Graduation Day. The most important day of your college career. (At least for your parents.) A day to celebrate. A day to remember. A day  to cherish. A day…that can definitely get pretty boring. Because while our parents and professors may be up for a few hours of ceremony and speeches, I personally feel like I could do without the hours upon hours of speeches that college seniors have to deal with… but speeches we will have to endure. (Want a preview? Check out our graduation speech mashup.)

Or at least, you know, pretend to endure. Because while we can’t get out of listening to those speeches, we can make them a little bit more entertaining. Sure you’ll have to sit there quietly and listen to your president speak, listen to the valedictorian speak, and listen to the commencement speaker give his or her big speech. But that doesn’t mean your mind is not allowed to wander right? I mean it’s only natural. So let it wander on over to one of these games.

1. Count the “Likes, Okays, Ums, and Yeas”

Speeches getting boring? That’s okay. Focus on the speech impediments instead. Every speaker has them. Whether it be a tendency to say like far too often, um in between every other word, or phrase every statement like it’s a question, every speaker has one. In high school, I had a math teacher who said “um kay” after every single sentence. I spent many a math class keeping track of just how many times she could say that particular phrase in a 40 minute period. Want a hint? It was well over ninety.

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When you think “Ivy League,” you probably picture stone walls and iron gates, clean-cut students in oxford shirts, aged professors expounding the theories of Pavlov and Plato.  You hold this sacred society of the intellectually elite to a higher set of standards than those porch-poopin’ sorority girls in Ohio.  And rightly you should.  The Ivies exist to make the rest of us feel that much stupider.  They’re traditionally the most selective universities in the country, accepting only the best this world has to offer in the form of eighteen-year-old guys and girls.

I guess that explains why Brian Corman was accepted into Columbia University four years ago.

Clearly, the guy was an amazing student while at CU; after all, he graduated valedictorian of his class.  And as everyone who went to high school knows, what does the valedictorian do while wearing a funny square hat and a long robe?  No, I’m not referring to the first time Smarty McSmartypants got drunk.  I’m actually referring to graduation day and the epic, heartfelt, wisdom-filled speech that is delivered by the class’ Numero Uno.

To send off his fellow classmates and wish them well in the great beyond, Corman stole a slew of lines from comedian Patton Oswalt.  On the day Columbia was handing him his diploma, and over something as insignificant as a joke in a speech, he plagiarized.  Oh, Corman, say it ain’t so. Read More »

Spotted: Johnny Depp lookin’ fiiine at Cannes.

Now that’s a commencement speech.

Lindsay Lohan “lost” her passport, stuck in France.

Uh oh, Heroes is in trouble!

Who thought this was a good idea?

TMI, Will Smith and Jada!

I’ve been asked to speak at my son’s nursery school graduation, and I am perplexed as to what to say to four-year-olds about to embark on life’s most treacherous journey: entering Kindergarten! There must be some bit of wisdom I can impart on these kids that will have a more lasting impression than the first time they saw Spongebob Squarepants in his underwear.

With this daunting task before me, I’ve decided to look to the people who are perhaps the most insightful when it comes to living life to the fullest: Hollywood A-listers. Here’s what college graduates have to look forward to with this year’s celebrity commencement addresses. Read More »

I’m sure everyone remembers the sound of thousands of disappointed sighs echoing through the country the day that James Franco backed out of his commitment to make the commencement speech for the University of California – Los Angeles.  If I went to UCLA, I would definitely be a sad panda to learn that the hottie from Freaks and Geeks wouldn’t be giving my graduation speech.

The reason why he backed out?  Well, after all the bitching that UCLA did (seriously, what is wrong with you, people?), we all thought it was some lame acting gig or something.  However, a new video shows that UCLA may have rejected James’ speech instead of the other way around.

This video from The Harvard Lampoon shows James’ test speech that he sent to UCLA (har har).  I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t want him! Seriously – if this was my grad speech, I think I’d be way more prepared for the “real” world (where there are secure, lucrative jobs waiting for me ’cause of my college degree).  Not that I’d be paying much attention to what what was being said if he was flying over the crowd in a jet pack.  At least I wouldn’t be falling asleep!  And….hold for applause.

Forget what those commencement speakers say, this is the real deal.

Oprah apologizes to James Frey!?

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Adam Lambert hits eBay.

Oh no, Jennifer Hudson. No, no, no!

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Mmmm March Madness.

Robin Williams is doin’ A-OK.

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Zac Efron out of Footloose?

Obama to speak at Notre Dame commencement!

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LC’s love life heats up.

Would you wanna smell like Avril?

Flava Flav is 50?!