12 words you didn’t know you were mispronouncing.

Who is Jesse James’ new GF?

It’s time to manage your time.

What makes men insecure?

Break-up gift basket. Thoughts?

God, we love Ross Matthews.

Does Chelsea Handler have a sex tape?

Wait, how many women did Tiger sleep with?!

Some people are really (REALLY) stupid.

How did we miss the news of Sandra’s divorce?

Justin Bieber’s got a secret!

Katie Holmes gets a job. Finally.

I want to go to there.

Could life be any more stressful right now? If midterms weren’t enough, we have to find the time to get our bodies in shape for Spring Break, watch a buttload of TV, and figure out what we’re going to wear for St. Patrick’s day.

I have been an anxious mess all week; even last night’s 90-minute yoga sesh didn’t ease my mind. Instead of letting everything go and focusing on my breathing, I used Downward Dog as a time to notice how fat my thighs were and how badly I needed a pedicure. Then I started thinking of all the other things I could be doing with that time, making a mental list in my head.

It’s exhausting. I just wish I could be somewhere else for an hour. Somewhere with no stress, no assignments, no anything but pure bliss and relaxation. Like in bed…with Joel McHale and Paul Rudd…while Paula Deen feeds us big, buttery cupcakes. Or on a yacht with Beyonce and Jay-Z, just hanging out and admiring the brand new Louboutin pumps they got me for my birthday.

Just thinking about it all makes me feel a little less stressed, less anxious. Since I know I’m not the only one freaking out right now, I asked the CollegeCandy writers to tell me what they would do if they had an hour of total freedom.

Rachael- University of Miami: Given the way this week has gone, I’d say sleep, but assuming I’m not in the middle of midterm madness, either be in a Broadway musical or speak at a General Assembly meeting for the United Nations.

Jasmine – Northern Arizona University: I would live out “Tik Tok” with Ke$ha and Rihanna.

Lauren – University of Michigan: I’d be on the Chelsea Lately round table for two episodes.

Kelly – University of Iowa: I would make sweet, sweet love with David Beckham while the rest of the AC Milan soccer team furiously made enough barbacoa burritos to last me my lifetime.

Jessica – Delaware: I would have great sex followed by eating giant ice cream sundaes with no calories.

Noa – CU Boulder: I’d smoke a bowl with my parents (because that would be really funny, no?) and then eat my mom’s famous lasagna. The whole thing.

Melanie – Northeastern University: I’d freeze time and raid Saks 5th Avenue

Anna – Northeastern: I would eat a never ending bowl of tomato chicken and orzo soup, with extra crackers.

Carly – Grinnell: Oh, wow. I’m pretty sure I would choose to spend an hour learning how to temper chocolate from a world-class pastry chef. Yeah . . . that seems like a skill that would come in handy for hundreds of future occasions.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I’m going to have to go with being able to buy whatever I want for an hour with everything absolutely free. Think supermarket-sweep but in Neiman Marcus.

Desiree – Columbia University: I’m dying for an massage. Exam stress almost always ties my back in knots, so I’d spend my hour being rubbed head to toe with the richest oils and lotions.

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: I would spend an hour spooning with Sidney Crosby in bed. Eating french silk pie.

Christie – NC State: If I could do anything for an hour I would want to ride a gondola in Venice, on a beautiful sunny day, with David Beckham giving me a back massage and an orchestra playing along the side of the river as I rode by.

What would you do?

[Besides being the month of St. Patrick's Day and CollegeCandy's editor's birthday, March is Women's History Month. Instead of honoring the great women of our past, however, we at CC want to honor the women they inspired and who now inspire us. Every Wednesday this month we are going to highlight a woman who is currently dominating her field and showing us that we can really do anything. These women are strong, powerful, famous, and doing their thing even better than their male counterparts, so let's give them the attention they deserve!]

First up is Chelsea Handler, a self-made celebrity who is smart, beautiful, hilarious, and full of talent. We could probably list a billion reasons why we love this woman (including her shoe collection, her interviewing skills, Margarita Thursdays…), but here are the 5 biggest reasons Chelsea Handler has inspired us.

