Personally, I think a good night of irresponsible drinking and partying is sometimes necessary. And by “sometimes,” I mean “college.” While you might regret it the next morning when you can’t roll over out of fear you will barf on that not-so-hot lad lying next to you, it’s always fun. But what if it could be more fun? I know you don’t think that’s possible, but I know for a fact that playing beer pong 7 nights in a row can get old. And those cups get mighty sticky.

Why not spice up a night of drinking with a few new toys? I’ve rounded up some of the coolest drinking toys on the market that every girl needs. You accessorize your clothes, so why not do the same with your booze?

Cocktail parties are always a good time. Everyone’s being all classy and mingling and chit-chatting with their cocktail o’ choice. Now imagine, in the center of your perfectly themed soiree, a fountain of the night’s leading cocktail flowing into party-goer’s glasses. Or, once the night really gets going, right into their mouths. Could you think of anything better?

So, you opened a bottle of 2 Buck Chuck with a friend but, despite how hard you try, you can’t finish it. But you also can’t get that stupid cork back in there. You don’t want to let that bottle go to waste, so what are you supposed to do? You need a bottle stopper, friend, namely this bottle stopper. Just stick that little guy in there and you’re good to go (that’s what she said).

Nobody likes a warm shot. That’s just…. ew, I threw up a little in my mouth just thinking about it. So what better way to ensure that your shot goes down smooth as ice than to serve your liquor of choice in a shot glass made of ice! These awesome ice trays allow you to make ice shot glasses with anything: water, soda, or even alcohol itself! You can take the shot then chase it with the glass! Mama likey.

One of the worst party fouls is losing your drink. (OK, maybe it’s puking in your hand, but losing your drink really blows.) Granted, you aren’t supposed to leave your drinks unattended at the risk of being drugged, but that’s not the point. Let’s just say you are enjoying a cold beverage while lounging by yourself, your buzz is kicking in, you venture/stumble your way into the kitchen for munchies and on your way back, you can’t seem to locate your beer (or wine cooler, for those averse to all things beer). That’s when this genius inventions steps in and saves the day! A remote control beer pager…need I say more?

Have you ever tried making an ice luge? No? Well, it’s hard, time consuming and never comes out as pretty as you’d like. But they are so fun! And with this little guy from the guys at IceBooze.com, you can take shots off a luge whenever you want! (Yes, even if it’s for breakfast.) Just fill the mold, stick this it in your freezer (and it will fit!), then bring out the bottles for some icy shot deliciousness. Gift from God, I tell you.

But listen up: the calories in some of your favorite cocktails are plentiful!

Each Cosmo you down has over 250 calories, while a Long Island Iced Tea contains around 700 calories!  And you know you never drink just one. But don’t worry, ladies; you don’t have to cut out your alcohol-related fun. There’s plenty of low-calorie options for you out there and being the generout bar-and-tight-jean-loving girls that we are, we’re going to share them with you.

1.  Mojito – They’re cool and refreshing on hot summer days, and a much better choice than frozen margaritas  (which can be around 400 calories).  They also happen to be mostly booze, so you aren’t wasting calories on mixers (and, bonus, a little goes a long way).

2.  Slender Wine – This new wine is going to be in this year’s Academy Awards goodie bags, and has no calories and no added sugar.  It comes in red, white, and blush varieties, and for only about $10 a pop, you can afford to try all three!

3.  Budweiser Select or MGD 64 -  If you’re a beer girl, then try one of these low-cal and low-carb beers that both claim to have the same taste as their full-calorie counterparts. We haven’t tried em yet, but they’ve got to be better than heavy and calorie-laden Beast, right?

4.   Sour Apple Martini – Cosmopolitans and chocolate martinis, while delicious, are high in calories, but not all martinis are that bad.  A sour apple or even a regular martini has less than 200 calories.

5.  Diet soda cocktails – Switching to a diet mixer in any of your favorite cocktails (Rum and Diet Coke, or Gin and Diet Tonic) will save you TONS of calories, and won’t affect the taste too much.

I am a Cosmo devotee. Have been since I started stealing my mom’s when I was twelve. I am amazed monthly by the hair, the witty captions, and their never ending innovation of synonyms for the word penis. Many of my friends, acquaintances, relatives and sisters swear by Cosmo as their Bible (and for the most part I do too). But there are some times (well…many times) when Cosmo’s take on real world situations is – in a word – whack.

I will still accept their declarations of lip gloss superiority like they were handed down from the divine, but when it comes to their interpretation of all things men (or at least all things greatly generalized and stereotyped), I think I’ll be reading with a grain of salt handy.

