Money!

Happy Tax Day! I know it’s not the best day for those of you who have to hand your hard-earned money over to the government (perhaps a free donut will help?), but some of you might be lucky enough to be getting some cash back. Hooray! If you’re anything like me, you were so excited at the prospect of having triple digits in your bank account that you started spending that money before you even got it.

Good for you! Stimulate that economy! Treat yourself to something wonderful. Just don’t let all the excitement blind you. Below, 5 things you shouldn’t waste your money on. Seriously.

1. A boob job
If Heidi Montag’s mega-jugs aren’t enough to turn you off, maybe this woman can convince you. Sure, four boobs for the price of two seems like a deal, but, uh, it’s four boobs. I’m pretty sure most people get by with two. Instead, try the Victoria’s Secret Miraculous push-up bra. It really does add two sizes (and not two extra boobs) and it’s much, much cheaper.

2. A tanning package
I too am trying my darndest to keep my Spring Break tan from fading before bikini season. But with recent reports that indoor tanning ups the odds of melanoma by more than 50%, I’m opting to save my cash and my skin! A healthier and cheaper alternative? Jergen’s Natural Glow lotion and Tantowels. They really work!

3. Harem Pants
With all that extra cash burning a hole in your bank account it’s tempting to splurge on designer duds that you couldn’t normally afford. But just because the fashion mags claim something is “in,” doesn’t mean you should go spend your hard-earned tax dollars on it. I mean, really, fashion editors? I don’t care if these genie pants are by Marc Jacobs and Jean Paul Gaultier, they are UGLY. Let’s all be fiscally responsible and stick with last year’s skinny jeans, K?

4. This skirt
Do I even need to say it?

5. Anything you see on an infomercial
Infomercial products are tempting, especially when it’s 3:30 am, you’re drunk and you’ve got a few extra hundred bucks to burn. Resist. I don’t know you, but I’m pretty sure you don’t need a tool to help you wipe your ass, a blender that sounds like a vibrator, or a Bumpit (unless you’re preparing for a summer in Seaside Heights).

For all the crazy cat ladies out there – get fit!

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