Brr! I know just about everyone is with me when I say it’s freaking cold.

After shoveling out our cars, going sledding on stolen cafeteria trays, and launching snowball wars, the only foods that can possibly satisfy our mad hunger must fulfill the following three adjectives: tasty, fatty, and hot! Today, pull out the stops pots and enjoy my favorite winter recipe.

Cheesy Potato Soup

Recipe (serves 4):

2 cups mozzarella cheese

1 cup instant mashed potato flakes

1 cup half-and-half

2 cans prepared chicken broth

4-6 pieces of cooked bacon (optional)

2 sliced roasted red potatoes (optional)

Instructions:

1.     Put all of your ingredients (except ½ cup of the cheese) in a soup pot and mix them together. Bring the pot to a boil over medium heat and cook for about three minutes or until it thickens up — keep stirring while you cook!

2.     Top your soup with the extra cheese, and the bacon and sliced potatoes if desired.

Dying to learn how to make gazpacho? Want to see vegan, gluten-free, or diabetic recipes? Drop your suggestions in the comment box and I’ll see what I can cook up!

Need more recipes? Get more awesome and yummy Intro to Cooking right here!

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Two guys, talking next to a weight bench.)

Guy 1: We skied a whole bunch last winter. Do you partake?
Guy 2: Yeah, sometimes. You’re talking about cocaine, right?

(Guy, on the phone. Sounds like he’s getting through a breakup.)

Guy: Thanks for talking about this with me. It’s really hard to talk about sometimes.

(beat)

Hey, well, we’re both single now, right?

(beat)

Well, that was kinda rude.

(Girl, walking a dog in the park, meets a guy.)

Guy: Hey, I like your dog.

Girl: Thanks. He’s Arfken, dog wizard.

(A guy walks through a movie theater row and sits down)

Guy: (whispering loudly) Oh, geez, sorry, I think I knocked your Raisinets over.

Gir: (whispering) That’s fine. Your hair’s covered in nacho cheese.

(Guy, yelling, at a party.)

Guy: And he was like “my grandma just died!” Well, f*** it, I loved my cat twice as much as he loved his stupid grandma!

(Girl, lying over in a restuarant booth.)

Girl 1: My head feels fuzzy. Everything’s fading… the nothingness is all around me.

Girl 2: Shut up. You just ate a cheeseburger.

(Girl and guy walking on a busy main street.)

Guy: Wait, she slept with them?

Girl: Yeah. She’s cheating on us.

Guy: Well, I think we’re breaking up with her. You and me both.

(Two guys, sitting outside the mall on a bench.)

Guy 1: What do you think the world would be like if the oceans were filled with Coca-Cola?

Guy 2: I think it’d probably be about the same.

(In a late-night diner, one girl gets up from her booth.)

Girl: *bends down on one knee* Be mine, Carrie.

Other Girl: It’s a Ring Pop.

Girl: Just like my love for you.

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

“Everyone can relate to getting peed on.”

“Yeah, I get peed on all the time.”

“That’s because you pay people to do it.”

“You can’t build a skyscraper on cheese.”

“Are you going to see your puppy this weekend?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s his name?”

“Toby.”

“No it’s not.”

“I’m just swinging this bat. Standing here, swinging this bat. If someone else walks in the way, it’s not my fault. It’s not the bat’s fault. It’s the physics.”

“All our midterms just turned into impromptu porns.”

A professor in a linguistics class

“Dentist, see… where does it come from. Well, there’s no word for ‘dent.’ No, it’s not a word. What? What’s a ‘dent’? A ‘dent’? What do you mean?”

“You see… to be happy, we’re constantly secreting.”

(Girl on speakerphone)

“What’d you smoke tonight?”

“The… the good stuff.”

“What’d you smoke out of?”

“… The gecko.”

“Okay. Now please don’t crash the car and get us all killed, because you might wreck the pizza.”

“Triple filtered? No. Not triple filtered, not quadruple filtered, nothing. I want filtered-exactly-the-right-number-of-times filtered. Nothing else.”

“Oh man! My life is so cool! I mean, like, last Tuesday, I just woke up covered in vomit! Crazy, right?”

(Girl on phone)

“I’m locked out of my apartment. No. No, I don’t have the key. Isn’t there anything you can do? … No, I have no idea. Aren’t I paying you for this? … Well, I guess I could try. I need to find a big pipe.”