And I’ll pass that grain onto you. With every passing month and, in turn, every new “Secret Sex Fantasy Guys Won’t Tell You!” revealed, I will be here to break it all down for you. I will find the truth buried deep between the unsafe sex positions and “things he secretly loves you for,” so you don’t end up with a stiff neck, an angry boyfriend or some seriously embarrassing sexcapades.]

In this March’s “The New Attitude That Drives Men Wild,” Molly Fahner attempts to dissect the fine art of playing hard to get. Oh, you didn’t see that coming from the title? Don’t worry, me either. I like to reflect on the hidden meanings of the cover story articles, because they are so very often not what you think they’ll be (aside from the “596 Sex Tips We Publish Every Month”).

I imagined that Cosmo had discovered a rare personality trait that those girls who’ve consistently been in serious relationships their whole lives possess. Perhaps the Cosmo labs had created a mutated DNA strain that lured smart, funny and successful hotties from miles away. I at least hoped that the article would not use Madonna as an example of who to emulate when browsing for a guy.

But alas I was wrong. Instead, I was treated to a one page enigma trying to draw a distinct line between playing it cool and being aloof. If generations of stitch-n-bitching hasn’t nailed this down, Cosmo, I highly doubt that you’ve suddenly discovered the perfect way to play “the game.” But I’m getting ahead of myself. Before we get to the mind bottling (yes I am one of the 5 people who saw Blades of Glory) conclusion, let’s explore Cosmo’s genius reasoning as to why “Today, it’s not a woman’s money, prestige or beauty that is so enticing, but more a cocktail of personality traits and, yes, a certain bitchiness,” that win over men.

Cosmo Says: “We noticed in December…how baseball play Alex Rodriguez shamelessly followed Madonna around like a little poodle…Clearly, as Madonna proves, being ballsy and comfortable with oneself is a big turn-on.”

Kari Says: Ok, I’ll buy it. I’m down with female empowerment and self confidence. The only problem with Madonna’s “Ballsiness” is that the average guy might find it a little too literal. I mean, most guys in my dating range aren’t major league baseball players desperate for someone to dominate them. Actually, the idea of a 50 year old body builder in a top hat and sequined spandex bossing them around just doesn’t sound too appealing (or so I’m told). So perhaps Madonna isn’t exactly the best role model for this “fierce type of female allure.”

Cosmo Says: “Another part of the mix is appearing as anything but needy…Simply put, showing a bit of ‘I like you, but I could live without you’ attitude is intriguing to men.”

Kari Says: Wait—so it’s bad if I tell him that will die without his love after the second drink he buys me? What if I just explain to him that I’m totally available at any given time that he wants to hang out, just so he knows that he won’t have to worry about rejection? Oh, those are both bad? Well, thank goodness you finally published this article, Cosmo, I don’t know how you didn’t discover this groundbreaking attitude decades earlier.

Cosmo Says: “A third component of this woman’s draw is that she turns herself into a prize worth seeking.”

Kari Says: Hm, where to begin. I guess I’ll start where Cosmo completely devalues women as people and suggests that we objectify ourselves to obtain suitable partners. So much for feminism, the trick to being a worthwhile human being is to be a really great potential girlfriend! And the only way to do so is to make myself into a “prize worth seeking.” Did the scene on Jasmine’s balcony in Aladdin mean nothing to you, Cosmo? And I quote: “ I am not a prize to be won!” Christ, if Disney could get it right…

Cosmo Says: “What isn’t as important as you think? Appearance. Also, don’t employ aloofness—it’s too old school.”

Kari Says: Alright, inner beauty. Nice recovery Cosmo, after the whole trophy GF thing. I’m just a bit confused considering that your advice to let him know that I could “live without him.” Would that be considered aloof? See, there’s the problem with trying to specifically label aloofness and intrigue. Whatevs, I have faith that your final paragraph will lead me unerringly to man-magnetism.

Cosmo Says: “Finally, be aware that while guys like a chase, they ultimately want a reward. By maintaining a you-can’t-touch-this vibe for even a bit too long, you just might drive him away.”

Kari Says: WHAT?!?! That was completely inconclusive! You just cancelled out everything else you told me to do! And moreover, that is totally not a “new attitude.” It’s just some incredibly vague advice. So basically what I have to do to find a decent guy is act like a bitch, then act like Madonna, then be aloof, then sacrifice my worth as a woman, then DON’T be aloof, and most importantly, don’t wait too long to put out or he’ll get bored. Thank you, Cosmo, for once again reaffirming that you know all concerning love, lust and womanhood.

