As corny as it sounds it’s the real deal and true to my life. It’s been three years and I feel like I’ve known my boyfriend a lifetime.  We actually went to the same high school but didn’t really know each other. Back then, I was friends with the popular “mean girls” and we pretty much socialized with each other and our typical, jock, male counterparts. Back then, he was the “friends-with-everyone” good guy that pretty much stuck to his smart, quirky (in a good way), laid-back clique. Luckily, college brought us together.

We were both freshman at the same university and when you’re walking around an unfamiliar campus with 40,000+ students, a familiar face seems like your best friend. We ran into each other ALL the time, literally. If we weren’t bumping into each on the streets of campus or at a party, it was in the chemistry lab or library. Our frequent run-ins turned into small chit-chat which led to Facebook friending, which led to AIM chatting, which led to hanging out one-on-one, which led to hooking up, which led to introducing each other to our friends, which brought us to where we are now — happily in love!

When you’re in love and in college, YOU GET THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS! I honestly couldn’t put it any other way. And now that I think about it…I wouldn’t have it any other way either. I’ve been able to party and live up the college experience while feeling secure knowing I’ve had my man by my side the whole time. It took time to find a healthy balance between class, sex, and beer but we found it (and we rank them in that order). We still have different groups of BFFs (some mutual friends to kick it with sometimes too) and are each dedicated to different organizations on campus so we have to go our separate ways sometimes, but it’s healthy. Besides, for whatever reason, there’s something sexy about not seeing your boo all day and then meeting up later.

Being in a serious relationship during college hasn’t always felt like luxury, but it’s always felt like love. I can’t count the number of times our dates consisted of ordering in the cheapest, fattiest foods (Gumby’s ring a bell?) or cramming in the library for two days straight with bag lunches. I know that someday I’ll be able to look back on these cheap date memories of undergrad and know that I spent them with my best friend and my lovah! Talk about having your cake and eating it too.

Are you in college and in looovvee? Are you even ready for love?  Wondering what love means these days? Share it all below!

It’s easy enough to say that if you’re not sure if you’re having good sex, you’re not having it — but I’m not convinced that’s necessarily true. I have this theory that sex is a lot like your elementary school chemistry class (stay with me….): You have to put the right ingredients together in order to make that volcano explode, but as time goes on and you keep dumping in the baking soda, that explosion gets less and less fantastical.

The thing with sex is that you can’t always tell when it’s just a rut or when you’re sexually incompatible. I mean, at first glance they both look similar — lack of sex, frustration, etc. — but there are a few differences. So before you make any rash decisions, ask yourself:  is the sex just getting boring (but fixable!) or are you and your partner sexually incompatible?

You might be incompatible if…

It’s never been great.
Pain and a lack of chemistry are a couple of good indicators that it’s more than just boring. It’s nearly impossible to enjoy sex if it’s painful (unless you’re into that), and sometimes an off-kilter penis-to-vagina ratio can cause more than a little discomfort. If you never went through a “honeymoon period” where the sex was incredible but eventually died off — or if that period was disappointingly short (I’m talking a week), then perhaps incompatibility is the issue, not a lack of excitement.

Read More »

I have been hearing lots of stories from my college ladies lately and I have to be honest, I am getting a little worried.  Let me share a few with you.

Recently, I heard one about a junior that had been sleeping with her boyfriend  for a year and only had fake orgasms since she didn’t want to hurt his  feelings or tell him that she had actually NEVER orgasmed.  Sound familiar?

Here is another…A sophomore who was taking 3am drunk calls from her ex and hooking up, but ended up feeling lonelier and more depressed the next  day.  Although she keeps regretting it, she doesn’t know how to stop.  Has  this happened to anyone you know?

You might be saying “Kira, these have nothing to do with me,” but hear me out.  They have EVERYTHING to do with you. Here is why.

