I live in my Rainbows. Period. No matter if it’s spring or fall, cloudy or sunny, hot or cold. No matter if I’m heading to a class, rocking out at a concert, or lounging by the pool. My Rainbows are constantly my go-to shoe, but sometimes – I admit – they’re just not a very good shoe choice.

So, my dear Rainbows, I’m totally torn…

Love Em:

There’s many reasons why 99% of the time you see me (and the majority of the other girls on campus), I’m in my Rainbows. They’re arguably the most comfortable shoes ever made, thanks to the leather construction and cushioned sole that molds to your feet (you can even see the layers of leathery softness!). And if you want more comfort, you can even buy ‘em double-layered! Can you say “heaven”?

Rainbows come in a ton of varieties. You can choose your color (white, brown, or black), material (leather or cloth), and straps (thin or thick). Not that it matters; whatever you choose, Rainbows always match your outfit and make you look 100% Cali-cute!

Even better, the people behind the flip flops are so sure of them that they even include a lifetime warranty for the odd chance that the straps break or the stitching comes undone. And seeing how often I wear them, that little guarantee makes them pretty perfect.

Loathe em:

Once you break them in, Rainbows are super comfy. Until you break them in, though, these flippies cause some serious pain and oozy blisters. Especially right between your big toe and the little guy next door. So. much. pain.

The price tag for these casual flip-flops is also a problem: $50!? For flip flops?! Flip flops that cause your feet to ooze and bleed? Yes, they are good quality sandals, but it’s not like sandals offer any quality support for your feet! An article in Newsweek cites research that shows flip-flops actually alter the way you walk, resulting in shorter steps and more stress on your joints that can cause even more pain (aside from your blisters).

And although you’ll want to wear them everywhere (after you break them in…and break your wallet buying them), you really shouldn’t wear them when it’s raining, snowing, hailing, or your playing beer pong/flip cup; once they get wet, your feet turn brown. And stay brown until you literally scrub them raw. And definitely not good for super long walks or hikes. Although, I may be the only one who ever tried that one…

So Rainbows, I’m torn. What do you think about these flippy-floppies?

Sometimes good sex feels like a really tough recipe to me. Now, I love cooking; any good cook knows he/she is only as good as the ingredients they use. This is why I love the process of buying vegetables and other ingredients. I even love peeling and cutting. It’s all part of the process to make a great dish.

And, like a recipe, I think sex is only as good as its ingredients: the people involved, and then the deeper ingredients like connection and chemistry. Here are some ingredients that can help make great sex:

Safe, but threatening

Couples need to feel safe around each other, but sex is fun when it has a bad edge to it. If you can make one another feel “comfortably threatened” it can lead to a steamy experience.

Spontaneity

Spontaneity is a common thread for success in all areas of romance, and sex is no different. Sex, just like anything else, can become routine and mundane. How often do we just grab each other and go at it?

Attraction

I’m not one of those lucky guys that has sex with girls who aren’t attracted to me. Some of my friends admit that they’ve had sex with people they were not attracted to. How do these guys pull this off? I need to learn this secret. Nevertheless, none of my friends are ever thrilled about it, so the sex wasn’t that great.

The Intangible Spark

What is it about that certain someone that gets our blood rushing, and makes us hot? Life would be boring if we could answer this question.

Emotional Connection

People can enjoy sex with a limited emotional connection, but most of us need to have a deep emotional connection to have good sex. For me, unless I am really into a girl, sex is kind of ho-hum, and I’m left wondering why I even did it. Good sex is more than just orgasms and touching-it needs to stimulate the mind and spirit.

Read the rest at Marie Claire.

Pop quiz! Who makes the ugliest shoes on Earth?Ask anyone this question and they’ll give you one of two answers. Uggs. Or Crocs.

Now, I will happily argue to my death that Uggs are not that ugly and I will continue to wear them despite what anyone says. But Crocs? Disgusting rubber, brightly colored Crocs? I wouldn’t even be caught dead in them. After all, when I think of the average Crocs-wearer, I think of grubby little kids wearing orange shirts with bright yellow Crocs (always clashing) with those stupid little charms stuck in the holes. Or their plain un-stylish parents.

Do I fall into one of those categories? I think not.

So imagine my surprise when I was browsing the shoe store the other day and saw a super cute pair of boots that were made by Crocs! “No,” I thought to myself. “It couldn’t be. Crocs makes ugly rubber sandals. Crocs don’t make fashionable, totally cute boots for women!”

