Up until very recently, I was living with a seriously awful roommate. She was your typical passive aggressive person who refused to communicate and would let issues fester and fester until she would explode in a fit of pure crazy. One point of contention was my boyfriend. Roomie and I shared a big house, but boyfriend and I always kept to ourselves in my room. Of course, since boy and I are both pretty vivacious, we had sex regularly. We were pretty considerate, since the acoustics carried. We’d generally try to avoid doing anything when we knew she was home, or we’d blast the TV or our music, but she still couldn’t deal. (Going to the boy’s place wasn’t an option most of the time because his living situation was even more oppressive than mine.)

So, in an effort to be a decent roommate, I stopped having sex with my boyfriend, regularly, for almost six months. It wasn’t a total sex desert  — we went on a couple of trips during this time (hotel sex is amazeballs), and sometimes he’d go house-sit for his parents when they were out of town and I’d tag along. But, for the most part, my vag was closed for business. Read More »

At first glance, the plump peach and the virginal white background on the cover of Hephzibah Anderson’s first book Chastened: The Unexpected Story of My Year Without Sex gives the impression that this memoir will be a succulent read. In fact, since the story is about Anderson’s sexual self, it’s hard not to assume this would be one juicy story. However, in its 264 pages, Anderson leaves her audience dry with a less than tantalizing first memoir.

Close to her 30^th birthday, Anderson sees her ex-boyfriend from college (who she clearly had deep feelings for) walking hand-in-hand into De Beers with his then girlfriend, resulting in their engagement. This incident sparks her year-long contract with herself to remain sexually sober. Why? Because through the shock of her ex-beau’s engagement, Anderson realizes that after years and years of sex: “I’d had enough sex without love; maybe it was time to look for love without sex?”

While the concept for her sexual journey – questioning casual sex in today’s society – seems well-rooted, the delivery of this twelve month personal discovery falls flat. Flirting around topics, Anderson doesn’t really dive into anything; instead she chooses to dance from one thing to another in each chapter. For example, in the chapter “September or Dressing Around,” Anderson embarks on a less-sexualized wardrobe – so she buys a turtleneck. Instead of defining what new clothes will add to her year without sex, Anderson uses the chapter to discuss everything from shopping with boyfriends, high school fashion choices, and femininity. If all of these topics rolled into each other and told the story like it should be told, they wouldn’t seem out of place, but since they are strewn together – the story of her buying a turtleneck gets lost in the midst of everything else. Read More »

It wasn’t until I stopped having sex that I realized how sexualized everything has become. Every TV show, every movie, every magazine picture, and every song is some way related to sex. To quote Superbad, “You know what kinds of foods are shaped like dicks? The BEST kinds.” It’s true, phallic (and yonic) symbols are everywhere (and a lot more noticeable when you’re not getting laid) – thanks a lot for that, Freud.

I’m going through what some may call a dry spell. While that’s half-true, I’d like to say it’s more of a self-imposed period of celibacy. Spending the last month and a half in my hometown (where there are ZERO prospects, by the way) and slowly-but-surely losing faith in the male species has lead me to decide that making a conscious decision to take a break from sex will save me not only from sleeping around but also from making any spur-of-the-moment bad decisions.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it turns out that going without is not quite as easy as I first expected. Due to my current living situation, it hasn’t only been sex that’s been put on the back burner, but also masturbation and any other kind of physical intimacy (except for those nights when my best friend Emma lets me spoon her… that’s nice). Read More »

Much like boat shoes, chambray and shortening words, celibacy is now officially trendy. You heard me: celibacy. Trendy. Totes. Lady Gaga and Courtney Love are doing it. Or, well, not doing it, I suppose. But it’s not only them. According to a new article in the New York Post, bands of women are going celibate, claiming it makes them happy.

One woman who went celibate said it enabled her to be attracted to a “different kind of guy” (maybe one who could actually, finally remember her name and, perhaps, even had a job?!). And that’s just one of the reasons celibacy may have such an optimistic, alluring attraction for all these women.  Here are 5 reasons I can imagine those chaste women are enjoying their celibate selves: Read More »

I love boys. I love boys so tall they might hit their heads when they walk through a doorway and boys so short they’ve probably never entertained fantasies of basketball stardom. I love boys as dark as the blackest coffee, as white as the snow that I am not looking forward to this winter, and every shade in between. Give me a boy, any boy, and I’ll find something I love about him.

This is why even I wondered if I was slightly insane when I decided to completely abstain from boys this summer.

The decision (The Vow, as I now refer to it) was something I really had to think about. I knew that going home to Miami would mean I’d have options for a summer fling. Beautiful, jacked, sun-god-like options that seem to only exist in dreams. But, having been single for over three years, I needed a break.

I think that relationships, as amazing as they can be, sometimes just aren’t worth it. I’m incredibly busy, as are most college students, so I only want to make time in my life for someone if we have something I can’t imagine giving up. But while being single right now is best for me, it can be so exhausting. From wondering if the attractive guy digs me back to whether or not to be physical with a guy I may not have emotional connections with, I was just sick of it. So, to the surprise of my friends, I decided that for summer, I’d basically be like one of the nuns that taught me in grade school. Except I’d still curse and wear bikinis and stuff.