“Imagine, like, if whenever a girl walked in with some sexy dress, a bunch of aliens just teleported in and shoved a bunch of DNA up your ass.”

(In a hallway, guy throws door open.)

“Hey! I heard there were cheese danishes in here!”

“Yeah, I found them in the trash.”

“To be fair, if you just swish a few shots of vodka around your gums, it’ll probably get rid of the plaque.”

So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortunate road rage incident, I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Let it all hang out. I feel you.]

Landscapers: Ok guys, I understand that you’ve got a lot of ground to cover (no pun intended) and that requires you to start the day extra early to please all of your clients, one of whom happens to be the landlord of my apartment. I have no problem with you guys manicuring the lawn (because the thought of operating any type of lawnmower scares the living crap out of me–wierd childhood fear), but I do have trouble justifying the fact that you come at 7 am every. single. Monday. Coincidentally, 7 is four hours earlier than I ever plan on waking up on a Monday. I’m sure you can understand why it could be difficult to sleep through someone weedwhacking right under my window. On the bright side, you do wake me up early enough to possibly be a productive citizen, so I actually didn’t mind my chainsaw alarm last Monday when it got me to go to the library earlier–until I walked outside and got dirt in my eyes from the huge clouds you stirred up with the leafblowers. Will you never let me have my peace!?

Tricky Ass Midterm Questions: You know when you get the breakdown for an exam ahead of time and you see that there’s a 30 question True/ False section? You know how AWESOME that is? Ok, then you also know the confusion and frustration that come along with realizing how freaking tricky your professor is. Yes, you memorized specific dates, names and details, but when you memorized the Byzantine Empire’s obsession with the color purple and your teacher throws the word “puce” into her question, what the hell are you supposed to do?! All of a sudden you’re questioning the double meaning behind all of her questions. Then you panic and rush through the section carelessly T and F-ing your way to a C-… Why can’t we all just rely on multiple choice?

Perfect Beach Days When You’re Landlocked: So I know that complaining about sunshine and blue skies probably earns me a lot of enemies still shoveling snow after this week’s Nor’Easter, but let me just tell you that living in the Sunshine State is pointless if you’re hours from any kind of beach and locked in a library. Looking out the window and imagining the countdown to Spring Break is pure torture when the closest thing to the Sea is your Marine Bio exam. You keep trying to push through your midterm studying to inch closer to Margaritaville, but that feat is incredibly difficult when the entire climate is mocking you.

Dakota Fanning: I’ve always felt that the best way to sum up my feelings towards Dakota Fanning is through Amy Poehler’s SNL skit about her. She was pretty cute in Uptown Girls. She’s a talented kid, but that still doesn’t explain the weird vibe I get from her. Like she knows something I don’t. Like after completing a Scooby Doo sequel she’ll enroll in Yale and later become head of the C.I.A. Anyway, her portrayal of the little girl who was molested creeped the hell out of me, and her new role in that superhero movie was as annoying as her superior sounding tone. And Coraline? Awesome…but creepy. And now my good friend Perez has informed me that she’ll be expanding her realm of sketchiness with a role in the latest Twilight movie. She will be playing a vampire though, so I can’t decide if her creepiness may just be completely appropriate. Thoughts?

So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortuante road rage incident, I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Let it all hang out. I feel you.]

D&G Advertisements: More specifically, the one featured in January’s Vanity Fair (page 9). I just don’t understand; why is Claudia Schiffer orgasming on a very sandy and very hard looking dock? I can think of more comfortable places. Furthermore, if I were wearing an expensive D&G silk…romper(?) and kickass stilettos, I would not want to get them dirty on some grimy beach dock (not that I wear stilettos to the beach). Add to this the two models in tweed suits apparently mentally controlling aforementioned orgasm-girl, the uber-tanned, super muscled old women and body builder in the background, and Dolce and Gabanna have convinced me that strange things will ensue if I ever can afford to buy anything from their 2009 cruise collection.

Mall Traffic Jams. As if the people who stop abruptly in the middle of the walkway to stare at a window display weren’t bad enough, I’ve witnessed a new shopping phenomenon that is just too much to handle: the aggressive shover. Most likely to be found going the opposite way of EVERYONE ELSE, they use weapons of mass disbursement to claw through throngs of people. Watch out for strollers, immense and heavy shopping bags, pointed elbows held 90 degrees from the body and, disturbingly enough, small children. That’s right, one woman held her child at arms’ length to push through a crowd. When you’re getting smacked in the face with 18-month-olds, it’s time to find a new mall.

Being sick on big nights. Namely, New Year’s Eve, which I recently had the pleasure of spending with what I think is a bad case of Avian flu (but my boyfriend is convinced it’s a common cold). It’s not so much fun to spend hours getting dressed up with your friends in your perfect, wonderful New Year’s Eve dress when you sound like Steve Urkel and you feel like someone replaced all the bodily fluids in your head with silly putty. On the bright side, losing one’s sense of smell and taste is a mighty handy tool come time for Tequila shots (it’s always good to have girlfriends who can legitimately convince you of the medicinal properties of Patron). The not so bright side? Try coughing with a wicked hangover. I spent January first with the distinct impression that tiny men were drilling the back of my head with a jackhammer, and that’s not a side effect they warn you about on the back of the Robotussin bottle.

Awkward Run-ins. This always happens when I come home from school for any extended period of time. And it always, always happens when I’m not wearing any makeup. So no, I do not want to stop and make small talk with you, girl who I had AP American History with, like 3 years ago. No, 8th grade ex-boyfriend and 8^th grade ex-best friend (both exes for the same reason…hint hint), we should not “do lunch” nor should you use that expression without a hint of irony. And I’m very sorry, friend of a friend’s cousin, but all I want to do is order my ice cream and go back home to the privacy of my room where I can avoid people who I don’t talk to anymore…there’s a reason why we lost touch.

Ok people, what pissed you off last in ’08 and first in ’09?

[ photo courtesy of ohlalamag.com]

All right so it might not be cold yet, but that doesn’t mean a bowl of something hot wouldn’t hit the spot. If you’re too broke to swing by the nearest deli every time you get a massive craving for a soup and sandwich, try this recipe for chili. It’s super easy, great for dorm rooms (assuming you can use a crock-pot there…or can hide it from your R.A.) and it makes enough to last a lot longer than one of those eensy bowls of Broccoli Cheddar soup (still, mmmm broccoli cheddar soup…).

Chili is extremely customizable. For instance, depending on whether you like yours really hot or not so much, it isn’t hard to adjust the spice of this recipe. Chili is kind of a free-for-all dish, meaning, throw whatever the hell you want into a pot as long as it sounds good. (Caution: do not try this when inebriated. I did and quickly realized that frosting does not go well in chili.)

So, for my perfect chili, here’s what you need:

1 lb. ground beef

Cumin to taste

1 can of chunky tomatoes

1 can Rotel

2 cans red kidney beans

1 can black beans

1 small onion, cut into chunks

1 can jalapeno peppers (for extra spice if you want it)

Chili seasoning (totally optional, by the way)

1. First, brown a pound of ground beef (or turkey, or hell, even chicken) in a skillet (or microwave). I typically like to add some cumin to it because it gives it a great smoky flavor.

2. Here’s where it gets easy: Take the ground beef and drain it. Then throw it in the crock pot. And then add all the cans. You may want to drain some of them, depending on how soupy you like your chili, but don’t drain the beans. The natural starch helps to thicken the chili a little. Add the onions and the jalapeno peppers (if you opt to use them) and any chili seasoning you wish.

3. Turn the crock-pot to high and cook for about an hour, just to get it nice and hot. Then turn it down to low and let it simmer for a while. I usually let it simmer at least two hours but the longer the better–the flavors totally come together the more time you give ‘em.

4. After you’re ready to chow down, serve up some hot chili with some shredded cheese and any other essentials you might need. My personal favorite way is to top it off with some monterey jack cheese with grilled cheese on the side. Talk about comfort food. So tasty.

I am not above admitting that Easy Mac is sometimes necessary. After all, if you truly have only ten minutes with which to make and eat dinner, it’s better to eat Easy Mac than nothing at all. But if you have even five more spare minutes, you can make something tastier, healthier, and all-around better.

That’s right—I’m talking about homemade mac and cheese.

It doesn’t get any easier than this, folks:

INGREDIENTS

• cheese of your choice (I like a mix of cheddar and parmesan)

• milk

• flour

• pasta (any kind words, but elbow macaroni is nice for nostalgia’s sake)

1.    Boil the pasta until it’s done. Drain. (Time: 10-12 minutes.)

2.    While the pasta is boiling, mix together ½ cup of milk and 1 tablespoon of flour for each serving of mac and cheese. (Time: 1 minute.)

3.    Put the pasta in a bowl or back in the pot. Stir in the milk-flour mixture, and cook on low heat until bubbly. (Time: 1 minute.)

4.    Turn off the heat, and stir in the cheese. (Time: 30 seconds.)

5.    Eat.

That’s it! Fast, easy, delicious—I don’t ever want to hear any more excuses for eating something that looks nuclear when you can make this instead.

[photo from i.timeinc.net]

My tongue ruminated on memories of peanut sauce and bean sprouts, quickly tasting each dish with which it was presented and re-shelving the phantom platter for a later craving. When my eyes came to rest on the Spicy Green Curry, I knew my mouth had found what it wanted.

Something in me was telling me that this was the dish I should order, despite the warning label under the menu description advertising this as a “very spicy dish.” Or maybe precisely because of that label.

As I barreled my way through that burning sensation that was my breakfast, I wondered why on Earth I was doing this to myself. There was so much spice that I could barely taste anything else. There were hints of coconut milk here, and eggplant there, but mostly my mouth was a wasteland of curry on fire.

That got me thinking about my whole relationship with spicy food. I can’t say that I really like how it tastes. So why do I love eating it?

As a child, if I thought I saw even one speck of pepper in a dish, I wouldn’t eat it. I hated hot food. It burned. It hurt. I had good common sense. Except there was always this nagging part of me that said, “You are Jamaican. You are supposed to like spicy food.”

Nowadays, telling me that an item is superspicy is like dangling catnip in front of a cat. I have gulped chunks of wasabi, gobbled whole jalapeno peppers, and guzzled teaspoons of hot sauce on request. I make a great show of being unaffected by the fact that my head is imploding.

I think it goes along with some unrequited need for a rite of passage. I put it right up there with my extra piercings, substance experimentation, and tattoos. There is something about spicy food that says, “I am no longer a child,” even if it doesn’t quite say, “I am an adult.” I am subjecting myself to the pain simply to prove that I can do it.

Don’t we all have our little tests of self-mutilation? Like stalking around on stilettos for the entire day, or going through cramps with no Midol, or running the entire five miles even though the last six months have been spent lazily on the couch?

However much I have to suffer, it doesn’t look like I’m going to stop eating spicy foods anytime soon. The other day I ate half a block of cheese full of jabanero peppers. Yum.

If you’re feeling adventurous (or slightly masochistic), here’s a recipe for some Jerk Chicken that will scorch your tastebuds.

[photo from img.timeinc.net]

A recent issue of Shape magazine suggested eating vegetarian once a week, and I was like, “Heyyy I already do that! I rock!” They also featured a mouthwatering recipe for vegetarian paella. That’s not going to happen. So, whether you’re a carnivore or a herbivore, trying to shave some calories from your diet, or too busy to slave over a hot stove, I give you vegetarian meals in five minutes or less. All you need is a microwave.

1. Boca Meatless Chili

You need:

–Boca Meatless Chili, from the freezer section of your grocery store.

–2 slices of whole wheat bread

*Zap the chili for three minutes, stir, and nuke for one more minute.

*While the chili is in the microwave, pop the whole wheat bread in the toaster.

*Cut the whole wheat toast in quarters, top with tasty chili, and enjoy!

The vegetarian chili is spicy enough to satisfy your taste buds, and for you South Beach Dieters out there, it works for phases 2 and 3. Plus, it packs 20 grams of protein for extra energy. One package is only ONE measly gram of fat and 150 calories, so even with the whole wheat toast, you’re looking at 3-5 grams of fat and just over 300 calories for a totally satisfying meal.

2. Garden Burger Buffalo Wrap

You need:

–One Garden Burger brand veggie patty, from the freezer section

–A low-carb tortilla wrap (I recommend a wheat or spinach flavor)

–One slice Kraft 2% milk Colby-Jack cheese

–Frank’s Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce

–Lettuce and tomato

*Throw the Garden Burger in the microwave for 30-35 seconds on each side. I usually top the patty with cheese when there’s about 15 seconds left to cook so it gets all melty and delicious.

*Pour a thin line of Red Hot sauce down the center of your tortilla.

