When you live in a world where the Jersey Turnpike is the dance move of choice and having a fluorescent orange hue radiating off of your skin ensures a trip to the smush room, some changes need to be made.

Bring the “skirt” back to mini skirts. Now don’t get me wrong – mini skirts can look fabulous when worn the right way. They’re figure-flattering, sleek, and make your legs look a mile longer than usual. The problem is that the actual “skirt” part of the mini skirt has become essentially non-existent.  If you drop your phone and need to bend over to pick it up, save the crowd a couple bucks and make your skirt a couple of inches longer next time.

The sailor trend is hot, however cussing like a sailor is not. Wear your fabulous nautical prints and boat shoes all you want, but when it comes to saying “ahoy” to your mateys, leave the words your mother wouldn’t approve of out of the conversation. The instant a swear word comes out of your mouth, you go from looking like a class act to someone who is just asking for a nice stroll off the plank.

See-food belongs in the ocean. As much as the people around you most likely love getting smacked in the face with the chunks of food flying out of your mouth, it’s highly recommended that you keep your digestion process to yourself. When you’re home alone with your cat, gorge away, but when you’re in the presence of other human beings, keep those chompers behind closed doors.

Keep your ABC’s in the classroom. As much fun as your funbags may be, keep those kiddies put away. A little cleavage is fine, but when you pull a Janet Jackson every time you go out with the girls, you may want to leave a little for the imagination.

Too much P-D-A is a major N-O. Kissing your boy toy in front of your friends is cute. Giving his tush a little squeeze is sexy. But sticking your tongues down each other’s throats mid-conversation with a group of people may make for a very gag-worthy performance.

We’ve all seen or have unfortunately been one of the ladies behaving badly, reaching the level of trashy that even garbage men wouldn’t approve of, but it’s never too late to clean up our acts.

The time you head out the door in your five-inch heels and booty shorts (or are going Gaga-style with no shorts at all), remember – Justin Timberlake brought sexy back. And if you like following in JT’s footsteps as much as we do (mostly because of the nice view), sexy will be back faster than you went out to buy an *NSYNC CD in 4^th grade. Yes, that fast.

Questionpantses for Tuffaleh?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for possible answerpantses.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of one and a half years, and I’ve been beating myself up ever since. The first half of our relationship was blissful – we were like best friends, had tons of fun together and he treated me like a queen. Even though it was a long-distance relationship, we made it work with frequent visits, and having him in my life eased my transition into college.

But about halfway through our relationship, I began to think about my long-term desires, and realized I was unhappy. I consider myself to be very fortunate to have had access to private education for most of my life, but my boyfriend was not so fortunate. He dropped out of high school (but got his GED) and failed out of college, and hasn’t been able to find a job for months (he is 22). Furthermore, I felt as though he could not hold a conversation on the intellectual level that I would like, and to top it off, his persistent erectile dysfunction (which has plagued us since the first time we had sex) was giving us intimacy problems.

I chalked all these issues up to class differences, thinking that maybe we were just too different as a result of our backgrounds. However, since we broke up, I keep asking myself if I just let “the one” walk away. Although he is lazy (or maybe he can’t find a job because of the recession) and unmotivated (or maybe he just cracks under pressure in school), he has always treated me like a queen, and loved me like no other. He was always there as my therapist, protector, confidante and lover, and I wonder if I’m crazy for not thinking he is good enough for me. I also worry that I will regret my decision or change my mind if he gets a job and goes back to school, but I don’t know if he will ever do these things. Is it too much to ask for an educated man with a job/ prospects? He is definitely one of the few “good guys” left in my city and I feel stupid to let him go. Should I just settle and learn to appreciate the little things? Or maintain my high standards and run the risk of never finding the man of my dreams?

Sincerely,
Lonely Ever After

Dear Lonely,

Giiiiiiirl.

This is a really tricky question, because–well, is class an issue? Yes. Is it comfortable to discuss? About as comfortable as a colonoscopy.

Okay, well, first of all, erectile dysfunction is not an issue of class. But it is an issue in your relationship. However, sexual dysfunction is not necessarily a reason to break up. If you do end up getting back together, I highly recommend that you get your boy to a doctor and find out what the problem is. Chances are, it’s easily fixed.

