[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Two guys, relaxing in a student lobby.)

Guy 1: Hulk Hogan is a country.  He’s the world’s largest importer of rice paper shirts.

Guy 2: Guess that explains everything.

(Older woman, on the phone.)

Woman: What could we buy Dad that he doesn’t already have? … How about a loving daughter?

(pause)

Woman: Oh, honey, I was kidding.

(pause)

Woman: Hey! I said I was kidding! It was a joke!

(pause)

Woman: No. Don’t hang up. I’ll apologize. I’m sorry, honey.

(Guy chasing a mosquito around with newspaper. Girl watching.)

Guy 1: Get back here, mosquito. You’re going to mosquito school. At mosquito school, you die.

Girl: He paid a lot of money to go to mosquito school!

(Two girls, looking at each other’s cell phones.)

Girl 1: What does it do?

Girl 2: It doesn’t really work. The battery sucks and I get service, like, nowhere. It cost 80 bucks, and it plays the Tootsie Roll song.

Girl 1: Totally worth it.

Girl 2: It’s funny how true that is.

(Guys turn around as another enters a party.)

Guy 1: Oh, sh*t, it’s chili schnapps guy. Don’t bring that sh*t here.

Guy 2: What are you talking about? This is peach schnapps.

Guy 1: No foolin’ me, man. That’s straight up chili .

(Guy on the phone in a Chinese restaurant.)

Guy: Yeah, brother, get ready to whip it out. We’re gonna play some video games.

(Heard in the background of a cell phone conversation.)

Drunk guy: Who are you calling? Is he a slut? You’d better be calling a slut, honey!

(Two girls at a sexual consent workshop, oddly enough.)

Girl 1: No Hulk Sex.

Girl 2: Definitely not.

Girl 1: Like, that’s some scary stuff. Huge muscles.

Girl 2: Uh-huh.

Girl 1: Because, you know, it’s like what the Hulk does. When he Hulks out.

Girl 2: Right. I get it. Can we stop talking about this?

(Girl, walking in a group by the road.)

Girl: Holy s***! The trees are taking off! They’re f***ing flying away!

(Girl in Starbucks, talking earnestly to two male listeners.)

Girl: Bodies are crazy. You know, they can move, breathe, even talk for days after dying.

Guy: S***.

Girl: Yeah, it’s weird. Mozart actually composed his last symphony while clinically dead.

Other guy: Geez. Wow.

All right so it might not be cold yet, but that doesn’t mean a bowl of something hot wouldn’t hit the spot. If you’re too broke to swing by the nearest deli every time you get a massive craving for a soup and sandwich, try this recipe for chili. It’s super easy, great for dorm rooms (assuming you can use a crock-pot there…or can hide it from your R.A.) and it makes enough to last a lot longer than one of those eensy bowls of Broccoli Cheddar soup (still, mmmm broccoli cheddar soup…).

Chili is extremely customizable. For instance, depending on whether you like yours really hot or not so much, it isn’t hard to adjust the spice of this recipe. Chili is kind of a free-for-all dish, meaning, throw whatever the hell you want into a pot as long as it sounds good. (Caution: do not try this when inebriated. I did and quickly realized that frosting does not go well in chili.)

So, for my perfect chili, here’s what you need:

1 lb. ground beef

Cumin to taste

1 can of chunky tomatoes

1 can Rotel

2 cans red kidney beans

1 can black beans

1 small onion, cut into chunks

1 can jalapeno peppers (for extra spice if you want it)

Chili seasoning (totally optional, by the way)

1. First, brown a pound of ground beef (or turkey, or hell, even chicken) in a skillet (or microwave). I typically like to add some cumin to it because it gives it a great smoky flavor.

2. Here’s where it gets easy: Take the ground beef and drain it. Then throw it in the crock pot. And then add all the cans. You may want to drain some of them, depending on how soupy you like your chili, but don’t drain the beans. The natural starch helps to thicken the chili a little. Add the onions and the jalapeno peppers (if you opt to use them) and any chili seasoning you wish.