*Slice the Garden Burger and cheese into strips and arrange it evenly on the tortilla so you’ll be able to roll it up.

*Top with lettuce and tomato, wrap it up, and prepare yourself for some fiery goodness.

Personally, I am obsessed with Garden Burgers, but other brands, such as Boca and Morningstar Farms also make pretty good vegetarian burgers. The Garden Burger brand packs only 100 calories and 3.5 grams of fat. The cool Colby-Jack cheese (5 grams fat, 50 calories) pairs well with Frank’s spicy sauce, which won’t add fat or calories to the sandwich. Bonus: spicy foods rev your metabolism!

3. Steamed Vegetable Plate

You need:

–One Dole Vegetables Microwave-Ready Bag, from the produce section

–Kraft 2% milk shredded mozzarella cheese

–Bertolli Vodka Sauce

*Pierce holes in the bag of veggies, and microwave for 3-5 minutes.

*While the veggies are “steaming,” heat the vodka sauce on the stove (Okay, I know I said you only need a microwave. If you don’t have a stove, you can heat the sauce in the micro while the veggies are cooling).

*Mix vegetables and sauce together, and sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top. The hot vegetables will melt the cheese.

Since discovering these handy steam-in-a-microwave packs, I’ve cut a LOT of pasta out of my life, which also happens to cut carbs. The vodka sauce is a bit higher in fat than I usually cook with (10 grams of fat for half a cup), but it’s an indulgence I’m willing to allow. The melted mozz is a great finish. For a lower-fat option, use regular marinara sauce.

There are plenty of meat-free products out there that are tasty, convenient, and healthy, so play around with your cooking, er, microwaving. Boca Chik’N patties also make for a mean sandwich, and if you find yourself a fan of Garden Burgers, you can sub them for meat in just about any recipe– I like to top salads with meatless patties, on occasion.

Plus, get your friends on the vegetarian bandwagon by making Boca Meatless Chili nachos, with Baked! Tostitos and Kraft 2% milk Mexican Cheese blend. Congratulate yourself on cutting calories by drinking an ice cold, calorie-packed margarita!

I have never quite been able to match the final product, but I do have the recipe, and I am more than willing to share it with you. I believe it’s one of those recipes that gives good results every time but takes a lifetime to perfect… so check back with me in 30 years or so to see how I’m doing.

In the meantime, get the following things together:

FOR THE DOUGH

• 1 package (about 1 ½ teaspoons) rapid-rise yeast

• 1 cup warm water (but not so hot that it hurts your fingers)

• 3 tablespoons olive oil

• 1 tsp salt

• 2 ½ cups flour

• 1 ½ tsp dry basil

• 1 ½ tsp dry oregano

FOR THE PIZZA

• 8 oz can pizza sauce (note: NOT tomato sauce)

• 2 cups mozzarella cheese

• various toppings (my favorite combo is pepperoni, mushrooms, green olives, and black olives)

To make the dough, pour the warm water in a large bowl. Sprinkle the package of yeast over the water. Stir briefly. Add the olive oil, salt, basil, and oregano, and stir in the flour ½ cup at a time. Mix everything until you have a stiff dough. Remove it from the bowl (along with any flour it hasn’t yet absorbed), and knead it on a countertop or other smooth surface for 5-10 minutes. Thump it hard!

When you’re done kneading, wash out the big bowl and coat it thinly with olive oil. Roll the ball of dough in the oil to coat, then stretch some plastic wrap tightly over the top of the bowl.

Leave everything for about two hours. When you come back, the dough should have puffed up in a major way—it should be about twice the size it was before. If not, wait another 20 minutes or so and check it again.

If the dough is huge, preheat the oven to 500. Take out the massive dough and punch it down gently. It should be quite elastic. Take out your flour and your pizza pan. Sprinkle a big, flat surface with flour, and use your hands (NOT a rolling pin) to stretch out the dough to the desired size of your pizza (this recipe makes one pretty big pizza, about 17” or so). Lay the finished circle gently on the pizza pan (it helps to fold it into quarters first).

Now for the fun part. Use a spoon to spread the pizza sauce evenly on top of the pizza. Add the toppings and cheese. Pop it in the oven, and let it cook for 20-25 minutes. The smell will be overpowering. When you take it out, all nice and brown and sizzling, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you made your very own pizza!

[Image courtesy of greenpanda.wordpress.com.]