There has been a resurgence in people talking about hookup culture. Some people think it’s not so bad. Others are less than thrilled at its prominence. Despite everyone trying to make no strings attached seem cool and desirable, in reality, casual sex often equals lame, unsatisfying, clumsy forays. Yet, for some reason, it has become an actual thing. Hookup culture dictates if you’re single, at least moderately attractive and you’re in your 20s, it is a rite of passage that you make bad decisions, usually fueled by alcohol, low self esteem, loneliness or low-key peer pressure. If, every so often you find yourself entwined with someone and engaging in activities that bore you, disgust you, or leave you feel awkward, degraded, or anxious…please stop.

Life is too short to have unsatisfactory nookie. Having a good story for your friends or your blog is not worth sacrificing your dignity. You are, most likely, not going to find love in a hopeless place, regardless of what Rihanna says. You are not going to find happiness or fulfilling companionship while settling for people you wouldn’t or couldn’t spend more than 30 seconds with while you were sober. Read More »

For better or for worse, 99 percent of my (random, outside of a relationship) hookups have occurred while I was sober. I’ve experienced pure pleasure, unadulterated awkwardness, sheer disappointment, and un-obscured lust without being impaired of intoxicated in any way. Not that I think I’m a special snowflake because of this – I know this particular piece of my life’s narrative is far from unique. That said, we all know that alcohol is the backbone of most social interactions in college because — let’s be real — without it, most parties would resemble a lame middle school dance. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions, makes us a little (or a lot) more open to adventure, and, often times, provides an excuse for questionable behavior.

Seriously, I can’t keep track of the weekend recaps I’ve heard from my friends who got drunkface and did something with someone that they regret. Whether it’s hooking up with someone inappropriate and disgusting or merely hooking up with someone sooner than expected, alcohol was often the catalyst for Sunday morning woes of despair over brunch. There was recently an article posted on Jezebel that confirmed my suspicions that people often use alcohol as a (wobbly at best) crutch. College culture totally condones drunken sexual shenanigans, and while I don’t want to be all judgmental and conservative, I can’t help but find this trend alarming. Read More »

I’m down for excitement. Spicing things up. Breaking the monotony. Exploring new boundaries. Life is too short to be completely stuck in your ways. But sometimes (or most of the time), I am perfectly content with my routine. I like a certain level of predictability. Once I find something I truly enjoy, I am inclined to stick with it. This manifests itself in me ordering the same few dishes at restaurants, buying certain cuts of dresses over others, sticking to certain brands of shoes, and, yes, the same few sexual positions.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we tried a variety of positions to find the ones that we both liked the best. Once we found them, I was way less inclined to be more experimental. And I’m totally okay with it. I like going into sex knowing that I will derive immense pleasure from it. It’s satisfying to know that 99.9 percent of the time, I will orgasm in a certain position, in a certain angle, with a certain amount of thrusting. I like not having to worry about awkward maneuvering because we’re both so familiar with these positions that it comes easily and naturally.

I understand the importance of exploring the various ways you can be turned on, of trying to inject some excitement into an otherwise uninspiring routine. That said, sometimes the reason why you do the same things over and over and over again are because you find them enjoyable and pleasurable, not because you are stuck in a rut. Read More »

“Good girls always end up single because we don’t give it up.”

A tweet similar to this popped up on my Twitter timeline, and my first reaction was merely to roll my eyes and keep scrolling. But hours later, it continued to haunt me. This attitude that you have to be sexually available in order to get a boyfriend isn’t exactly new. I remember in middle school, the girls who always had a steady stream of boyfriends were always surrounded by the rumors that it’s because they gave blow jobs. Even now, I have friends who constantly attract male attention, and other women speculate that it’s because they’re easier to have sex with, and guys can pick up on this.

I understand how this idea comes to fruition. I don’t agree with it (slut shaming, general hatefulness, and completely ignoring the role men play in gender dynamics are three of my least favorite things), but I get it. Our society’s relationship and conceptualization of female sexuality is weird, at best. We expect women to be pretty, sexually desirable, and comfortable with engaging with sexual activity, but not “excessively” so. There’s also a strand of competitiveness that tends to creep into women’s interactions with other women, and so naturally, if we feel like we’re “losing”, we’re going to be inclined to bash our competition, which doesn’t really do anything for us. Because I mean, while we’re sitting here seething and hating on the girls who may or may not be dirty, slutty whores, they’re still out there, meeting and entrancing guys, while the good girls hang out on the sidelines.

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It’s been hailed as the holy grail of sex: the v-card. Taking someone’s virginity has historically been a much-sought after sexual experience (this is going as far back as Medieval times). The thought of a pure, untouched individual succumbing to your sexual prowess…well, I can see the appeal. However, the build-up in media and society certainly falls short in reality. I should know – I’ve swiped more than my fair share of v-cards.