Since I started coaching college women, I feel like I am living in a world of stories about drunken hook-ups, walks of shame and disappointment.   Understand, I am not judging AT ALL.  Hooking-up is part of the college culture and can be a lot of fun.  My point is that after the laughing dies down about their latest escapades, I hear the sadness in their voices about how they thought he would call or that it would turn into more.  Rarely do they truly express too much since it somehow seems weak to say that they really want a relationship or to feel love and  affection.  I, too, have been guilty of the idea that to be a strong woman I should not want or need anyone, let alone a man.  But that is a lie that we have bought in to.  The real strength is understanding how we can grow into better individuals by being in relationships, learning from mistakes and by choosing love.  Even if sometimes it doesn’t work. Read More »

So after months of being “more than friends” you’ve made your relationship official. Like, Facebook Official. Your parents kinda know you’re seeing someone and you definitely know you have someone to call after a drunken night at the bars. But does making it official mean that you have to lose some of the excitement? Does knowing he’s not hooking up with other girls at his frat foam party (while you’re stuck studying for an exam) mean you’ve lost some of the magic?

Um no.

You’re still young and you do not need to turn into an old, married couple. You’ll have your entire post-grad life to do that. Instead you’re going to have to make an active effort to keep the sparks going. You can easily host a sexy sleepover — complete with sexiling your roommate — any night of the week.

Or you can keep it even more exciting by surprising your boyfriend with any of these 5 little tricks.

And don’t forget that a healthy relationship isn’t all about the sex. It’s about spending time with your beloved partner. If you’re unsure of how to break the pattern of watching lame movies with him every week, check out 101 ways to keep the romance alive.

So Monday was David’s 23^rd birthday (!). I finally found the perfect gift and decided to get him this sweet watch he saw while I was perusing a magazine last month. I also picked up a really cool video game for him-but it turns out he already had it. Yea, massive gift fail on that one, but he was excited about the watch and already exchanged the game for one he doesn’t already own (note to self: check the DVD/ game drawer before buying David any form of entertainment in the future).

I decorated the kitchen and dining room with these adorable flag banners cut out of different patterned scrapbooking paper. I wrote some of my favorite things about him on another sheet of scrapbooking paper to turn into his place mat. Then I turned on Sports Center, got a Bud Light ready for when he walked through the door, threw on some lingerie and started grillin’ up some surf-n-turf.

I was so nervous for him to get home, I don’t know why, but my hands were literally shaking when I heard the door open. He was so surprised and happy, it was the cutest thing. All I wanted to do was make him happy, but seeing how much he genuinely appreciated everything just melted my heart. And it reminded me how lucky I am.

When people ask me what it’s like having been in a long-term relationship throughout my entire college career, my answers usually vary. Sometimes I’m defending my choice to those who think I’m insane for not – ahem – taking advantage of all the hot, young guys surrounding a college gal. Sometimes I’m playing down David’s sheer awesomeness to jealous friends. Most of the time I talk about how amazing it is to have someone who constantly offers me love and support (who’s not, ya know, my Mom and Dad). But too often I forget about the flip side of the equation. Read More »

I'd rather spend my V-day crying into a bowl of noodles than have to hang out with one of these turds.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, many of us are spending our days in bed, sifting through photos of boyfriend’s past with a tube of cookie dough in hand while The Fray plays in the background.

No? Just me?
Alrighty then….

Regardless if you’ve hit rock bottom, it’s not easy being single in February when it seems that everyone’s focus is on love: finding it, expressing it (with cheap chocolate), and (unknowingly…hopefully) rubbing it in everyone’s face who hasn’t quite found it yet. Who can judge you, then, for taking a trip down ex-boyfriend memory lane, thinking about all those wonderful little things you had together.

But maybe instead of drowning your sorrows in raw dough thinking of all the good in your past, it’s time to focus on the bad: all those jerks in your history of love who, thankfully, are long gone. Because as much as it sucked then, nothing lifts the spirits quite like realizing you’d rather be alone on V-day than with any one of these losers: (And hey, if you’ve got a man to snuggle up to on February 14th, you can still enjoy knowing he’s not like this.) Read More »

Back when Matt and I were first dating freshman year, it came time for us to register for our next semester’s classes. He and I both wanted to take Japanese as our foreign language, but agreed that it’d be better off if we took it at different times. He thought I’d be a distraction, and I didn’t want to compete with him over grades.

