sweatshirt and pair a cami with a cardigan and flats and you can get away with wearing “workout” pants as an outfit. Well, as long as that cardi covers your butt, of course. Even with your hair on top of your head you can walk out the door and know you at least look somewhat decent. (Although, I would try getting rid of last night’s under-eye makeup that is now smudged down your cheek…)

Enter our new fall bestie: the cardigan. Here are a bunch of options for you, my budget shopper proteges: