I, on the other hand, find myself lacking in every aspect of domestic maturity. I dread doing laundry, I get extra excited on the rare occasion that my pasta comes off the stovetop instead of out of the microwave, and I gotta be honest, kids kind of piss me off.

For a long time, I’ve embraced this about myself. I was convinced I could just get by on take-out and who really needs children anyway? But as I approach my senior year of college, it’s beginning to hit me just how close I am to living life in the real world. In a very short while, it’ll be frowned upon to live like I do – laundry piling up, cabinets stocked with Easy Mac, dishes (read: shot glasses) sitting in the sink.

If this is truly some sort of natural instinct in women, when will it kick in for me? And why hasn’t it already?

After a lot of thought, I think I know what’s holding me back. It’s not that I just suck at these household duties – I am so afraid of what it actually means to perform them: growing up.

I love college and I love my adolescence; I’m not quite sure if I’ll be ready for the cold dose of reality that awaits me in just a few years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m capable of surviving on my own; I’ve done it for three years now. What worries me is whether or not I’ll be able to actually accept the idea of being an adult without the safety net of college to fall back on.

Some of my friends have got it all figured out, and I wonder if I’m behind in a sort of race to the finish. Maybe it’s just a matter of time until my biological clock starts ticking and everything falls into place. But I know the first step is to come to terms with the fact that, ready or not, it’s time to grow up… and use a stove.

Aw, so cute! Thank god she belongs to someone else!

I have this problem and it seems as though other girls I know simply don’t have it.

The problem: I don’t want a baby.

Earlier this morning, I watched a two-year-old (with an English accent!) walking around and laughing, and he was hilariously cute. I smiled. I said things like, “Aww…he’s so smart!” And I truly meant the things I said. I truly thought he was adorable. But seeing a kid and thinking that kid is adorable doesn’t make me want one.

I love being an aunt. My niece and nephew are absolutely amazing and I, like many proud aunts and uncles, think they’re flawless godsends. There’s nothing they can do to make me love them any less than I already do.

But I just don’t want any babies of my own.

Most of the girls I’m friends with seem to have a problem with this part of me. They tell me that I’ll change one day, that motherhood is the most beautiful experience in the world, that I just need to wait until I meet the right guy, etc.

Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s the case.

I am admittedly way too selfish for a kid. I never want to give up my career, my passion for travel, my friends, my ability to live my life randomly, or even my money for a baby. I just don’t want a baby badly enough to make those sacrifices.

Is that so wrong?

Whenever we need to make a difficult decision, we make a list. You know, like when we were choosing a school, when we were choosing a date to the first sorority date party, or when we weren’t sure which we loved more: our Prada backpack or our Skechers.

So when are constantly faced with the awful decision of which hot mess of a celebrity is more hot messy, we make a list. Yes, this is a decision we feel the need to make on a weekly basis; we have a lot of time on our hands.

Moving on.

This week’s showdown is between two of our favorite celebs to watch (as they completely meltdown into a pile of crazy mush): Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears. Who is more of a train wreck? God, that’s a tough call, so let’s break it down.

Rehab
Amy Winehouse: Amy said she wouldn’t go to rehab, no no no. Yet, after spending quite a few nights on everything from heroin to horse tranquilizers, the troubled singer ended up there. More than once.

Britney Spears: I lost track of how many times Britney headed to rehab. There was the time she checked into Eric Clapton’s Crossroads Centre, and then that time when she was at Promises when she checked in and then back out and then in again. Lets just say Brit Brit knows her way around addiction counseling.

Point: Britney Spears. It’s all in the numbers. Amy may have sang about it, but Britney visited rehab centers more often than I the bathroom during a night of flip cup. And you know that’s often.

Breakdown
Amy Winehouse: Where do we even begin with this one? Amy is no stranger to breakdowns. She has been known to beat up fans, forget her own lyrics on stage, get in bloody fights with her husband, get caught on tape smoking mysterious substances and walk around in a bra exposing her rail thin body.

Britney Spears: Once again we have another long drawn out train wreck. There was that time she attacked the paparazzi with her umbrella, then dated the paparrazzi, tried on a British accent, shaved her head, put on thirty pounds and lost her children in a custody battle all within the span of about a year.

Point: Tie. A breakdown is a breakdown. No winner here. Except the gossip mags.