3. Turn the crock-pot to high and cook for about an hour, just to get it nice and hot. Then turn it down to low and let it simmer for a while. I usually let it simmer at least two hours but the longer the better–the flavors totally come together the more time you give ‘em.

4. After you’re ready to chow down, serve up some hot chili with some shredded cheese and any other essentials you might need. My personal favorite way is to top it off with some monterey jack cheese with grilled cheese on the side. Talk about comfort food. So tasty.

Last time

This episode: 12 people remain. Everyone makes it sound like the competition is really serious but they’ve been there for like 4 days so I don’t believe them. Tila leaves a bowl of questions out for everyone to answer. Shockingly, all of the questions are sex related. Until the MTV writers throw in a question about gay marriage and Chad is against it and “a child deserves a father.” Oof, shut up. You’re losing your sexy, Chad.

Challenge for the day: who can ride it better? Ugh, scary. Backyard Bi-nanza. Quit it already with these competition names. So they are riding mechanical bulls. The teams are mixed up because the girls keep beating the guys. Apparently Sirbrina rides mechanical bulls for a living because she works at a bar and I need to rethink my career choices.

[There’s a commercial for “Real World: Hollywood” – are they serious with this? Where’d they find the ignorant blonde? Please don’t let her vote in the upcoming election.]

The yellow team wins but I don’t know who’s on it. They are going on a date with Tila in a fake saloon that MTV built the day before and the losers have to make chili for Tila.

Bo keeps his bandana hat on to cook. Kyle and the blonde girl with the booty are there, too. Is this where Chad fights Bo?

Tila’s drinking on the date because she’d otherwise be miserable having to interact with the cast while sober. She asks George about sex and he acts shy about it – but you can tell that with just a tiny bit of encouragement George would do things that I cannot even begin to type here. Like alllllll sorts of things.

The date ends and Tila goes to eat the dinner that Bo and Co. prepared. I’m glad that Bo took off the cowboy gear. Too bad the chili was good and didn’t poison anyone. Bo gets Tila alone after dinner and the other losers sulk over their bowls.

Next day – beach party. This is gonna get nasty.

Chad and Jersey Jay have grown close. I guess if it doesn’t work out with Tila, they can have each other. And then there’s an orgy in the pool. Yawn – predictable. This is followed by another challenge; the guys have to pair up with a girl and the main objective is to get the wettest. I guess that the winners get a date. Kyle and Lisa (I’m so dumb for not realizing last week that her last name is Rizzo – I thought that it was a “Grease” reference.)

Lisa and Kyle have alone time with Tila and Rizzo calls him Creepy Kyle. Creep on me, Kyle. Why is it weird for Kyle to ask if Tila’s ever had sex on a swing after she asked George about sex? Ooooh, burn, Tila kissed Lisa goodbye and not Kyle. You’re probably going home, dude.

Can we have eliminations yet? Isn’t Chad supposed to punch Bo?

So two are going home.

It comes down to Kyle, George, Glitter and Lisa (what?).

How the f^ck is Glitter still in and NOT Lisa?

Oh – Lisa is still in.

George AND Kyle are going home. Kyle, I said it before, I’ll say it again: Stalk me. You say you’re not a stalker but whatever – try for me.

Tila musters up some fake tears for George and while he does seem like a very nice guy, he is NO innocent, I’m telling you. Poor guy. A few people actually go outside to cry and say goodbye to George. Awww, don’t worry everyone; you’ll see him at the reunion show in like five weeks.

And here is the fight that they’ve been showing us from episode one because Jay and Bo start up. Jay, you can’t break Bo’s face without a step ladder. Then Chad, the butt buddy, hits Bo and we find out next week that Chad’s either going to be charged with assault and/or off of the show.

Stay tuned!

