It’s been a tough week, but we survived it without catching the swine flu! That’s probably because we used that pandemic as the perfect excuse to skip class and spend the day doing more productive things (and avoiding strangers’ sneezes): we learned som new make up techniques, hit up Forever 21, and watched lots of TV. Too bad Miss California and Kim Kardashian were taking over the airwaves.

We  spent the rest of the week thinking about being an independent woman and wondered if we were just being too picky to find that right guy to sweep us off our feet. When that got too depressing we started thinking about the end of the semester instead. There’s still so much left to do before we move out! We have to get ready for graduation, get real jobs or get ready to transfer to a new school (beware if you’re switching to NYU, though; we got some bad news about their financial aid package).

All this stress really made us miss high school, where we would be getting ready for prom right about now. Which is why we are putting the books away for the night and grabbing a drink. Don’t worry, it’s just one.

Remember when you started college and you got a bunch of cool new stuff? Everything was shiny and new and you were off on a great adventure. A lot has changed since then. Now you’re all disillusioned by jerky professors and “real world” problems. Oh, and your laptop is an antique.

Many of you are thisclose to the end of your college days [weep], which means it’s time to upgrade your shiz for the next phase of your life. But what do you need? And which products are the best?

Look no further; I’m here for your graduating shopping needs. I can’t teach you how to survive out there – because I’m a few credits away from that awful place – but I can help you with that graduation wish list to hand off to the parentals.

Please hold your applause until the end. Read More »

This past Sunday was by far the most stressful night of my entire life. Not only was Desperate Housewives new for the first time in months, but Melissa Joan Hart’s movie was premiering and the Natalie Holloway story was airing. Now I’m not a mathematician or even a biochemical engineer, so figuring out how to schedule all these things onto my DVR within the same two hour period was quite the challenge. But after a half hour of concentration (and realizing MJH’s movie My Fake Fiance runs back-to-back for four days) I figured it out.

I  had assumed that I would watch the Natalie Holloway movie and My Fake Fiance in private while my roommates were at class so I wouldn’t have to hear them make fun of me for days on end (I’ve spent the entire year pretending not to know that we have Lifetime Movie Network). But then someone threw a joking reference out about My Fake Fiance and I latched on. It’s not that either of us thought it would be anywhere near good, but we both knew that it was going to be so bad that it would be hilarious. And then, like a gift from heaven, another friend wanted to watch the Natalie Holloway story. And before I knew it, there were 5.5 (the .5 is for the neighbor that got stuck watching but didn’t appreciate it for the art that it was) of us sitting around watching this marathon of horrible-yet-addicting TV. Read More »

When I get back to school after spring break it is the end. In fact many middle aged people have told me (with their usual unsolicited advice) more recently than usual that college was the best four years of their lives and after they graduated it was all downhill from there. Then after dispensing their advice and patting my head, they coughed up a lung, because that’s what old people do.

Now I’ve done some math and considering some of these people are in their 50′s now, the “downhill from there” means the last 30+ years of their lives have been nothing but sorrow, disaster, and failure. The most promising part of their day now is their daily dose of Activia yogurt (people over 40 can’t eat solid foods…clinically proven) and reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond.

So with those thoughts in mind my friends and I created a bucket list with everything we want to do before we graduate. We crossed off the easy stuff first. Anything involving stealing, obscenity, or a combination of the two was completed within the first week. But now we are left with the trickier things.

Number 14: Fall in love. It was so easy to write down and yet it’s so hard to accomplish. Riddle me that.

Number 3: Actually watch The Bucket List and decide who of our friends is Morgan Freeman and who is Jack Nicholson. I’ve been putting that one off since I know I’ll get assigned to be the Jack Nicholson of the bunch.

Number 7: Bring a murdered ghost back through a seance and solve the mystery of their death. This one has so much red tape I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, it’s already been done in Now and Then and they had a better soundtrack to do it. Second, we can’t agree on who to bring back (I voted for Amelia Earhart). Thirdly, no one wants to do it in their own apartment in case the ghost lingers. Read More »

I’m horrible at transitions and I don’t really do change. But apparently in a few months I won’t have a choice. I’ve completed eight semesters, finished all my required classes, and grown out of my fake ID.

It’s not that I don’t know where time went; it went towards the long class lectures, te bar-hopping, the “Tennis Pros and Golf Hoes” parties, the blizzard sledding (and subsequent frostbite), the jello-shot making, the endless Sex and the City viewings, the random hook-ups, the awkward morning-afters, and the all-day brunch recaps. And while I’ll leave college with amazing memories and textbooks the bookstore refused to take back, I’ll also leave with no idea of what I’m going to do with my life (and how I’m going to afford it.)

So, even though I have an entire semester left, I can’t stop myself from stressing myself into oblivion as I sit in my room with growing anxiety. I WebMD-ed myself to figured out what my problem was and all I came up with was a diagnosis that gave me a month to live. (Sidenote: I have to stop using WebMD.) My mom claims this is normal, my friends are experiencing the same thing, and yet I can’t help asking around for Xanax. Read More »

It was down to the wire in the semester. Classes were coming to an end and everything was suddenly due. I stared at the computer trying to concentrate on the assignment at hand (one of what seemed like a million) but it wasn’t happening. I was usually pretty good about these things; I was always so on top of everything.

Although the fact that I was hours away from giving birth to my second child could have explained a few things.

That could have been it.

Hello, I’m Donyae. I’m 24 years old. I’m in college. And I’m a mom. This . . . makes things a little different. I haven’t always been a mom in college. I’m not one of those “went to school after they had their baby to give them a better life” cases. I was already in school. And then, bam!, one of those little suckers slipped past the goalie. Instant life-changing event. Less instantaneous then a car crash but somehow more life altering, because once that little person is inside of you it’s not all about you anymore.

And I was fine with that. I accepted my responsibility and made it my goal to finish school and finish it well.

But, once that baby pops out people look at you like you’re some sort of college leper.

There’s no way you can possibly achieve your dreams and still be a good mom.

You’ve made a mistake now live with it.

Baby = the end of the road for you.

Kick ass magazine job in NYC? No. Foreign ambassador? Absolutely not. Start flipping burgers – you got a baby to feed. Read More »

USAToday reports that University of Michigan student, Nicole Matisse, will graduate college this summer. Oooooh, no big deal, right? So are thousands upon thousands of other college students, right?

Right. But, 19-year-old Nicole Matisse has only been there for one year. ONE year, people!

The article states, “As a student at Lahser High School, Matisse had exhausted the curriculum by her junior year. Between the exams she passed on eight advanced placement courses and the eight classes she took at Oakland Community College, she had amassed enough credits to enter the university last fall as a junior.”

This girl is one determined little cookie. Once she got to the university, she took 27 credits in one semester, and said she was so “bored” that she could have easily taken on more credits, because she “craved” them.

She must really know how to party. NOT. Read More »