Young girls sobbing, clawing out at a stray shirttail, an errant sleeve, or maybe a baggy pant leg.  They shake with excitement and shout “I love you!” at the top of their lungs as the object of their affection passes by.  They are eternally grateful for even the smallest sign of acknowledgement, clinging to a wink or nod as a shipwrecked sailor might to floating debris.  Think I’m exaggerating?

As you read this, hundreds of Twilight fans are camping outside the Nokia Theatre in L.A. waiting for the red carpet premiere tomorrow…but most of them have been there since Monday!  Clad in Team Edward/Jacob t-shirts and waving blankets that depict the stars emerging from moody shadows, these loyal vamp lovers are holding their ground only to maybe score a wristband that allows them inside.  What happens if they’re denied?  Sadly, it’s back into their cars and on to home where they’ll have to wait for the nationwide premiere like everyone else.

Or what about the Christina Aguilera fan who just purchased 250 copies of the singer’s CDs?  In an effort to simultaneously “save Christina’s career” and take down Perez Hilton, who has lately been badmouthing the diva more than usual, the title of crazy superfan has found a new owner.  What makes this one person think they can actually have an effect on a huge star’s career?  Why would he even want to spend all that money on a favor that will never be returned?  Oh, and don’t give me that, “Her music is a favor I can never repay” type crap.  Xtina doesn’t care about you.

And who can forget Britney Spears’ most loyal fan?  Chris Crocker’s infamous “Leave Britney Alone” plea garnered nearly 32 million YouTube hits and became a sensation almost larger than Brit herself.  He sobs, wipes his running eye makeup, and yanks his frosted tips out of his enraged eyes as he chastises America from under the privacy of his bed sheet.

Sure, these are extreme cases of Superfanitis, but this heightened awareness of celebrity culture and the undying need to be absorbed in the action is getting more and more common.  Look at what happened when Twitter “un-trended” Justin Bieber or even when we here at CollegeCandy said Taylor Swift was overrated! (Editor’s Note: we seriously feared for our lives.)

People, why are you doing this?  Are you completely off your rocker, or is there some justification for patiently and happily waiting in the rain just to catch a glimpse of someone who would never do the same for you?  I must be missing something, because this unwavering devotion has become so common, it’s almost accepted as the norm.  Do you feel more a part of these stars’ lives when you obsessively know their favorite food, color, and most private stories?  If someone approached you on the street and recited the story of how that one time in the third grade you got pantsed in gym class, would you be a little horrified or would you want to marry that creeper and have a thousand babies?

Now, don’t think I’m above the fray.  I love a good celebrity break-up or unplanned pregnancy just as much as the next Us Weekly subscriber, but I think there is a difference between peeking into celebs lives and throwing yourself at their feet begging for an autograph or picture.  But such is life as a fan, and if you’re not willing to put your heart (and your dignity) on the line, you might as well step aside and make room for the truly crazy devoted.

Dear Mean Bloggers/News Outlets of the Americas,

Are you kidding me? Like, seriously; are you freaking kidding me?

You’re calling Jessica Simpson fat? FAT?! Maybe she put on a few pounds this winter (just like the rest of the population), or maybe she is the victim of a terrible, TERRIBLE, wardrobe malfunction (hello, mom jeans), but the girl is by no means fat.

I won’t even comment on how ridiculous our society is that this is one of the top headlines today. (Ok, yes I will. There are much bigger things happening in this world right now – things that matter – and all I can find online is a picture after picture of Jessica Simpson’s “severe weight gain”?) And who are we that we have the right to call anyone fat? Unless you have a medical degree or some kind of nutrition background, SHUT UP; it’s not your place to comment.

These days it is so easy to bring someone down thanks to the privacy we have behind our computer screens, but that doesn’t mean we should. Especially when the entire purpose of the comments people make is to be mean and hurtful. These comments are not concerned about her health – and she sure doesn’t seem to be at risk for obesity – so why are we even commenting on her figure at all? Does it feel good to see someone else with flaws? Does it make us feel better to be catty, mean bitches?

If anything I think it makes us look even more insecure about our bodies and ourselves. Read More »

In this ep, Dina and Ali struggle with the dilemma of getting older (Ali feels the need to express maturity by exposing as mush flesh as possible, and Dina attempts to avoid the process all together). There is a scramble to finish Ali’s album after she strikes Jeremy’s involvement in the project. E-man comes back (who I, inexpicably and until now, thought was this guy ) resurrect Ali’s now incomplete LP. His new song is pretty damn good, and Ali sounds quite decent singing it.

Regardless of voice quality though, her clothing (and I state the following with the full knowledge that I sound like my Nana) is highly indecent. If Ali’s sole purpose this half hour was to expose as much flesh as possible, she beyond succeeded. I’m talking more copious amounts of mid-driff than usual people. In one scene she actually wears what I believe to be a short, Lycra unitard. After I stopped laughing at my use of the word unitard, I pondered how she manages not to suffocate her vagina.

All thoughts of Ali Lohan’s vajay aside, I snapped back to reality (television, that is) to see a Chris Crocker look alike stalking Dina at the gym. Turns out he’s a choreographer. After checking out his myspace page, DiLo calls him and for some reason feels the urge to say “Yes it’s really me,” and agrees to check out his moves at the Pearl. This is the beginning of what I believe to be a beautiful and staged relationship between a gay man and hetero woman. Read More »

Who didn’t love Heather from Rock of Love?

The stripper turned business woman took some time out of her insane schedule to talk to us at College Candy and had some interesting things to say about life, her plans for the future, and finding a house.

