Whenever we need to make a difficult decision, we make a list. You know, like when we were choosing a school, when we were choosing a date to the first sorority date party, or when we weren’t sure which we loved more: our Prada backpack or our Skechers.

So when are constantly faced with the awful decision of which hot mess of a celebrity is more hot messy, we make a list. Yes, this is a decision we feel the need to make on a weekly basis; we have a lot of time on our hands.

Moving on.

This week’s showdown is between two of our favorite celebs to watch (as they completely meltdown into a pile of crazy mush): Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears. Who is more of a train wreck? God, that’s a tough call, so let’s break it down.

Rehab
Amy Winehouse: Amy said she wouldn’t go to rehab, no no no. Yet, after spending quite a few nights on everything from heroin to horse tranquilizers, the troubled singer ended up there. More than once.

Britney Spears: I lost track of how many times Britney headed to rehab. There was the time she checked into Eric Clapton’s Crossroads Centre, and then that time when she was at Promises when she checked in and then back out and then in again. Lets just say Brit Brit knows her way around addiction counseling.

Point: Britney Spears. It’s all in the numbers. Amy may have sang about it, but Britney visited rehab centers more often than I the bathroom during a night of flip cup. And you know that’s often.

Breakdown
Amy Winehouse: Where do we even begin with this one? Amy is no stranger to breakdowns. She has been known to beat up fans, forget her own lyrics on stage, get in bloody fights with her husband, get caught on tape smoking mysterious substances and walk around in a bra exposing her rail thin body.

Britney Spears: Once again we have another long drawn out train wreck. There was that time she attacked the paparazzi with her umbrella, then dated the paparrazzi, tried on a British accent, shaved her head, put on thirty pounds and lost her children in a custody battle all within the span of about a year.

Point: Tie. A breakdown is a breakdown. No winner here. Except the gossip mags.

Hair
Amy Winehouse’s hair is the stuff legends are made of. (It’s also the stuff that animals get caught in.) An entire Halloween section is devoted to that beehive alone. Just think of all the things she can store in there (crack pipes, flasks, lunch…)

Britney Spears shaved her own head. Who knows it if was because of the drug testing or the “make over”  but either way, Britney went bald. And then covered up her bad judgment call with a number of cheap colorful wigs.

Point: Amy Winehouse. Even though both ladies had some pretty daring dos,  Amy is still rocking that signature look While Brit is back to boring blonde.

Inner Circle
Amy Winehouse’s parents were tight with paparazzi throughout her downward spiral. Although they were making it public that they were worried about their daughter, they were still doing so in a public forum. And then there’s Amy’s beloved husband Blake, who personally escorted her to her professional demise and is now sitting behind bars trading pics of his lady for lines of coke.

Britney Spears. Where do you start with this one? Her mom is the ultimate stage mom, her dad has been managing her every move since she was 12, and her sister had a baby at 12. (Ok, 16.) And if all that isn’t dramatic enough, Britney is also connected to a series of shady characters like Adnan Ghalib who may or may not have been working with the paparazzi to profit off of Brit-Brits downward spiral, and Sam Lutfi who may have contributed to it.

Point: Britney Spears. Although both ladies have some serious enablers in their lives, Amy drugged herself. Again and again and again. And again. Britney had no idea what people were putting in her applesauce.

Kids
Amy Winehouse has yet to reproduce. Thank. God.

Britney Spears is the mother to 2 mistakes kids, Jayden James and Sean Preston. Who she has almost killed on multiple occasions.

Point: Britney Spears… At least until Amy has her own children to screw up.

Celebretard Prize: Britney Spears
Yayyyy, Britney! This truly is the year of your comeback!

It’s a comforting constant in my life, much like passing a Starbucks on every corner or finding an episode of Sex and the City on at any time of night. I’ve come to expect it, even enjoy the high pitched squeals, sickeningly sweet smell of body spray, and live rendition of “See You Again.” But after catching a clip of Sean Hannity praising Kim Kardashian for her role model status in young girls’ lives, I started thinking about the idea of celebrities as role models.

