I have breaking news to report to all of you.

You won’t believe it.

Alec Baldwin hosted SNL (and Steve Martin made a guest appearance, it was funny. Watch it here.). Again. I’m not complaining because I love me some Jack Donaghy, but really guys? Was Steve Martin busy? (Actually, he wasn’t…he helped Baldwin host his 16^th episode during his opening monologue). Also, has Bridesmaids not taught the SNL writers anything? Women are a lot funnier, nicer, smarter, skinnier and overall just plain better than men.

Now with that bashing aside: let me show you some potential hosts that would not only get the job done, but have hosted less then three times or haven’t hosted at all. Seriously, that is extremely low by SNL standards. Read More »

I really don’t get why self-proclaimed a**hole Tucker Max is such a big deal. I looked at his website for the first time in high school after hearing my guy friends talk about how hilarious it was, but I came away from it totally unimpressed—so the guy gets really drunk, sleeps with girls, and occasionally sh*ts himself. What’s so funny about that?

Now, four years later, Max has a bestselling book (based on his website), another collection of stories set to be released soon, and a movie that comes out today. Max has been touring with I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell to college campuses all over the country since August, where, according to him, the film’s reception has been fantastic. He’s even been able to talk a girl into making an x-ray video of her giving him a blowjob during the tour. And judging by how much money The Hangover made this summer—over $270 million—it seems likely that the same idiot frat boys who’ve been attending Max’s premieres could make IHTSBIH a hit as well.

But why, exactly, are people enamored with this guy? Putting aside the way that Max has been called out for lying about his stories on several occasions, and the way that, despite his protests to the contrary, Max is obviously and venomously misogynistic (right, a guy who thinks “fat girls aren’t real people” doesn’t hate women), the fact remains that Tucker Max is. not. funny. Sure, his name is funny—it sounds like something Mattel would call a slightly wimpy action figure—but the stories themselves are nothing special. Unfortunately for Tucker Max, being convinced of your own originality and talent—and frequently referring to yourself in the third person—doesn’t automatically transform you into a comic genius.  The women (and men) who have been protesting Max during his tour have their hearts in the right place, but instead of calling him out for being a sexist prick, they should be objecting to how lame he is. Read More »

I’ve always tried to be a good American. I’ve lived each and every day by the words of the good book: the Declaration of Independence. It guides the deeds I do, the words I write, the kicks I wear.

But every Fourth of July, I get stuck. I got parties to plan! Barbecues, decorations, fine beers, crap beers, fireworks, big cars, big cars full of beer. So much to think about! What do I do? The Declaration never mentioned how we should celebrate its own damn self.

But this year, things are different. Because this year, I found something really special. That’s right: The Declaration of Independence, Part Two. Read it and weep, beleaguered patriot partiers, and may tiny American flags spring up where your tears touch the soil. Read More »

[There are some women out there that we just can’t get out of our minds. No, we aren’t switching teams - yet - but we do have some serious crushes on some pretty fierce females. These ladies are all special in their own right and we aren’t ashamed to tell the world we love them.]

I’m having a tough time admitting this, mostly because I think she stole my life, but I have a huge crush on Chelsea Handler. I was introduced to Ms. Handler a few years back when my friend shoved her first book, “My Horizontal Life” in my hands and screamed, “this was your idea!”

Yes, it’s true. I had always planned on compiling my one night stand stories into a book, but I needed a few more hump sessions to complete it and Chelsea beat me to it.

I wanted to so badly to hate what I read, but I couldn’t. The book was laugh out loud funny, and I’m pretty sure I bothered everyone else in Starbucks when I read the entire thing in one day. When I finally reached the end, I determined that Chelsea and I were soul mates.

Since then, Chelsea has written another NY Times Bestseller and got her very own show, Chelsea Lately, on E! Some people think she slept her way into that late night slot (her BF just happens to be in charge of the network), but I don’t care. If it took a little pork-sesh to bring this woman to TV, then so be it. If anything, it only proves that the woman is as good between the sheets as she is behind the round table.

Chelsea Handler is hilarious, beautiful, witty and has a killer sense of style. When I tune into her show nightly (I haven’t missed an episode in months), I am as entertained by what she says and does as I am by the gorgeous and drool-worthy stilettos on her feet. Stilettos that she uses to effectively stomp on the hopes, dreams and careers of Hollywood’s most ridiculous characters.

And even they find her funny. Read More »

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)!

This week, the release of photos of the Obama girls’ new puppy, Bo (So. Effing. CUTE!), had all of America swooning. But there’s another Bo who’s pulling my heartstrings—of course I’m talking about the sublimely funny Bo Burnham, who’s heating up the internet with his musical comedy.

At just 18, Bo has become the epitome of modern celebrity: an internet star who is breaking out big time into film and music. He has deferred his admission from the NYU class of 2012 to travel the world with his one-man “pubescent musical comedy” act, singing songs about everything from race and sex to family matters. He regularly pokes fun at himself in his songs, like in “My Whole Family,” where he laments about his parents thinking he is fat.

