First they told me to watch out for love handles. Then they said my butt wouldn’t be pretty until I got an ass lift. Then calf injections were all the rage. Then I got worried about kankles.

And now, toebesity is on the rise.

What the hell is tobesity, you ask? Ugh. I wish I didn’t know either, but apparently, there are plastic surgeons—and really vain patients—who are willing to scalpel, suck, and reshape those little piggies.

That’s right. Women are reportedly getting their toes remodeled and pumped with collagen so they can fit into shoes engineered to be uncomfortable. They’re also getting their feet lipoed (I kid you not), and shortening toes. Most of these procedures have nothing to do with medical normalities. It’s all about crafting the perfect foot.

Why do this? There’s no good answer.

And that’s it. I have nothing else to say. I am rendered completely speechless by the stupidity of this procedure and the narcissists who pay for it.

If you must waste money on changing your face, your torso, or filling your chest with watery plastic bags, then so be it. But for godsake, stay away from your feet.

What do you think about Toebesity?

Ah, the G-Spot. The ellusive, why- the -hell -can’t -any -guy -seem -to -find -it sexual jackpot. While men seem to be able to just thrust around for, I dunno, a nanosecond before they’re fine, us ladies are left…only slightly close to something maybe kinda near an orgasm.

Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating slightly. There are some guys out there that will put some effort into making sure their woman is satisfied. I think it’s more that they like to hear that they’ve made you happy then actually making you happy, but I’m a little bitter right now towards men. Forgive me.

If you’re just desperate to enhance your sexual experience, you can now spend $1,800 every four months for the G-Shot, an injection meant to expand your G-Spot. The collagen that women have been injecting into their lips for years to create a more pillowy, Angelina Jolie look can now be used to blow up that special place. It expands the money spot into the size of a quarter, and though results may vary, it just might possibly better your booty time.

Now, I have a couple of qualms with this. One—have these women never heard of the clitoris? Has it not been scientifically proven that the woman’s clit is the equivalent to the man’s dick? Is it that hard to have your man, or yourself reach on down there and rub a little? Or what about just a really great, extended foreplay session? Read More »