Yup, that's what $18,000 worth of Elvis hair looks like.

I’ve sold a few items on eBay, and it’s truly wild what people will buy these days (although no one wanted my used retainer… strange). Recently, a clump of Elvis’s hair sold for $18,000 at an auction in Chicago. I don’t know how I feel about this. Someone just legitimately purchased old hair follicles and dandruff for the price of a small car. This got me thinking:

What other celebrity items would make a killing on the auction block?

You know what would make a good centerpiece at the dinner table? Michael Phelps’ bong. Stick a few flowers in it and call it a vase. I mean, that’s what he was using it for, wasn’t it? Better yet, MP should put some of those luscious speed suits up on Ebay. Who wouldn’t pay a pretty penny to get that up close and personal with his junk?

And what about the prosthetic vampire teeth Robert Pattinson wears in Twilight. I bet some young pre-teen would crack open her piggy bank for that item. Used, of course. Perhaps we should add them to our New Moon gift basket. Talk about a good addition to your Halloween costume. Famous fangs!

And Lord knows Amy Winehouse has a ton of stuff to sell (to pay for her daily dose of horse tranquilizers, of course):

Amy Winehouse’s hair extensions – $50
Crack pipe – $100
I just wonder what she could get for that last shred of dignity. It’s simply priceless.

If you really want to discuss an item of value, let me offer up some authentic Richard Simmons‘ booty shorts for sale. Naturally, any pair worn in an exercise video would demand a higher price than just his daily going-to-the-grocery-store pairs, as they have a higher (ball) sweat-saturation. And Richard Simmons sweat is like the nectar of the gods. Just imagine what kind of motivation would come with the authentic essence of Rich on your lower half.

And don’t think we forgot about you, Paris. How much do you think Paris Hilton‘s house arrest ankle bracelet would sell for on eBay? It would probably be categorized as a celebrity chic fashion accessory, perfect with a pair of Louboutin (knock-off) pumps.

God, knowing how much someone spent on Elvis’s hair, I can only imagine what Balloon-boy‘s family could get for that flying saucer. If my R.A. would let me tie it to the side of my dorm, I’d buy it in a heartbeat and be a part of history!