I’m smart, and I know about politics. I know who Barack Obama and John McCain should have picked for their vice presidential candidates. I know this because I’m a genius.

Who Obama Should Have Picked

Flavor Flav

Obama’s shown that he has the quick charisma, intelligent flow and moves to be head MC of famed “conscious” rap crew Wyyte-Houzz and M-RIKA, but even the greatest mic rocker can only work the crowd so much. What Obama needs is a dedicated hype man, a man who can properly rep his skills without grabbing too much of the limelight – a man like former Public Enemy member and all-around gentleman Flavor Flav. Sure, it’s a heavy weight to carry around one’s neck, but Flav is used to it.

Paris Hilton

John McCain gets panned for being “too establishment”, “too Bushie”, and too conservative in general. But McCain was quite the Nostradamus, I think, when he highlighted Paris Hilton as an upcoming power player in the field of American politics. What makes her such a compelling choice? She has absolutely no platform. She’s completely Teflon. What are you going to disagree with? Taking McCain’s lead, I predict a future where President Obama will not only give Hilton the vice presidency but will make the Secretary of Defense a ham sandwich. Have you ever won an argument about nuclear policy with a ham sandwich? Neither have I.

A full-length mirror

Really, would anyone else do a better job? Obama may have to bulk up a bit for his reflective debut, since seeing his skinny butt all the time might give him body image issues, but otherwise a mirror image of Obama would be the perfect veep. He’d be harder to assassinate. He could double-team enemy politicians on the basketball court. He’d even pin down that right-handed constituency that’s been eluding him this whole time. Better yet, American citizens would no longer have to worry that the leader of the free world is a vampire. Unless he is. But better to find out now, instead of over Mr. Putin’s pale, bloodless corpse. Read More »

You wouldn’t think it, but there is one way this 2008 presidential election looks sort of like the end of the 2004 campaign.

The celebrities are coming out early and in full force.

Here’s how it breaks down by candidate (the ones who are still in the game) and celeb (this is a MUCH abbreviated list):

Mike Huckabee – Chuck Norris

Barack Obama – Oprah Winfrey

John McCain – Red Sox pitcher Kurt Schilling

Hilary Clinton – America Ferrera

I understand that a celebrity endorsement can bring excitement to the campaign and makes people who otherwise might not pay attention to a particular candidate tune in and then (I hope) research that candidate’s platform. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so shocked that not only do quite a few people take note of who throws their support where, but it actually makes a difference as to who is coming out to back you up.

According to a Forbes.com poll, six celebrities “who would have the most positive impact on the image of a candidate with whom they associated were Oprah, on top, followed by Tom Hanks, George Clooney, Jon Stewart of The Daily Show, Angelina Jolie and Tiger Woods.” Read More »