Everyone knows Gossip Girl is not real. Unlike “The Hills” and “The City,” who try to play themselves off as reality, Gossip Girl is simply a scripted indulgence with a little over-the-top drama peppered in…every 5 seconds. Still, though, sometimes I’d like to think that this show, my guiltiest of guilty pleasures, maintains some semblance of what life is really like on the Upper East Side of New York City. That there really are people up there like Blair, Chuck and Damien. (OK, I think we all know there are people out there like Damien…there are a few of them living on my block.)

But last night’s episode made that nearly impossible. It was chock (Chuck?) full of obvious inconsistencies that took me back to the days of Saved By The Bell – The College Years, when I thought everyone was BFF with their RA (who looked like a wrestler) and could share a mega sweet with their friends from home. Let’s take a look:

1. Nate and Serena’s steamy kitchen love sesh. Not only did Serena come out looking hot in an oversized shirt that would more likely fit Nate’s dad than Nate’s teeny little boy body, but it just so happened that the fridge (the same one Nate “didn’t even know we have”) was fully stocked with foods that would make for the steamiest of sex scenes: whipped cream (in a bowl, not a can), strawberries, caramel….

And why is it that the Nate and Serena sex scenes are so ridiculously hot? (Just me? I guess I did have half a bottle of wine before the show started, but DAYUM, that ish was hot.) What about Chuck and Blair? Or Dan and Vanessa? (We’ll get to them in a momento…)

2. Chuck Wears a Pinky Ring. And, somehow, Blair still loves him.

3. NYU Dorm Party. The last “dorm party” I threw was in my room with the doors locked, making my friends whisper so the RA couldn’t hear us getting drunk. Maybe things are a bit different in the NYU dorms, but I’m pretty sure they don’t have giant theme parties with cocktails and one of those cheesy cut-outs where you can stick your head in for a photo. Seriously, the only realistic thing about that entire party was that Dan and Vanessa sucked face behind the photo wall.

4. Serena Needs to Be Alone. So Serena sticks her nose in Chuck’s business (shocker) and invites his mother to lunch. Chuck writes her a check, she takes it, Chuck hates Serena, Blair reminds Serena that she only meddled because of her own daddy issues. Blah, blah, blah, Serena needs to be alone.. and a cab just pulls up to whisk her away. Have you ever been to NY? I have, and I promise you it is never that easy to hail a cab.

5. Dan and Vanessa wanna “just be friends.” It’s a great idea – best friends who get naked together but don’t let things get too serious – but that’s as likely of happening as me going another month without drinking. Read: things are going to get ugly, complicated, awkward, etc. And someone is going to get hurt.

Also, how could Vanessa ever hook up with a guy who looks so damn weird in a navy ‘beater? I shudder just thinking about it.

6. Jenny and Damien. OK, on second thought, the 15-going-on-30 thing is believable, as is the fact that she got roped into dealing drugs by a cute older guy with a slight obsession with hair gel.

See? Unrealistic. But, that doesn’t take away from the dramz or my love for the show. I was still so happy to see Chuck and his mama hanging out (he smiled!), even if I don’t believe the woman is 100% good. And I, once again, wanted to shake Little J and remind her that she’s so much cuter when she’s not playing the rebel. And I’m a sucker for the Rufus and Lily drama. And Serena and Nate? I can’t wait to see more of them (or, uh, more of their sexy times).

And speaking of sexy time…. is little J gonna have some next week with the pill pusher? We’ll find out!

"I'm sorry I tried to ruin your life to get onto Page 6"

After a two-week hiatus (WTF, CW?) Gossip Girl returned last night. I don’t know if I can handle any more breaks, but OMG, was it worth the wait!  As the weather changes outside, so are our friends from the Upper East Side.

