Dear Dude,

Here’s the situation: about a year ago I lost my virginity to this guy, let’s call him Charlie. I had started to fall in love with him a while before that, but the problem was that he was dating my cousin, let’s call her Carla, and they had been together for about a year. We started talking and hooking up occasionally (no sex) until last December she found out. They broke up and then a few days after that I had sex with him, which Carla also found out about. Charlie and I started seeing each other on a regular basis for about a month or two until I left for a month of vacation. When I came back they had gotten back together, but we still slept together anyways. In February we finally ended our physical relationship, but still kept talking on a regular basis. He was back with Carla and I was completely devastated. In March I met my current boyfriend and decided I was going to get over Charlie and I cut him off from my life in every way for about two months, until one day I couldn’t take it anymore and texted him, which eventually led to talking and hooking up again. Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’m writing to you because I cannot stand sugarcoated advice, and I really can’t tell anyone else about this situation. Okay, so about a year ago, I met a guy in class and we really hit it off…. Problem was, he had a girlfriend. We started talking more and more though, he confided in me about his relationship, and our friendship grew stronger. I liked him a lot, so of course I couldn’t help but be excited when he told me that he had broken up with her.

By that point we were texting or talking pretty much daily. There had always been great chemistry between us, unlike anything I have ever felt before, so when our conversations starting turning sexual, I couldn’t have been happier to go along with it. I had never been so open with anyone; I felt as though I could tell him anything. Even more importantly, for the first time in my life I felt sexy and desired. Then, a few months later, he informed me that he was dating another girl. I was crushed, but at the same time I cared enough about him as a person that if he wanted to just be friends, I would legitimately be willing to be the best friend I could to him. If I still had him in my life and could spend time with him, I was okay with shutting down that part of our relationship at least temporarily. Read More »

Don’t worry, I’m not talking about cheating in their relationships. A new study by the American Psychological Association has found that creative people are more likely to cheat when it comes to tests and the like. The study claims that because creative people are so flexible in their minds and can generate ideas, they can justify cheating through “self-serving rationalizations,” which means they don’t cheat so severely to the point where they feel bad about it. This study says they tested individuals for creativity and intelligence. And then the subjects were given lab tests that made it easy to cheat.

Both of the tests were paid and the individuals were basically told how to cheat, which seems to have provided an incentive to do so. The researchers did say that this could have been a problem. I’d like to see what the results would have been without the incentive of money. The study says that those who tested high in creativity were the ones who cheated more. It doesn’t say, however, how the subjects were tested for creativity. Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. (You KNOW this.)

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I stole my best friend’s boyfriend.

I know it sounds bad but here’s the situation. She didn’t love him. They were just dating because he asked her out and she was too lazy to break up with him. She was always complaining that he wasn’t thoughtful enough or romantic enough and etc.

But I saw something really special in this guy. Let’s call him T. He is the nicest sweetest person and we always had chemistry. I actually introduced them. T and I had a lit class together and we always hung out. I took him to a party and he though my best friend was really cute so I set them up.

But then I watched how she treated him (not good — making him carry things and complaining about him to me behind his back) and I realized I had developed feelings for him. Read More »

Here’s the question: Did he cheat if he liked his next girlfriend before he broke up with you?

Emotional infidelity, that’s the subject of the debate. Is it cheating if he feels it and thinks it but doesn’t act on it? What if he falls for someone but then breaks up with you before acting on his impulses? Does that make it less bad? Does that mean he did the honorable thing because he didn’t cheat on you? Or is he, still, a worthless piece of crap? How fine is this line?

Read More »

God bless smartphones and Facebook. Where would our stalking abilities be today without those two? When our friends want to set us up with their hot friend, what’s the first question we ask? First and last name please! First impressions are no longer made in person, they happen through the Internet. Sad? Eh, maybe. But hey, much easier to weed ‘em out that way! If there’s zero potential for attraction or if the guy has “strip clubs” topping his list of interests, all I’m saying is that checking out his profile may save you from one miserable first date.