Hair
Amy Winehouse’s hair is the stuff legends are made of. (It’s also the stuff that animals get caught in.) An entire Halloween section is devoted to that beehive alone. Just think of all the things she can store in there (crack pipes, flasks, lunch…)

Britney Spears shaved her own head. Who knows it if was because of the drug testing or the “make over”  but either way, Britney went bald. And then covered up her bad judgment call with a number of cheap colorful wigs.

Point: Amy Winehouse. Even though both ladies had some pretty daring dos,  Amy is still rocking that signature look While Brit is back to boring blonde.

Inner Circle
Amy Winehouse’s parents were tight with paparazzi throughout her downward spiral. Although they were making it public that they were worried about their daughter, they were still doing so in a public forum. And then there’s Amy’s beloved husband Blake, who personally escorted her to her professional demise and is now sitting behind bars trading pics of his lady for lines of coke.

Britney Spears. Where do you start with this one? Her mom is the ultimate stage mom, her dad has been managing her every move since she was 12, and her sister had a baby at 12. (Ok, 16.) And if all that isn’t dramatic enough, Britney is also connected to a series of shady characters like Adnan Ghalib who may or may not have been working with the paparazzi to profit off of Brit-Brits downward spiral, and Sam Lutfi who may have contributed to it.

Point: Britney Spears. Although both ladies have some serious enablers in their lives, Amy drugged herself. Again and again and again. And again. Britney had no idea what people were putting in her applesauce.

Kids
Amy Winehouse has yet to reproduce. Thank. God.

Britney Spears is the mother to 2 mistakes kids, Jayden James and Sean Preston. Who she has almost killed on multiple occasions.

Point: Britney Spears… At least until Amy has her own children to screw up.

Celebretard Prize: Britney Spears
Yayyyy, Britney! This truly is the year of your comeback!

With twins. AGAIN.

I wasn’t aware that the human race was dying out, what with all that overcrowding in China and stuff, but since Angelina is BFF with the United Nations (who keep tabs on that sort of thing), I’m guessing she and Mr. Pitt took it upon themselves to save the human race with their chronic breeding. Thanks, guys.

I think this brings the total number of Brangelina kids up to about 7,321 (actual number: 8). Which means they now have more children than I have close friends. Seriously, they should give up the whole celebrity business and move to Wyoming to become full-time babymakers. The big WY would totally get a couple more seats in the House for it.

It is no secret that it doesn’t take much to freak out a guy in a relationship. I once dated a guy who would ask me to come over and hang out, but then go nuts and say we were spending too much time together.What?

Anyways, in efforts not to be crazy or overbearing or, “let’s start saving for our grandchildren,” I (and I am sure many girls like me) tend to hold back. I am very cautious about getting too serious too fast and scaring the boy away. I know not to introduce him to my entire extended family after our first date. I know not to get his name tattooed on my ring finger after our first sex sesh. Those things are obvious.

But what about making plans for the near future? Is that too much? Let’s ask the boys….

We’ve reached the mid-way mark of October, and that means that we at CollegeCandy are really psyched for Halloween. We’re definitely still pondering what to wear on the 31st, but when it comes to children’s costumes, there are a few get-ups we’d rather not see prowling the streets.

The following is a list of Halloween costumes for children to avoid, containing several funny, inappropriate, and unsafe outfits we’d rather not see on our younger siblings and babysitting charges.

1. Pinocchio with Strings

A Pinocchio costume is all well and good, but the strings on this thing look really unsafe. Can you imagine this kid running around all hopped up on chocolate in the dark? That sh*t is gonna get tangled. And based on this photo, I don’t know what these strings are suspended from–maybe the kid’s chaperone is supposed to hold them? Putting your kid on a leash for Halloween. Nice.

2. Corpse Bride

This costume sort of looks like Lindsay Lohan’s “ex-wife” costume from Mean Girls. But what’s truly frightening here is dressing up your little sis as a sexualized, virginal corpse. Not so hot.

3. Austin Powers

I’ll definitely admit, when I first saw this costume I laughed my ass off. You can almost hear this kid snarling, “Yeeeah, baby!” But in order for him to pull off The Spy Who Shagged Me with charm, he’d have to know a thing or two about mojo. Maybe it’s best if we let boys be boys for now, since we all know the guys will start pimpin’ sooner or later…but hopefully not before they outgrow their Huggies.

4. Tween Pink Leopard Dress Costume

Ugh. There are SO many things wrong with this outfit. I wouldn’t wear it as a 20-year-old woman, much less a preteen girl. If you take off those ears, this poor child looks nothing less than a prostitute. Let’s see… ho collar? Check. Cheezy pink leopard print? Check. Lingerie gauze? Check. Slutty pleather miniskirt? Check. Revealed navel? Check. Hooker heels? CHECK. How did that old Ludacris song go? Oh yeah: YOU’S A HO.

