Recently, the HuffPo reported on a study done on the elusive g-spot, which concluded that it doesn’t exist. We all know the cultural significance of the g-spot – it leads to rainbows, unicorns and $100 bills squirting from your vag if stimulated properly. There has been a lot of debate over the years as to whether it even exists, since the vast majority of women cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. While on the one hand, the results of this study could comfort some women who are discouraged with the fact that they can’t orgasm solely for vaginal stimulation, it’s not cool for the medical community to diminish the sexual experiences of women.

The g-spot, in my experience, is real. I don’t require any clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and, in fact, I generally find clitoral stimulation to be totally unappealing. Considering anywhere from 20-40 percent of women can orgasm through intercourse alone, I know I’m not the only one for whom this is the case. The fact that the study actually included data that indicated that there is an erogenous zone inside the vagina, but still reached the conclusion that it doesn’t exist is annoying at best, and pretty troubling at worst.

The larger issue here is the idea that orgasms are a homogenous entity, that you can create an overarching road map that would be applicable to every single woman. Whether it’s Cosmo publishing articles that make the g-spot seem like the end-all and be-all of a woman’s sexual experience, or whether it’s medical professionals declaring that it’s not real, both ideas are equally as harmful to the conversation.  Orgasmic erogenous zones are just as varied as any other – some of us have sensitive nipples, some of us don’t. Some of us love to have our necks kissed, some of us find it annoying. Some of us like to get kissed on the stomach while others are ticklish there. All of these truths are fine and valid. I’m really averse to approaching sex with a black and white, zero-sum game attitude. As long as it’s safe and consensual, I generally don’t like to make broad judgments.

So, yes, the g-spot exists. It’s easier for some women to find than others, and it has differing sensations. If you’re not familiar with yours, there’s nothing wrong with doing some exploring (or getting your partner to do it for you), but I implore you to not put absurd amounts of pressure on yourself.  You can have perfectly fulfilling, awesome sex without experiencing every single kind of orgasm there is (especially since the clitoris was biologically designed for pleasure, so for many women, that’s the creme de la creme). Don’t let science or society define your pleasure for you – find your own!

So listen up. Maybe it’s time we all stop hating on the little guys, K?

The top two-thirds of the vagina has no nerve endings. Really. We only have a couple of inches that can feel what’s going on (that’s why you can’t feel a properly inserted tampon). If you’re only going to be feeling 3 inches, what difference would a 5-inch penis or a 9-inch penis make?

“It’s not the size of the boat…” Plenty of well-endowed men have no skill (trust.), and many men with smaller equipment know the right things to do. It’s not fair to generalize either way, really. There are plenty of men who are larger who think that just because they’re big they don’t need to try – well, that’s not the case (trust). And many men who are aware and possibly self-conscious of their smaller penises will try extra-hard to make it that much better (trust). Everyone is different, it’s not just size that determines a good sexual partner (amen).

A big penis is more likely to hurt you than an average sized one. Ripping, tearing and general discomfort are more likely the bigger you go. If you are with a guy who’s on the bigger side – use lube, and lots of it.

As I’ve mentioned before, most women don’t orgasm through intercourse alone. Clitoral stimulation is what does it for most ladies, and the size of his member doesn’t really matter much when he’s going down on you. Smaller guys still have tongues, fingers, and forearms, so unless you can’t orgasm unless your partner is 8 inches or larger and you can only finish during intercourse, there’s no reason a smaller guy can’t do as well (if not better) than a guy who is more well endowed.

And that’s the end of that one.
Smaller guys, you can thank me later.

My Roots of Feminism class recently read The Myth of Vaginal Orgasm by Anne Koedt, an essay from 1970 that talks about the idealization of vaginal orgasms when the main source of sexual pleasure for women has been proven to be the clitoris. (She goes much more into depth in her essay about how the “myth of vaginal orgasm” came about, if you want to read it.)

In 2009, we seem to have finally recognized the clitoris as the important sexual organ it is. Any Cosmo article will tell you that many women don’t have vaginal orgasms and clitoral stimulation is an important part of sex.  But despite recognizing the important of the clitoris, our basic, standard sex position remains missionary, one of the worst positions for clitoral stimulation!

Perhaps this is why 75% of women have never had an orgasm from sex; they’re going about it all wrong!

Well, people, it’s time to move past missionary and into the land of pleasure. Out with the boring and in with the orgasmic! Below are some new positions to try out that are sure to bring both you and your partner some serious pleasure.

You can thank me later.

69
Oral sex is by far the best source of clitoral stimulation for women, and with 69, both partners (of any gender) are enjoying themselves.

CAT
A modified version of missionary position, the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) is a position specifically designed to give women clitoral stimulation during sex. From Wikipedia: “The penetrating partner lies above the receiving partner as in the missionary position, but moves upward along the woman’s body, so that the base of the male’s penis provides stimulation to her clitoris. The receiving partner may also wrap her legs around his. Sexual movement is focused in the pelvises, without leverage from the arms or legs. The rocking upward stroke (receiving partner leads) and downward stroke (penetrating partner leads) of sexual movement builds arousal that partners let develop and peak naturally.” Yeah it all sounds sorta technical, but in the end you’ll be happy you put the effort in.

Girl on Top
When you climb aboard you can control the depth and speed of penetration, thus doing what makes you feel best. Plus, his hands are free to offer extra stimulation. Win-win!

Doggy Style With Paws
Doggy style is a great angle for G-spot stimulation. To make it even better for you, ask your man to use his hand (or just grab it and show him) to stimulate your clitoris at the same time.

You, Me, and the Machine
Find a small, easy to grib vibrator and take it to bed with you. I promise you, your partner will enjoy it just as much as you. You won’t be sorry!

What’s your favorite position?

But I have not met you.

There is an epidemic that has got this planet in a chokehold. An epidemic so severe I think Al Gore should take it on as his next big project. He’d sell a lot of tickets to the documentary, and it’d make him real popular with the ladies—not to mention the secret hero of all the dudes.

What is this epidemic, you ask?

Why, it’s the Un-education of the Finger.

We are teaching the men of this world to respect women, give them power, give them love, but what we’re leaving out is the very vital lesson of…female clitoral stimulation.

In all my travels, I have not come across one lad who had any real knowledge of what his initial ‘handiwork’ felt like. I’m sure, if they had known, they would have never let such an atrocity continue. Once one-on-one sex education classes were held, everything turned out fine. But in the beginning? …mechanically horrifying.

I’m not sure why there are so many misinformed guys walking this planet. We’ve got to stop it, girls. We may not be able to change the course of nature, but if we all ban together and commit to this, we can make this world a better place for vajayjays everywhere.

To start the revolution, those of you currently involved in some kind of intimate entanglement must, and I repeat, MUST make sure your man (I would include ‘woman’ here too, for equal opportunity’s sake, but let’s be real. Would a lesbian really have this problem?) has properly mastered all things concerning his fingers and your nicey nicey. Even if you don’t know the guy well and don’t foresee something that lasts forever, TEACH HIM. It won’t take long, and you’ll be helping out someone else down the line.

The second step in operation Re-Educate the Finger?

Send every man you know here.