For those of you who have moved onto bigger and better things – mainly, an apartment or house on campus – a can of Spaghetti-O’s also makes quite a handy dinner. But, let’s be honest, there are only so many nights that you can handle the sound of the noodle/sauce combo loosening its grip on the inside of a Chef Boyardee can and plopping (still shaped like said can, mind you) into your microwave-safe bowl.

Not to mention the awful nutritional information.

Being that you are finally grown up enough to live in the college equivalent to a big girl bed (a house/apartment on your own!) it is time to step away from the microwavable meals of your past and move onto something far superior…without much extra work.

Below is a list of some super easy, super tasty and even super healthy alternatives to the microwavable meal. Step away from the Easy Mac, ladies; it is time to fire up the stove for a dinner your mother would be proud of, without cutting into your bar….er….study time. Just mix and match some of these tasty ideas and you have yourself a real dinner.

Steak – A nice juicy steak seems far more daunting then it really is. Just buy your favorite cut, marinate it in some teriyaki sauce for 30 minutes and throw it in a pan sprayed with cooking spray or with a bit of olive oil. Cook it on the stove on medium to high heat until it is ready for your liking. And don’t be afraid to cut it open to check; you aren’t Mario Batali, after all.

Italian Chicken: Put a chicken breast in a Ziploc baggie with some Italian dressing (I prefer the light kind) and let it marinate for 30 minutes. Then, put it on a baking sheet sprayed with some cooking spray and bake it at 375 for 12 minutes. Check it and if its not ready (or its still pink/gooey inside), put it back in for a few more minutes. Note: You can do this with any sauce or dressing.

Garlic Mashed Potatoes: Cut up a potato and put it in a pot of water on the stove. Cook until tender to touch, or about 8 minutes. Meanwhile, take half a cup of milk and boil it on the stove with a tablespoon (or more, if you like stuff garlic-y) of minced Garlic. Once the milk starts smelling like garlic, remove it from the heat and strain out the bits of garlic. Strain the potatoes, mash em with a fork, pour in the strained garlic milk and you have yourself some creamy garlic mash.

Grilled Vegetables: Cut up your favorite veggies and grill em on your trust George Forman. Don’t have a GF? Just put em on a baking sheet (again, sprayed with some cooking spray), throw a little salt on there and roast them in the oven at 400 degrees.

Stir Fry: Grab your favorite vegetables and protein (chicken, shrimp, tofu), cut them up and throw them in a pan with some olive oil. Once they are looking nice and done, throw a little soy/teriyaki sauce over top and let it heat up a little longer. You can even make some minute rice (instructions on the box) and throw it in the pan towards the end for a delicious and healthy version of your late-night takeout favorite.

Easy Chili: Get two cans of beans, two cans of diced tomatoes, a can of tomato juice, a chopped onion and a packet of taco seasoning. Dump it all in a pot. Add some beef crumbles (or the fake stuff if you are a vegetarian) and let it cook on the stove for 20 – 30 minutes. This will last you all week and is the perfect meal to get you through the winter.

Oven Baked Fries: Take a potato and cut it into thin slices. Spray a baking sheet with cooking spray, lay the potato slices on there, spray the tops with cooking spray and dust with your favorite seasonings. Bake em for 10 minutes on 400 (or until crisp). The perfect side-dish for a nice steak.

Got any other easy recipes? Let us know!

• London residents panic over chemical spill…I mean, 5-alarm chili! Literally. (timesonline.co.uk)

• Alabama woman: “My motto has been they are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand. I refuse to give up.” Haven’t we all thought that at some point? (TBO.com)

• Father makes 6 year old son chug a beer. Hilarity does not ensue. (tbo.com)

• An Alabama couple celebrates their 80th wedding anniversary. “After all these years,” he said, “I still enjoy being with her.” Does this give us hope or does it make us morbidly depressed? I’m going with depressed. (sfgate.com)

• Ditzy cheerleader bloopers are always a great way to wake up in the morning. (COED Magazine)