The problem, then, is that you want to know if you should deal with this guy despite his socioeconomic situation. Okay. Well, I’m going to be honest: my initial gut impulse was to chew you out for being so messed up and dated.

But then I got to thinking, Lonely, and, I gotta be honest, you have a point. Well, look, you want certain things, right? You want a guy who can support himself (and hold his own financial weight if the relationship becomes long-term). You want a guy who is smart and motivated, and, although it’s not terribly PC, it’s true that the culture in which he was raised may (or may not) be a contributing factor.

However, you also want someone who is kind and loving, which you say he is, and that’s really much harder to find. Jerks with six figures are easy to find but hard to swallow (ew). Guys who love you genuinely and generously are gems and shouldn’t be so easily dismissed.

On top of it all, it sounds like maybe he’s suffering some kind of depression or anxiety or something equally treatable. The lack of motivation, the sexual problems–maybe he just needs a trip to a therapist or perhaps a psychiatrist.

So here’s my advice, girl. Follow your heart. If he really, truly is the gentle and giving soul you say he is, give him another chance. But tell him that, because you’re considering a long-term relationship with him, you need him to get his life together. Tell him you want to be with him, but he needs to either get a job or go back to school, and he definitely has to see a doctor (or doctors) about his erectile dysfunction.

And then be happy. Because loving a good person is a privilege most people never get to enjoy.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

There’s a great many things to do and places to see in this world of ours.  As humans, our lives are pretty short (and if you party like I do, it’s probably going to be even shorter).  So we have to prioritize!  We have brains for a reason and that reason is…reasoning (well, at least some of us use them for that purpose: see comment about partying above).  Let me be your voice of reason as I show you all the things you should be doing right here, right now.

It’s hard to be sure of what to eat these days.  Health reports come out with a study against a certain food one day and for it the next.  Do I eat the egg yolk or do I stick with the whites?  Are pomegranates that good for me?  How many more vitamins do I really need to take?  It’s confusing.  And I don’t like being confused about food.  I just like eating it.

Everyone’s heard the old adage, “Everything in moderation.”  Sounds pretty obvious, right?  You can eat your egg yolk (as long as you don’t eat five eggs a day) and not feel guilty.  Even dessert isn’t off limits if you don’t gorge yourself.  So this is why I’m going to give a shout out to something that has gotten a lot of bad press lately: meat.  It seem everyone is jumping on the vegetarian wagon, what with all the new vegetarian options out there.  Hey, I don’t have anything against tofu (I actually love tofu, but that’s a different story), but I have to defend my meat.  It’s delicious, packed with nutrition, and can be used in a million different ways.  Here’s why you should eat more meat:

Stronger Muscles – Meat has mad amounts of protein.  The health benefits are endless and as college women we suffer from some of the lowest protein levels of any age group (I blame cafeteria food).  Have a steak, gobble a burger, or grab a pork chop to pump up your protein levels.  There’s a reason they make protein powder: it helps build up your muscles and makes your workouts more effective.  If that means I’m going to get more benefit from the same amount of work (true story), then I now have a reason to drag my butt from the couch and go to the gym. With a steak.

Guy Cred – Meat has long been considered a man’s domain.  Men are in charge of the grill, they are the ones who traditionally hunt game animals, and they tend to be masters of meat preparation.  If you practice a bit or even take a barbecue class (they have those), you will get major respect when you step up to the plate and pull off a perfect medium rare steak (instead of a charred hunk of flesh).  You’ll probably get a Woman Of The Year award or something from Spike TV.

Shiny Hair – Want hair like you see in the shampoo commercials?  Then save your money on expensive product and head over to your local butcher instead.  Meat, particularly red meat and fish, can make your hair look all shiny and amazing like you’re an Herbal Essences model.  This is because of the high levels of iron and protein in these foods (and the fat content, which can be beneficial).  So, not only will your hair benefit, but your nails and skin will look amazing as well.  Done deal.