5. Native American

Maybe this is just me, but I think this costume is really racist. It’s one thing if you want to dress up like Pocahontas, but it’s entirely another if you’re just a Native American. Would it be funny if a Native American child dressed up as a Colonial? My mother grew up just down the road from a Native American reservation, and I know costumes like this wouldn’t fly back in her hometown.

6. A Toilet

Seriously, you are asking for your kid to get a few swirlies with his Starbursts if you dress him in this. Flush this idea, people. Flush it down.

[Seen any other horrifying children's costumes this year? Let us know!!]

In today’s Photoshoped world, it’s hard to tell which buzz-worthy pictures are fake, and which ones are actual hilarious moments caught by a camera…

We’re sincerely hoping this one is legit.

It seems that marriage (according to statistics, which as we all know, are infallible) has become a white institution. Black people just aren’t doing it anymore.

Some of you may be familiar with the special CNN aired, “Black in America” in which they spoke on many of the issues that black America is having not only with marriage, but with other aspects of day to day life: employment, education, etc., all of which impact the black community.

Dionne Hill, the producer of the segment has a special rumination on black people and marriage. It’s not a new statistic, but the fact still remains: black people simply are not getting married in the numbers that we once used to. Certainly no longer comparable in numbers to the ethnic majority of Caucasian people marrying. In the article, which can be found in it’s entirety here, she talks about her own experience with the illusive unicorn that is marriage and her own vision of the perfect life, which is, of course: marriage, career, and children.

Like many black women she has one of the three – career – and hopes that the other two will fall in line on their own.

So why isn’t she, or the other black women she speaks about, getting married? What’s wrong here? Some people say it’s a cycle that we’re just repeating. Our parents weren’t married, therefore, we aren’t getting married either. Or maybe it’s TV and media – black pop culture has this single black super woman thing going on that discourages the idea of marriage. You know, the successful black woman: constantly dating but never finding the one that meets her standards.

And that’s probably the root of the problem right there.

In previous generations its been the idea that a man brings something more to the table. A job, stability, ability to make babies who won’t be shunned because they were had out of wedlock, etc… Nowadays, these values aren’t as important in a potential mate because, let’s face it, we can get all of these things on our own. No longer do we have to be like Beyonce and Upgrade a man; we can be picky and wait for the supped up version to enter our lives.

Despite this growing trend, Hill still has hope, but her silver lining has its rain cloud:

“My outlook: optimistic. My honest fear: It may never happen,”

And this is perhaps the most touching and honest thing in the entire article. It was more than just reporting facts, recalling memories and ideas she was holding onto. It was brutal and honest and every black woman’s fear (not to mention a fear rampant among women of all colors and backgrounds). Because despite understanding the problem, despite accepting it, it’s still there. The numbers are still there and numbers do not lie.

But there is hope.

There are men out there who bring what every woman is looking for; it just takes time to find them. I don’t think that black people are getting married less, I just think that they’re finally not settling for less. Little things that we may have overlooked before – emotionally stunted, bad teeth, criminal record, etc. – no longer get a pass for the sake of just being married.

[Photo courtesy of wikimedia.org]

Unfortunately, my life is not very conducive to being hungover, and forces me to inevitably be anywhere but in bed on those days when I swear off drinking for good. If you’ve ever been hungover, chances are you’ve been forced to be somewhere you absolutely did not want to be at the time. I present the short list of the worst places to be while hungover.

5. Class. Ahh college. It offers us so much freedom, so much responsibility (or the option to exercise irresponsibility)! It even allows us to go out and drink on a weeknight. The consequences of this option can be felt the morning after that party that e-v-e-r-yone went to. You promised yourself you wouldn’t drink, you would just go to say hi and then get your scholastic tush home to get some shut eye for your 9 am. But alas, that cute baseball player from econ offered you a Solo of Natty and you just couldn’t refuse. Then came the beer pong tournament, the Vodka Slide race and finally, the sudden death round of Ring of Fire. Fast forward to this morning, drearily listening to your professor lecture while simultaneously cursing yourself and evaluating the quickest escape route should a wave of nausea hit. You are never drinking again! Oh wait–it’s ladies night and 2-4-1 at your favorite bar…

4. Work. This varies in degrees of miserable-ness depending on what you do. I work with children. For me, a day hungover at work (not something I’ve ever experienced or ever hope to) would consist of screaming and crying until snack time, Barney Live, Dora the Explorer and Thomas the Train episodes in rapid succession, then a very much needed nap time. I don’t even know what the kids would be doing that whole time though; they’re so on their own. If you are lucky enough to have a desk job, just zone out whilst typing. If you are unlucky enough to be a roller coaster ride tester, I suggest you avoid the weeknight festivities.