The insanity surrounding the show can break some (Has Rodeo really lost her mind? Heather won’t say…) but this girl seems to have her head on straight on how to fully utilize her reality fame. Here’s what the classiest broad on TV had to say:

College Candy: So what are you doing today?

Heather: Well right now I’m about to take a shower, then I have a big meeting with VH1. I’m meeting up with Brooke Hogan afterwards and she and I are going house shopping in LA together.

CC: Brooke Hogan?? How did you two hookup?

H: Brooke and I met at the Reality Show awards and totally hit it off. She’s a great girl and someone I really enjoy spending time with. She’s looking for a place too.

CC: That’s a whole lot of blonde; any chance it’ll be filmed?

H: I can’t discuss what I’m doing in terms of TV. It’s all very hush hush, but the meeting today with VH1 is to talk about what I’m doing next with them. People all over the internet want to know what’s going on with me so I’m trying to get something going so people can see.

CC: Are you really moving in with Chris Crocker?

H: No, I just threw that out there because I thought it would be funny idea. I was never really that serious about it but the press just ate it up and ran with it. Read More »

I’ll admit it; I’ve always wanted to be famous. But you see, I’ve never been supremely talented at anything. But with the unabated rise of reality television, I’ve come to realize that you don’t need talent to be famous. You just have to be really, really, REALLY weird.

On that note: Helloooo Chris Crocker!

The person who’s stolen our hearts with his/her defiant (albeit staged… it was a second take!) rant in the aftermath of Britney’s VMA meltdown has signed with a production company in order to develop his own show. Gag me now.

Does it bother anyone else that this guy gets a TV deal?

For one, can we even call him a guy? Shouldn’t it send up warning signals when every single person whom I watch his infamous video with can’t even discern his sex? Would he/she or anyone else be offended if he was referred to as a she-male? Eh, none of this is either here nor there.

The point is, as far as I can tell, this guy has nothing going for him outside of his ability to absolutely creep the living daylights out of anyone who watches him. Sure, we get a laugh out of it the first time we see him, but after that, am I the only person who finds it hard to watch him? And now we’re supposed to watch him in entire half-hour segments? Read More »

I hate to see summer go. As soon as September gets rolling, there’s absolutely no chance that those long, lazy days are coming back. Fall is fantastic, don’t get me wrong, it’s winter I have a beef with.

Winter can sorta be a bitch, especially around my neck of the woods, and thinking about walking down the street with wind whipping hair into my face and slush flying at me from racing taxis is enough to get me screaming like Chris Crocker.

I’ve lived on the East Coast for most of my life, and I get pissed off at winter each and every season.

Good for all of us that we’ve still got a few more weeks before things turn blustery (and I pull out the anti-depressants). As a little homage to my favorite season, I’d like to say goodbye to summer this weekend with a yummy, colorful desert.

Vanilla Wafer Sandwiches

• 1 box Nilla Wafers

• Strawberry ice cream

• Banana ice cream

• 1 banana

• (optional) melon baller

Take out 10 vanilla wafers*, and put five of them on a plate. Using your melon baller or a small spoon, scoop a small scoop of either the strawberry or banana ice cream onto one water. Top with a slice of banana.

Put a second wafer on top of your creation, and stick the whole thing in the freezer to allow them to set. Read More »

What do you get when you mix a bleached midwestern queen screaming under his bedsheet, with a monotonous, bouncing, electric piano line?

A whole lot of pain – chocolate pain. Here is our rendition of the newest YouTube crazy, Chris Crocker ranting over Tay Zonday‘s viral classic, “Chocolate Rain”.

The end result ain’t pretty. We apologize in advance.

He’s EVERYWHERE! He’s a PHENOMENON! He’s THE NEXT BIG VIRAL VIDEO STAR!

You may not have heard the name Chris Crocker before yesterday, but thanks to Britney and her whore-endous VMA performance, his not-so-uncommon rants via YouTube are now, seriously, all over the Internet and he has the most watched Myspace pages of all.

But this southern 19-year-old, who on his Myspace page, calls himself “The New Christ” wants to meet the “man of his wet dreams” (don’t we all).

He only reveals his hometown as Real Bitch Island (I wonder if Americans can point out this gem on a map) has been viewed millions and millions of times before – he has just never had this much media attention.

The stars have finally aligned for Crocker and his…passion…for Britney and pink lipstick has catapulted his popularity overnight.

He has 66 YouTube videos, all bat sh*t crazy postings about everything from hair flipping to nose picking.

He also does characters! My fave is Earl Annie Edna, who will probably be in my nightmares tonight. But none are as in demand right now as “Leave Britney Alone,” which has gotten well over a million clicks and is simply addicting to watch. Read More »

Leave Britney alone!

No? You don’t want to either? Like the majority of America, I watched the Video Music Awards for one thing and one thing only: Britney’s comeback.

Criss Angel was going to help her walk though mirrors. Maybe there’d be smoke. A snake? High wires? Explosions! Something big.

At 9:00 pm on the dot I ran out of the shower and sat in front of the TV like a little kid on Saturday morning, eagerly awaiting one of the “biggest comebacks in decades”.

And then, we all know what happened.

I don’t know a lot about dancing, but I know that when you start off your routine looking like an awkward 7th grader at their first boy/girl dance, something is wrong. I also know almost falling over in your shoes and needing your dancers to help you up and down steps is something my grandma does (except my grandma doesn’t use dancers…that would be excessive).

50 Cent seemed confused, Rihanna laughed her ass off, and Mindfreak Moron was nowhere to be found. There was no smoke, no theme, and not even a good costume (you’ve had two kids, girl. Give those sequined undies a rest). Read More »