First, let me start by saying how happy I was to see Cyrus again!  That little bald nugget of a stepdad is one of those gems (like Dorota) that make Gossip Girl sparkle.  Especially since Dorota was off falling in love and Vanessa was MIA, too!   She finally gets a good storyline, AND a backbone, and suddenly she’s nowhere to be seen. Was that delicious plotline with her and Chuck just a tease? WAS IT?

And with Rufus deciding to close down the art gallery, where is she gonna brew her coffee? What on earth is going to happen to V?

Also, can I just say that I am secretly really happy that the economy is affecting GG, though a bit peeved that it was the Humphrey’s that got crapped on. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of wealthy people out there who were hit hard in this recession, so why is it the “poor” Brooklyn family that gets it? And, being that they are in a bit of financial ruin, why would Rufus care about Dan getting a job? And why doesn’t my dad feel that way? But secretly Dan did get a job, and how cute did he look in that uniform?  Presh.

And what a coincidence that everyone ended up at the same Seder dinner.  Thank god they did because it was the one of the funniest meals I have ever witnessed (and I’ve seen some doozies).  Though it seemed nobody was ready to sit through the typical seven-hour meal, it was fun to watch Dan be Eleanor’s bitch boy and nice to see S and Lonely Boy teaming up, since their chemistry is so cute.  But I don’t know how I feel about this Gabriel character…  I fell in love with his hunkiness, but what are he and Poppy cooking up? Did Serena and him really get married, and he’s just playing it off, or is that just my imagination running wild? (GG tends to do that to me.)

Of course, there was some drama away from the seder too. Mostly involving Blair and Nate. I was ready to throw my remote at the TV when B was ready to sacrifice her boyfriend’s future for a picture in the style pages. (And might I add – Nate looks really good when he’s standing up for himself. Mmmmm.) Really, Blair? Have you learned nothing from all your scheming? But then, in true GG form, there was a twist, both Blair and Nate (thanks to Chuck) had an Aha Moment and they ended up in an adorable embrace before the episode ended.

Last night’s episode was on of the best in a long time (and not just because it’s been 2 weeks since the last one). It was funny, it was dramatic, and it is totally opening up a lot of doors for next week. I just can’t wait for the return of my favorite villain, Georgina. I hate her so much that I can’t help but love her!

So what did you all think of the show?

To me, a lot of characters regressed in this ep. I’m not shunning last night’s 43 minutes of soapy rich-kid-ness, just making an observation. When we first met Serena, she was a former party-girl elitist who was trying to make a fresh, less-shallow start. Yet, last night, S was all about being the “cool kid” once again, no matter the cost of Jenny’s feelings. She plans a Sweet Sixteen bash for Little J, and then is obviously hurt when celebutante Poppy smirks at her social calendar. Haven’t you grown beyond that, Serena?

Jenny, after dabbling in the high-class fashion biz for a few eps, wants a low-key, family-only party (complete with Rufus’ famous homemade chili), and Serena concedes. Until the lame-o cliquesters announce that they had their own party planned all along. So, unbeknownst to birthday girl Jenny, Serena decides to reinstate the bash she’d originally planned. How second-season Blair of you, Serena.

Meanwhile, Vanessa and Nate are on the rocks while Blair tries to rekindle an old flame. Vanessa and Nate have a rather yawn-worthy breakup sesh, and Blair seems set on getting Nate… or is she really just set on getting someone a bit safer than Chuck? This leads to Vanessa allowing her own integrity to plummet, when she snogs the ever-ready Chuck to make both Nate and Blair jealous at Jenny’s big bash. I loved when Nate called V out on succumbing to Blair’s old games.

Blair herself has a childish scene in which she throws Nate on the bed and insists that he’s not leaving until they figure out if they are just friends or not. I mean, yes, throwing Chace Crawford on a bed is every girl’s dream, but who comes up with lines like that? Blair is the creme de la creme, yet she’s suddenly chasing her ex like an attention-starved puppy. WTF, B? You’re better than that!

