Some women have been blessed with the cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing skills any ’50s housewife would be jealous of. You know the type – they go to their friends’ houses bearing baked goods, they know how to get that tricky stain out of delicate material, they’re just all-around nurturers.

I, on the other hand, find myself lacking in every aspect of domestic maturity. I dread doing laundry, I get extra excited on the rare occasion that my pasta comes off the stovetop instead of out of the microwave, and I gotta be honest, kids kind of piss me off.

For a long time, I’ve embraced this about myself. I was convinced I could just get by on take-out and who really needs children anyway? But as I approach my senior year of college, it’s beginning to hit me just how close I am to living life in the real world. In a very short while, it’ll be frowned upon to live like I do – laundry piling up, cabinets stocked with Easy Mac, dishes (read: shot glasses) sitting in the sink.

If this is truly some sort of natural instinct in women, when will it kick in for me? And why hasn’t it already?

After a lot of thought, I think I know what’s holding me back. It’s not that I just suck at these household duties – I am so afraid of what it actually means to perform them: growing up. Read More »

While at the airport this week, I observed a woman clutching a scraggly toy-sized dog decked out in a Ralph Lauren polo shirt made for a six-month-old child. Ew. Just because owning an animal is like having a child does not mean that the dog’s fur has stopped acting as its clothing. Now even dogs are subject to the materialism of today’s society.

Maybe it started with Paris Hilton or the talking chihuahua in Taco Bell commercials, but the dog trend never really sunk in on a personal level until I visited my former college roommate…and her new puppy.

It scared the hell out of me. Not the dog himself, he’s a teeny dust-mop-esque guy that legitimately bites your ankles, clothing, and anything else he can get to. What frightened me was the idea of what people are getting themselves into (please see single, childless friends referring to themselves as parents) and the fact that I really am that big a commitment-phobe.

Sure, many of us grew up with pets, but there was no actual “raising” going down on our end. It wasn’t our job to shop for pet carriers or plan out potty schedules, that’s what our parents were for. Now that we’re on our own (ish), so many people who want an animal are just looking to use it as an accessory. Puppies are like a new pair of Chanel shades, right? Only they love you back? Read More »

• Get Lauren Conrad a present! Because, you know, she needs one and all.

• Going to an Ugly Sweater Party this weekend? Check out some terrible ones…

• Have nothing to talk about when you’re home with the parents? Everyone loves a horrible, horrible joke!

• You’d think with the holidays around the corner mothers could give their kids a break…not so for this hard-ass mom!

• “Don’t tase me, bro!” is the top quote of 2007! Congrats?

• The internet is used for something positive! It’s a Christmas miracle!

• Nobody wants to see this picture anyway…

Sesame Street is no longer safe for kids.In a hilarious New York Times article, Virginia Heffernan jokes about the very real warning on the DVD for volumes 1 and 2 of Sesame Street: “These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”

After subjecting herself and friends to an “all-ages” screening of the 1970’s version of the kids show, Heffernan bemoaned the “damage” the show’s gritty early years caused her psyche.

“The show rolled, and the sweet trauma came flooding back. What they did to us was hard-core. Man, was that scene rough. The masonry on the dingy brownstone at 123 Sesame Street, where the closeted Ernie and Bert shared a dismal basement apartment, was deteriorating. Cookie Monster was on a fast track to diabetes. Oscar’s depression was untreated. Prozacky Elmo didn’t exist.”

Even though I was nothing but a faraway dream in the 70’s, I remember tuning into Sesame Street during my early years, somewhere around 1986. While I’m pretty sure Elmo had been ‘born’ by then, the images my pre-school eyes witnessed were not the saccharin filled pictures that flood PBS today. Read More »

• This is the most confusing story on penis theft ever. (AllAfrica.com)

• I think the worst thing that could happen to Portland is a Hippie Rebellion…not a bio-terrorist attack. (katu.com)

• Hop on the Heart Attack Express and eat at the Bacon Club! On the menu: Bacon infused mint julep? (boston.com)

• Booze Alert: Absinthe is back! 62% alcohol, anyone? (jsonline.com)

• Who’s worse? Britney Spears or the woman who used her infant as a taser shield? (tulsaworld.com)

• Dorm kitchen essentials! Hey, anything’s better than the cafeteria! (COED Magazine)

• A fetish fair in NYC? Awesome! Not awesome: Men are forced to wear a “two-inch strip of leather up their backsides”…can’t they make it 4 inches? (NY Mag)

• Remember that book you read back in high school, 1984? It’s finally here in the form of…Gas Station TV! (freep.com)

• Schools are no longer allowing emotion through its doors! Bueller…Bueller? (chicagotribune.com)

• At least Britney isn’t this bad…we hope. (CBS6 Albany)

• I’m not usually into violence, I just thought lions as a whole had it coming. (You Tube)