I remember going to college expecting to make some of the best friends of my life. It had always seemed that way — you have nice high school friends, but gradually they fade out of the picture and your college friends dominate your life. Wasn’t that the way it was supposed to be?

As I arrived at school and plunged into the rigorous academic environment that was promised in the Princeton brochure, the social scene surprised me in some way. There were the usual kinds of people I expected — the jocks, the preps, the econ majors — but not the friendships I was looking forward to.

I had dining hall buddies (people to eat and swap jokes with), and homework buddies (people to frantically share answers on problem sets with), but there was no gang of girls sharing secrets and supporting each other the way there was in high school. I compared notes with other friends and they agreed; for one reason or another, no one had as close friendships in college as they did in high school.

Why?

It seems that high school is an altogether more social experience than college. The higher you rise in education, in fact, the more solitary and independent you’re expected to be, so if you get to grad school you’re basically holed up in your library cube  all day with little contact with the outside world.

People in college are independent and driven. They have career goals and they always have things to do and places to be, most of which don’t involve bonding. Even those so-called bonding sessions you think you are having seem like goals on the way to becoming the perfect, accomplished college student. That’s how the friendships seem to evolve as well: we need people to eat with, so we form dining-hall groups. We need people to help us with our work, so we form study groups. We need to bond with our sports team, so we hang out with other team members.

Friends just for the sake of friends are relatively rare.

College, in some ways, can be a lonely life. But that doesn’t mean connecting to people is impossible; you just need to know where to look.

Instead of just being drawn to the people on your hall out of geographic convenience, you’ll have to do a little sleuthing to find people who share your interests. Join a club related to what you feel passionate about. Chances are there’s a club on your campus that suits your interests, from literary magazines to ethnic identity groups to dance or film enthusiast organizations. If you’ve got problem-set buddies, that’s great, but maybe not everyone is taking the class because they love the subject. Seek out people in the class who really like what you do and talk about the homework together. Don’t just follow the crowd so you’ll have someone to party with on weekends — do a little extra work to find people you feel compatible with, and have lunch with them once or twice a week. That way, you can connect with people even if you don’t live close to them.

One thing you don’t want in college is to be hanging out with people who don’t care whether you fail or succeed, who only want to be with you as a step towards some other goal. Seek out people who will applaud your triumphs and sympathize with your hardships, and your social life on campus will be a vastly more rewarding one.

When I was still in school (ugh, I get depressed just thinking about the glory days), my dad would always tell people that no one was having more fun than me. I loved the football Saturdays, the sorority date parties, the movie nights with my friends and even the late night study sessions in the library.

I had the best four years of my life on that lovely campus, but there are a few things I’d change if I had the chance. Like growing out my bangs a whole lot sooner or steering clear of those belly shirts I wore to frat parties freshman year (it was a lethal combo, let me tell you).

No matter how much we all love college, I know that everyone has that one thing they’d like to do-over. Being that we’re all heading back to campus in a few weeks (Oh wait, not me. Sigh.), I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share their do-over wish lists so no one else has to make the same mistakes we did. Because college will be the best four years of your life and you don’t want to look back with any regret.

Mechelle – Florida State: I wouldn’t have had that boyfriend freshman year. Seriously, how many times in your life are you surrounded by gorgeous boys your age?

Melissa – GW: I would go back and relive Welcome Week of freshman year.

Kim – Stanford: If I could do one thing thing over from college it would be that guy in my english class. Yes, I would do him over, and over again.

Alex – Lakehead University: I honestly don’t think that I would change one thing! I’m pretty satisfied!

Thu – USC: Apply to study abroad this upcoming semester instead of waiting until spring… And of course, go out even more than I did.

Leah – Ryerson University: I would have taken a gap year to travel instead of going into a program that wasn’t right for me.

Kayla- California State University, Sacramento: I wish I would have discovered the concept of early morning classes. Commuting through mid-morning traffic for two hours a day wore down my soul.

Desiree – Columbia University: I would’ve scraped together the money to get a fake I.D. It broke my heart to tell the hot 28 year old I was crushing on I had to skip his birthday party because I was still 20.

Lauren – University of Michigan: I would have gone abroad; I’ll never have the opportunity to do something like that again. Oh, and I definitely wouldn’t chug straight from a bottle of Captain’s. Bad. Idea.

Carly – Grinnell: I would NOT have gotten so attached to my first college boyfriend. Mistake! I should have been out making more friends instead.

Katie – Michigan State University: I wouldn’t have skipped as many classes.  I mean, I had some amazing naps, but I probably should have been in class instead.

Elizabeth, University of Missouri: I’d probably reconsider taking any class that involved me waking up before 10 AM.

Sarabeth – University of Texas, Austin:  I would’ve changed majors a LOT sooner. I hated when people in my classes thought I was a freshman.

