Dear Dude,

Here’s the situation: about a year ago I lost my virginity to this guy, let’s call him Charlie. I had started to fall in love with him a while before that, but the problem was that he was dating my cousin, let’s call her Carla, and they had been together for about a year. We started talking and hooking up occasionally (no sex) until last December she found out. They broke up and then a few days after that I had sex with him, which Carla also found out about. Charlie and I started seeing each other on a regular basis for about a month or two until I left for a month of vacation. When I came back they had gotten back together, but we still slept together anyways. In February we finally ended our physical relationship, but still kept talking on a regular basis. He was back with Carla and I was completely devastated. In March I met my current boyfriend and decided I was going to get over Charlie and I cut him off from my life in every way for about two months, until one day I couldn’t take it anymore and texted him, which eventually led to talking and hooking up again. Read More »

God bless smartphones and Facebook. Where would our stalking abilities be today without those two? When our friends want to set us up with their hot friend, what’s the first question we ask? First and last name please! First impressions are no longer made in person, they happen through the Internet. Sad? Eh, maybe. But hey, much easier to weed ‘em out that way! If there’s zero potential for attraction or if the guy has “strip clubs” topping his list of interests, all I’m saying is that checking out his profile may save you from one miserable first date.

It’s obvious that technology makes the courting process easier, too. Being newly single for the past month, I’ve realized that every guy who has asked me out so far starts with Facebook. They send a message, we chat for a bit, they ask for my number, the messaging moves to texts and then finally we meet face-to-face. It may be a little depressing that a good ‘ol fashion, “Hi, would you like to go on a date with me?” is now considered creepy rather than endearing, but at least we’ve got some form of courting taking place these days! Read More »

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like botox! ) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Cheating has always been, will always be, a touchy subject. We’ve debated what cheating is, whether you should forgive a cheater, but now it’s time to turn those sneers inward and ask the dirty little question – what if you cheat? (BF DISCLAIMER: This is all totally hypothetical, I promise!) There seems to be a little dissent about whether or not (assuming you don’t get caught) you should confess that you cheated and I think it’s time we got a consensus.

On the one hand – you cheated! Of course you should tell you significant other and take your lumps. Part of being in a grown up relationship (or even a not so grown up one) is being honest with each other and being able to trust that no matter what happens you will deal with it together. Admittedly, this would totally suck if you were the one who had to go begging for forgiveness, and there is a chance that the whole thing will fall apart because of your confession, but otherwise you’re basically forcing yourself and your SI to live a lie. Read More »

"I swear, I wasn't cheating on you."

Need some advice? Ask nicely and I’ll hook you up. Email me at tuffyluv@collegecandy.com and I’ll get back to you on the fly.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Please respond! I’m in a rough spot.

Also, this is a very long story.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years. We love each other very much and he is my best friend, but we have had a lot of trust issues. It all started close to a year into our relationship. I went over to his apartment one evening to hang out and he was watching football so I sat down at his computer to entertain myself with the internet. I wasn’t snooping but something in an open AIM window caught my eye. The last line of the conversation read “Wait don’t you have a girlfriend?” So being curious I read the rest of the convo. To sum the whole thing up, this chick (who he had been trying to set his good friend up with) was flirting with him and he said ” If I were to go there, or you were to come here, we would hook up. Don’t pretend like it wouldn’t happen.” And she pretty much agreed.

So after reading this I confronted him. He said that in the process of trying to hook his friend up with her, the girl developed feelings for my boyfriend and he just didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I told him  that he needed to be honest with her and tell her that he has a girlfriend and nothing was going to happen between them. I made him show me the AIM conversation in which he said this to her.

Understandably, after this incident I became intensely paranoid. So, I stole his Myspace password. Not only his Myspace password but Facebook, Yahoo, and Gmail. I know that that’s really horrible but I didn’t know what else to do because I really didn’t want to break up with him but I didn’t feel I could trust him. Everything had been fine until twice in the past month or two the girl that originally set this whole thing into motion has sent naked pictures to his Gmail. Read More »

"You're too good for him! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

Got a question? Email tuffyluv@collegecandy and I’ll break it down real slow for ya.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve been seeing a guy for about eight months. Eight rocky months. At times things are amazing and at others, they’re terrible. On top of this (probably at the center of it) is I only get to see him once a week, if that. Granted we live in the same city with a bus system that works quite well. However, he’s never had me over, I haven’t met his family, and he only comes to my place.

