Catch Jay Leno at 10 pm…every weeknight.

Gmail: now with to-do lists!

Homegirl lights her cheating husband’s junk on fire.

Clay Aiken kissed a boy, and he liked it.

Brrrr, it’s cold out there! Stay beautiful in the winter with these tips.

Want equal rights? Call in “gay” to work tomorrow.

Bah humbug about Hanukkah? We feel you.

Take criticism gracefully.

Everyone loves LiLo’s leggings.

Whoops! An NFL wardrobe malfunction.

VH1’s “I Love the New Millennium” premiered this week. Much like its fabulously entertaining predecessors mocking the 80’s and 90’s (sorry, the 70’s one predates me), it doesn’t fail to deliver laughs and amusing sound bites. Although I think I Love the New Millennium might be jumping the gun time-wise (they are discussing things that happened, like, last week!), I adore the short-attention-span-theater for the distraction-inclined:

Exploring all the pop cultural guilty pleasures, memorable products and people, disgraces and debuts, fads and fashions, scandals and sensations.

With clever and over-animated comedians dissecting and reflecting on everything from metrosexuals to Dance Dance Revolution to Sudoku, you can’t help but giggle at the off the wall and politically incorrect observations. In honor of the show, I decided to take a yummy walk down pop-culture memory lane from 2000-2004. Here are some of my personal favorite memories from the new millennium…and the ones I despise.

New Millennium Favs:

Napster- The inspiring illegal innovation that started it all. Thank you, Shawn Fanning, for changing the musical and digital landscape.

Uggs- I don’t care how hideous they are and how far-gone the trend is, these babies keep my tootsies toasty on the way to class or, if I’m feeling really lazy, at the bar. Read More »

You may have already heard that Clay Aiken has impregnated someone.

No, not that way. Come on.

Aiken has artificially inseminated his “best friend” and producer, Jaymes Foster, who is in her late 40’s. Clay has even decided to be a father in earnest (no, not that way) and help raise the little tyke. The baby is due in August, which means that they’ve managed to keep this under wraps for a while now.

I would like to offer my congratulations to the future parents. And so, as a gift (for some reason, I wasn’t invited to the baby shower) I’m going to give Clay some advice on how not to horribly scar and embarrass his child.

1. Don’t Smile.

You’ve recently bought a new smile, Clay, but I’m sorry, adding huge ceramic teeth to an already startlingly creepy face is a bad move. If you catch your infant child unawares, he may think that you are a beaver monster and never trust you again. Read More »

Apologies to your imagination

Clay Aiken is having a baby. With a women. Which is weird. Someone call Maury or direct these two to a Duane Reade.

Douchiest douche in the world

Nick Hogan, I hate you. Are you basically blaming your friend for his current vegetable status? Because he’s a negative person? That’s why he’ll never be able to feed himself again? Oh, and make sure Daddy sets you up a with a “real-ality” show the second that you’re out. DOUCHE.

Fashion

The Good

I’m loving SJP’s dress at the New York premiere of the “Sex and the City” movie .

The Bad

Is Kim Cattrall’s the worst look of the week? The dress has pockets, does something weird at the breasts, I hate the length and the shoes – ugh.

Hottie of the Week

John Mayer’s Penis. This is week old news you say? Nay, I say. A big penis never gets old. Read More »

Nothing gets my day going like a little Clay Aiken in the morning.

Mmmmmm. That’s the stuff.

As if Justin Timberlake could actually bring sexy back looking like this, or dancing like this, Clay says (in that weird, southern drawl) “move over JT, there’s a new Sexy-Bringer-Backer in town,” at his recent live performances.

Here is the real sexiness doing a cover of last summer’s biggest hit; I dare you NOT to get turned on. Read More »

I’m one of the three people in the world who hated High School Musical.

I thought the writing was terrible, the songs were worse, and the acting was mind-numbingly bad. Granted, it was written for kids, and I guess it was fine for someone just wheening themselves off Sesame Street and the Disney Channel, but when it comes to the over-16 crowd who worship the movie, I just don’t understand.

Another thing I don’t understand is the magical pull of Zac Efron.

I mean, he kind of looks like he’s made of wax. A 12-year-old wax figurine. I know he’s almost 20, but he sure doesn’t look it, and if it wasn’t all over the place that he was dating what’s-her-name, I’d bet $100 dollars his ass was gay.

So why is he so famous? I think it’s the same reason Sanjaya and Clay Aiken (two boys who should just give up and step out of the closet) were /are so popular. Tween girls love guys who look harmless, sweet, and perfectly groomed. Read More »

In case you’re still interested in the giant haired oddity that is Sanjaya Malakar, an article released by People Magazine today has the strangely vacant-eyed singer explaining that he’s not gay, he just “understands woman” better than most men.

Uh. Okay. If by understand woman you mean emulate their hair styles and songs, than sure. I’m with ya, Sanjy. Your face certainly looks womanly. You’ve got some of the best un-collagened lips I’ve seen on a celebrity in quite some time, and that voice is definitely reminiscent of a female warble. I mean, Justin Timberlake has a high voice, but you take the squeaky cake.

“I got teased in school because people figured I must be gay because I understand women” Sanjy is quoted as saying in the article, “I think that’s why guys didn’t like me – because I got along with girls so well. When I went up to girls they would give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek like I was their gay friend. But I was the straight guy that understood them.” Read More »