1. She didn’t go to college
Obviously, we think college is an amazing, worthwhile experience (hence the name of the website – COLLEGECandy). But it’s amazing to me that Chelsea was so motivated, driven, and fearless that she didn’t feel the need to go the traditional college route in order to pursue her dreams. And she’s made herself an empire! (Not to mention she pulls a much larger salary than I’ll ever get with my college degree).

2. She’s A Renaissance Woman
Best-selling author, actress, TV host, and stand-up comedian!? Chelsea does it all, and does it well.  Both of her books – Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea, and My Horizontal Life – were on the New York Times Bestseller List (and she has another book slated for release in March, yayy!), and she won Bravo’s “A-List Funny” Award in 2009. 

3. She’s Transformed Late-Night Comedy
While Conan and Leno were battling over late-night, Handler was sittin’ pretty and watching her show get more and more successful, recently being picked up through 2012. Her ad revenue has even surpassed that of comedian powerhouse, Steven Colbert! Not only that, but she generously uses her success as a platform for up-and-coming comedians. While most comedians hate sharing the spotlight (lest someone looks funnier than them), Chelsea’s round table showcases comedians that she considers friends and she even brings them on tour! Comedians like Heather McDonald, Loni Love and Brad Wollack have all been hired for more gigs after being seen on Chelsea’s show.

4. She’s Got a Killer Bod
And she works hard for it! Between her hectic schedule for the show, writing books, and making media appearances, Chelsea makes time for hour-long workouts at the gym private and Pilates classes. She eats a very strict diet and counts calories, allowing her to indulge in her one true love: vodka. (Honestly, what college woman can’t relate to and respect that?)

5. She’s Not Afraid to Be Herself
Anyone who’s seen Chelsea on TV or read her books knows that her no-holds barred sense of humor is what gave her success. She speaks candidly about pretty much everything and isn’t afraid of offending anyone. She also exudes confidence and isn’t afraid to use her sexuality, having appeared in both Maxim’s Hot 100 and on the cover of Playboy last year. Chelsea doesn’t try to fit a mold to be successful in Hollywood and look at her now, on the top of her game.

Chelsea Handler inspires me to be myself and not to let others tell me what to do or who to be. She is a unique personality in the entertainment industry and a breath of fresh air. I can’t think of a better woman to kick off this month with, and I really think the world needs more people like her to step into the spotlight!

We all know Reality TV is less than quality. And yeah, Rock of Love (especially that bus!) and For The Love Of Ray J are ruining the world, but it’s hard not to love those celebrity-based reality TV shows. Much like coffee, cardigans and chocolate chip muffins, I’m addicted. Whether it’s seeing how those people live or getting to know them in a different way, there’s just something about those shows that keeps me, and America, coming back for more.

Admit it: no matter how embarrassing it is, you can’t get enough of Tori and Dean or Giuliana and Bill. It’s fun to see how celebrities live, and what they’re like when they’re not all decked up on a Red Carpet repeating lines fed to them by their overbearing publicists.

Remember how surprised you were to see how almost normal the Osbournes were?
Or at how messed up Britney and K-Fed were? (…maybe  that one wasn’t so surprising.)

Wouldn’t you like to get inside Oprah’s life? Or Ryan Seacrest’s? Or, OMG, Paula Abdul’s? Talk about TV gold! I’m giddy just thinking about it. (I may even have to upgrade to a bigger DVR if that last one is an option. Mine is already full with all of the Real Housewives….) But enough about my life long dreams; let’s see which reality shows the CollegeCandy writers would like to see.

Ricki – University of Michigan: The Glee cast. They need to show us what it’s like to be behind the scenes

Emmy – Loyola University: Any show with Taylor Lautner would have me as a loyal viewer immediately.

Kim – Stanford: I’d want Jay Z and Beyonce to do a reality show. They’re Hollywood’s most interesting couple because they’re so secretive…. so obviously I want to know everything.

Leah – Ryerson University: Marc Jacobs and his adorable beau. Great fashion, very fun.

Carly – Grinnell: I kind of want to know all about the Disney stars, like the JoBros and Miley. I know parts of their lives are already splashed all over the Internets, but I feel like they have secret, exciting lives that I want to know about.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Chuy from Chelsea Lately. I just can’t get enough of that little nugget.

Nina – Michigan State University: Kanye West should totes get one! It would make even more people hate him. WTF else does he do now that he’s on hiatus, anyway?