Maddie – Tufts: My 19th birthday, which ended with my cellphone in the toilet and a laundry list of additionally embarrassing choices/mistakes.

Charlsie – Hollins University: The people I became friends with turned out to not be the people I thought they were, so I would like to have a do-over of making friends and branching out more.

Lauren H – The New School: I spent so much of my college career worried about what someone else would think that I didn’t go anywhere or do anything for three years. I wish I could undo that.

Ashley – Marietta College: Not given my virginity to an a**hole… or dated an a**hole for that matter. Argh.

Cristina – Michigan State: I’d definitely not go home as much in the beginning and try to meet as many people as I could instead of living in my safety bubble of a life until last minute.

Sara C – Fordham: I would take more dance classes. No, really. I’ve taken two already and it helped me focus and improve my discipline. Not to mention, no homework, great workout, terrific stress relief, and hot guys (yes, some were straight)!

Liza – University of Minnesota: Transfer sooner! Just sayin’. Minnesota is amazing.

What would you want to do all over again?

I was home for Fall Break for four days, and I realized that maybe adapting to college was easier than I expected. When I entered my house Friday night, I didn’t see a place where I had numerous study sessions, birthday parties and mental health days. I saw a place to do laundry for free, watch some mindless television and sleep for awhile.

Sure, it was nice to be home. But I kept feeling like I had to go back to school, like this was more of a temporary sleepover than a homecoming. While the weekend kept me busy from noticing that my house was not exactly home, it also uncovered a new strangeness which college created—meeting up with high school friends.

Most of my high school friends, all of whom I have known for years, go to college within two hours of my hometown. So when a few of us come home for the weekend, we all come home for the weekend. And while I loved being around people who never need an explanation for my random songs or not-funny jokes, it was also startling to see how just a few months have changed us.

I left my friends for the entire summer, and I noticed little change when I came back. But now my friends are not just sitting around their houses or working at the local Dunkin’ Donuts; they’re making friends, testing their boundaries and (some of them) are becoming people who I never would have talked to in high school. When it’s just the few of us watching a movie or walking around town, I can’t entirely ignore the college sweatshirts, new belly-button rings and anecdotes starring new best friends. I can’t pretend that this is last June, when we all just graduated and were ready for something new.

We all desperately needed something different from our perfect little hometown. Well, we got what we wanted. And now, the constant of friends and home have been fogged. When I walked back into my dorm after Fall Break, arms filled with cleaned laundry and warmer coats, a friend leaned over the balcony and said hello. I realized then that while my house and my friends will never be exactly the same as they were, they will still be there for me when I need to escape from college.

But now I don’t need to escape so much. When I enter the dorm, I have people welcoming me home.

[Photo courtesy of danielbowen.com]

This morning while slightly (and by slightly I mean, shoot-me-in-the-face) bored at work, I illegally signed into my AIM.

(Tip to all you working ladies out there: www.meebo.com is a wonderful site where you can log onto AIM and your bosses will never know. Mwahahaha)

Anyhoo, an equally sly and bored friend of mine was clearly also looking for some entertainment so we started chatting.

And at 10:14 AM on October 17, 2007 I had my first New Year’s 2008 query.

Yes, I think this is my new record. Usually New Year’s discussions don’t start until at least after Halloween, but post-college/big city life calls for a whole new set of rules.

And I’ll be honest; all talk of New Year’s has me nervous. Not because I need some big midnight kiss. Or because I am afraid I won’t have anyone to celebrate with. I am nervous because the last time I drank I had 2 beers and I passed out at 11.

Needless to say, I am really not in tip-top partying shape. While all my still-in-college friends rip shots and speak of late night parties, I have spent the past few weekends sipping tea and catching up on my Oprah.

If New Year’s discussions are already starting, that means I really need to trade in my Hot Tea for Long Island Iced Tea and start training for the festivities!

I need to build my tolerance. I need to build my stamina. I need to reunite myself with the burning in the back of my throat from numerous tequila shots and the general feeling of complete satisfaction from late night breadsticks.

I am going to approach New Year’s Training like I do my daily workouts; with hard work and a continuous focus on the goal.

And my regimen is gonna look a little something like this:

40’s on Saturday mornings

Boones Farm Strawberry Fields while getting ready to go out on Saturday nights.

Actually going out on Saturday nights.

No passing out before 3 AM on weekends.

Must drink at least 3 days per week. No more than 7.

No leaving a bar without taking at least one shot, preferably of tequila or whiskey.

It is going to be rough, but my old trainer always used to say, “No pain, no gain!” (as I crawled out of the gym after an hour long hell-session). I am ready for this challenge; I must work hard if I don’t want to spend the first moments of 2008 hugging the bowl in some public bathroom or passed out on some city street (after 3 beers).

I am determined. I will bring in 2008 in style. And on my feet.