It’s obvious that technology makes the courting process easier, too. Being newly single for the past month, I’ve realized that every guy who has asked me out so far starts with Facebook. They send a message, we chat for a bit, they ask for my number, the messaging moves to texts and then finally we meet face-to-face. It may be a little depressing that a good ‘ol fashion, “Hi, would you like to go on a date with me?” is now considered creepy rather than endearing, but at least we’ve got some form of courting taking place these days! Read More »

Dear Dude,

While I was in college I noticed this guy in my class who I thought was attractive, “Matt,” so I decided that if I ever saw him out that I would make something happen. I eventually did see him out and initiated a hook up. We briefly hooked up that year until he got a girlfriend and the fun ended. A few months later I met someone else in one of my classes and began dating him, this lasted for four years.

The minute I became single I started seeing Matt at the bar I always go to. Note: Matt had been MIA while I was dating my ex. I rarely saw him at the bar I frequently attend but here he was. I found out quickly that he was dating a girl (because she called me a scandalous bitch for buying him a shot) but within 2 weeks he was single and texting me ALL the time. Being that I was just out of a four year relationship I was not interested in dating anyone, so we began sleeping with each other again, all the time. I would always leave the minute he passed out because I wasn’t trying to force anyone to hang out with me the next day nor did I want to go through the awkward “well that was fun, I’ll text you later” business. This is how our “relationship” proceeded for months. Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve been reading your column all day long and I found myself agreeing with every bit of advice you have given and couldn’t pass up the opportunity to hear your insight on my own relationship. I’m a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to relationships, I didn’t have my first kiss or date till 19, after two very short relationships I found myself turning 21 in November and in a 7 month relationship with a guy I love very much.

I had always told myself I would wait until marriage to sleep with a guy but I found myself so very much in love and couldn’t see myself ever being with anyone else so I gave in about 4.5 months into the relationship. We had our ups and downs, at the beginning of the relationship he got kicked out of his dad’s house and had to live with some friends. Long story short, I stood by him through everything, motivated him to quit smoking marijuana, I dealt with a lot of his mood swings and anger when he was trying to quit smoking cigarettes, I gave him driving lessons and let him use my car to finally get his driver’s license, bought him groceries when he had nothing to eat when he got kicked out, gave him rides, had my brother fix up his old bike so my bf had something to ride to school so he could get his GED, and applied to a lot of jobs for him so he could upgrade from part time to full time when his laptop was stolen and he couldn’t do it himself, and I encouraged him to talk things through with his dad so he could live at home again. Needless to say, I have done my best to motivate him to be the best person he could be and he has shown a lot of gratitude for that. Read More »

Dear Dude,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about eight months. About three months ago, while very drunk, I kissed someone else and told him about it the next day. He was really upset, and while we were talking about it, he brought up how out of control mad he got when his ex-girlfriend of three years told him about another guy hitting on her really aggressively and the fact that she didn’t do anything to stop it. The way he spoke about this, it was very clear that he felt really strongly about her/the situation. He then told me that when we first started hanging out, he and this ex were still kind of together, in an open relationship. She soon found out about me from one of his friends, got mad, and ended things for good with him. Meanwhile, he and I casually dated for the next few months, he said I love you within 3 months, and eventually we decided to become exclusive (per his suggestion). Read More »

Qvestion?! Ansver: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I find myself between a rock and a hard place. My ex-boyfriend and I have turned friends with benefits. Me and my ex had dated for a year and a half, about half of the time we were at college in different towns. We started dating right after I came out of a long-term relationship that ended badly. In hindsight it was too soon for me to date again, but I was just glad to be moving on. We had a rocky month or two in our relationship with some dishonesty after we had been dating for four months. I had hooked up with one of my guy friends on my spring break trip after a long night of partying. I called my ex the next day and tried to explain to him what happened. I had never felt so guilty and ashamed about something. He was extremely hurt but we had a very strong connection and worked through it. We had an awesome summer together before we went off to college which made it extremely hard to cope with the fact I would only see him twice a month. I felt awesome when we were together and fell pretty hard for him.

During the fall semester, the same issue of trust and cheating arose again. Though I would think we talked things out, he could never quite let the topic go. Right after second semester started, things fell apart. My ex was struggling with some personal issues as well as his academics, the ongoing and recurring issue of dishonesty, and the distance took its toll. We broke up at the end of January of this year. But neither of us could let things go completely. We still talked and we saw each other once. It was so hard because despite all of the issues we had, we were so in love. And I know it doesn’t really make sense because if we were in love we shouldn’t have had our problems. But that was the frustrating part. We knew we shouldn’t have been dating at that point when we broke up but I still loved him.

Read More »