Don’t worry about how you’re going to stomach all those hot dogs and hamburgers without a “reversal of fortune;” just prepare your body and mind before you start packing away the pounds and six-packs. I know that I’ll be eating twice my own body weight this weekend in order to get over Kevin Jonas being off the market. Well, at least there are two JoBros left! But we may need a bigger bed if we want a chance with either of them (psh, purity rings don’t stand a chance against a girl on a mission – although open-mindedness is not a bad thing, either).

Speaking of celebs, what a crazy week it’s been for them and their adoring fans! Having to dispel rumors about their own deaths can’t be too fun. Hopefully, the coming week will bring with it some things to smile about (and really smile about) in spite of all the bad news we’ve been hearing. The recession is still laying into universities’ budgets and leaving college grads lost in the job search (or just literally lost); but we’ve heard that if you try sometimes, you can get the advice you need to make it in the world.

However, this week still leaves us with one burning question that we have yet to find the answer to: what’s with hipsters and PBR?

Well, not really. Only McMahon, Fawcett, Jackson, and Mays have passed; the rest of the celebrities are alive and well. Just more proof that you can’t believe everything you read these days.

Since last Friday, the Internet has been abuzz with rumors of numerous celebrity deaths, from the currently famous to the has-beens. None of these rumors are true, and yet, they are spreading like wildfire, with new ones popping up every day. Why has the rumor mill been working overtime lately? What makes people spread such tasteless gossip, especially in the wake of four tragic deaths?

If you look at how pop culture has progressed over the past several years, there is a strong trend toward the desire for attention. Everyone wants their fifteen minutes of fame, and tech-savvy people know that if you break news on the Internet, your name will live in infamy. It’s the perfect recipe for publicity: celebrity death (true or false, it doesn’t matter) + hysteria + the Internet = fame. Write up a blog post about a random celebrity’s death, and you’ve got all the attention you could want, and more. Take TMZ, for example, the site that broke the news of Michael Jackson’s death and that is now, for lack of a better phrase, reaping the benefits of having done so.

There are also plenty of people out there who find this sort of thing utterly hilarious. This is all fairly tame if you consider some of the crazy sh*t you find on the Internet. I admit, it’s hard not to smile when reading the unbelievable and random stories people make up, and the celebrities’ responses to the rumors, especially Jeff Goldblum’s, can be very funny. But getting real gratification from falsifying reports of someone’s death, even that of a public figure such as a celebrity, is just plain sick. The deaths that occurred last week are tragic in many ways; it’s inhuman to exploit tragedy for emotional gain.

But there is a silver lining in the fact that, like all Internet trends, this one will (no pun intended) die out. Eventually, Internet users will grow tired of the joke and move on to preying on some wannabe YouTube star. Until then, however, take everything you read with a grain of salt. Your nerves will be shot by the end of the week if you don’t.

*Apologies for any distress reading this sentence may have caused you. I nearly hyperventilated and cried when I read about the supposed fate of my dear Milo.