When people would ask my why I was doing this, I usually said something new-agey like “I just need some time to really be alone. I need to focus on myself.” And focus on myself I did. I took a mini road trip with one of my best friends to an amazing art exhibit. I re-read one of my favorite books that I haven’t read since junior year of high school. I started doing Pilates, which completely rejuvenated and calmed me. I surrounded myself with the carefree joy of children, and picked some of their confidence along the way. Read More »

After a stint of boy craziness that’s lasted maybe ten years, I’ve had one bad break-up too many and recently entered a period of no-men-under-any-circumstances- and-I-mean-it, lasting indefinitely.

Don’t get me wrong– I like being single. I’m pretty independent. I can still study and interact with other humans. I function. But when it comes to the menfolk, I get easily distracted. And attempting to stay celibate in college is like asking Whitney Houston to get clean in a crack house. So, thinking that the best offense is a good defense, I’m using a plethora of methods to stay on track and focused.

These are the ones that didn’t work.

Fattening Food I started eating pizza every day. Like, a lot of pizza. There’s this place down the street from my house that serves whole pies for five dollars. (I get the “Oahu,” which is just fancy-pants for Hawaiian. Eating an entire pie in less than three minutes almost helps you forget you’re totally pathetic.) And the first few days I was feeling all blob-like and disgusting, but that’s actually passed. Because after a few weeks I’ve plumped up a bit, and now my skin glows (read: has a greasy sheen) from the extra calories. It kind of makes me want to have a baby. Which is bad. Bad, bad, bad. Read More »

Ladies, I’m sure you’ll agree with me: one of the most important aspects in any serious relationship is the sex. There’s no denying the physical and emotional needs for it, so what happens when you’re not getting any?  I had never anticipated being in a sexless relationship, so it came as a shock when my guy had a confession: he valued love and intimacy over the physical act of sex.

Right.

Naturally, it was a blow to my self-esteem. Was it me? Was I not sexy enough? Did the thought of me naked make his manhood shrivel with disgust? Read More »

So the other day I woke up at 7:30 in the morning to have a little date with a speculum. That’s right, ladies! A gyno appointment! Vajayjay invasion before most people were sitting in their cubicles! Nothing says good morning like lubed-up metal and poking fingers.

The only thing that was worse than realizing some lady in pink scrubs got more intimate with me than a dude has in months was realizing just how many months it’s been — and having to say it out loud. See, for us single gals, going for your annual pap is a big, giant reminder of your past transgressions…or lack thereof. Have you slept with too many losers? Haven’t slept with anyone since the last full moon? Were you so drunk you can’t really remember if you used a condom or not? And how about your pubes…when was the last time you shaved or waxed?

I mean, all of those questions and more are answered when a girl goes to the gyno, and the answers aren’t always awesome. For instance, I realized I’ve been without sexy time for enough months to basically compile a year, and when the doc asked me when me last sexual encounter was, I let out this weird half-laugh, half-moan and cut my celibacy in half. I was embarrassed to tell my gynecologist about my empty sex life! Who am I? Read More »

Exactly three months ago, I posted my first post here on CollegeCandy explaining to all of you that a guy I was dating, who told me I was his ‘soul mate’, would not sleep with me. We all came to various conclusions as to why he’d behave like this. I let it go. And now I’m back to fill you in on what has happened since I let it go.

He and I kept in loose contact after deciding to end things. Very loose.

Then, I got a text from him about 3 weeks ago, out of nowhere. He was all torn up inside because he had (drunkenly, of course) deduced that I now hated him. And it made him sad. He sorta fell apart in the series of texts that followed. I imagined him lying on his bathroom floor in the fetal position. Finally, still considering him a friend, I invited him to call me if he wanted to talk. And so he did. He called me and we talked for over an hour about how his life has been crumbling before his own eyes.

He still hadn’t had sex, apparently, with anyone. Read More »

Guys tell me all the time…

“You know, if you wanted to have sex, all you have to do is….go have it.”

Over the years, I have learned that these guys are telling me the truth. As a reasonably attractive female who works out and eats right and has a body to show for it, finding a guy to have sex with hasn’t ever really been tough. Throw in the fact that I’m more intelligent than a lot of girls I meet and definitely more laid back…and lets just say that the sex in my life should be plentiful. But it’s not.

A friend was asking me about this yesterday. He finally came to a conclusion:

“You know what? You just don’t give a f*ck. Cause if you gave a f*ck, you’d be having sex.”

And I realized, just like that, that he was right. I keep complaining about the fact that I’m not meeting guys who I want to be physical with, but lets face it, I’m probably not trying.

And if you’re a reasonably attractive and intelligent girl out there feeling a little unlucky with sex lately, the deal is probably the same for you. I hate to say it ladies, but guys don’t have a lot of standards about who they’ll sleep with. If you’re not getting laid, you probably just don’t want to — at least with the prospects you currently have.