For the longest time, I was a cell phone dissident. But then I got one and realized the euphoria that comes with sending and receiving text messages. So, whatever. Cell phones are fine by me.

But it’s all the different types of cell phones that flummox me. Your choice of cell phone (or your compulsory, complimentary Verizon cell phone) can say a lot about you. So I put together a list of what I’ve observed. Feel free to add.

-I give a lot of credit to those with chunky, outdated models devoid of mp3 players and color LCD screens. If you have one of these, you’re way cool, low-maintenance, and able to play the beta version of Snake whenever you want. I’m jealous. But you also may be trying to hard to prove a point, in that, I-don’t-need-a-new-cell-phone-but-I-want-one (and go to the Apple store everyday to drool on iPhones) kind of way.

-If you have that bland Nokia that everyone has, good for you. Way to be a moderate. You’d vote for Bloomberg in the next election, you eat a semi – vegetarian diet and you never go over your alotted minute plan. I trust you.

-Blackberry, Sidekick and iPhone users are automatically tools with tools. Read More »

Welcome to my new weekly rant. There are too many things we encounter in our every day routines that in reality, if we all quit doing them, would make life a whole let better. Then I wouldn’t walk around all the time rolling my eyes and thinking (often times out loud): “Puh-lease is that really necessary?” (Hence the title of my column)

So each week I will feature something new that we really could all live without. Consider it a lesson in public manners. Your mother will thank me… and you should too.

This week: People who talk (often way to loudly) on their cell phones while at the gym.

Okay people are we for serious here? How am I supposed to lip-synch along with Umbrella-ella-ella if all I hear coming through my headphones OVER my music is:

“No way!! She did? Wow well Jenny got that top two months ago”.

Seriously people, if you can talk that fast while on the elliptical, you probably aren’t exerting your maximum workout potential. So why even bother? Save yourself some energy and go gab with that friend on the other end of the phone over a big brownie sundae. Leave me to workout in peace.

Really I simply don’t get it. You workout for what, like mayyybe an hour a day and you can’t stay away from your cell phone? Read More »

Lots of people are going out and buying the new iPhone, or the “Revolutionary Phone.”

I, on the other hand, don’t even know what the hell an iPhone is and still use my dinky little Sprint cell phone from college – it doesn’t even take video images! If it was still out there, I’d be still be using the “Zack Morris“.

These “iPhone Worshippers” were waiting in line for ridiculous amounts of time last week, just to be the first ones to snag the hot new gadget. They were sitting outside Apple stores for days, braved 90 degree heat, huddled in the rain, slept on pavement, enduring mass amounts of boredom, starvation, discomfort…damn. Do these people work/go to school/have anything, like, important going on? Apparently, not.

PCWorld.com reports the craziness that was the New York City line that formed outside of the Apple Store on Fifth Ave, as New Yorkers began camping out waaaaaay, way in advance.

But none were so determined as Greg Packer, a 43-year-old wacko who made himself comfortable in a lawn chair out front of the NY location on MONDAY AT 5 A.M. Yea, you know what time the iPhone officially goes on sale? FRIDAY AT 6 P.M. Holy hell. Read More »

So by now you’ve read or at least heard of the two books He’s Just Not That Into You and It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken. Well one of the authors, Greg Behrendt, has some hilariously funny downloadable ringtones on his personal website. These are no ordinary ringtones…they’re meant to be set in your phone as the personal ringtone for that special a-hole that you KNOW is bad for you but you can’t seem to shake.

My personal favorite is called “Booty Call” and it’s a recording of Greg singing “Guess who’s drunk and phoning again, it’s me, it’s me…guess who’s drunk and phoning again at quarter to three…AM…in the morning…don’t do it! It’s a booty call! Don’t do it…”

Then there’s also “Let It Go to Voicemail” and “Delete It.” Perfect for when you know you need some extra reassurance as to why you shouldn’t pick up when that phone starts ringing and you know the person calling is B-A-D bad news. Shear genius.

I think we’re all at a point in our lives where an instant without our beloved cell pieces gives us some serious anxiety. I mean, what if that cute guy from my senior seminar sends me a text? I’d totally die if I missed him. Or what if there’s an insanely funny photo op and I can’t whip out my camera phone? That would suck. But what if, I reallllly needed to get in touch with someone in an emergency?

Obviously, every student on Virgina Tech’s campus had their trusty Motorola‘s, LG‘s and Samsung‘s on hand Monday. Victims were able to warn fellow students of the shooter, his location, his appearace … They were even able to contact their parents and friends to say goodbye, or alert them to the fortunate fact that they were okay. And some even took the time to take camera pics and videos of what was going down. Read More »

As if we didn’t have enough to worry about these days. As if global warming and high gas prices and the war in Iraq and the possible disappearance of polar bears and rapid growth of Al Gore’s stomach wasn’t enough to make us want to hide under the covers until it was all over, apparently we are now killing bees everywhere with our CELL PHONES.

I’m not sure if you heard, but bees ain’t nowhere to be found these days. According to the above mentioned independent UK article, since last year “the West Coast is thought to have lost 60 per cent of its commercial bee population, with 70 per cent missing on the East Coast”. 60 per cent of our freaking bees are gone! They just up and disappeared, and for a while no one had any idea why. Read More »