Instead of trusting the business intuition of people who made it big on their ability to look pretty and stand on cue (really – who needs another celebrity perfume??), we decided to make our own list of celebrity products that are more appropriate to the celebrities themselves:

Angelina Jolie Fertility Drugs – When one (or two, or eight) just isn’t enough…

Amy Winhouse Coke Mirrors – Because no one knows lines like Amy.

Britney Spears Electric Razors – Nothing but the best will do to shave your head.

Michael Jackson Boys Underwear – Choosy mothers choose MJ’s (backless) Boys Underwear.

Tom Cruise Couches – Now with sturdier construction and more durable fabric for those days when you just feel like jumping around!

Zac Efron Hair Extensions – The sexy side-swept look will drive the ladies wild!

Kanye West Earplugs – Because people say a lot of stupid sh*t.

Heidi Montag Relationship Guides – Now you, too, can find the only person on earth who finds you attractive.

Madonna ‘roids - When you need that ripped, sinewy look for a special night out…

Ashlee Simpson Lipsyncing Machines – It’s almost like real singing!

Chris Brown Boxing Gloves – Nothing protects your hands better while you’re punching…stuff.

Lily Allen Double-Sided Tape – For those rare occasions when showing your nips isn’t appropriate.

Paris Hilton Body Condoms: Protecting you from skin to skin contact since 2009.

We can only hope that these products (well, maybe not all of them) see the glorious light of day in a display window someday soon.  We’ll get our checkbooks ready, just in case.