Um, turns out they do. Crocs actually make several pairs of boots that aren’t just kinda cute, but are so adorable they’re the first thing my eye landed on when I entered the store. I wanted every last pair, but could I really buy Crocs? I mean, they are cute, but they’re still Crocs. Paris Hilton dressed in a nun outfit is still Paris Hilton!

And what if someone were to see me in them?

On the other hand, they are a hot pair of boots. And why do many people wear Crocs in the first place? Certainly not for their cuteness; it’s for their comfort. Allegedly, Crocs are so comfortable, millions of people overlook their hideousness and wear them on a daily basis. (Note: I wouldn’t know; I’ve never come close to even trying on a pair.) If Crocs make ugly comfortable shoes, maybe they also make cute comfortable shoes. And I sure could use a pair of boots that are both fashionable and comfortable.

Maybe it’s time for me to hop on the Crocs train. Looks like all Crocs are not created equal.

Phone sex. One of those taboos that’s so great, people are willing to pay $5.99 a minute just to get some. Of course, if you’re in a relationship, you can get it for free. But you haven’t, have you? Sure, phone sex might seem awkward at first, but under certain circusmtances, it can satisfy the carnal needs of you and your partner.What’s the big deal with phone sex, you ask. I mean, sure, I prefer a quality hump to a Cingular-shag, but sometimes, you’re horny and physical contact isn’t an option.

I lost my phone sex virginity when I was in a long-distance relationship. Actually, we were having phone sex long before we had actual intercourse, because my track record was a lot longer than my man’s and I was trying to be a “good girl” and take things slow, or some bullsh*t like that.

Anyway, you know all the fluff and butterflies that come when you have a new crush, or even better, a new boyfriend. I was really into this guy. I wanted him. Bad. But I was buried with school work, and wouldn’t be able to visit him for a week or two. One night, I called him, half in the bag and 100% horny. Obviously, the alcohol lowered my inhibitions, and I started talking dirty, telling him how much I wanted him…and the next thing I knew, BAM! Phone sex.

We started having phone sex on a fairly regular basis after that. I mean, we both wanted to be together, and this was the closest thing to “real” intimacy. AND it was satisfying! Without going TMI on you folks, I’d just like to tell you that there’s something really hot about knowing that you can get your partner off from hundreds of miles away. And there’s also something hot about hearing all the things he wants to do to you when he finally gets to wrap his arms around you.

Like I said, my phone sex relationship was long distance. Still, the phone sex brought us super close together, because there is a certain amount of trust (and an equally important amount of lust) required to be able to feel comfortable about breathing heavily into the phone.

If you are in a long-distance relationship, or if your mate has to travel, phone sex is awesome. Hell, even if you call him on his lunch break and tell him all the naughty thoughts going through your head, I’m pretty sure you’ll earn ten billion cool girlfriend points. Besides, it’s a great creative outlet. If you want to have good phone sex, you better come up with some freaky shit to whisper to your man. “I want you to get on top of me and do me missionary” is only hot for the five seconds it takes to spit the words out. But, if you get creative and detail-oriented, you will drive your man wild. And just thinking about all this raunchy stuff will do wonders for your own libido as well.

An added bonus? You can vividly describe sexual stuff so funky it would never work in real life…but you can live out any fantasy over the phone.

Nina Hartley is an extremely successful adult film star with 650 different video appearances under her belt. Starting off as an exotic dancer in the ‘80s, she is now a published author and an award winning actress for both sexual and non-sexual roles. I met Nina when we both served on a panel about modern sexuality for the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco. I asked her to give me some of her wise wisdom about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

Me: Do you think sexual freedom (through porn, sex outside of relationships, etc.) is good for the advancement women, or detrimental to the advancement of their self esteem?

Nina: Sexual freedom and autonomy are vital components of women’s greater equality in society. We are adults, not children in need of protection. Whether or not a woman’s exercise of this freedom is good or bad for her depends upon her making choices that are consistent with her values and beliefs. When we do things that go against our understanding of ourselves and the world, bad things usually happen as a result. My choices wouldn’t be good ones for very many women, nor would their choices be good for me.

M: We all know the key to being sexy is confidence. Do you have any special advice for being, or even just appearing, confident? Perhaps something you picked up through the industry?

N: Confidence arises out of our being centered in ourselves, which comes from knowing and accepting ourselves as we are, not as we think we should be, or how or parents have told us to be, or what we think society says we must be. The most important thing I learned from dancing (my earliest adult career) was that no one can read your mind. So, head up, shoulders back and smile. Your inner confusion or insecurity will pass unnoticed by those who, having just met you, only see what you present to the public. Speak directly and clearly, without apology, about what you want and don’t want.