Now fast forward to this morning when I checked my phone and saw a message from a strange number basically saying: “You can have ‘insert boy’s name here’. Bet you didn’t know he had a girl did you? Oh well, doesn’t matter now. Good luck with him. You’re going to need it.”

I sent it to him and he said he lost his phone at the club and someone must have took my number out of it and sent that to me. I’ve been having gut feelings about another girl being in the picture the whole time and it definitely makes sense. But yet I’m still conflicted – I love him, should I believe him? Or should I just move on? I feel like I deserve someone that will put more into a relationship, but yet the feelings I have for him are so strong it confuses me. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

J Read More »

Ask any girl what the worst thing her boyfriend/fiancée/husband could do to her, and the answer is probably going to be the same: cheat. To most women, cheating is the ultimate betrayal of trust, which is probably why, when they find out their man’s been unfaithful, so many women get angry and seek revenge.

Scary, serious revenge.

Famous stories of women getting revenge on their cheating partners have circulated in gossip and in the news for years: women have reportedly cut up their husband’s clothing, dumped all their husband’s belongings in the front yard, and even destroyed their cars (the subject of Carrie Underwood’s hit song “Before He Cheats,” the story of one woman getting revenge on her cheating man by smashing up his car with a Louisville Slugger®). Another story tells of the wife of a British radio-talk show host, who sold her husband’s $45,000 car on eBay for 90 cents after she heard him tell a woman on the air that he’d leave his wife for her. One woman even paid for a billboard ad advertising her husband’s infidelity (see picture above)! Read More »

Author and marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman is all over the airwaves these days; from Oprah to The Morning Show with Mike and Juliette, this guy has been spreading his message as loudly as possible. And what is his message, exactly? “One in 2.7″ (apparently there are some half man, half monkeys walking around out there…) men will cheat on their significant other, and not only will they cheat, they’ll do it because their female counterpart isn’t appreciating them.

According to Neuman, the reason men cheat isn’t because they want a hotter piece of ass or even promiscuous sex, the reason they cheat is because their wives have stopped being nice to them. “The majority [of men] said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling under-appreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures,” Neuman is quoted as saying on Oprah.com, “Men are very emotional beings. They just don’t look like that. Or they don’t seem like that. Or they don’t tell you that.”

Even though Neuman said he wrote his book to “empower women,” a lot of people are kind of pissed off with his findings. Even though the good counselor doesn’t come right out and say it’s the wives’ or girlfriends’ fault when their partner strays, saying that men cheat because they don’t feel appreciated is basically saying it’s the wives’ or girlfriends’ fault! Because who doesn’t the husband or boyfriend feel appreciated by? That’s right — his partner. Read More »

Got something to ask Tuffy Luv? Email her at tuffy@collegecandy.com and hold onto your hat. Because it’s windy out here.

PS Tuffy’s column will now appear every other Tuesday! So write in lots!!!

Dearest Tuffy Luv,

I have been dating a gentleman, “Bob”, for well over a year now. I left my boyfriend of five years to be with Bob. In the past few months, Bob has lied on several occasions about where he is, who he’s with, etc. He deletes phone calls and text messages because he’s scared I might “get upset over nothing”. I’m leaving for college in a week and will be two hours away. This past week, I found out he kissed one of his former student athletes (he was a swim coach). He begged me to take him back and I caved. This is the second time he’s cheated on me but I can’t seem to hold him accountable. How do I just make myself cut the ties when he makes me happy outside the lies?

Sincerely,

A woman scorned

Dear Woman Scorned,

I think you just blew my mind.

Seriously. Do you honestly believe him that he’s just scared you’ll, what was the term he used, “get upset over nothing?” My guess is, you don’t. Because otherwise you wouldn’t have written in. Read More »