What did you think of “The Bitchy Little Move Men Love?” I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that it bamboozled me. Any other complaints? I personally found it hard to believe that all Marissa Miller does to maintain her Victoria’s Secret bod are those cute little stretches on pg 159. Are you scared to orgasm thanks to pg 140? Let’s hear it.

If you had fun on Halloween, just wait and see what the Festivous season has in store. Here are some ideas so you can throw your own rager for Christmahannukwanzakuh… or whatever you celebrate.

Tacky Christmas Party

Now’s the time to dig out the sweater you got last year from Aunt Millie – the one with real pom poms sewn on to represent snowflakes, with bedazzled reindeer flying across the front. If you don’t have your own tacky Christmas sweater, rummage through your mom’s closet or hit up the Salvation Army. These parties have been gaining quite the reputation over the last few years, with party goers trying to out-ugly each other. Decorate with lawn ornaments from the Clearance rack at K-Mart, and serve Malt Liqour to your guests. Who doesn’t love a white trash Christmas?

Hannukah Song Party

Who says you have to put your Halloween costume in the closet on November 1? Give your best celebrity costume another go by throwing a party where everyone goes as their favorite character from Adam Sandler’s “Hannukah Song.” Once everyone gets nicely buzzed, the phrase “OJ Simpson- not a Jew!” will echo through the halls, and “Put us together- what a fine lookin’ Jew” will be the pickup line of the night.

Gingerbread Tran Party

Cross-dressing meets Christmas. Need I say more? If you love Angel from Rent, this party will be right up your alley. Another fun evening? Rated X holiday baking. Who ever grows out of decorating pervy gingerbread men and women? Throw on an apron, grab a rainbow of frosting choices, and let your dirty little imagination run wild. Then hand out the tasty treats to everyone on your floor. See if your RA turns as red as Rudolph’s nose.

Naughty or Nice Party

Which list are you on this year? Think of this as the holiday version of a “Heaven and Hell” party. It’s a great excuse to wear your red bikini in December. Other costume party ideas? Dress up like your favorite Christmas song (and yes, Justin Timberlake’s D*ck in a Box counts) or your favorite holiday story character (Ralphie, anyone?).

Of course, with limited time, and in the midst of finals, you may opt to have a straight holiday party, where everyone can wear their normal clothes. That’s no reason to forego the holiday drinking games just because you don’t have time to plan something elaborate.

Play “Drinking Dradle,” where every side of the dradle is designated with a rule, e.g. “Drink one shot” or “Social.” Better yet, play it just over a week to put new meaning to the phrase “Eight Crazy Nights.”

Have a Liquor Grab Bag. Have everyone bring something potent and throw it into a box, still in the brown bag. After everyone’s chosen their “gift” for the night, you can be a Grinch, and make everyone take a swig without opening the bag to see what they’ve chosen, or you can play Tiny Tim and let your guests trade to promote some good old holiday cheer.

Still too busy to really get into the holiday spirit? Half-ass the party by making red and green jello shots or serving up some warm, wintry cocktails. The best part about a holiday party? You can splurge for an ice luge on the back porch, and it won’t melt until spring.

But this doesn’t need to be the case! One of the creamiest, tastiest variations of the frozen mudslide is perfect for holiday parties…or simply to satisfy a simultaneous craving for booze and pumpkin pie.

You need:

*1 can of pumpkin pie filling

*vodka

*Bailey’s Irish Cream

*milk

*ice

*whipped cream

*cinnamon

*a blender

It’s so easy, yet you’re sure to impress all of your friends by introducing them to this festive autumn libation. Simply fill the blender with ice and pour in 2 oz each of vodka and Bailey’s. Add a heaping scoop of pumpkin pie filling, and fill the rest of the blender with milk. Blend it up and serve in a hurricane glass, topped with whipped cream and sprinkled with cinnamon. It’s smooth, creamy, and tastes just like Thanksgiving dessert.

Delicious!

Well, it does.

It feels sexy and naughty.

Anyway, you can recreate that feeling when you throw your own sexy party and act as bartender.

Here are a few sexy-sounding drinks to serve to your hottie brigade of guests. Make sure to giggle annoyingly when they order.

Orgasm

1/2 ounce Vodka

1/2 ounce Amaretto

1/2 ounce White Creme de Cacao

1/2 ounce Triple Sec

1 ounce cream

Shake with ice and enjoy.

Tap That Ass

2 ounces Alizé (1 ounce red, 1 ounce yellow)

1 ounce Hennessy

a little cranberry juice

a little soda water

Pour the Alizé and Hennessy over ice. Top it off with the cranberry juice and soda water to taste.

Sweet Italian Bastard

2 parts Gin

2 parts Vodka

1 part Vermouth

1 part orange juice

1 tablespoon of sugar

1 splash of lemon juice

Mix the suckers up with some ice in a cocktail mixer, strain, and serve.