Now, as any GG fan knows, every episode revolves around some sort of shindig. Last night, Jenny’s 16th was the big soiree. And last night was also the first night that the party actually looked like a high school bash. And by high school bash, I mean cheap keg party, which sends Poppy packing (apparently socialistas frown upon table dancing and unprotected sex in neighboring bedrooms?) Feeling bad for Serena’s awful life, she later invites S to Spain for the week. Because that’s always my solution to drunk girls table dancing at my friend’s house.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Did anyone else feel bad for Jenny when both the Van der Woodsen AND Humphrey clans ganged up on Jenny on her own bday? Even Eric! Yeesh.

So basically, Serena acted like an attention whore, Jenny rebelled by inviting the entire freshman class, and Blair pursued Nate like an insecure tween. With several random plot lines scattered in between (apparently the supposedly dead illegitimate son of Lily and Rufus is trying to reach out to Dan. What?!).

Because I am a tried and true Chuck Bass fan, I have to say I like where the Vanessa-Chuck subplot is going. They clearly had some chemistry at the beginning of the season, and now they are putting up fronts to find excuses to shack up. Now THIS is the juice I love in my GG eps! For real- when Vanessa was trying to sneak out and told Chuck that “last night didnt’ happen,” Chuck replied with,”Then neither did this,” and gave her a passionate, morning-breath smooch. They are so falling in love.

Honestly, I thought they could have ended the ep right there, but instead they had to depict the Nate-Blair rekindling, which obviously isn’t going to work out. I think they should just rename the series, “Chuck Bass Weekly” and go from there.

Anyone else feel my sentiments? Or blatantly disagree?

This week’s Best of College Candy!

Thursday, November 20th

Hottest Cover Guys…yum

People Magazine just came out with their Sexiest Man Alive issue. Here’s our list of the top 10 hottest cover guys.

Sexy Time: All I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From A Porn Star

Nina Hartley is an extremely successful adult film star with 650 different video appearances under her belt. I asked her to give me some of her wise wisdom about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

Wednesday, November 19th

He Said/She Said: Do Guys Like Sarcasm?

Do guys find women who are sarcastic unattractive? Is sarcasm the unibrow of a woman’s personality (hence the photo)? I asked a guy to give it to me straight.

Autumn Drink Recipes That You’ll Fall For

My bartending style tends to run more towards the “What’s in my fridge right now?” trial-and-error method.  But I have a few favorite drinks that do really well in cold weather.

Tuesday, November 18th

Gossip Girl Recap: Thanksgiving Dinner- Enough Time For Pie, Coffee, and Surveying the Damage

This week’s Gossip Girl episode was more like a slice of pumpkin pie than a carving station.

Pillow Talk with Diana: My Boyfriend is Bi!

I’ve been dating a great guy for a couple of months. When we started dating, he told me that he is “sort of” bisexual, and that he’s hooked up with guys before.

Monday, November 17th

BeautifulStranger.tv Saves My Poor Fashion Sense

You’re walking down the street and you see some girl who looks perfectly put together: Cute outfit, matching accessories, perfect hair and make-up. And you think to yourself…why can’t I be that put together?

Amy Poehler is the “Smart Girl at the Party”

Smart Girls at the Party is a new online series about young girls doing great things. The show is meant for kids (I mean, it’s sponsored by Barbie, duh), but it’s host is SNL’s very own baby mama, Amy Poehler.

Sunday, November 16th

Battle of the Teen Queens: Miley and Taylor

Miley Cyrus seems to be at the crest of the fame wave, but can Taylor Swift be far behind?

A Yummy Fall/Holiday Treat: Oatmeal Cranberry Cookies

I have made these cookies for my annual Christmas baskets numerous times and they are always a big hit.

Saturday, November 15th

The Love List: Stuff White People Like And Stuff I Like

Wall Decals- The best way to make your dorm room or apartment look more legit. It looks like it’s hand painted or wallpaper, but- surprise! – it’s a removable decal…

You Got Game: Picking Up The Hottie

Look through my phonebook. The list is never-ending. Dan. Paul. Rick. Mike. Javier. Alex. Nicolas. Nicolas #2. Cedric. Brandon. And so on. Not to brag, but I’m something of a certified P-I-M-P.