Lexi C. – Brown: Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman. He is charming and funny and she is raunchy and offensive, so I would love to see how their personalities work together.

Charlsie – Hollins University: I think I’d like to see blogger Julia Allison finally get her dream-come-true reality show. Maybe then I can figure out what it is she exactly does and should be famous for.

Rachael – University of Miami: I’m not a huge fan of these reality shows, so I’d rather not see anymore created, but if I had to pick someone, I’d want it to be someone who was really working for something important, like Jordanian Queen Rania Al-Abdullah or Michael J Fox, or someone really off-beat and fun, like Tim Burton. THAT could be interesting. . . .

Noa – CU Boulder: Madonna and Jesus Luz. I just need to see how those two work together. Or how long Madge spends chugging protein shakes and bench pressing his hot little bod.

Zahra – Northwestern University: I want Perez Hilton to get a reality show so I can learn how he got famous for no reason and then follow in his footsteps. He freakin’ hangs out with Lady G now! Jealous.

Hannah – Assumption College: I would definitely want to see Brad and Angelina at home with their dozens of children (I honestly don’t know how many children they have, I stopped counting). I just don’t want them to suffer the same fate as Jon and Kate.

Brithny – Duke: Anderson Cooper, apart from AC360. I’ve always wondered what the Silver Fox does on a daily basis, besides being ridiculously good-looking and saving kids.

Brittany – University of St.Thomas: Besides Chase Crawford (even if he life is bor-ing I would be pleased take an extra 30 min. out of my day to stare at his brown locks and purty eyes) I would chose Katy Perry. Someone has to get behind her obsession for Russell “skinny jeans” Brand. I also wouldn’t be opposed to a Perez Hilton and a Lady Gaga combo reality show. It could be like Rob and Big, except way weirder. And gayer. Loves it!

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I want to see Brad and Angelina have their own show on TLC. They have to be more interesting than the Duggars.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: Joaquin Phoenix.  I’m a little curious about what he’s been up to post-breakdown/rap career.

First it was Paris and Nicole. Then it was Edward and Jacob. Now, it’s Conan and Leno.

Yup, it seems the late night kings of comedy are splitting the country as they battle it out over air times.

Here’s the deal: Leno’s new gig at 10 p.m. isn’t working out so well. Shocking? Not so much. NBC moved him to this slot over the summer hoping he’d be cheaper entertainment then those super pricey dramas. And while Jay may be cheaper, he’s definitely not entertaining. NBC execs, therefore, are working on another little switcharoo which will move Leno back to his 11:35 slot. A slot currently occupied by Conan O’Brien.

So where is Conan supposed to go?

He can’t exactly move back in to his old place, as its currently inhabited by the “comedy” of Jimmy Fallon (how he got that coveted spot I’ll never understand). And Conan’s show would never work at 10p.m., mostly because his target audience (i.e. college boys) are too busy playing Halo and ish to tune in so early.

So, again, where’s Conan supposed to go?!

What’s gonna happen to my favorite little (er, not so) late night TV host? Come on, I can’t be the only one who loves his twiggy arms and finds his quirky, mischievous demeanor totally hot. Oh wait… back to my point…

Some people are saying that Conan might be getting the boot, something Jay Leno has been joking about, but I’m not sure I find this so funny. In fact, I don’t find Jay funny at all. Or Jimmy. How is it, then, that the only late night host (besides Chelsea Handler – maybe they should move her to the 10pm slot?!) could be on his way out!? I won’t stand for this! It’s time to take a stand and choose your side, people. I’m taking my position on Team Conan. Which team will you be on?

But then one day my beloved Aaron decided to take to drugs, and my delusions of perfection were busted. He divorced his parents, got engaged to a Playboy model for all of two seconds and generally sucked all around. I let my love for AC fall by the wayside.

Now Aaron is back in the spotlight and I’m torn. The last I saw him, Aaron had left me broken-hearted and disappointed. Can he dance his way back into my heart?

Love it

Aaron and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, kicked off the season premiere of “Dancing with the Stars,” and boy was he looking good. His Cha-Cha number was absolutely stunning.  I would go as far as to say, Aaron may be the new Lord of the Dance.

All the bad press surrounding Aaron and the Carter family seems to be forgotten, and apparently, he doesn’t drink anymore! That’s good. Keep yourself out of trouble, Aaron. We know you’ve had problems with gateway drugs in the past. In fact, we saw it live (well, pre-recorded) on E!

