It’s the most wonderful time of the year, when gorgeous models prance around in next to nothing on network television…yes, I’m talking about the Victoria Secret Annual Fashion Show! Instead of getting insecure and feeling badly about myself while watching abnormally beautiful people on CBS this upcoming Tuesday night, I’ve decided to embrace the female parade in a few ways. Read More »

Now that the whole Charlie Sheen “winning” era has slowed down a bit (seriously, where is he? Haven’t heard from him in months), CBS has finally decided to spill a few more details as to Sheen’s 2 and a Half Men replacement: Ashton Kutcher. Aside from now knowing that Mr. Demi Moore will be playing Walden Schmidt (“an internet billionaire with a broken heart“), no further details have been revealed which leaves the fans lots to speculate about.

First off, if he’s an “Internet billionaire” (whatever that means), why would he be moving in with Alan and Jake? Usually billionaires don’t need to have roommates… unless you’re a billionaire like Mark Zuckerberg who has hundreds of billions of dollars but was living in a modest, run-down house up until recently.

Second off, the last we heard from the show before the “bi-winning” days was that Charlie was sneaking away to Paris with some girl with the intention of proposing to her… perhaps Walden is the girl’s ex-boyfriend or something? Unless his “heartbreak” can be somehow tied to the series, I don’t seen how viewers will be able to connect with the new character.

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It’s no secret that Charlie Sheen is one of Hollywood’s bad boys. And by “bad boys” I mean “has a serious drug problem.” He’s been in and out of the news for years for his addiction to drugs and the things (and prostitutes) he does while on them. Charlie clearly needs help… and a lot of it.

So I have to wonder how and why CBS is sitting idly by as story after horrific story surfaces about their golden child.

Okay, so we all know Charlie Sheen isn’t really the best role model and as a grown man, he shouldn’t have to be. It’s not like little 10-year-old girls are looking up to him. But wait, they are! Charlie stars in the number one family show on a family network. A show that families watch together, children and all. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist (or a TV executive) to realize it might be a bit of a problem to have a man who is famous for benders with 5 ‘escorts’ to maintain his starring role.

But CBS isn’t pulling him. In fact, they’ve announced that they will be shooting the show around when Charlie is high on coke and when he isn’t. (Well, not in so many words, but that’s the gist of it.) Way to be flexible, CBS. Read More »

If fantasy football is a good enough reason for guys to disappear for days on end, then I hereby give you permission to set aside the textbooks and turn off your cell phone for what is going to be the greatest (and most stressful) week of TV all year. It seems like every. freaking. show. on TV is premiering this week. Not sure how you’re going to fit it all in??

Brace yourselves, I’m about to outline the next five days’ worth of what to watch, what to TiVo, and what to skip altogether.  Oh, and all new shows are linked to their previews so you can decide for yourself!

Good luck. And thank god for Hulu. Read More »

There are some things you learn in life (and in textbooks) that you never forget.

We went to the moon in 1969.
Plants live by converting sunlight into energy through the process of photosynthesis.
Cows have four stomachs.

All of those things are important to know if you want to pass that middle school test, but when it comes to the real stuff – the life lessons – textbooks don’t hold a candle to TV. Yes, I’m serious.

TV – even the crappiest of the crappy reality shows – has taught me some invaluable lessons about life and the world. Things you can’t get from a 2 hour Intro to Biology lecture or a 4-credit History of English course. Below are a few of the greatest lessons I’ve learned from my nights spent on the couch, chips and salsa in hand. Read More »

Does anyone else feel like they’ve been transported back in time? To 1992, to be precise. A time when Gameboys were cool and gas was only $1.05/gallon. A time when Leno and NBC clawed Letterman out of his deserved Tonight Show spot, against successor Johnny Carson’s wishes? I wasn’t old enough to understand but don’t worry – there’s a whole made-for-TV movie on it, “The Late Shift.”

Even if, at the time, I didn’t know what was going on, I came to develop a passion (shared with me by my grandmother and father) for late night. I’ve seen dozens of episodes of Johnny Carson, while my peers barely know his name, and hundreds upon hundreds of episodes of Letterman. They were beloved figures in my household. As I grew up, I became partial to Conan during high school. I would stay up past my bedtime with my sister, skimming right over Leno to catch me some Conan O’Brien.

As time went on, the natural progression of things began to unfold. Leno’s time was coming to a close and he turned the coveted 11:35 spot over to Conan. However, instead of bowing out gracefully, NBC decided to cut their high-budget dramas at 10:00 and replace it with “The Leno Show.” Um, okay…?