Friday November 14th

James Bond, We Love You

To celebrate the opening of Quantum of Solace, College Candy wanted to recap on the hot men who made us lust after Bond, James Bond.

The CC Weekly Weigh-In: Drinking Makes Us Wanna Sing

You throw your hands in the air (and wave ‘em like you just don’t care) and sing whatever song is on as loud as you possibly can.

]]> http://collegecandy.com/2008/11/21/weekly-wrap-up-november-14-20/feed/ 0 ccandystaff tired_baby-whew.jpg cover-guys.jpg nina-hartley.jpg cc-divider.jpg sarcasm.JPG autumn-drinks.jpg cc-divider.jpg gossip-girl-title.jpeg bf-is-bi.jpg cc-divider.jpg beautifulstranger.jpg amypoehler.jpg cc-divider.jpg mileytaylor.jpg oatmealcranberry.jpg cc-divider.jpg stuff-white-people-like-book-cover.jpg hottie.jpg cc-divider.jpg bond.jpg singing.jpg http://collegecandy.com/2008/10/22/candy-dish-jennifer-aniston-pops-the-question/ http://collegecandy.com/2008/10/22/candy-dish-jennifer-aniston-pops-the-question/#comments Wed, 22 Oct 2008 13:40:50 +0000 CC Staff http://www.collegecandy.com/buzz/13667

At least that’s what she told Star Magazine.

This kid is so cute, we maybe, kinda (not for a long, long time) want kids.

Do lip plumpers really work?

Nicole Richie heads back to work.

The Halloween Costume Generator (for the ladies).

Nominate your school for the next Victoria’s Secret collection!

Does anyone use the phone anymore!?

Yes! We can finally get Zac Efron to sleep with us!

Britney set to perform live on Dec. 2! …

At least that’s what she told Star Magazine.

This kid is so cute, we maybe, kinda (not for a long, long time) want kids.

Do lip plumpers really work?

Nicole Richie heads back to work.

The Halloween Costume Generator (for the ladies).

Nominate your school for the next Victoria’s Secret collection!

Does anyone use the phone anymore!?

Yes! We can finally get Zac Efron to sleep with us!

Britney set to perform live on Dec. 2! Trainwreck? We hope so!

Michigan grad to be on Vh1′s “The Pickup Artist”

The perfect Halloween accessories.

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If there’s one thing I already knew, it’s that when you’re the poor, unpopular kid on the Upper East Side, your life will be a continuous cycle of being walked over, speaking your mind, putting your foot in your mouth, and then being magically forgiven and allowed to advance to the next round.

Did you miss last night’s episode? Let me fill you in.

Within the first minute of GG, Nate mentions the inevitable party that will tangle everyone up in some drama that will continue to be played out next week.

Other expected GG staples: Catherine and Nate talk money; Serena and Dan are together but have issues (did I miss them deciding to be a “secret” couple?); and Jenny has some great ideas for her fashion internship, but she’s a lowly intern and isn’t allowed to have opinions.

The best thing about the first half? The mini gossip girls who approach Dan and throw in their two cents. If you missed it, two tweeny-bopping brunettes are on Dan’s side, and one tweeny-bopping blond is on team S. The blond asks Serena how she can kiss Dan, knowing his tongue has been in Georgina’s mouth, which seems a bit much when you consider the girs were, what, 11? The tweensters were obviously comic relief, but for some reason their opinions caused an awkward rift between S and Lonely Boy…which I was over by the next commercial.

The real hotness revolves around Chuck and Blair for the third consecutive week. Chuck, like most high school boys, has a string of call girls filing in and out of his room, but can’t seem to perform. Dr. Ruth–I mean, Serena–suggests it’s because all he really cares about is B., which prompts Chuck to seek out a tryst with Blair so he can use her as “sexual Drain-o” to unclog his pipes.

