[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She's been helping people find love for years so we thought we'd tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up!]

I still get a little nostalgic this time of year thinking back to the beginning of my freshman year. Over the first few months Ann (my roommate, bestie and partner in crime) and I dominated in getting to know new people.  Somehow through classes, our brand new social life and dorm we were meeting people left, right and center.  Everyone had a story and was as just excited to meet us as we were to meet them.  Every day was new and had limitless possibilities of friends, fun and dates.

Then something happened.  I am not sure if it was classes or winter kicking in, but we just fell in the rhythm of spending time with who we knew.  Our own little clique. A group of ladies who lived on the same dorm floor with whom who we ate, studied and hung out.  Judgments were made about other people (he’s a jock, she’s a library addict, he’s a science geek, etc) and although we were nice, we jut didn’t step out of our group much.

As college continued it was crazy how those cliques didn’t change much. People were still referred to by their friends, status and even freshman year dorm and floor.  Not until I started a “Kira’s Question o’the Week” for the college newspaper did I realize how far in my comfort zone I had gotten.  The premise of my column was that I would walk around campus and talk to people from all classes and cliques to get their take on a weekly question -  some political, some thought provoking, but mostly fun.  From the minute I was asked I was really excited about using my gregarious powers for good.

Even though it felt strange at first – approaching complete strangers isn’t easy – over the next year I mustered up my confidence to talk to everyone. Freshmen, seniors, foreign exchange students, young republicans, sororities, artists, frats, jocks, geeks, brains, musicians, EVERYONE. And you know what? It kicked ass.  I got in some of the best, most awe-inspiring conversations that I had in my whole college experience.  Conversations that would challenge my knowledge, open my mind and everything I knew.  Everyone had a story they wanted to share and the strange thing was, all I had to do was ask.  All of my absolutely ridiculous preconceived judgments were kicked to the curb and I felt embarrassed by the people that I wrote off because of they were not part of my clique.

In retrospect, I realize that this has actually become the core to my dating philosophy for not only myself but my clients.  Online dating sites want everyone to believe that it is where everyone is meeting their significant other, but the number one way to meet people is still through friends.  It is so much easier to crush on the guy that your friend has told you all about then the questionable rando in the bar, right?  And the bigger the social circle you have the better the chance you have to meet great guys to date.  It’s simple math.

So here is my new school year inspiration for you…figure out how to make your own way to talk to everyone.  Talk to the guy whose socks don’t match, I bet he is fun.   The girl who seems to have everything going for her, you will find out she doesn’t (but she might have some really great guy friends).  The overly confident jock.  The library addict. Everyone has a story and many times it is not that different from yours.  Open up and find out people’s stories.

The best part?  You never know who may become a great friend, a movie buddy, or even a ….date.

Dating Makeover New School Year Challenge:  Smile, say hello or talk to 3 new people a day.  What do you have to lose?

Want more kick ass challenges?  Join us in January for the College Candy Dating Makeover.

Girls are terrible to each other.

Girls are each other’s own worst enemies.

But…WHY?

Why is it that guys can be each other’s brothers but girls can’t seem to get it together enough to be each other’s sisters? Why are girls so goddamn catty? Where is the love? Where is the loyalty?

I want answers and I want them now. Yes, I’m being serious. I have questions and I want answers. So, give em to me. Explain the reasoning behind this girl on girl hatred.

1. Why do girls call another girl pretty or skinny with a tone of disgust? You know what I’m talking about. Imagine this sentence being exchanged from one girl to another girl, about a girl passing on the street: “Oh my god…..she is so….skinny…(or, if you prefer, skinnnnayyyyy).” Why the attitude problem?

2. Why do girls call other girls sluts? Any girl who has thought about the meaning of the word ‘SLUT’ knows it is offensive. The thinking girl knows that this word can be used to describe a woman who flirts with another woman’s boyfriend or a woman who has slept with people she didn’t love. The thinking girl knows that there is no definition to this word and that it is hurtful to all women alike, so why do some girls say it?

3. Why are girls so judgmental? Why do you have to break down 1,000,000 walls before a girl will let you in to be her friend? I feel like tons of my friends sit at the bar ready to claw any girl who is nice to them. What does a girl have to do to make some freakin’ girl friends?

4. Why do girls assume that every girl their boyfriend and/or aspiring lover is friends with is either f*cking him or wants to f*ck him? Girls should know better than anyone that we can be friends with a boy without wanting to do him. So why don’t girls give other girls this benefit of the doubt?

5. Why do girls gossip? Why do girls swear they can keep a secret just so they can have dirt to tell everyone else? Why are girls such bad friends to each other sometimes?

I want to know your answers.

[Photo from: aolcdn.com]

My first thought? Oh, no! Save the children. My second thought? Ummm, obvi?

When I was young, my role models were Barbie and Kelly Kapowski. Barbie had an impossible waist paired with magic tits, and Kelly Kapowski had cheated on Zack Morris with college boy Jeff, her boss at the Max. Parents today are concerned that the Bratz dolls negatively influence girls’ body images. I think they look like ghetto skanks with big heads, myself. But I suppose if they are inspiring young girls to seek a ghetto-skank look, there is cause for concern.

But I digress. BBC reports that girls are suffering from various social anxieties: two in five girls studied knew someone who had self-harmed; two in five knew someone who had panic attacks; and one in three knew someone with an eating disorder.

These problems suck; I know, I’ve dealt with all of them. I went through a brief bout of anorexia when I was thirteen, dropping to 104 pounds on a 5’7” frame. When I started eating again after an intervention, knives and razors became my friends. However, when I began working part-time jobs at sixteen, I realized that people look at you like you’re crazy when you have scars up and down your arms, and gave that up too. In college, I saw a school psychologist and got prescriptions for anti-depressants and tranquilizers (for anxiety attacks), which I fondly referred to as “Crazy Pills.” However, even the crazy pills had to go because I couldn’t remember to take them every day (the reason I still use condoms instead of the pill), and it was warping my mind.

I still have body image issues. I still sometimes have an urge to hurt myself. And, though I still have anxiety attacks, I’ve learned how to talk myself down without reaching for a bottle of pills. Yes, these are serious issues, and many people should seek professional help to deal with these problems (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with going to the pro’s, trust me), but I don’t necessarily think it’s a new phenomenon.

I might get a lot of negative responses for saying this, but am I the only one who has had to deal with problems as a teenager? Hell, even in grad school, I faced cattiness, backstabbing, and fake people, besides the obvious fact that grad school is basically a vehicle for a nervous breakdown. But I survived. So why is social pressure such a huge deal for kids today?

I will agree that it seems that tweens have a more difficult time dealing with popularity, body image, and self esteem, but why? BBC reports that the most important protection against anxiety is a supportive system of family and friends.

If a strong, supportive family is so important, then I predict that this problem is going to snowball, as more and more teenagers are getting pregnant and becoming young, inexperienced parents. And Miley Cyrus’ latest shower pics aren’t helping either.

Readers, were your high school (and college) years all cotton candy and sparkles? I welcome your comments.