3. A Sporting Event. Being a hungover spectator is no fun; being a hungover participant is downright unbearable. If the game is an ESPN-worthy rivalry match between State U and U State, you can count on being drunk-over (resulting from last night’s massive block party induced-hangover combined with hours of painstaking tailgating). If the game is against your IM rival and you are the team’s star player, you can count on a lot of disappointed fans and angry, unforgiving teammates. Couple this with the way your body will feel after rigorous exercise, and you’ll think twice about ever going out the night before a game again.

2. Your Place of Worship. Be it synogogue, temple, mosque or church (Atheists and Agnostics, be glad this is something you need not worry about) sitting or kneeling for hours upon hours (at least it feels that way), surrounded by those attempting to absorb God’s love is not somewhere you want to be the morning after a hard night of drinking. Not only are you paranoid that the adorable child to your right can smell the tequila oozing from your pores, you’re pretty certain the little old lady to your left is privately condemning you. Of course, today’s topic of discussion will be on the evils of gluttony and drinking, leaving you to shrink into your seat, hope the sermon is not directed at you and pray the big guy (or guys, girls, etc.) upstairs is not about to smite you.

1. In Any Kind of Moving Vehicle. Obviously, this location takes the cake. It doesn’t matter if you wear your biggest, darkest sunglasses. It won’t make a difference if you lay down in the back seat or close your eyes (which I do not recommend if you are the driver). This is not something that gallons of water and any amount of carbohydratyes can cure. Your inner ear is sensing movement and it is going to punish you severely for it. Maybe you’re just running a few errands after a late night. Or perhaps you’ve just woken up after celebrating a week’s worth of studying for/acing all of your finals and are now embarking on the 9 hour drive home. Whatever your endpoint, the moment you buckle yourself into any car, van, bus, train, airplane, or– heaven forbid– boat, you will instantly regret it. All you can do now is sit next to a window or within proximity of a toilet and will yourself to your final destination.

[Thank you to the hungover girl above and Flickr.com for that hot shot]

This

Two young boys in the Czech Republic were kept for months in a basement dungeon by their mother. Not only were they sexually and physically abused, naked in their own urine and chained up, they were also forced to cut themselves. Why? So that their mother could feed their raw flesh to their relatives.

The entire torture was conducted in accordance with text messages from the leader of their “religious” group, the Grail Movement. This leader is referred to only as “The Doctor.”

And this is a true story.

The mother, who is currently on trial, now claims that she was brainwashed. She says she’s sorry and doesn’t know how she could have done such things.

I don’t buy it for one second. You know how this was discovered? A neighbor caught it on his baby TV monitor. According to various articles, that is because the mother had her own TV monitor hooked up so that she could watch the boys while they were in agony whenever she felt like it. To me, there is no coming back from that.

Now the questions seem to be (1) will the court buy the “brainwashed” excuse, and (2) how far is a religious organization allowed to go in the name of their beliefs?

Here in America, we are very careful to be 100% PC about religion. We want everyone to think we have tolerance coming out the wazoo.

But in this blogger’s humble opinion, the need to be PC often comes out of an inherent bigotry. The need to be so careful of a group’s supposed collective feelings stems from a discomfort with the person’s own feelings toward that group.

So when honor killings happen in Syria or Haiti (where honor killings are legal), we say, oh, that’s just a part of their culture. When civil wars break out in the Democratic Republic of the Congo or Rwanda and thousands of civilians are brutally murdered, we say, we should let them work that out for themselves.

I do not believe that the United States should waltz in and save the world. I think we should solve our own problems first. I am not advocating US-as-protector-of-the-world.

What I am saying is that we should not pardon atrocious acts because they are “cultural” or “religious.” When harm comes to helpless people, we all have the responsibility to stand up for them and not hide behind the dubious veil of supposed “cultural differences.”

I hope this woman who tortured and cannibalized her children in the name of religion is locked up for the rest of her life. And, more importantly, I hope the two children are placed into stable homes with people who will love them and care for them and nurse them back into some semblance of mental health.