This past semester however, for our third semester of Japanese (seriously, why FOUR semesters of a foreign language? excessive, no?), we both had such weird and limiting schedules that we ended up in the same class. I was prepared for the worst, since less than a year before Matt said he hated the idea of us with a class together. To my surprise, he was actually looking forward to it. We did survive, but now, for our final semester, we are back to different professors at different time. Like most relationship happenings, having class with my significant other was full of ups and downs:

Up:
The convenience factor. We only had to buy one book (which, let’s be honest, saves a giant chunk of change). We also got to ride the bus to school together and if I was home sick (thanks, flu season ’09), Matt could turn in my work for me.

Down:
Distraction. You try not talking to your boyfriend when you’re sitting next to him in class three days a week. Read More »

While trying to figure out a topic for this week, I thought about all of the questions people ask me, the relationship girl:

Did you come to college looking for a boyfriend?
Do you not like dating or hooking up?
How did you know he was the one?

Personally, my relationship isn’t very clear cut. We still don’t really know when our anniversary is. It all started out with the girl living across the hall from me freshman year asked if she could set me up with one of her friends from high school. He came over and we watched a movie with a bunch of our friends.

The night ended with me and him making out on our mutual friend’s bed.

We hung out a few times that week but he ended it by informing me that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. I didn’t see or hear from him for 3 months after that! But once I did see him again, we became friends with benefits (for lack of a better term). Neither of us wanted anything serious, and I was perfectly fine with it. I liked kinda/sorta having a guy, but I also liked the idea of not being tied down in college. Read More »

Okay, you’re however old you are. I get it. You’re not thinking about settling down.

But you want to avoid dating complete losers, right? I mean, what’s even the point?

So here are a few tips for picking out the good ones while you’re still in college. (The dating world outside your university doors? A whooooole other can of worms.) Follow ‘em.

He’s Got To Have A Good Sense of Humor

Number one. Because, girls, if he’s cranky and depressive now, imagine how he’ll be in the Real World when he’s actually got Real Life responsibilities. (Read: He’ll suck.) Besides, why would you want to hang around someone who doesn’t make you laugh (or who doesn’t laugh at your jokes)?

He’s Got A Passion

If he says that his passion is you, get out fast. He better have some outside interests or else you’re in trouble. I mean, unless you like clingy men who bug the hell out of you every time you’re not near them and/or go into jealous rages. And you also want to know that he’s really dedicated to something because that shows an eagerness to make a place for himself in this world. If you want to be with a drifting loser, you might as well date the stoner-next-door. If you’re into that, cool, but I say it gets old really fast.

You Share A Lifestyle

Which is not to say you have to do the same things or act the same way or anything like that. Hey, sometimes opposites attract. But if you love to party and he’s adamantly anti-alcohol, you’ll find yourselves fighting over it all the time. There’s no way around that. Unless, of course, you compromise on something you care about and end up resenting each other. Make sure you both understand and respect the things that are important to each other. Read More »

An older friend of mine once advised me that I should stick with my college boyfriend. I thought this was strange advice at the time. I had warned so many friends of mine upon high school graduation that sticking with their high school boyfriends was a terrible idea, so I figured the same would go for college.

Weren’t you supposed to explore your options? Date? Have fun in your twenties before settling down in your thirties? Now that I’ve graduated, I know exactly why she said it. Dating post-college is a major shock to the system.

I went on a date recently with a guy who I’d met at a poetry reading. I thought he might be a few years older than me and I was okay with that, but on the date it came to light that he was actually many, many years older than me, fourteen to be exact (that’s Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher territory). I figured I’d dated older men before, so I decided to give him a chance. We talked about jobs, our shared neighborhood haunts (we both lived in the East Village), and then the subject of past relationships came up and he told me about his ex. Read More »