Remember your first time? It was awkward, sweaty, clumsy, painful and a basic nightmare (at least mine was…). You wonder, why was I so pumped for this? What was everyone hyping about? Then you have some more sex and it gets better. Much better.

Let me tell you – having sex with a virgin is like having sex for the first time…again. Especially if your partner failed to inform you of his v-status. Yeah, it’s personal information, but if you’re about to have sex with someone I think you’re probably past formalities.

So let’s run down the list:

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Without a doubt, one of the best ways to improve the quality of your sex life is engaging in foreplay. A lot of sex advice articles focus on the fact that many women need foreplay in order to orgasm, which I think is kind of a restrictive and pressure-fueled way to approach it.

Foreplay doesn’t necessarily have to be a means to an end – what it aims to do is get you and your partner in a sexually charged mood, which in and of itself is incredibly enjoyable. There are so many ways to integrate foreplay into your sexy times. Some of my favorites include:

Sexting.
I know there are tons of horror stories of sexting gone terribly awry – private texts/photos being spread around without your consent, accidentally sexting your parents/exes/bosses, the fact that 12-year-olds engage in it…sexting has cultivated a grotesque reputation, to say the least. But as long as you have a trustworthy partner (and you double-check the recipient box on your phone), sexting is an awesome way to create intimacy and arousal, especially if you plan on getting it on later in the day. Talk about things you can’t wait to do with/to your partner, describe fantasies, even send nudies if you are so inclined (without your face, always).

Making out.
Sometimes it seems like once you’re sexually active, the only thing on the menu is sex. But there is something to be said about some old-school kissing/groping, including putting up the same boundaries you used to (like no crotch contact…at least temporarily). It mentally takes you back to those days when hooking up filled you with butterflies and anticipation of where it lead, which is undeniably hot. Read More »

The first time I ever watched porn was completely by accident. I think I watched a movie, fell asleep, and woke up to people doin’ it. I was curious, but mostly disinterested, so I just turned it off and walked away.

Since then, my experiences with porn have varied. There’s been a lot of nights sitting around drinking with friends and watching the weirdest videos we can find, but there have also been times when I’ve used porn as a tool — just like everyone else does — without putting much thought into the people performing or directing the movies. That was until I saw some videos that completely freaked me out.

The videos were part of a documentary about a hardcore porn director who was raping and sexually assaulting his actresses during “casting calls,” and then manipulating and guilting them into performing by telling them they were being “difficult,” “uncooperative,” and “unprofessional.” My head nearly exploded and my heart nearly broke for these women — I don’t care if they are porn stars, they still have a right to say no, and they certainly shouldn’t be coerced into performances they’re uncomfortable with.

But the thing is — how do you know when actors are performing out of their own volition and not being forced to do something they don’t want to do? Is there a way to know? I enjoy porn as much as the next person, but I’m certainly not okay with watching someone being exploited or abused.

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I think it’s safe to assume that after a few years of sexual activity, most people have a few “oh god” stories of bedroom disasters. These are the ones that make it into the “it doesn’t count” category. You know, when something happens that, you know, just shouldn’t have happened.

When you throw two naked and probably a little awkward (or drunk) young adults into a bed together, hilarity and embarrassing moments are sure to ensue. We’ve all experienced it, hell, we may have even been the perpetrators of some unappealing bedroom behavior.

So here it is, a list of the most frequently committed bedroom faux pas to be avoided by everyone. We all know accidents can happen, but let’s do our best to avoid them, shall we? Read More »

Remember when you were in middle school and your mom refused to tell you what a blow job was so you had to go into an AOL chatroom and ask a stranger because you were too embarrassed to admit to your friends that you didn’t know? No? Only me…okay, that’s cool. And unfortunately that wasn’t the last time that I was confused about sex. Actually, the older I got, the more questions I had…and the less the internet could help me (but thanks for trying, Yahoo Answers!).  For example, I believed the majority of these sex myths…until I read this. And I had no idea that there are legitimate sex dangers….besides the walk of shame.

I’m not going to lie and say I have it all figured out now, but I’m getting closer…kinda.

Most of us have had, or are going to have, less-than-ideal sexual experiences at some point in our lives. The ones that make us shaking our heads and wonder what the hell we were thinking. Whether it be alcohol-induced, teenage stupidity, or just overall ill planning, sometimes these things just happen… even when, looking back, maybe we wish they didn’t.

When talking to a group of ladies about “numbers” and past experiences, there will always be someone who claims that one of their partners just “doesn’t count” for one reason or another. Many people have “rules” as to what doesn’t really count as sex – which is a good way to lower a number that doesn’t really matter anyways.

So what are some of the excuses people make to keep their “magic number” low and their “I don’t make bad choices” view of themselves high? Oh, well there’s a whole list of ‘em!

Two pump chump: If it’s less than three pumps, it doesn’t really count.

The hangover: If you only remember some of it, it doesn’t really count.

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