Purple Penis

2 ounces Vodka

1/2 ounce Raspberry Liqueur

1/2 ounce Blue Curacao

Splash cranberry juice

Sweet and sour mix

Mix everything except the mix and the juice with ice. Then add equal amounts of the mix and the juice and stir. Serve avec plaisir.

Absolut Sex

3/4 ounc Absolut Vodka (flavor of your choice; generic Vodka okay, just don’t tell!)

3/4 ounce Melon Liquer

Sprite

1 ounce cranberry juice

Shake everything except the Sprite up with ice. After you pour the drink into a glass, add Sprite on top. Enjoy sex. Everyone should

Any great drinks I’m missing?

If one of your fantasises includes the perfect summer drink, CC has come up with a list of A+ cocktails to make yourself or order at your favorite outdoor bar.

And what would a party be without some cocktails? Yes, I realize it is a Monday, but it is not just any Monday; it’s the return of my favorite most-awesome-show ever. Even the New York Times is covering it! Celebration is necessary.

I considered many different drinks for the festivities – Cosmos (so out), Martinis (too cliché), beer (not worthy of such an event) – but finally found one that is just right. A drink appropriate for the level of class needed for such a celebration, while also capturing the soul at the center of this show.

Below, the drink of The Hills, The Bitch Slap.

INGREDIENTS:

1 oz Smirnoff Vodka (Blue label)

Gin

Everclear

1 oz Light rum

Fill with Lemonade

1 splash 7-Up

Mixing instructions:

Mix it together over ice and drink it up, bitches.

I like to think of this as the liquid equivalent to putting Lauren and Heidi in a room and watching what happens.

If you decide to partake in some Conrad-inspired festivities this evening, this drink should most definitely be on your list. Just be careful; this lady is feisty. Girls have been known to view Heidi more favorably while under the influence of the Bitch Slap and, lord knows, no one wants that.

I’ll be back tomorrow (with a massive hangover) to dish about the drama that is sure to unfold. Lauren and Whitney come back from Paris! Heidi and Spencer reunite! Lo moves back into town! I’m shaking from excitement!

Fortunately, for all you weight watchers out there, there are some simple and tasty low-cal cocktails that everyone can love without fearing the love handles.

Cherry Pom-arita — A measly 105 calories!

Ingredients:

1.5 oz. tequila

4 oz. Diet 7UP (or another diet lemon-lime soda)

1 tbsp. fresh lime juice

1/2 packet Crystal Light On The Go Immunity Cherry Pomegranate drink mix

ice cubes (for serving)

Directions:

Place tequila, soda and lime juice in a glass. Empty half of the flavor packet into glass, and stir well to combine. Pour over ice and enjoy! (Note: If you don’t like the Pom flavor, try any Crystal Light powder. They are all super delicious.)

Razzle-Tini — 75 Calories

Ingredients:

4 oz. 7-Up Plus Soda

1 oz. Sugar Free Raspberry Torani Syrup

1 oz. vodka

Directions:

Shake with ice. Pour into cute martini glass. Down it.

Or simply go with an old favorite:

The Mojito — Only 132 calories!

Ingredients:

1.5 oz. rum

1/2 oz. lime juice

2 tsp. sugar (you can cut even more calories by using Splenda!)

Crushed mint

Ice

Directions:

Mash the mint, add the rum, lime juice and sugar, shake and pour over ice. Mmmm mmm.

If all else fails, there is always Bacardi and Diet (90 calories) or light beer (Amstel Light only has 90 calories!). Or, take some shots. Only 120 calories each.

Happy drinking!

(Thanks to hungrygirl.com for the delicious recipes!)

You have everything that was ever good stuffed together and covered in chocolate. You are my favorite candy bar. You are even better frozen.

But alas, you hate me. You do! Why? Because of how many calories are in you. Because eating you will give me all the fat I need in one day.

And yet, you tempt me so.

What’s a girl to do? Make a shot that’s the closet thing to your fat-abulous goodness, that’s what.

Snickers Bar

• 1/3 Frangelico

• 1/3 Kahlua

• 1/3 Bailey’s Irish Cream

Take a rocks glass (bigger than a shot glass, smaller than a plastic red cup) and fill it with ice. Pour your Frangelico and Kahlua into the glass, and then “float” the Bailey’s on top.

The best way to “float” a liquor is to hold a spoon upside down and drip the alcohol into you glass drop by drop. It takes a while, but it’s worth it—plus, you look cool.

…just remember, that coolness totally goes out the window as soon as you get so wasted you start wearing your skirt as a hat.