I was left with a lot of questions, the most obvious being: does the fact that Kim Kardashian isn’t a hot drunken mess like the rest of young Hollywood really make her a role model? I mean, has Sean Hannity seen the sex tape that made her famous? And what does she do exactly that young girls should look up to? Her reality show? Her curvy body?

It took me a few moments (and a couple shots of whiskey) to get past the idea of  Sean Hannity doing “research” in front of his laptop in a dark room at midnight, and once I did I still had no idea what to think. The whole celebrity-as-role-model thing has me totally torn up.

On the one hand, my biggest fear may soon be realized: a generation of Mini Mileys all grown up. Slim girls in blond wigs walking around chomping on gum and talking with a Southern twang. It’s an image that haunts my dreams.

But I know how irrational that is; I mean, I grew up along with Britney and I’ve yet to shave my head or pump out two babies, so who’s to say girls aren’t smarter than we give them credit for? Maybe people aren’t looking to celebrities to learn how to behave, but actually learn how not to behave. Maybe watching Lindsay Lohan wither away to nothing isn’t inspiring kids to diet, but rather showing the world of impressionable kids that it’s not cute to skip a meal…every day….for a month.

And isn’t it a parent’s job to sort out the good stuff from the bad? To explain to their kids that it’s OK to be an innocent and well-mannered teenager (a la Taylor Swift) and totally not OK to get drunk and show off your panties (a la everyone else in Hollywood)? But at the same time, if we leave the parenting to the actual parents, does that leave celebrities off the hook? Again, I’m perplexed. I can’t even sort out my own thoughts!

What I do know is that no one in the spotlight signed up to mold the minds of an entire demographic, yet it’s something that comes with the job (kind of like celebrity stalkers, papparrazzi, and free gift bags, except, you know, more heart-warming). Everyone has the right to make their own mistakes, and it’s only celebrities who are forced to do so on the cover of Us Weekly. I can see how that could be a lot of pressure – lord knows I wouldn’t want some of my not-so-finest moments caught on camera and smeared all over the media. But at the same time, is it really that hard to remember how to put on a pair of underwear?

Come on, celebrities, you can’t control everything but you can control some things, and I’m pretty sure undies fall into the latter category.

I know it’s unfair to ask people to change who they are simply because young people are impressionable, but young people are impressionable. They haven’t learned their own god awful, embarrassing, I-will-never-do-that-ever-again, lessons and I don’t think they should have to just yet.

As you can see I’m still a bit torn. I’m not even sure where I stand on the topic.
What about you? Do you think celebs should be more careful as role models?

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are over. Again.

There’s still time to decorate your dorm for Easter.

Save time with these multi-tasking beauty products.

Going away for the holiday? Check out these celeb airport trends.

I’m sick of them, so sick that if I see something about them on E! News or in a magazine I have to turn it off or stop reading. And then punch something and question the heavens above as to why they exist.

That’s not okay with me. So join me in my quest to rid the world of these offending celebs:

5. Tom Cruise- We loved you in Top Gun, Rain Man, and Mission Impossible, but the whole Scientology/keep Katie Holmes captive thing is down right annoying. There are not little aliens inside of you. You also happen to be a hypocrite: you criticized Brooke Shields for using antidepressants to take care of depression, an illness, and yet most recently were quoted saying, “They say, ‘Get your physical, get your medication, get your physical illnesses handled.’” Which is it Tom? Get your medication or don’t? You confuse me. And Valkyrie sucked. Go back to Xenu.

4. Jessica Simpson- Personally, I love your music, but you’ve become a fallen star. We don’t want to see you sticking your tongue down Tony Romo’s throat or licking cake off of his face. We don’t want to see your attempts to get more attention than your sister, who looks fab post-pregnancy, by the way. She’s overshadowed you, Jess, and good for her because she lived in yours for too long. Either get in the studio or stay out of the limelight.

3. Amy Winehouse- I’m sick of seeing emaciated, cracked out pictures of you. You have had a beautiful voice once upon a time, but the only thing we hear from you now is the sound of whiskey being poured down your troat. Your skeezy husband is just as crazy as you, and we don’t want to hear about him either. You have a problem. Please go to rehab (yes yes yes) and then make a comeback. Just look at Britney – she did it and now she’s hotter than ever.

