I don’t know about you, but when I first heard that clogs/mules were coming back in style I thought of those black Steve Madden clog/sandals with the elastic band that made your feet sound like a horse every time you walked. You know, the ones you paired with Hard Tails and then traded in for the leather platform version to pair with your Paris Blues Super Bell Bottoms come Fall uh… 1998?

So you can imagine my resistance when I saw the words CLOG splattered all over my fashion bibles. Really, Chanel? CLOGS? I do not need to do/wear anything that resembles my 1998 self in the slightest. The horror! What’s next? Butterfly clips? Lord have mercy.

But then, like all old trends that come back around, I realized the clog came with a bit of a twist. Clogs 2.0 are like Heidi Montag 2.0: Bigger, pumped up and plumped up. And some would even argue, better. These clogs are edgier, chunkier, platform-ier and all around cooler. Read More »

So I’m unsure if I’m just behind the times or if this is really a new development, but lately while strolling about town I’ve noticed in various storefronts and on various idiots new styles of the ever-so-lovely Croc sandal…thingy. But, as the Croc 2.0 is still made of rubber and is still, in fact, a Croc, I find myself wondering, really, what is the f*cking point?

I’ll admit, when I spotted my first Croc in the summer of 2005, I was actually impressed by its foamy, walking-on-air comfort and even considered purchasing a pair to sport during my waitressing job. Then I saw a few people at work wearing them (over white ankle socks, no less), realized that they were in fact the bastard love child of a whiffle ball and a gardening clog, and quickly decided that, while my Chucks may not exactly be arch-friendly, at least they’re fresh looking.

But, to get back to the matter at hand, declining sales in the past year seem to have alerted the Croc powers that be to the fact that their product is absolutely f*cking hideous, and the company is now attempting to remedy the situation with different variations on the rubber shoe. Read More »

I remember going into a store once, contemplating the purchase of a pair of Crocs.

All I remember is taking a look at the sheer brightness of the neon orange rubber and thinking, “Will I actually wear these things after one day?”

No. Probably not.

Yes, they’re comfy, they’re quirky and they’ve got that whole hippie vibe goin’ on, but…they’re ugly.

And being that, if I was gonna do it, I was gonna do it right – with an utterly ridiculous shade of electric green or cotton candy pink – they would match none of my clothes. I’d end up looking very, very silly, along with all the other silly Croc-footed people that jumped on the rubber-soled bandwagon this past year. Read More »