And now, after only giving Conan a few months in this new time slot and after altering the nighttime lineup, they’re making an executive decision to move “The Jay Leno Show” to 11:35 and bump “The Tonight Show” to 12:05.

And this is pissing a lot of people off. Namely, ME.

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I watch a lot of TV, and since I’ve been homebound for a few weeks because of surgery, I have been watching more TV than should be legally allowed in the United States. Most nights, there are previews for NEW FALL SHOWS!! every 3.2 seconds, and having watched my fair share of these previews, I’d like to make a list of a few of these new dramatic ventures. A list in which I try to determine what the show is about, and how long it will go without being cancelled, from only the actors and title.

* Bad Mother’s Handbook – ABC – (premires: Midseason) With a cast that includes Megan Mullally, Alicia Silverstone, and Arrested Development‘s Alia Shawkat, there is the potential for this comedy to either turn out okay or really, really suck. Mullally has Will and Grace, but she also has that horrible talk show that failed harder than Jessica Simpson’s country album. Silverstone has Clueless and she loves animals, but she’s also made a boatload of horrible movies. Based on the title, I’d say we have a situation comedy where Mullally predictably plays a hard drinking, irresponsible mother, and Silverstone plays her lovable and cheerful daughter. Hijinks ensue. Hijinks that will probably go on for about 5 episodes before getting the ax.

Gary Unmarried – CBS – (premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 24, 8:30 pm/ET) Jay Mohr and Paula Marshall (??) no doubt play either a husband and wife, a divorced-yet-still-talking husband and wife, or a shticky guy who can’t find a mate and his ever reliant best female friend. Jay Mohr tends to be funny 20% of the time. I have no idea who Paula Marshall is. And I’m so freaking tired of comedies where it’s all about finding a significant other. I predict maximum suckage and cancellation after 2 episodes. Read More »

Ryan, if you would just date me, you would have no home to wreck!

Caution, triathlons may kill you

Dunkin’ Donuts gets healthyish...

This list is stupid

Spanx are actually…kind of…not the healthiest body image idea

Americans hate fat people.

Kutcher VS Timberlake: Who’s the biggest douche?

Make fun of yourself. I dig it

The grey area of sexual responsibility

Why does Hollywood insist on remakes?

The cast members on CBS’s Big Brother — OH MY GOD THIS IS SO SCARY!! — survive yesterday’s earthquake

As I’m writing this, Ali Gilmore has been missing for 799 days, 15 hours, and 43 minutes according to the website dedicated to finding the missing pregnant woman.

Her disappearance was one of the bigger news stories in Tallahassee, FL for a couple of months, with fairly consistent news reports about the continuing search for her whereabouts and billboards all around town with phone numbers to call with any pertinent information about her disappearance. The case even got some national exposure, appearing on Dateline, MSNBC, the Montel Williams Show, and Nancy Grace among others. The reward was and still is $30,000, but absolutely nothing has been found in the two years that she has been missing.

With all of the coverage surrounding the so-called “Marine Murders” and even the story of Laci Peterson’s murder a couple of years ago, reports of missing or murdered pregnant women have been surfacing more and more and the news exposure has been increasing exponentially. But, as a recent story by CBS news reports, the stories getting the widest exposure aren’t indicative of the real statistics of maternal homicide victims. Read More »

The 2008 Grammy nominees were recently announced.

In case you don’t know, winning a Grammy is sort of similar to winning the superlative for “like the most coolest, most awesome, most fabulous person EVER!!!” in your 12th grade yearbook.

The Grammy Award is one of, if not the most prestigious award to win in music. Unlike the American Music Awards or MTV’s Video Music Awards, feathered boas and pasties aren’t exactly appropriate attire. Artists don their Lorraine Schwartz jewels and their vintage haute-couture gowns and put their classiest act forward.

So naturally, when I read that Amy Winehouse is up for six Grammy noms (including both record and album of the year), one must wonder how a girl who is too drugged out to function will manage to:

a) Dress appropriately

b) Give a speech in the event that she wins

c) Actually show up (and not be totally obliterated)

The Grammy’s just got so much more exciting don’t you think??

Kanye is leading the pack with 8 nominations, and others up for awards include Justin Timberlake (What Goes Around Comes Around), Beyonce (Irreplaceable), Rhianna (Umbrella-ella… that song is STILL in my head) and Plain White T’s (Hey There Delilah… and that song STILL annoys me). Read More »