I mean being sick.

Not just “being sick,” though. Not just having a little cough or a small sniffle. No, I mean being sick as a dog. Having bronchitis. Having a box of tissues in one hand and pockets full of throat lozenges. When you’re on a small campus, one person’s cold is everyone else’s cold. Being stressed doesn’t help matters, either, so of course there are tons of other people in the boat with me – and not just seniors. And call me sadistic, but watching everyone suffer makes me feel a little less awful.

But my loss is your gain, folks. From my week-late thesis chapter, paper due on Friday that I still haven’t written, and a few other delayed things, I’ve learned some pretty awesome techniques to combatting exhaustion, delirium, sickness, and even lack of alcohol.

5. Caffeine naps. These beautiful things are possibly one of the best things ever. When you’re not feeling too hot for whatever reason, have yourself a Rockstar or a Red Bull or whatever (if you can’t swallow the way I couldn’t, have one of those coffee Rockstars, but heat it up. It helps a lot), then take a quick 20 minute nap. It helps refresh your system, and gives the caffeine a chance to get into your blood stream. And hey, when you’re working on that term paper all night long, one or two of these can save your ass.

4. Do’s and do not’s. DO take Nyquil with Chamomile Tea when you can’t sleep. Do NOT take Dayquil with a Rockstar when you cannot. DO spend time relaxing now and then. Do NOT relax so much that you are procrastinating. DO have all-nighters if you positively have no choice. Do NOT have all-nighters consoling yourself with all manner of drugs so that you pass out in class the next day. DO come up with ideas for that late-night paper that you know will work. Do NOT come up with ideas for that late-night paper based off of Adult Swim.

3. Eat right. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you should be eating these things all the time, but there are certain foods that work super hard – probably harder than you are – at keeping you both healthy and energized throughout the day and night. Fresh citrus fruit, strawberries, blueberries, as well more as filling foods like salmon, tomatoes, and bell peppers all will keep you running as smoothly as an exhausted senior (or maybe just student). And incorporating these guys into your diet long-term while eating small and frequent meals could even help you lose weight. Who knew senior year could be healthy?

2. Sleep. Seriously, those caffeine naps are awesome, but nothing keeps you well rested and healthy enough but a good night’s rest. Guess who was feeling better shortly after she finished pulling all-nighters? Sur-freakin-prise.

1. Sleep…some more. Honestly, you guys, I’m not actually 100% yet. But once you’re done with that killer week (or two or three or…alright, so Thanksgiving break, I guess?), just chill. It’s honestly the best thing you can do for yourself. That’s why it’s on the list twice.

(That’s also why, as you’re reading this, I’m probably curled up beneath my blankets, recovering from my life.)

Well, apparently life hasn’t stopped piling on the sh*t, because last night I was dumped by my LDR. Cool, huh? That’s what I said.

But f*ck it, it’s the weekend! I say forget the life dump and decide to dump your life in favor of a f*cking good time!

So here, I provide you with my Break-Up Survival Kit, so you can get back on your feet and back into the bar!

1)Chamomile Tea Bags- Soak them in some cold water, squeeze them out and place them over your puffy eyes. Do this a few times and your eyes are guaranteed not to look as swollen as they were last night. Plus, the smell is rather soothing as well! Double duty.

2)Your Possee- You need your support system. So call until they pick up and then wail and wail and wail. They will understand that you need them. Then tell them that tomorrow they must drag you out to a bar for a girls night. You might even score a few free drinks! Love the ladies!

4)Your drug of choice- If you feel it coming (like I did, I have great intution) get a little drunk first. Yes, it will make you more emotional and probably more irrational but who the hell isn’t both of things when you’re getting broken up with anyways.

But don’t buy in mass quantities. Go small—like beers or airplane bottles—because you probably won’t want to stop drinking. But you must! I then like to end the night with a few sleeping pills just to round off the whole sh*tty experience. At least you won’t be tossing and turning!

5)Lots of DVD’s of your favorite dramatic TV Show- You’re going to sob a few more times anyways so go ahead and watch a sappy movie or TV show (not a love story though,…stay away from The Notebook) Let those tears flow! Get that sh*t out!

And then when you get around to thinking about the failed relationship, your eyes will be all dried up and you can (maybe? possibly?) be rational about the whole thing.

6)Make plans—lots of plans—for the next week. Fill that calendar up with fun things you like to do. I have a Monday night Girl’s night with my friend MK, plans to go to yoga this week, get my desk out of storage and set my room up (since I have lived here since July). I’m taking, well forcing myself, to recognize the me time I haven’t been making. And now is the time to do it.

So get drunk, have fun, go out with the girls! Download Breakin’ Up by Rilo Kiley because it’s a great, upbeat breakup song!

Appreciate the relationship for what it was and don’t wallow in what could have been, start looking at what will be… You, happy and healthy.