Problems with this cookie:

1. It is not a fortune cookie. It is an obvious statement cookie.
2. You can’t add “in bed” to the end of it and chuckle to yourself.
3. It is grammatically incorrect.

WTF? If they wanted to be so literal they should have gone with: “You will be hungry in 20 minutes.” At least that’s the future.

Yay for May!

The April showers are (or should be) over, and it’s time for summer kick in. I can’t WAIT to be done with my exams (only one more… and 10 Red Bulls to go) and on the plane ride home.

The month of May is chock full of great things, and I am more than excited to get this party going. While we’re all winding down and getting ready to finish up the school year, don’t forget to enjoy all the fun things to do and celebrate this month:

1) It’s Asian Pacific American Heritage Month! (Yeah, I know, try saying that 10 times fast.) As an ABC (American-Born-Chinese), this celebration is near and dear to my heart. Even if you’re not Asian, you can still join us in celebrating this awesome holiday by making some scrumptious Chinese food, and I don’t mean the kind by General Tso. Laugh it up with my fellow Asian Russell Peters, probably the funniest guy alive, and watch this PSA too, brought to you by Dat Phan, another hilarious Asian comedian and stereotypical crazy cab driver.

2) At only 50 calories a cup, who doesn’t love those lovely red heart-shaped fruits we call strawberries? It’s National Strawberry Month, believe it or not (yes, even fruits get to have parties in their honor). It’s also National Salad Month! Throw a garden party and combine the two to make this Chinois Strawberry and Goat Cheese Salad, or this Arugula and Strawberry Salad. Speaking of strawberries, has anyone ever heard of strawberry meth? Sounds….tasty?
Read More »

Ever see something you want but don’t have the money to buy? Ever get sick of studying/watching TV and have the urge to get crafty and make things on your own? We know! Us too! We just don’t know where to start, which is why we got some of CollegeCandy’s craftiest writers to share their favorite DIY projects with everyone. This week we’re doin’ things a little differently. This project isn’t so much a want as a total need. Well, if you want to fit in at your neighborhood Chinese eatery..]

As an Asian, I’m unable to fully understand how many Americans can’t use chopsticks. Especially my friends. I thought I’d rubbed off on them enough to take them to a local Chinese fast-food place this past weekend. Guess not.

“How can people use two little wooden sticks to eat food?!” <Looks at the food. Looks at the chopsticks. Wipes hands then digs in. With hands.>

“Is this why Chinese people are so skinny?” <Does several frantic scooping motions with the chopsticks, ultimately picking up one grain of rice.>

“I’m too hungry for this! I give up.” <Throws one chopstick on the table and proceeds to stab the chicken and veggies with the other. Makes chicken kebab.>

(All of this while the group of Asians a table over looks at us in distaste. And silently condemns me for not teaching them the sacred Chinese tradition.)

Well, this doesn’t have to be you! After you make these awesome rubber-band chopsticks, you’ll never face disgrace at Panda Express again. Read More »

[Life isn’t black and white. As much as we wish we simply loved or hated things, there is often that whole annoying gray area in the middle. Like, we hate how Walmart treats its employees…but we love the low prices! Or, we love how that boy makes us laugh….but we hate that he has no motivation in life. Damn you, gray area; you make decision-making that much more complicated!

There are so many difficult choices in life (do we love or hate high heels??), so we thought we’d sort through ‘em right here. Every week we will discuss another issue we are torn up about. Let us know your thoughts in the comments section!]

I LOVE FOOD and enjoy it as often as I can: for meals, between meals, on the couch, on the way to class, on the way to the gym… And I am an equal opportunity eater.  I love Chinese, Italian, Japanese, Mexican, Korean, Brazilian, Greek, and of course, American.

There’s nothing better than walking into a restaurant or – yippee! – a bakery and taking in that hot-off-the-stove smell; the yummy aromas of fresh-baked goods fluttering into my nose and making my stomach growl with hunger. And then that moment when that delectable dish is sitting in front of me and I finally get the chance to dig in…

OMG I’m drooling.

There is one “type” of food that I’m not completely head-over-heels for, though, and that is the leftover. Read More »

Happy Hanukkah, people!

In honor of the eight days of Hanukkah, we decided to do a tribute to our 8 favorite Hanukkah celebrators (also known as Jews). But then we decided that 8 just wasn’t enough; there are too many good ones! So, we upped it to eight Jews for each of the eight days.

Yes, it’s a lot of Jewish, but let’s be real – Hanukkah gets totally ignored this time of year, so we thought it would be nice to give a little shout-out to the people not dreaming of a white Christmas. You know, the ones dreaming of a little Mu Shu on Christmas eve. Click on any of our favorite Jews to see why we love em so much (and why anyone – Jew or non Jew – will love them too!). Read More »

Dear Whomever it is That Brings the Presents,

We’ve been good this year. No, really. Stop laughing! The sporadic nights of binge drinking/copying those Stats problems/”borrowing” a few rolls of toilet paper from the university bathrooms are nothing worthy of lumps of coal, right? I mean, we went to class, we worked really hard and we got ourselves one step closer to being real adults! That must mean something.

Like, I don’t know, that our holiday wish lists might be fulfilled this year? That we won’t have to suffer through more socks from Grandma, and more educational DVDs from the aunts and uncles? That we won’t have to fight the tears as everyone else gets Mario Kart for the Wii and we are stuck with a pair of ugly light wash jeans?

We don’t want much and we laid it all out below. You know, so there are no mistakes. (Oh, and some of us are celebrating Hanukkah, which starts Sunday night, so you may want to get on the shopping ASAP. Don’t worry, though; you have 8 days to get it right.) Thanksmuchbye!

Love,

The CollegeCandy Writers

P.S. We left you some cookies and milk. Hope you like Cakesters! Read More »

It’s amazing the things that inspire memories and thoughts. The smell of stale beer with a hint of garbage reminds me of my neighbor boys in college. “Kanye’s Workout Plan” reminds me of dance parties in my living room. Chinese food always reminds me of the man who masturbated outside my window while I ate dinner with my roommates.

And Jose? He doesn’t remind me of much, except nights I can’t remember.

Every week we ask our fantastic writers to weigh in on a variety of things. This week, we decided to play a little word association game. What three memories/thoughts/ideas come to mind when they hear the word Jose?

I’ll give you a hint… it involves a toilet. Or a sock drawer, for the truly unfortunate.

Alex – Cornell: Burrito, salsa dancer, sweat

Kelly – UMass: Tacos, Cuervo, Mustache

Lauren – University of Michigan: Body shots, mistakes, and the worst. hangovers. ever. Read More »

It started like any other night. My roommates and I were too lazy to cook anything and too cold to leave the house for carry-out, so we ordered in some good greasy Chinese food. As the eight of us gathered around our kitchen table to dig in, I looked outside and noticed someone standing in the dark out on the driveway we shared with our next door neighbors.

“Look, Matt’s outside on the phone,” I called the rest of my roommates to the window.

The next door neighbors were a group of 8 boys that we were really close to. Seeing neighbor Matt outside, my roommates and I immediately started banging on the window and waving at him. Matt turned to look at us and we screamed and knocked a little harder. I started laughing; Matt was staring at us pretending to masturbate. [No, there is no really fun way to put that. And yes, it was really funny at the time.]

“I don’t think he’s pretending, Lauren” My roommate looked at me, concerned.

“Um. I don’t think that’s Matt,” another of my roommates chimed in. Read More »