I learned a lot of valuable lessons during my high school years. Not so much from going to class or doing homework (because I didn’t really do that), but from being a horny teenager who lived at home and had thin walls.

You see, my bedroom was directly beside (sharing a wall) with my mom’s room, and that wall that we shared, the one right by my bed, had a vent that happened to be connected to her room as well. You couldn’t see through it, but we learned pretty quickly that this vent in our adjoining wall wasn’t quite soundproof.

Having acquired my very first “real” boyfriend (one that lasted more that a week…) and having a lot of fun experimenting with sex for the first time ever, this vent in the wall became something of a challenge. For a good few months there was a pillow wedged up against it, acting as some weird sound-proof barrier, but when the winter months rolled around and I started freezing at night, I realized that blocking the main source of heat that filtered into my room probably wasn’t a good idea.

But then we figured out the perfect way to drown our sexy noises while keeping my room at a comfortable 20 or so degrees – music. Sure, it’s not silence, and it still traveled through the walls, but I guarantee my mother appreciated the sound of slow bass late at night a lot more than hearing anything else coming through our walls.

This lesson has carried over into my college life too – my roommate and I have discovered the joys of headphones, music, and sex despite creepily thin walls (seriously, I can push on the wall that separates our rooms and it moves…yikes). Thing is, not only does music work as good cover up noise, but it also adds a little extra pizazz to a sack session, assuming you’re listening to the right thing (nothing more awkward than that song your ex boyfriend recorded for you coming up on shuffle while you’re getting it on. Trust me.)

I’ve talked before about the different “types” of sex (can we seriously come up with a phrase to describe what I’m talking about, please?), so of course it’s only fitting to listen to different kinds of music for each occasion. I got some (er, a lot of) help from my lovely music-freak friend, Coralie, in compiling a list of songs to play during sexy sessions. In practicing what I preach, I’ll have you guys know I’ll be making my own “Sexy Time” playlist on my iTunes as soon as I’m done writing this. But for now, here’s some great sex music to check out… for every occasion!

Lovemaking
Wet Sand – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Something -The Beatles
Wild Horses – The Rolling Stones
Into the Mystic – Van Morrison–  (Coralie’s sidenote: One time I put this song on to set the mood with a guy and he freaked out because one time he walked in on his parents and they were totally doing it to this song. Hahaha)
Sea of Love – Cat Power‘s version
Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton (quite possibly the most romantic song of all time)
Sideways – Citizen Cope (I have some history with this song… but I still think it’s super sweet)
Two Weeks – Grizzly Bear
Since I’ve Been Loving You – Led Zeppelin
The Great Gig in the Sky – Pink Floyd

Sex
(Really, this is usually just whatever comes on iTunes at the time. But these are some of our favorites.)
Maybe I’m Amazed – Paul McCartney and Wings
Interstate Love Song – Stone Temple Pilots
Anything being sung or played by Jimi Hendrix
Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon
Feel Like Making Love – Bad Company
Lover – Devendra Banhart
You Shook Me  All Night Long – ACDC (this is more a humorous thing, but it’s a potentially good time.)
Just put on Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd and let it play through. You’ll see.

Screwing
Closer – NIN
Want You Bad – The Offspring
Lapdance – NERD
Get Naked – Tommy Lee
Sikimikanico – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Pistol Grip Pump or Guerilla Radio – Rage Against the Machine
Black Betty – Ram Jam
Hypnotized – Plies feat Akon
So Hott – Kid Rock (or any kid rock song for that matter)
Striptease – Hawksley Workman

And if all else fails, just put on Freebird. That song makes anything exponentially more badass.

If you watched the VP debate last night you heard a lot about Sarah Palin’s BFF, Joe Six Pack. But who is he? What does he like? What does he do?

We don’t know Joe Six Pack personally (though we have hooked up with his cousin, Mark Quarter Barrel…who could not keep it up), but we imagine he’d be something like this:

Description:

5’11, brown hair, brown eyes, some sort of facial hair, big hands and a tattoo of some sort (possibly his kids’ initials) on his upper arm. No actual six pack to be seen behind the slight beer belly hanging over the top of his ill-fitting denim.

Likes:

Beer (most likely Natty Ice and PBR), Nascar, cars with big engines, girls with big boobs, Sundays spent watching football, red meat, keg stands, tobacco, lawn chairs, American flag apparel, Levi’s, the missionary position, pepperoni pizza, boys’ weekends full of beer and conversations about women with big boobs, the Bible, those giant turkey leg things you get at the fair, classic rock, leather vests and “that hot lady who is always with John McCain.”

Dislikes:

Books, politics, vegetables, flowers, people who don’t approve of burping/farting in public, organic anything, beverages that are non alcoholic, women’s sports, and feminists.

How to woo him:

Beer, boobs and talk of WWE. That is, of course, if you have any interest in wooing him.

But why wouldn’t you?