At the party, Chuck and Blair have their weekly sexual-tension infused interaction, which started out pretty hot, but then got a little creepy…but still pretty hot. (Editor’s Note: SO hot.) Here’s another question: why can’t Blair, last season’s token virgin, suddenly go without sex? I mean, she was with Nate since freaking kindergarten and kept her chastity belt on, but now she’s like a dog in heat around Marcus. Which, of course, our favorite Duchess, Catherine, can smell immediately.

Now, it’s time to learn our life lessons from the crew. Nate really likes Vanessa, but Vanessa discovers his affair with Catherine. Dear Nate, when someone you like asks you if you are sleeping with a cougar, don’t justify it with, “She’s giving me money.” Horny Blair invites Marcus upstairs, only to finally lock lips with Chuck. Dear Blair, when your boyfriend walks in on you making out with someone else, the excuse, “I thought he was you,” won’t fly.

Of course, this is Gossip Girl world, so Vanessa likes Nate even more, and Marcus is finally ready to nail Blair.

Oh, in the meantime, Jenny got fired by Mrs. Waldorf, then rehired. Because that’s what Jenny does. And Serena and Dan broke up, but they really still love each other. Because that’s what Serena and Dan do. And Catherine “doesn’t like to share her toys. Especially when she’s paid for them.” So she blackmails Vanessa to leave Nate alone. Because that’s what rich, horny cougars who get to ride Chace Crawford do.

Gossip Girl. Everything you missed in high school, wrapped into 42 minutes of Monday night television. I love it.

Mmmmm.

But this is GG, people. Chace Crawford sexcapades can hardly satisfy our thirst for smut clothed in Prada. Cut to Chuck, chardonnay in hand, on a beach with one…two…three insanely hot girls. Oh, Chuck Bass. You are what every sixteen-year-old boy should aspire to be before graduating high school.

First shocker of the episode: GG informs us that “Lonely Boy” Dan isn’t so lonely after all. It seems he has a new chick — wait, maybe two new girls? Can you spell R-E-B-O-U-N-D?

Of course, before our first commercial break, we need a love triangle, and some legit dramz. Send Chuck to meet Blair, looking sweet and dapper with roses in hand. Insert random new man (James), let Blair make steamy eye contact with Chuck and then shove her tongue down new guy’s throat. This is how it goes down for high schoolers in the Hamptons.

It’s game, set, match for Blair when she enjoys dinner with both James and Chuck, yet she still feels the need to run after Chuck when he storms away from the table with his tail between his legs. WTF Blair? We know you don’t feel the same way for James as you did for Nate. Otherwise you wouldn’t be chasing Chuck. Alas, poor Chuck, who used to be made of steel, turns on the waterworks again, just in time for another gratuitous Chace Crawford shot — hottie Nate running down the street in his underwear after his new lover’s husband comes home early from work.

The GG writers get to show off their wit as Blair vents to Serena. Line of the night: “Damn that mother-Chuck-er!.” No wait, Blair can top herself: “All I could see is that Chuck Bass-tard.” Oh, B. You’re killing me. Just hop in a limo and ride the boy for heaven’s sake. Or is that, like a pair of leggings, too last season?

Just before commercial break number three, everyone gets set up with their dates for this episode’s party, a shameless product placement in the form of the “Vitamin Water White Party.” The party scenes, of course, begin with a montage of beautiful people in white bikinis (drinking Vitamin Water), and an array of awkward looks (and Vitamin Water) as tension brews between Jenny and her bitch of a boss and Nate and his married mistress (who all drink Vitamin Water). Of course, if looks could kill, the death row sentence would be awarded to Chuck for his staredown of Blair and James.

But is Gossip Girl really becoming the Waldorf Show? In order to save the best juice for the last few minutes, it’s time to bring Dan back into the picture.