Piss Off Some Vegetarians – Sure, it may be petty and wrong and you might not even know any vegetarians, but some of them deserve to be antagonized.  Whether their patched-up, baggy corduroys piss you off or their unidentifiable, stinky vegan mash makes you sick, there’s a sure-fire way to get back at those annoying plant eaters:  eat meat.  This is what portable meat was made for, people!  Hot dogs, hamburgers, corn dogs, shish kabobs, and anything else that you can eat on a stick or with your hands.  Sweet, delicious revenge.

More Bang For Your Buck – Okay, so meat isn’t cheap.  However, it does have a ton of nutrition.  So if you were to try and get the same amount of nutritional value from veggies, you’d end up paying more for the massive amounts of greens you’d need in comparison to the small amount of meat that does the same thing.  See the value?  And I’d much rather have a turkey burger than five pounds of salad.  Just saying.

Look Classy – Nothing says “I’m a classy lady” better than a filet mignon.  Or a rack of lamb.  Extra points if you can actually cook these things (and cook them well…).  Think about it: every movie that includes a romantic dinner or a expression of extreme wealth has meat.  Steak Oscar, and coffee-rubbed hunks of beef (okay, now I’m hungry) are all a great way to say, “I’m classy and enjoy great food.”  Trust me, you’re not gonna see any tofu casserole on the menu of the restaurant on the top of the Eiffle Tower.

My style idol this week is someone who has recently come into her own and proven to the world that you can come out of a (very) bad break-up stronger and more beautiful than ever before: Anne Hathaway.

Ever since her life seemed to be falling apart early this summer when her ex was accused of fraud and tax evasion, Anne has been kicking some major booty. Not only is she getting rave reviews and Oscar buzz for her role in Rachel Getting Married, she’s doin’ it all while looking gorgeous and glam.

Let’s be honest; Anne hasn’t always been totally up on style or considered a fashion icon. Lately, however, she’s been seen everywhere sporting well thought-out ensembles that are trendy yet unique, classy, and do a phenomenal job of highlighting her long & lean frame.

She’s often seen in darling and feminine dresses, is a big fan of belts, and, when on the red carpet, she’s fantastic at throwing back to old Hollywood glamour with gorgeous gowns by designers like Marchesa and Dior. This combination of new-found style and a killer new haircut has turned her into a bonafide fashion star and officially has me drooling over her closet.

[Every week our style guru takes a celebrity look and breaks it down for you, our poor college fashionista. What does that mean? It means that while the celebrities are spending $5,000 on an ensemble, you don't have to.

All you have to do is click on the goods and - boom - you can buy the entire ensemble. Yes, we know; there is a spot for her in heaven.]

While I may be the only person on this site who is so not up to date on The Hills – I just feel like I lose 50 million brain cells everytime I watch that show – I have to admit I do like this look.

It’s great for class – casual, yet pulled together- and screams “I’m a regular person- but not that regular- I stand out. I should be on TV for doing absolutely NOTHING!” (And really – who doesn’t want to have a look that screams that?!)

The hat makes this look a little different, adorable, and covers up your dirty hair that you didn’t have time to wash after you hit snooze 6 times…

Cable Knit Beret

Audrina rocks this hat in white, but my pick would be yellow. That extra pop of color just makes this outfit that much cuter.

Black Denim Skinny Jeans

The zippers are cute for flats/pumps- but these jeans are also best for tucking into boots. Skinnies are an easy way to take a boring outfit and make it fabulous.

Bracelets

Buy this Motley Bangle set, or throw on an assortment of what you have at home. You can mix and match just about anything – chunky and fine, silver and gold, jeweled and plain…the possibilities are endless.

Aviators

Cute, chic and totally cover up that mess of a face for your 8am class.

Sheer Tee (in oatmeal)

Please, I beg of you, do not wear a black bra underneath it. Unless your name is Carrie Bradshaw this look is just. not. cute. If your complexion is pasty like mine, then I would stay away from the oatmeal and do a brighter color instead. Either way, solid tees are the way to go to keep this look on the classy (instead of so trendy you will be out of style by lunch) look.

Cute. Cheap. Big.

What more could you ask for in a bag?