M: Many women have trouble having sex with someone without becoming emotionally attached. From your experience, is there any way to separate sex and emotion? Or does that just come with practice and time?

N: It’s hard, though necessary, to separate how we, as individuals, actually feel about the sex/emotion connection … Some women (and men) cannot make such a separation, and they need to be that much more stringent about how, when, why and with whom, they choose to become intimate. Each person’s obligated to his or her own safety, security and comfort. Part of growing up is learning how to resist pressure from those who would have us cross our own boundaries, which we usually do by having x number of unpleasant experiences. It’s only possible to separate sex from emotion if one is “built” that way, as I am, or by suppressing his or her true feelings with drugs, alcohol or denial, which is never good. With experience, most people find the way that is best for them.

M: Do you have any last words of encouragement or advice for college-age women?

N: Know that it’s normal to be insecure about sex at your age. You’re young adults and have the obligation to differentiate yourselves from your families: what values about sex do I share with my family/parents and want to maintain? What values of theirs don’t work for me? How can I both experiment with sex AND keep myself safe, both physically and emotionally? Educate yourselves about safer sex and birth control. Get a dose of the morning after pill when you don’t need it, just in case you find that you do. DON’T USE ALCOHOL OR DRUGS TO SUPPRESS LONELINESS AND INSECURITY. It’s okay to say “yes” to sexual activity that fits within your boundaries for same. It’s okay to say “no” to sexual activity that doesn’t fit within your boundaries for same. When in doubt, slow down.

What do you think, ladies?

I wouldn’t put myself on player status, because that’s not what it’s about. No one actually gets ahead by playing games. Games are childish. People do actually get ahead by meeting new people, and being able to go for what they want.

Like that guy. The incredibly sexy one across the room. Dark hair falling in his very green eyes. And a crowd around him that’s ten chicks deep.

The Strategy? Don’t pay him too much attention.

It works every time; if he really is that hot, he knows it. And if he didn’t know it, the girls throwing themselves at him will have been a good wakeup call. So why not switch The Game up on him? You’re cute. You’re fun. And you are the one chick he can’t just wrap around his finger. Or at least you’re pretending like you are.

I’m not talking about your middle school cold-shoulder tactics. The point is simply not to let this guy know that inside you’re going googly-eyed. Usually, one firm, flirty look is all you need. Then continue with your evening. Laugh with your girlfriends. Look stupid on the dance floor. Do whatever it is that you would normally do if dreamboat weren’t standing over there in the corner.

About halfway through the night, you might want to give dreamboat a reminder that you’re still there and pointedly walk past him, and then maybe go order a drink by yourself, so that he doesn’t have to awkwardly say something to you in front of all your drooling girlfriends.

If you get introduced to him (or even if you don’t), turn on the inner charm full blast. Look at him straight in the eyes. I mean, really in the eyes. And smile in a warm and inviting, but not overly seductive way. Sounds technical, I know. You can practice in the mirror.

If you get to the point (or muster up the courage) where you decide you want to say something to him, it’s best to think of something conversational to start with. Small talk. Chit chat. Compliment his shirt, or his shoes (in a manly way), or talk about the party you’re at: “How did you hear about this place?” Or you could just do it the old fashioned way and introduce yourself.

The real trick is just to be yourself; it’s not anything new. Smile, look approachable, relax. Have fun with your friends. That old saying, “Nothing is sexier than confidence,” got its proverbial status for a reason. Put on your cutest clothes – not that super-low neckline that makes you worry about your boobs popping out all night – but those jeans that hug your booty just right, those earrings that accent your cheekbones. Play up those things that you love about yourself. Remind yourself that you are beautiful and amazing before you go out the door. And then later on, if you can’t bring yourself to actually say anything to him, at least you will be holding the gaze of every man in the room.

In my experience, the cliché moves like leaving your phone number on a napkin, or slipping it into his pocket on the way out the door don’t actually work, and usually leave you feeling like an embarrassed, giddy schoolgirl. Not to mention that I can never go back to the restaurant again if that cute waiter doesn’t call.

Now, this is not a guaranteed guide, so don’t sue me if it doesn’t work. But I’ve seen a fair amount of success (if you know what I’m sayin’), and my findings have been corroborated by my fellow girls, as well as my guy friends.

We can always use more advice. What has worked for you?