You can check out his not-so-innocent ditties on his YouTube channel or on his website, which includes links to his iTunes downloads and Twitter feeds. My particular favorite video of his, which can be found here, features Bo on piano before a large studio audience, where he is introduced by pop star Katy Perry. (Katy, please go back to kissing girls, and leave Bo’s cherry chapstick for the rest of us, okay?)

I actually heard about Bo from a College Candy reader, and immediately after discovering him, I sent links to all my friends (sorry, girls, for harassing you). With his mature-yet-boyish good looks, he’s like the best high school crush I never had. Oh, and did I mention he’s reportedly working on a new film with Judd Apatow? Talent + funny = eff me, please.

Some movies make you laugh till your tummy hurts, while some movies inspire you with their message. There are some that make you terrified to sleep alone after watching, or ones that are so graphic and disgusting that they make you puke in your mouth and consequently scar you for life. And then there are  the ones that make you shed a tear (or in my case, bawl my eyes out till they are puffy and swollen).

Those are my favorites. Sound strange? Then tell me you’ve never had one of those days when you just wanted to have a good cry. It’s ok. Everyone needs a little release (followed by a giant brownie) now and then. If you’re having a day like that, check out on of these: my list of the best tear-jerkers of all time. Read More »

SNL is supposed to make us laugh, which it failed to do for a long (long) time after Will Ferrell left. Then funny women Amy Poehler and Tina Fey came along and sent me running home every night to watch.

Ok, so that’s a lie. I don’t usually leave the bar before a 2 a.m. screaming rendition of Like A Prayer. I did begin DVRing SNL, though, and rewinding Weekend Update over and over again. That sh*t is funny and Amy Poehler is the woman I dream to become: funny, witty, successful, blonde, and married to Will Arnett.

So, yeah, SNL has been making me laugh lately. A lot. But last night it made me cry again. Not because it was so unfunny that it hurt (like that Michael Phelps ep.), but because my favorite little lady is leaving the show for good. Amy P. decided it was time to stay home with her new baby (boooo!) and took a little time out of last night’s episode to say goodbye.

It was everything you’d expect from a Poehler goodbye, though the comic relief could not stop my tears. (I know, pathetic.) Let’s just hope this is only a little pause in Poehler’s career and not the end. And that SNL doesn’t start majorly sucking now that she’s gone.

You date, you learn. And you’d think that the people you date will just vanish of the face off the earth, because it’s only polite, right? You dealt with the waves of nausea and anxiety during the end-phase, and so they should bother you no longer.

“Should” being the key word.

I’m a fan of amicably parting ways, sure, but when you pointedly don’t is the guaranteed time that son of a bitch will come back to haunt you. So as a preventative measure you weed them out. You try to be proactive and delete them from your phone—number, email, all of it, and even those text messages and voicemails you like to listen to.

Have faith, you’ll find a new distraction, let down your guard because this one’s different, and the cycle can repeat itself all over again. Joy. In any case, you make moves and move on, and the ex, or pseudo-ex, or whatever you called him is but a distant memory.

If you haven’t guessed by now, the weeding out can bite you in the ass. Please, dear readers, learn from my mistakes. Read More »

[In this week's installment of G.W.W.E (Guys We Want to Eff), we are climbing into bed with Seth Rogan.

What? You don't agree?

You may not have noticed him in Anchorman, or remember him being in The 40 Year Old Virgin, but, come on, you didn't wanna eff him in Knocked Up? Rogan is even starring in "Zack & Miri Make a Porno," which obviously means he is 100% effable.]

I have never told anyone this before, but after I saw Knocked Up with my (now ex) boyfriend, I was totally turned on. Weird, right? I mean, the thought of having a baby totally freaked me out, and seeing that baby come out of Katherine Heigl’s va-jay totally grossed me out, but I couldn’t keep my hands to myself the entire way home.

And then I realized why: I totally wanted to eff Seth Rogan.

He’s not the type of guy you’d drool over at the bar, (in fact he’s more the type of guy that smokes pot in the corner), nor is he the type your mom would necessarily love to have over for dinner. He was the dorky guy in high school who watched as all the taller, hotter dudes (without the Jew-Fro) got all the girls.

But that is why we love him. Well, that and the fact that he is just really effing hilarious. Read More »

It’s rainy. It’s windy. You haven’t seen sunlight in days, you didn’t do so hot on today’s pop quiz, and you really don’t feel like reading about the Enlightenment for history class. What better way to beat the dreariness and procrastinate than by having a comedy movie marathon to boost your spirits and make you laugh?

When fall settles in and it’s not as much fun to walk through campus on a chilly, dismal day, grab a bunch of kids from your hall, pop some warm, buttery popcorn, and veg out in flannel pj’s and sweats. You’ll feel better, you’ll have fun, and best of all, these movies sure as hell beat anything that sprung from the Enlightenment! Read More »