For a two-person dish, you need ¼ tsp salt, ¼ tsp pepper, ½ tsp rosemary (fresh is best, but dried works, too), one small butternut squash, cooking spray, 2-3 slices of bacon, ½ c onions or shallots, 8 oz uncooked pasta, 2 tablespoons flour, 1 c milk, and ½ c shredded parmesan or asiago cheese.

First, heat the oven to 425. Prepare your butternut squash by halving it lengthwise and scooping out the seeds with a spoon.

Coat a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and cooking spray, then lay the squash halves, cut side up, on the sheet. Sprinkle them with the salt, the pepper, and the rosemary. Bake the squash for an hour. Don’t turn off the oven when it’s done, because you’ll need it again soon.

If you’re short on time, you can also peel and cube the squash before you bake it. You want cubes of about 1” all around. Scatter the cubes on the baking sheet, coat with the above mixture, and cook for 30-45 minutes.

When the squash is done, it should be soft and dark, like this:

While you wait for it to cool, chop the onions or shallots…

… and fry the bacon.

Sauté the onions in the bacon grease (you can drain a little bit of grease off if there’s really a lot in the pan). Keep the onions cooking for 5-8 minutes, until they soften and start to brown.

Also, put your pasta on to boil. Cook it as you normally would, until it’s soft. While the onions are browning, peel and chop your squash (if you didn’t before you put it in the oven). It should be soft… if it isn’t, you may need to cook it for a few more minutes.

Crumble the bacon slices into small pieces, and mix them in a bowl with the squash cubes and browned onions.

When your pasta is done cooking, drain it.

Whisk your 2 tablespoons of flour and cup of milk together in a bowl, then put them in a pot over low heat. Continue whisking for 1-2 minutes or until the mixture thickens. You’ll need to stir it often if not constantly.

Remove your milk mixture from the heat and add your cheese, stirring until it melts. Put the pasta in the pot and stir that in, too, until everything is combined.

Next, find a 1-quart baking dish. Coat it lightly with cooking spray, then pour the pasta mixture into the bottom of it. Spoon the squash mixture on top, and divide it evenly through the dish. Finally, sprinkle your masterpiece with cheese.

Bake until the cheese on top is melted, about 10-15 minutes, and serve to people you like a lot (including yourself, obviously). Enjoy!

Needless to say, they weren’t the classiest ladies in the room. Even more needless to say, I got a nice view of each of the ladies’ underwear choices for the evening: thongs.

The girls didn’t even have to bend over or sit down for the thongs to say hello; they were just out. Silly me, I thought that the thong out of the jeans trend ended back in 2005, but apparently I was wrong.

I was also very, very drunk, so I did what I do best; I talked shit about these girls to my friends. And also may have gone up to the Thong Crew and asked them if they were trying to make a fashion statement or just look really, really slutty before being dragged out of the bar by the people I was with.

If only I had known that night about Shibue Couture; I could have actually offered some advice instead of potentially starting a bar brawl.

The people over at Shibue Couture must have had me and my judgmental thoughts in mind when they created what can only be considered the best thing to happen to ladies lingerie since Victoria shared her secret. They have come out with a strapless G-string. The panty is made of some super soft fabrics and comes with 12 liners. You just use the adhesive and stick that puppy on just above your happy place where it then heads back to stick just above your crack (sorry, there is no dainty way to put it).

[It must be noted that these panties are best used on ladies who are all (or nearly) bare down there. I'm just sayin; it may not be too comfortable for our not-so-furless friends.]

The strapless G-string is perfect for those extra low rise jeans and super short skirts. No vag/thong flashing here. Someone should really let Paris, Britney and LiLo know about these things; it would save us all the horror of seeing their privates on an almost daily basis.

I believe that spontaneity is the spice of life. If I’m going to be bored; I’m better off dead. Something about monotony turns off my brain…as well as my spirit…soul…and yeah…well, you get it. It’s surprising to me how many people are comfortable doing the same thing every day with all of the same people in the same place…and looking the same way.

It’s one thing to be happy with your life and to have no desire to “spice” it up. However, if you’re feeling like you’re missing something…I’d recommend going out on a limb and trying something new, particularly when it comes down to your looks.