2. Madonna- I never liked Madge, but I especially don’t like her this year. She cheated on her husband, who I’ve heard is a very nice man, with A-Rod of all people. Now she’s whoring herself out to a male model named Jesus. Not only am I sick of Madonna, but I’m actually afraid of her, too. Have you seen the veins sticking out of her arms? I think everyone can do without that in 2009.

1. Miley Cyrus- Possibly the most annoying “celebrity” of this day and age. The only reason she’s famous is because Billy Ray got her a TV show on the Disney Channel. She can’t act, and she can’t sing either (it’s a shame her songs are so catchy). And maybe her teeth can use a little work. I’m sick of seeing her face on every backpack and tshirt in the mall, and especially sick of seeing pictures of her pulling up her shirt and showing us her training bra. She’s fifteen. And I’ve already had enough.

Pandas pressured to procreate–would some panda porn help?

Disney perpetuates false expectations one bridal gown at a time

“The Hills” movie–would you really expect anything less?

Did Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo tie the knot?

Hey mom, can I borrow $4,000 to go to Porn Camp this summer?

Celeb birthday bash I least want to attend

On second thought, Maury–I’ll take care of that paternity test, OK?

John Mayer is awesome. Got it?

Paris Hilton: “I’m an inspiration“

I don’t care what you say: Madonna is fierce

• Jamie Lynn Spears is giving up her baby.

• Super-sexy celeb hair makeovers

• Why is Bill Maher not on this list?

• Cameron Diaz and Eva Mendes love to burp and fart

• Let your soul glow with Mr. Rays Hair Weave.

• If you don’t know this band, you should.

• The best worst collection of Olan Mills photos ever

• Nobody’s interested in Ashlee Simpson’s nose

• Say bye bye to John Mayer the blogger

• Dita Von Teese is the new Wonderbra Wondergirl.

• Panic at the Disco is hitting the road.

I know a lot—sometimes too much—about our nations state of cultural affairs. But hey, at least I’m informed about something and it IS my job, right?

There was a day though, particularly all four years of my undergraduate career (save the Thursday Style section of the NYT) that I knew nothing about current events.

Apparently, I’m not alone in this. In a recent study based on 1,800 Americans, only 18% of those from ages 18-30 read a newspaper everyday. The results found that our generation is more of a glance at the news type of group than any other.

And although we spend hours in front of our computers each day, most of the news we do watch is from the television.

Even more importantly though, it isn’t the ways in which we are receiving our news, but the fact that we are getting it at all. It is sad to think that of the many times I spent hours mindlessly surfing the internet, I never once really went to the New York Times homepage or even USA Today, which is slightly fluffy, to find out really what was going on in the world.

These days, despite the fact that many times I feel over informed, I am glad that I have any idea at all what’s happening in our country. Sometimes it’s nice to have a balance between reality and celeb-reality. It’s easy to forget what’s really happening in the real world when Britney wears another awful outfit, Paris tries to be modest and Lindsay’s nudey pics are right around the corner.

It’s time to open our eyes to news – both real and superficial because last time I checked, knowledge of Britney’s custody battle doesn’t help anyone but K-Fed.

Here’s hoping our generation decides to turn the other corner and read some real news for once.

Sure, it’s a given that if you’re a somebody in Hollywood, you’ve probably got a fake…something. Nose, chin, ass, boobs–it’s a virtual grab bag of faux perfection!We can always tell when a celeb gets some work done. Always.

There are entire websites dedicated to outing stars who go under the knife! And, correct me if I’m wrong, but it almost always looks comically obvious, or even worse, botched.

So, why is it that celebrities keep going in see see their Docs to fix, correct, tighten, or sculpt? Answer: They’re crazy. Most of them are plain old nutjobs, if you ask us!

It’s hugely rare to see a celeb go in for their Frankenstein-esque procedures and not come out looking like…well, Frankenstein. But there are a lucky few that just so happened to come out alive! Thank God.

Check out our Plastic Surgery: Good, Bad, and the Ugly photo gallery after the jump![album=35]