[Photo courtesy of coolspotters.com]

I. Love. Plaid.

I don’t know what it is about that winsome pattern, but I can’t get enough.

I suspect it has something to do with the years I spent looking at fashion magazines with my mother. Every September, from the time I was 11 until I was 17, my mom would come home with a copy of the Seventeen: Back To School issue. And we devoured that sh*t.

And for some reason, every September without fail, that magazine would be busting at the seams with plaid. Plaid dresses, plaid shirts, plaid fricking socks–is plaid in every fall? The answer, my friends, is yes.

I don’t read Seventeen’s Back to School issue anymore (although my mother still does), but plaid don’t fade and neither do my love.

So here, for your viewing pleasure, is the creme of the crop of this season’s fall plaids. Pair with otherwise simple pieces, a smile, and a nostalgia that time will never defeat. Ahhhh. Plaid.

See? Plaid can be totally sexy.

The blue-and-black thing is totally in right now (after years of a ridiculous taboo) and the cut is so flattering. Plus the play on 90s grunge is just plain fun. Mmmm delicious little jacket.

An adorable tee-shirt play on plaid. Love it. Nice and casual and still on trend.

A nice subtle plaid in a wide-leg pant is perfect for work, internship, interview, or wherever else you need to look sophisticated and chic. Plus, gray is SO in this year. Pair these with pumps and a black top and you’re set for fall.

It’s kind of like Barbie requested a high-heeled plaid sneaker and they made it and it was PERFECTION. This cute little plaid shoe is comfortable and cheap. And fricking sweet. What else could you ask in a shoe?

…Unless, of course, you’re looking for a hotass plaid pump.

Oh my god, this shoe is so sexy I might have to change teams (to shoe) for it. DROOL. Hotttt.

Hot umbrella for cool autumn showers. Fuchia and black plaid are unflappable. I mean, look, you need an umbrella. Why not get a cute one?

This drapey dress can go cocktail party or it can go third date. Either way, it’s soft, comfortable, and simultaneously trendy and classic. This is the kind of dress you can wear for years for multiple special occasions. So freaking cute.

Plaid, anyone?

With the advent of summer upon us, I decided it was high time I was no longer a sex on the beach virgin. I grabbed my manfriend (chuckle chuckle, Carrie Bradshaw) and headed to the shore.

It was a perfect night for just being at the beach, let alone hooking up. Full moon, light breeze and crashing waves. Very romance novel. So boyfriend and I wandered along the beach until we found a secluded(ish) spot.

When we got there, however, I found that I could have done with some good advice before embarking on this adventure. So for all you beach bunny virgins out there contemplating some sea-side action, here is what I wish my experienced girlfriends had told me:

Bring a Flashlight: Luckily for us, the moon was enormous and lit our way pretty well. I happen to be completely blind in the smallest amount of darkness, though, and was petrified of stepping on baby sea turtles. If it’s even semi-cloudy out, a small light should help you navigate.

Don’t forget the blanket! And make it a big one. For a girl who considers a hotel without room service roughing it, I felt surprisingly one with nature. This may have had to do with the stray grains of sand making themselves uncomfortable in my back/chest/butt/eyeballs. I also got considerably less kisses on my neck (my favorite!) because boyfriend kept coming up with mouthfuls of sand.

Consider bringing some “accessories”: The al fresco factor of beach boinking is definitely a plus. I felt so free (cheesy, I know); but while all that open air and exposure to the elements felt g-r-e-a-t when we were cooling off afterwards, it made things a little difficult to get going. Luckily, boyfriend thought ahead to bring lube. This also might help if you are nervous about being caught/ arrested for lewd behavior, leading to distraction. It’s always good to bring back up!

Get creative! Boyfriend luh-huvved the “versatility” it allowed him in positioning. This was a factor I hadn’t even considered, but he said that the consistency of the sand gave him a ton of freedom in his movement, and made everything newer and more comfortable. Next time we get the chance for some S on the B, I plan on capitalizing on my old sand castle building skills. Feel free to dig, mound and pile the sand under your blanket to create new positions– it’s like mother nature’s response to the liberator.

Enjoy the, um, scenery. Now I’m not suggesting you tune out your partner to listen to the breeze, or attempt to synchronize your orgasm with crashing waves (although that would be impressively symbolic), just appreciate the added element it adds to the act. The beach is so gorgeous at night and is practically tailor made for good good lovin’. So get out there and embrace your inner nature goddess; your lucky beach mate will thank you!