Until he showed up at S’s granny’s doorstep, I’d somewhat forgotten that Grandma Van der Woodsen used to have it out for Lonely Boy. Did anyone else’s jaw drop when Granny invited Dan to the party as her date? It’s too bad that Blake Lively looks absolutely gorgeous in her party ensemble, and that she and Chace Crawford would make the most beautiful babies, because I was rooting for some Serena/Nate action… until I remembered Dan, who happened to arrive just in time to see Serena fake-make-out with Nate. Dammit, Dan.

Typical Dan calls Serena out for her drama, only to have his two ladies from the opening credits show up and throw colorful martinis on his white suit. Could’ve seen that one coming. Yet, finding out that Dan is both hypocritical and some kind of playboy makes Serena want to rekindle the old flame. As Gossip Girl says, “When words get in the way, there’s only one thing to do…”

“MAKE OUT!” screamed my roommates and me, in unison. This late in the episode, and the only non-GG watcher in the room has to ask, “Are these people supposed to be in high school?” Um, yeah, don’t all high schoolers drink their faces off, have affairs with married women, and hump like gorillas on Versace sheets?

But back to the main event: Blair and Chucky. Obviously, Blair’s game of chess has to explode in her face, as James realizes he’s her pawn. But he can’t just leave after one episode! James makes his “big confession,” the one Chuck needed a PI to uncover. Drum roll, please….

He’s really Marcus Beaton, he’s British, and a lord. And he likes that Blair dissed him and called him boring. I could see a little S and M working it’s way into this relationship.

Well, if Chuck thought he’d uncover some dirt on James/Marcus, he was wrong. And he knows now that he doesn’t have sh*t on a British Lord. So he gives in, but not before he begs Blair not to leave with him. Blair makes the final offer: give her three words and eight letters (“I love you,” for those of you that missed it). And Chuck drops the ball.

What the Chuck?

Chuck and Blair have totally stolen the spotlight for this whole episode, and it seems the writers had a couple of minutes to spare at the end, so they give us Serena and Dan. On a beach. With a bonfire. And freaking fireworks start going off. Barf.

A lot of recapping of last season tonight, a few twists and turns, and a lot of potential drama set-ups for the rest of the season. But with the Chace Crawford hot-bod-shot count already climbing, I can tell that it’s going to be a great season.

This weekend is the only thing that stands between me and Chace Crawford.

Of course, I’m talking about the season premiere of Gossip Girl, which airs Monday, September 1 at 8:00 on the CW Network.

Since my life pretty much sucks– I’m not currently sleeping with anyone, I’m spending my “new clothes” money on speeding tickets, and I can barely afford my daily latte, let alone an extra-dry martini or a burlesque business venture–I’m looking forward on living vicariously through Dan, Jenny, Serena, Blair, Chuck, and, oh yes- Nate.

When GG left us at the beginning of the summer (which feels like eons ago), Serena’s brother, Eric, had just come out of the closet; Georgina had stopped into town just long enough to break up Serena and Dan; Chuck briefly scraped together an ounce of morale, only to eye-f*ck Amelia, Lily’s new interior designer; Blair hopped a plane with some random dude; and it seems that Serena and Nate and Dan and Vanessa were left to hang out for the summer.

Oh, there’s also the middle-aged love triangle between Chuck’s dad, Serena’s mom, and Dan’s dad, and Lily married Bart right after confessing her love to Rufus. Seriously, forty, and you’re still playing love games? Whatever. I’m sure this plot line will bring barrels of drama to the small screen this season.

Wow. Sometimes its hard to believe that GG has only been on for one season! We’ve already seen sex, lies, betrayal, bulimia, kids on suicide watch, theft, more sex, underage girls getting wasted and performing a strip tease in a night club, sex in a limo, cocaine, and Jenny’s perpetually uphill struggle to fit in.

What’s Season 2 going to throw at us? We’ll find out beginning on Monday. For now, here’s a sneak peek of our favorite guilty pleasure, with episode recaps coming at you every week!

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