Every time that I make getting ready fun, I find that I end up looking better. People notice small changes in your look on a daily basis and, at least for me, small things like this can really make me feel better throughout the day.

So what should you consider mixing up?

YOUR HAIR

Do you always wear it down? Try something new. A bun. A fishtail. Half up. Pull your bangs back. Part it in a different place. And hey, you’re never too old for pig tails if they’re done the right way. (The right way is NOT with a plaid skirt and knee highs).

YOUR MAKEUP

Don’t wear any? Maybe give it a shot some day. And if you wear it…try a different shade one day or some eye shadow that stands out.

YOUR CLOTHES AND OVERALL “LOOK”

A lot of us get trapped into looking how we’re expected to look every day. We forget that we can constantly be switching up our style and having fun with it. Can you imagine Gwen Stefani looking the same way every time we saw her? No freaking way. Why? Because she has fun with her looks…and you should, too! Don’t be afraid to go from a “classy” look one day to a “rocker” look the next.

And from what I’ve gathered from experience…when you’re not bored, the people around you aren’t bored, either.

Recently spiced up your “look”? Tell us about it!

Dear Ladies, I want you to ask yourself a question I often times ask myself on the shameful walk through an apartment which I hardly recognize on a hung over morning. The man at hand’s name is still new to me and I’ve left him snoring in his sheets. His roommates are awake and have no fucking clue who I am, so I wave awkwardly and put my boots on as quickly as possibly. I tell them to have a nice day and I just know, as I stumble down the building’s steps, one of them is asking the other:

“Wasn’t that their first date?”, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle.

So the question of doom is this, ladies:

Are you really a lady?

I’ll be the first one to rub hot wing sauce on my jeans. I can be as tomboy as they come… can’t break a nail cause I don’t have any to break…so I know that I’m not a stereotypical “lady”. But when it comes down to sex, I’m starting to see that the “Anything Goes” handbook I’ve been using for dating might not exactly be relevant anymore.

There are rules, whether you want to follow them is up to you, but I think it’s important that even the most unlady-like of ladies know when to hold out for sex. The key here is to know what you want from the guy.

If you’re in a new town (or your own town, whatever) and have decided that you literally just want to f*ck someone; well, you’re on what I like to call a mission. If sex is your ultimate goal, then find your dude and do the nasty thing. In fact, if you just want a casual hook-up with some dude you don’t even like all that much, there’s no sense in making him–or you–wait in that case, either.

The difference comes in to play when you meet a guy you really like. You know that guy you can spill your soul to, cry laughing with, and even though you deny it, you can really see some long term potential with him? He’s the guy who has to wait.

It’s plain and simple. If you want to keep his interest fastened tightly, you have to hold out. I would go as far as to say no more than kissing on the first date and to wait for sex at least until the 3rd or 4th date. This may not sound like a long wait to many of you, but trust me, it’s enough for him. Play your sex cards right and he’ll be begging for you by the 3rd date and guess who’ll have the upper hand at that point?

You, of course.

So to summarize for all of us unlady-like ladies out there:

If you don’t see potential with the guy; bone him in the bathroom at the bar. As long as you’re safe about it, who cares what happens later?

If you see any potential with him, excuse yourself from the petting session and make Prince Charming wait.

Got it? Good.

Class dismissed.

So, Tila Tequila isn’t bi? You mean, her entire existence is a total sham? There’s no way the most popular girl on MySpace would ever try to sell herself further for essentially doing nothing! No! It can’t be! Tila is a completely legitimate woman/pop singer/MySpace celebrity, right?

Sure she is! She’s as classy as a queen. Need proof? Check out the evidence:

She’s singing “Like a Virgin”! Those semi-seductive winks and all that head shaking is just for show. Not. Slutty. At all.

She’s a dancer! I’d say this video is NSFW, but she’s an artist so I’m just going to say it’s beautiful.

Tucker Carlson wants to interview her! This is when you know she’s made it. She’s on cable news and totally well-spoken and intelligent. You can’t beat sound-bytes like, “I’ve always had this thing where I wanted attention from everyone…” Lovely!