Beautiful, right?

Okay, so I have to level with you. It took every ounce of my will power to not use this column as a LeBron bashing zone. I know that not many people are as passionate about their sports teams, but when you’re a die hard Cleveland fan, you understand that being a Cleveland fan is pretty similar to being in an unhealthy relationship. A very, very unhealthy relationship. Where your heart is constantly being broken and just when you think that everything will be okay, and you’ll get a ring, then all of a sudden your man goes on national television to publicly humiliate you and announce that he’s dumping you and moving to Miami to hang out with his bros and hook up with the Kardashians.

But, like I said, I’m not going to use this as a forum to stoop to that level and tear apart that cowardly, embarrassment to the state of Ohio, LeBrat LeBron. Instead, like any good Midwestern girl should, I’m going to take the high road and focus on all the reasons that Cleveland will survive without the self-titled “King” and still rules, despite all the flack that people give the beautiful “Mistake on the Lake.”

10. The people
Who doesn’t love a good-hearted group of people? I’m hard pressed to find a nicer bunch of humanity than the homegrown heroes of Cleveland Ohio. I heart the Midwest and their genuine, laid back attitude.

9. Severe sports hotties
LeWHO? Have you seen Grady Sizemore (granted- he’s for the Indians, but still)? Total babe.

8. The Browns?
Come on, we’ve got a shot this year. Right?

7. Our amazing Cavs owner.
I couldn’t have said it better myself, Mr. Gilbert. I think Cleveland has a new king if you can keep your promise.

6. Awesome theme song
Popularized by the Drew Carey show, Cleveland ROCKS.

5. The Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame
The music capital of the world is Cleveland, Ohio. Got any doubts? Go check out the Hall yourself. Guaranteed an amazing time for any music buff or fan.

4. Progressive Field
One of the best looking fields in baseball, home to the Cleveland Indians. Wahoooo!

3. Custard, pop, Cuyahoga, Cedar Point, Antonio’s Pizza and Nickel Beer Night all sounds pretty good right now
Drew Carey has Antonio’s send him 100′s of pizzas for parties and for the set of the Price is Right. Step aside, NYC, looks like Cleveland is now the famed spot for pizza.

2. Fame Factor
Okay, so Drew Carey isn’t the only celeb to come out of C-Town. Cleve is also home to Halle Berry, Patricia Heaton, Wes Craven, Arsenio Hall, Kid Cudi and many many more.

1. Sense of humor
Alright, at the end of the day, we get it. Miami is the hot spot. Cleveland is no LA, NYC, Vegas or Chicago by any lengths of the imagination. But hell, at least we have a good sense of humor about it. Still don’t buy it? Check the Cleveland episode of 30 Rock.

Awesome. You guys are totally awesome.

Just kidding, Fox Network. You totally suck.

Shit like this, taking Cleveland (of all characters) from Family Guy and giving him his own show, really pisses me off.

Where is the creativity, Fox Network?! Is this what I’m paying $45 a month in cable TV for?!

I hate Fox. I do. I hate Fox and here is why:

(1) Their news is retardedly biased and annoying and their newscasters are wooden and remind me of an old high school boyfriend who could not for the life of him figure out how to unhook a bra.

(2) They continue to let The Simpsons wallow in its own decay. Look, The Simpsons was like the most brilliant show of all time–until it started to very much suck a few years ago. And yet Fox continues to let it sink further and further into geeky mediocrity. I mean, cancel that shit already. It’s embarassing.

(3) American Dad.

(4) American Idol.

(5) Okay, forget listing crappy shows. What I REALLY hate about Fox is their total lack of creativity when it comes to programming. I mean, seriously. A Cleveland spinoff? It’s like taking Laguna Beach and giving a spinoff to the ocean.

It’s like how Dick Cheney is the next in command…we’re all vaguely aware of his existance as a side character in the administration, but if he ever became president, we’d all change the channel faster than you can say “Guantanamo.”