I still know all the words to “That’s How I Beat Shaq” and would give anything for Aaron to do a remake of that classic hit. He was a budding pop-star with a bright future. Since his downfall he has cleaned up his act, and I think he deserves another chance.

And between you and me, I secretly hope Aaron Googles his own name, sees this post and contacts me in hopes of regaining a neglected fan. Fingers crossed!

Loathe it

So much of what I loved about him back in his “Oh Aaron” days was his little boy preciousness. But it seems that he hasn’t quite outgrown that phase yet. My guess is he is weighing in at around 101 lbs, two of which can be attributed to the amount of hair gel used to get his blonde locks to swoop in an ocean-like wave. And there is no doubt in my mind that he will never be able to grow a full beard.

Also, and I hate to say it, but I’m questioning Aaron’s sexuality. There was a slight blip on my gay-dar as I watched him shake his hips on “Dancing with the Stars.” I have no evidence to back this up, but I’m definitely going to keep a close eye on his personal life.

And his most grave offense to date happened in a recent interview on Chelsea Lately. No, I’m not talking about that graphic tee he was wearing; Aaron admitted, with a seemingly proud smile on his face, to cheating on Hillary Duff…. with her best friend!  That’s a no-no, little Aaron. What a pig.

So what’s the word, is Aaron’s party back on? Or am I living in the past?

Are you ready for the big family BBQ? Oscar Mayer will supply the hot dogs and we’ll provide the fun. And fun is what you need, especially if you’re dealing with post-grad depression. Bet you thought you’d be able to survive the summer on all that money you got from selling your books.

Wrong.

But have no fear, all you need is one little book and you’re set for navigating life on this side of the college diploma. Well, that and the knowledge that you don’t need to have it all. In fact, it’s bad for you to even try. Just sit back, watch some Chelsea Lately and enjoy the long weekend.

We know we will. After a long-ass week dealing with a Facebook breakup, old people doing gross things, and a whole lot of debating about gay marriage and Plan B, we’re ready to take a few days off.  With a margarita. And a giant cheeseburger. By the pool (slathered in sunscreen, of course).

Happy Memorial Day!

I’m having a tough time admitting this, mostly because I think she stole my life, but I have a huge crush on Chelsea Handler. I was introduced to Ms. Handler a few years back when my friend shoved her first book, “My Horizontal Life” in my hands and screamed, “this was your idea!”

Yes, it’s true. I had always planned on compiling my one night stand stories into a book, but I needed a few more hump sessions to complete it and Chelsea beat me to it.

I wanted to so badly to hate what I read, but I couldn’t. The book was laugh out loud funny, and I’m pretty sure I bothered everyone else in Starbucks when I read the entire thing in one day. When I finally reached the end, I determined that Chelsea and I were soul mates.

Since then, Chelsea has written another NY Times Bestseller and got her very own show, Chelsea Lately, on E! Some people think she slept her way into that late night slot (her BF just happens to be in charge of the network), but I don’t care. If it took a little pork-sesh to bring this woman to TV, then so be it. If anything, it only proves that the woman is as good between the sheets as she is behind the round table.

Chelsea Handler is hilarious, beautiful, witty and has a killer sense of style. When I tune into her show nightly (I haven’t missed an episode in months), I am as entertained by what she says and does as I am by the gorgeous and drool-worthy stilettos on her feet. Stilettos that she uses to effectively stomp on the hopes, dreams and careers of Hollywood’s most ridiculous characters.

And even they find her funny.

Chelsea Handler proves that comedy isn’t just for the boys/ugly women. She’s the total package and if it takes sleeping with her to become her full-sized sidekick (she’s already got a mini-friend), I’ll do it. Maybe we could pen that story into a book together.

Chelsea Handler is gonna be around for awhile. Woohoo!

New York schools bursing with cash.

Pharrell Williams croons for McDonalds.

Lindsay Lohan is broke (and way too skinny).

Denise Richards can’t dance.

Ugly guys make better booty calls?

Small diet changes that produce big results.

Jennifer Hudson returns to Idol.

Be your own fashion designer.

Get beauty products for free.

Manage your time better.

Kanye looks….scary.